5
“Ugh…bgh…”
Holding his mouth after facing another onslaught of death, Subaru knelt on the floor in the Taygeta archives. Unable to stay upright, he slumped forward onto the ground.
“Haaah, haaah…”
His breathing was ragged, and a hideous cold sweat drenched his body. Was it hot, or was it cold? Was it bitter? Sweet? Painful? Pleasant? All his emotions blended together as black became white and he couldn’t tell up from down anymore.
“That’s…book eight…”
That was how many volumes he had gone through since finding the first book of the dead.
He was retracing that Natsuki Subaru’s footsteps without skipping any deaths.
And as he relived all those memories, a thought came to him.
How simple, straightforward, and unbearably naive was Natsuki Subaru?
The latest death he saw at the end of the eighth volume was the main reason.
Natsuki Subaru had gotten into a fight with Emilia after the start of the royal selection was announced, scarred her ■■■■■ as much as he could, and then without apologizing or reflecting on what he did, died in a panic.
As he watched it all unfold, there was a part of him that couldn’t help wondering why she simply didn’t understand. And there was another part of him that wondered why he found it so unbelievable and agonized over it so much.
“Don’t dwell on the past…”
The tragedy he had seen with his own eyes moments ago was so painful, he could’ve sworn it would rend his body in two. But those experiences were not real. It was just something that happened in the past. An old wound.
Forget it. Don’t dwell on it. Or your ■■■■■ will break.
What am I going to do if that happens and I can’t get back up again?
Natsuki Subaru isn’t here, so I have to do something about it myself.
“I still…”
…haven’t found it.
There has to be something decisive, something that only the true Natsuki Subaru has.
That would be the key to telling the difference between this and that Natsuki Subaru. And until he found it, his journey through the books of the dead wouldn’t end. His search would continue until he discovered the key that would allow him to emerge as the real Natsuki Subaru.
Sadly, there were no signs of it anywhere. In all the memories he had gone through so far, the Natsuki Subaru he followed didn’t show even the first traces of a backbone, nor did he have the guts to try saving someone, let alone to become someone’s hero or savior.
What he did have was a stubborn refusal to give up and the fortune of being surrounded by good people. But that couldn’t be it. There had to be more. A clear, obvious, easy-to-tell something. A universal key that anyone could understand.
There had to be…
“Book nine…”
He braced himself to face the panic and chaos, the betrayal and despair, and the ever present swirling cycle of death.
I’m begging you, Natsuki Subaru. Hurry up and show me what makes you, you.
Before my ■■■■■ gives out following your footsteps, your wounds, your deaths.
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