2
After Subaru finished his morning calisthenics and headed back to work, Rem turned to him with stars in her eyes and asked, “Oh, Subaru, have you heard the news? Tomorrow, the ultimate chef who makes dragons howl, Dias Lepunzo Elemanso Oplane Fatsbalm VI, is coming to our manor.”
“……Come again?”
Rem usually carried out her morning chores with calm and precision. But now, to Subaru’s astonishment, her cheeks were red with unbridled anticipation.
“I said, the ultimate chef who makes dragons howl, Dias Lepunzo Elemanso Oplane Fatsbalm VI, is coming to our manor! Isn’t that incredible news?!”
“Yeah…incredible in more than one way. Are you sure this person’s a chef and not an adventurer?”
“What? Don’t be silly, Subaru. Everybody’s heard of the world-famous chef Dias Lepunzo Elemanso Oplane Fatsbalm VI,” Rem said as she leaned in aggressively, practically heaving with excitement.
Subaru flinched and staggered back a couple paces. “Y-you don’t say…”
Her disappointment and disapproval were plain to see. There was no doubt Rem respected this chef a great deal, since she usually took Subaru’s side unconditionally.
“So, uhhh, I assume that’s the visitor who’s coming tomorrow? Emilia-tan told me the news a little while ago. Is this chef really that famous?”
“Of course! Dias has been blessed by the goddess of cuisine! He brings out the best flavors from all over the world while seeking ever greater culinary heights that have yet to be discovered—the ultimate chef who makes dragons howl! People say one bite and you’ll be obsessed. Two bites will steal your heart away. And after three bites, it’ll shackle your very soul!”
“Yeah, that slogan makes me more anxious every time I hear it… And you seem oddly knowledgeable about this chef, Rem.”
“That’s because I also work in the kitchen. It’s only natural that I would respect and admire a master of the craft. I am terribly excited about tomorrow.”
Rem was almost bouncing with excitement as she flashed normally rare smiles with wild abandon. Seeing her like this warmed Subaru’s heart, but as he was a young man, part of him couldn’t help feeling put off that those precious smiles were for someone else.
He had discovered Rem’s tendency to follow the hype during Liliana’s visit, and it was back in full force as the famous chef’s visit drew closer.
“Oh, Subaru? Is something wrong? You look a bit upset…”
“Upset? Me? Nah. It’s just that you and Emilia both seem obsessed with Dias-whatever-his-name-was, so don’t mind me. If you need me, I’ll just be in the corner licking plates. That’s all I’m good for.”
Rem giggled. “Oh, Subaru, you say the strangest things sometimes. Oh! But…” Rem interrupted Subaru’s pity party with a sudden clap of her hands as she remembered something. “I’m sure you were joking about licking plates, but I hear that Dias Lepunzo Elemanso Oplane Fatsbalm VI is a real stickler for etiquette. His cuisine is unparalleled, and his talents are supreme, so he expects his dinner guests to have impeccable table manners.”
“Ahhh, gotcha. So he’s a pretentious artist. You find those in every world, I guess. Just for the record, does he refuse to cook if you aren’t polite enough?”
“No, rumor has it he cooks you.”
“Is this chef from The Restaurant of Many Orders or something?!”
A chill shot through Subaru’s spine at the thought of being turned into dinner. But then he saw Rem giggle, and his fear deflated when he realized she was just joking.
“Geez, Rem, you’re killing me. For a second there, I thought you were being serious.”
“I’m sorry. You were just so adorably gullible that I couldn’t help myself. But good manners are important away from the dinner table as well. I’m not sure, however, just how much of that will be demanded from lower staff like you and me.”
“Well, if this chef wants me to behave like a guest at a palace banquet, I’ll be too distracted to taste the food.”
Subaru didn’t want to come off as an ignorant boor, but if this famous chef refused to serve anyone who wasn’t schooled in formal etiquette, it was already game over…and it was here that once again, something felt off to Subaru. Now, what could it be?
“Since we’ll have a master in the kitchen, I’ll be learning everything I can tomorrow,” Rem said. “Subaru, pay close attention to me today. After tomorrow, you will get to taste a whole new flavor of Rem.”
“That just makes it sound like I’ll be eating you, which is kind of naughty, now that I think about it…”
“Oh dear… I can’t believe you said I’m so cute, you could just eat me up. I’m blushing.”
“Uh, I never said that!”
When he quipped at Rem, the strange foreboding Subaru had been feeling faded away. He gave Rem’s head a casual pat, and they got back to work with their morning chores. It seemed safe to look forward to tomorrow—and the highly anticipated meal.
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