Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu (LN) - Volume SS3 - Chapter 2.04

4

In the end, Petra did not regain consciousness until the following evening.

“Petra! Oh, you silly girl…we were worried sick about you!”

When Petra slowly opened her eyes in bed, the first thing she saw was her mother holding her tightly, her face bright red.

The moment he heard his wife’s voice, Petra’s father came rushing into the room. He flung his arms around Petra and her mother, and in a loud voice, he started crying.

“The people from the manor helped you kids when you got lost in the forest. Subaru got a little bit hurt, and it was a whole ordeal, but he made sure to bring everyone back safely.”

As Petra lay there, staring blankly at her parents in confusion, they explained everything to her. The puppy turned out to be one of those dangerous creatures that lived in the forest—a demon beast. Petra and her friends had been in mortal danger. And to Petra’s surprise, it was Subaru and a maid from Roswaal Manor who had saved them.

“Now that you mention it…I think something like that did…happen…”

After hearing the story, Petra tried to search her hazy memory, but all she could remember was how it had hurt to breathe, how her body felt like it was on fire, and how she had been in so much pain. Petra remembered lying on the grass with the other children scattered on the ground around her. Then Subaru and somebody else ran over to them. When Subaru came to talk to them, Meili wasn’t there—

“That’s right, where’s Meili?” Petra asked. “What happened to her?”

After a pause, her mother answered, “Subaru brought her back. Her family came to fetch her right away. They must have been terribly worried. She wanted us to tell you she said good-bye.”

“Oh…” Petra sighed.

It seemed she was supposed to believe that Meili had said good-bye and left Earlham Village. Somehow, Petra knew that was a lie. She remembered Meili’s sudden transformation the moment before it all went down. If that puppy Meili brought was actually a demon beast, then she surely must have also had a secret of her own.

Petra still wished she could have spoken with Meili one last time…

“Petra, you awake?!”

“Petra’s awake?!”

“Wake up, Petra!”

Not allowing Petra even a moment of reflection, her friends noisily filled the room. Since they had woken up earlier than Petra, they had already received the same explanation. They readily accepted it at face value and were sad to hear Meili had left.

“Wanna go visit Subaru at the mansion? He’s still recovering.”

It was the usually shy Meyna who suggested it. The boys raised eager hands of approval. Petra was also on board, but she thought it odd.

“Meyna, you wouldn’t normally suggest a thing like that.”

“Well, if Subaru wasn’t there, I might have never met my little brother or sister…”

Petra knew Meyna’s mother was pregnant. As an only child, it made her a little jealous. This was because Meyna started acting a bit like a big sister once she learned she was going to become one.

Yeah, I can definitely see why she would want to thank Subaru.

“Okay, let’s go ask the marquis for permission to visit him!”

Even proud Petra felt she owed Subaru her gratitude for saving her life. His strange dancing had lowered his likability score, but she figured his heroics were enough to cancel that out. She would try to start being a little nicer to him from now on. Petra was a reasonable girl, after all.

“You want to see Barusu? He’s still in bed…but I suppose that’s fine. He’s the only one who will mind if we see him drooling in his sleep. I’ll take you to his room.”

Petra was nervous to pay a visit to the mansion, but the pink-haired maid who greeted them was much nicer than she’d imagined. Her expression and voice were icy, but Petra got the sense that it was not out of scorn, and that she acted the same way around everybody.

“Don’t you need to inform your master first?”

“He entrusts miscellaneous household matters to us. Now, if you were an assassin who came to slit Barusu’s throat, that would be another matter entirely… Are you an assassin?”

“A girl this pretty would never be an assassin.”

“Exactly. That’s why you can come in.”

The maid nonchalantly escorted the children inside (and didn’t deny that Petra was pretty). Petra’s heart raced from her first mansion visit as the party of six was escorted to a set of ornate doors.

Subaru was probably still asleep inside, even though it was already evening. What a lazybones.

“We’re coming in.”

After receiving no reply from her knock, the maid opened the door. The room was spacious, and opposite the door was a very big bed. Spotting the black-haired boy lying in it, Petra sighed in relief as she stepped inside—

“Subaru, it’s evening already. You shouldn’t be in bed this—” She had fully intended to call him out with a smile, but Petra’s voice froze in her throat.

Subaru was sleeping peacefully, breaths coming slow and steady. If that was all she’d noticed, she could have simply chalked it up as him being lazy.

But his body was covered in wounds, wrapped in bandages, with white scars peeking out here and there. And to her horror, Petra knew those were bite marks from demon beasts.

