2
It all began a little more than a day ago—the afternoon before Subaru and his party entered the forest.
“Ahh. How peaceful…”
Lazily leaning his torso over the dining table, Subaru felt quite cozy. He was dressed in his mostly black servant’s uniform, which, even charitably put, did not suit him. Still, the sense that the clothes were wearing him had faded since his first day on the job, and he looked more presentable now.
At the very least, that’s what he thought when he looked at himself in the mirror first thing in the morning.
“You seem really cheerful today, Subaru. Something good happen?”
Sitting beside Subaru with a curious tilt of her head was Emilia, her silvery hair in a braid. Her beautiful hair changed styles every day, and Subaru enjoyed the variety of forms her loveliness took.
“Something good did happen—you look really pretty today, Emilia-tan. You’re like a blessed rain, showering me with new joys each and every day.”
“Do I really look that damp today?”
“You thought I was comparing you to a monsoon day?!”
Emilia was so oblivious that standard pickup lines never worked on her. Though Subaru was well aware of this, it gave him the freedom to say even the most shameless things.
“I guess I’m starting to get used to her giving me the cold shoulder…I mean, yeah, a part of me definitely wants her to take me seriously, but that is just how complicated and unfathomable a man’s heart is…!”
“There he goes again, ranting to himself. Boys are so complicated…ooh! This tea is good.”
While Subaru agonized over his conflicting feelings, Emilia brought her cup to her lips and smiled softly over the flavor.
It was afternoon tea at Roswaal Manor—everyone had made a habit of gathering in the dining hall after lunch to rest the mind and body. Staff would put aside their daily duties for a moment, and Emilia took a break from her studies. Anyone with a moment to spare made their way to the dining hall to enjoy a quiet respite. It was a custom that had somehow taken root ever since Subaru came to reside at the mansion.
And naturally, since only those who happened to be free participated, you would never find every resident of the mansion there at the same time. The perfect attendance award only went to Subaru, who finished his chores early so he could see Emilia, and Emilia, who always kept this teatime in her schedule.
It wasn’t easy to get everyone to attend tea. And today was no exception.
“Rem and Rozchi I can understand—they’re busy with work—but it wouldn’t hurt Beako to be more social.” Subaru frowned, particularly salty about the girl who had no work yet didn’t make an appearance. Seeing the sour look on Subaru’s face, Emilia clapped a hand to her mouth and giggled.
“Subaru, you really do like Beatrice, don’t you? You’re always so mindful of her.”
“Like is a strong word… I won’t deny that she is on my mind a lot, but there’s gotta be a better way of describing my feelings for her…It’s like when you get a piece of squid jerky stuck between your back molars?”
If Beatrice heard Subaru’s assessment of her, that would have brought about another quarrel, but Emilia was even more amused, smirking over Subaru’s lackluster demeanor.
So the two were enjoying a lovely little teatime like this. Until—
“You sure look like you’re enjoying yourselves.”
A voice suddenly barged into the dining hall—a stiff, icy voice. It came from a girl standing at the entrance of the dining hall between the double doors.
Her emotionless eyes glanced at the prune-faced Subaru, and she said, “I was gracious enough to make tea, yet you cast it aside in favor of debauchery… You’ve gotten too big for your britches, Barusu.”
“Hey, Emilia and I were just talking—you call that debauchery?! Besides, nobody asked you to get tea. I did nothing wrong, okay?”
“I don’t like that you were having the time of your life while I had to work.”
“Dude, don’t be a tyrant…!”
As Subaru rolled his eyes at the injustice, Ram, without a hint of charm in her eyes, snorted and said, “I was merely adding bias to impartiality and assessing your work ethic.”
“Keep your pesky bias out of your impartiality and assess me properly, dammit.”
“But if I removed bias from my assessment, your teacakes would be served off the floor, Barusu.”
“Why does your assessment get worse when you remove your bias?!”
Since the look in Ram’s eyes suggested she might fight him any second, he could not hide the hair-raising resentment in his voice. While Subaru fumed, Ram set the plate of cakes she had brought onto the table. Meanwhile, Subaru filled his empty cup with tea and poured another cup at the empty spot across from him for Ram.
And as the pair finished setting the table for tea, Emilia giggled quietly.
“What’s up, Emilia-tan? Why the cute face?”
“Well, you’re both in perfect sync when you squabble with each other. It’s funny to watch.”
With a revolted look on her face, Ram muttered, “Disgusting.”
“Not so blunt—that hurt!” Subaru cried, clutching a hand to his chest. “But Emilia-tan does have a point. After all, I work with you more than anyone else in this mansion, Ram. We’re in the trenches together day in and day out—it’s only natural that we wind up working in sync. Right?”
“Revolting.”
“Could we try to have an actual conversation?!”
As usual, she wouldn’t so much as throw him a bone. His perseverance was almost praiseworthy. Such was Subaru’s place in the Roswaal Manor hierarchy. Emilia ignored his advances, Beatrice snapped at him, and Ram gave him the cold shoulder—only Rem was nicer than necessary with him. He considered himself beyond blessed to be there.
