4
“All right, I’d like to start the actual lessons now…Emilia-tan, are you gonna keep sulking forever? This matter is crazy important, y’know?”
“Oh, come on. I don’t think a little crummy singing qualifies as a catastrophe. You and Puck are both horrible.”
“Wow, haven’t heard crummy used in a while…and dang, how stubborn can you be?”
“Go away.”
Due to the merciless teasing earlier, Emilia was not inclined to take her teachers seriously. Tone-deafness was one of those sorts of problems that could not be fixed if the patient didn’t want to be fixed. As such, Emilia first needed to face her problem head-on.
“What I don’t understand is, how can somebody who’s usually so openhearted be so stubborn when it comes to singing?” Subaru asked.
“Well, it’s humiliating. You and Liliana are both good singers. Meanwhile, I’m obliviously tone-deaf. I just…don’t want to believe it.”
“Aww, that’s actually very cute. But we can’t have you acting like that…”
As Emilia turned her back on them and blushed, her guard was starting to weaken. However, knowing that wasn’t enough to sway her decisively, Subaru cracked his neck and said, “The best way to make a tone-deaf person self-aware—is to have her objectively listen to herself sing. Ideally, we’d use something to record you singing, but unfortunately, such a convenient item does not exist here.”
And so, giving up on technology, Subaru decided to try out a more primitive method.
“What’s that…a bucket?”
“Let me introduce today’s guest: Mr. Bucket. This guest lecturer is going to show Emilia-tan here how tone-deaf she is. Don’t worry, he’s had a bath, so this is completely hygienic.”
“How exactly are we supposed to use…Mr. Bucket?” Puck asked. “Can I get inside of him?”
“I understand the feline urge to climb into cozy-looking spots, but not now. Mr. Bucket is easy to use—we put it on Emilia’s head and have her sing.”
“Huh—?”
“Pfft, I say.”
At Subaru’s suggestion, Emilia gasped, and Beatrice burst out laughing.
“Um…sorry, I think I misheard that,” Emilia said. “What do I do with this bucket?”
Subaru smiled and held out the bucket. “You wear it on your head. Then you sing. You’re gonna be a bucket-headed heroine now.”
“Stupid Subaru! And here I was trying to take you seriously!”
In her anger, Emilia attempted another escape. But Subaru quickly grabbed her arm.
“Whoa, hold up! No, Emilia, I’m not joking, okay? If you put this on your head and sing, your voice bounces off the bucket walls, and it’s easier for you to hear it! I’m not lying, I swear!”
“This is your just deserts for lying all the time, I suppose. You’re just like the farrow tamer in Hoshin of the Wilderness.”
“Sounds like you’re calling me the boy who cried wolf, loli-menace! Just shut up for a while.”
After pausing to shut down Beatrice, Subaru turned back to Emilia to explain his case again while she leveled her withering gaze at him. The last time she stared at him so harshly might just have been the day he was first summoned to this world, when she had introduced herself with a witch’s name and Subaru had unknowingly used it when talking with her.
In any case, Subaru was desperate to communicate his sincerity, especially after the bucket suggestion had shaken Emilia’s trust in him.
“If you hear yourself sing, you’ll understand what level you’re at! I’m telling the truth, I swear—just take my word for it and you’ll see for yourself!”
“Just take your word for it? Gee, that’s convincing! Well, I’m done with being tricked, thank you!”
“So untrusting! Who made you like this…”
“Only yesterday, you told me to just take your word for it and made me eat some bad mayonnaise! Just remembering how upset I was is making me angry all over again!”
“Shit, it was me? Stupid past-Subaru! But I’m a different man today, Emilia. I’ve changed for you!”
Though she got the sense that Subaru was trying to drag her down a bad path by steamrolling her, Emilia yielded all the same. She looked down at the bucket in her hands, timidly raised it above her head, and said, “You won’t laugh at me?”
“No, I won’t laugh. I would never laugh at you.”
“You promise?”
“Even if everybody else laughs at you, I promise I won’t.”
“Is that really the best thing to say right now?”
Subaru flat-out ignored the question that came from Puck, who sat on his shoulder. His entire being was focused on getting Emilia to put the bucket on her head. He didn’t regret any clichéd promises he had to deliver to make that happen.
Emboldened by Subaru’s reassurance, Emilia put the bucket over her determined face. The bulky sides completely covered her head—and the bucket heroine burst onto the scene.
“I knew this is what Emilia-tan was going to look like, but for some reason, seeing her like this makes my heart break…”
“Don’t worry, Lia. Even with a bucket on your head, you’re still the prettiest girl in the world.”
Subaru’s guilt got the better of him while Puck’s paternal love for Emilia remained steadfast, no matter what her appearance. Subaru lamented that his love wasn’t as deep as Puck’s, but he still got the sense that their encouraging words had done little to bring Emilia any joy.
“Pfft, I suppose.”
And even with a book covering her face, Beatrice’s failed attempt at masking her laughter was painfully obvious.
And under all that scrutiny, Emilia bravely turned her bucket face toward Subaru and said, “So you just want me to sing like this? It’s really constrictive, though—whoa! My voice!”
“Yeah, most people don’t get an opportunity to hear what they really sound like. Keep the bucket on and just sing for fun like you normally would. I’ll even accompany you.”
Emilia shook her bucket head side to side at Subaru’s offer for lyulyre assistance. The effect was quite absurd, but even with a bucket on her head, Emilia kept her dignified tone and said, “I’ll be fine. I want to try singing on my own at first.”
“Oh yeah? Well, let me know if you need any help. I’ll, um, give you all the half-assed strumming I can muster.”
It was questionable just how much of a help Subaru’s third-rate guitar skills could be for Emilia’s tone-deafness. In reply, Bucket-Head Emilia tucked her chin in a frown. And then—
“La…la…lalala…”
Without Subaru’s help, Emilia hummed a little rhythm and started her song. The bucket muffled the sound of her voice, but there was no dramatic change in her singing. In other words, she was still singing out of tune, but if everything went according to plan, Emilia ought to be able to hear it this time.
“Terrible,” Puck lamented.
“Yeah, terrible,” Subaru echoed emotionally.
And adding insult to injury…
“Beyond terrible, I suppose.”
Beatrice, who had declared a forgiving tolerance for Liliana’s music, twisted her face in disgust.
A person’s talent for music was left to fate. It would be a mistake to blame Emilia for what she lacked. However—
“Ahh—”
“Oh?”
With a lingering, gravelly note, the pathetic song abruptly cut off. And as the trio watched dubiously, Emilia lifted the bucket off her head. Her silvery locks tumbling around her face, Emilia freed herself from the bucket.
And then—
“I’m sorry…but please give me some time alone.”
And with that, the now self-aware tone-deaf girl sadly retreated from the Archive of Forbidden Books.
“No, wait—you can’t run! That’s all you’ve been doing today!”
Quickly regaining his wits, Subaru made a mad dash after her.
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