“Please be quiet so as not to wake him. When you’re ready to go, let me know.”

And without a word more, the maid walked out into the hall. The other children approached Subaru’s bedside with worry, but Petra did not budge. She was nailed to the spot as her memories came flooding back.

“Oh.”

When she was suffering in the forest, Petra had asked Subaru to do something for her. Or rather, she had asked him about someone. She wanted him to find Meili and bring her back. Her father told her that Subaru had taken Meili home. Had taken Petra and the other children home. That he had gotten a bit hurt, and it was quite the ordeal… Just what about those wounds implied he’d gotten “a bit hurt”?

“Ah…ahh…”

It was all her fault. Everything was her doing.

It was her fault for letting Meili into their circle. It was her fault for playing with the puppy Meili brought with her and letting it run into the forest. It was her fault for dragging everyone into the forest when she knew it was forbidden. It was her fault for knowing they should turn back, but not making that call. Even though she had been dazed, it was her fault for asking Subaru to do something so unreasonable. And as a result of that unreasonable request, Subaru had suffered scars that would never fade.

From start to finish, this was all caused by Petra’s hubris.

“Let’s write something on Subaru’s bandages…”

“Yes, let’s…”

“Proof we came to visit…”

While Petra had gone completely still, the boys flipped back Subaru’s blankets and eyed the bandage on his leg. They put on a show of hushed restraint while they poured their hearts out onto Subaru’s bandages.

Then, after Meyna shyly wrote a message of gratitude, she turned back to Petra and called her name with a questioning look. It was her turn. All eyes were on her now, but she couldn’t bring herself to take the quill from Meyna. Her knees were shaking, and she couldn’t look at Subaru.

“Petra?”

“What’s wrong?”

“You okay?”

The boys craned their necks, confused by Petra’s strange behavior. And under their collective stares, Petra remembered what had happened in the forest. When they’d entered it, the boys had given Petra the same look. And back then, Petra was able to muster up what little courage she had—

“…!”

—but today, she couldn’t.

Stifling a wail in the back of her throat, Petra covered her ears and ran out of the room. The maid did not chase after her. Petra headed straight for the front door, and the maid simply watched, almost like she knew Petra was going back to the village.

And that was exactly what she did. Petra couldn’t get away fast enough. She ran straight home and bolted into her room. As her parents called out to her in surprise, she curled up into a little ball and shivered in terror.

It was then that Petra fully realized the weight of her sin—a sin that could never be forgiven.

“It’s all my fault… I did something so horrible…!”

It wasn’t until late that night that a tearful Petra confessed everything to her parents. She knew that the other children came to her house, worried by her sudden disappearance from the mansion. Her parents had come to her room many times to soothe their beloved daughter.

But she pretended not to hear them, shutting herself inside until eventually, unable to bear the mounting waves of guilt, Petra finally stumbled into her parents’ room, sobbing.

Her parents were surprised when Petra started telling them what had happened. She told them about Meili, the puppy, her request to Subaru, and his terrible wounds. She told them that everything was her fault, sobbing and begging them to tell her what she should do.

Her mother coaxed her into their bed and stroked her hair as she said, “Well, let’s see…you’re right, Petra, what you did was quite bad.”

Petra’s father snuggled under the covers on her other side, sandwiching his daughter as she sniffled and sobbed.

“Whenever you do something bad, you have to make sure to apologize,” her mother said. “Apologize earnestly, with all your heart.”

“But…,” Petra whimpered, “even if I apologize, he’ll never forgive me.”

“Why do we say sorry? To be forgiven? Or because we want to say how sorry we are? What do you think, Petra?”

“…”

Petra fell silent, sensing she had just been asked a very difficult question. Wasn’t that what apologizing was for? To be forgiven? That’s what apologies had always been to Petra—a tool; a means to an end. Even if she felt genuine remorse when she said she was sorry, in the end, the words I’m sorry were primarily a way to get people to forgive her.

If forgiveness wasn’t a possibility…was there even any point in apologizing?

“What you’re going to do is tell Subaru you’re sorry,” her father said. “If you’re too scared to go alone, we can come with you. But you have to be the one to say sorry, Petra.”

“…”

As Petra’s father held her tight, she nuzzled her cheek against his chest. She realized then that this was probably the first time she had truly let her parents baby her like this since she was an actual baby.

Petra hid her true feelings, even in front of her parents. And in that moment, in her heart of hearts, she wanted her parents’ help. She wanted them by her side when she apologized to Subaru. But—

“No, thanks—I want to apologize on my own.”

Petra said this, certain that she did not deserve to rely on them for this.