“Still, it’s not like you to bake sweets, Ram. Now, Rem I’d expect to bake us a cake, but I didn’t realize her elder sister had any talents besides steaming sweet potatoes.”
“Spare me your delirious ramblings, Barusu. I thought I told you—my specialty is steamed sweet potatoes. I don’t know the first thing about baking.”
“What the hell are you doing to your poor, overworked sister who can’t even make it to tea?”
Subaru was shocked when he read between the lines and realized she had made Rem bake the cakes. Remembering how sorry Rem had looked when she informed them she was too busy to make it to tea left a bad taste in his mouth despite how sweet the cakes were.
“But you know, meals at this mansion are dependent on Rem. Not trying to come to your defense here, Ram, but as someone who can’t cook, I acknowledge I’m a hypocrite for pointing that out.”
After all, in his world, Subaru was a good-for-nothing nobody who could not be fixed even if somebody tried. He cut class, didn’t help out around the house, and aside from the unexpected talents of sewing and bedmaking, he was a supernova in the Slackers Universe.
Due to this emotional baggage, Subaru peered over at Emilia in an attempt to change the subject. Emilia covered her puffed-up cheeks with her hands and said, “Me? Heh-heh, well, you probably think I’m a lousy cook, Subaru, but I’m actually pretty good. I lived alone—well, Puck was with me—for quite a long time. Basic dishes are as easy as pie for me.”
“Gee, haven’t heard the saying as easy as pie in a while…but how do I put this? Even though your story does add up, knowing you makes it seem just a tad bit suspect.”
And that was because angelic Emilia emitted the aura of a girl who looked capable but secretly wasn’t.
Subaru’s first impression of Emilia had changed drastically during the several hours they spent together at the mansion. Her strong genius vibes from their first encounter had melted away due to the glimpses of childishness and gullibility she had shown every day. Even so, her devotedness, kindness, and diligence were steadfast. And Subaru could say with confidence that that was what made her great.
But setting that aside, it was also undeniable that she had an air of flawed beauty about her. And with the discovery of her tone-deafness the other day, Subaru had a feeling there was an even bigger bombshell still hiding inside of her.
As Subaru gazed at her with worry, Emilia puffed her cheeks indignantly and said, “Grrr—you don’t believe me. Hmph! Fine. If you really doubt me, then I’ll cook something for you. Get ready. You’re going to be really surprised!”
“What’s this? I triggered a home-cooking flag without even meaning to? Am I gonna die?”
It’s tragic that the backlash after good news always made Subaru suspicious. Ever since Subaru arrived in this world, he couldn’t deny the imbalance of good and evil events. And since all the bad events preceded the good, whenever a good event came up first, it only made him all the more anxious.
And if this good event was to be canceled, what by? If Subaru’s intuition was correct, Emilia would be a terrible cook, and Subaru would die the instant he took a bite.
“Subaru, are you okay?” Emilia asked. “Your eyes are wandering. Got a stomachache?”
“I-I’m fine. Even if I got the worst heartburn ever, I would eat every last drop of the food you made, Emilia-tan. Please believe in me.”
“Fine, but could you please believe in me first?!”
Subaru’s nonsensical fantasy had plunged Emilia into a full pout. Ordinarily, this was where Ram would deliver another brutal zinger—but the zinger never came.
“Uh—Ram? Something wrong?”
Subaru cautiously looked over his shoulder to find Ram staring intently at her tea in silence. Then she took a careful sip to wet her lips and looked in Subaru’s direction. Her gaze turned Subaru’s spine to ice. Her already chilly glare had leveled up.
“Um—Ram—is something the matter…?”
“Barusu…this tea…where from the tea shelf did you get it?”
“The tea? Oh, so it’s about the tea! Well, you know, it’s the stuff hidden in the back of the tea shelf. I assumed it was expensive, so I sneaked it out and—owowowowow?!”
“Eep! Subaru?!”
No sooner had Subaru confessed to his treasure hunt than his treasure was poured over him. His head dripped with scalding hot tea, and Subaru fell to the floor. A flustered Emilia tried to help by tossing the contents of the water pitcher on him. As Subaru lay drenched in hot tea and cold water, Emilia stared harshly at the suddenly violent Ram and yelled, “Why did you do that, Ram?! You’ve made Subaru’s clothes and the floor all dirty!”
“I also got burned, you know!”
The air filled with Emilia’s misplaced scolding and Subaru’s screaming. But Ram reacted to neither. Emilia and Subaru exchanged concerned glances.
“Er, Psycho-Ram? What’s—”
“How dare you…”
“Ram?”
“Now you’ve really messed up, Barusu.” Ram’s choked voice trembled with anger and uncontainable emotion.
That’s why, instead of retorting, “No, you’ve really messed up!” all Subaru could do was exchange another concerned glance with the equally baffled Emilia.
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