CHAPTER 3
HOLLOW SHELL
1
—Everything was shredded.
Just completely torn into tiny pieces and scattered. Everything.
He’d been found cowering on the stairs. When they led him back down, they asked what had happened. He could feel the situation getting worse as time passed.
A growing sense of futility took over since it was all out in the open for everyone to see. His missing memory, the frantic terror he felt toward his surroundings, all of it. His death was the only thing he didn’t mention.
“So…you really don’t remember anything…?”
Emilia’s eyes were filled with grief. And not just her. No one could hide their shock at his explosive news.
This is the third time. It’s already the third time I’ve let them down. And this time I ran off in terror and pissed myself while crying in a corner. Just the absolute worst possible way to do it.
And no one other than him even knew this was the worst outcome.
“Heh.”
It’s a big joke.
He was repeating the same situation—no, going through the exact same moment in time—for the third time. With his third time, Subaru finally understood the actual situation he found himself in.
—I died twice.
Both times he fell to his death, pushed over the edge in the spiral staircase, tragically broken and splattered. The first time he had just lost consciousness in midair, so he didn’t realize it.
The second time, when he fully experienced such a gruesome, painful death, he finally awoke to the truth—and then he returned.
The moment I died, I returned to that green room to redo the same day.
Dying and returning. Returning by death.
That was the divine blessing Subaru Natsuki had been given in this world.
“Heh.”
It was the second chuckle he had. His well of tears had already run dry, so there was nothing left to do but laugh.
Emilia and the others struggled with how to handle Subaru after he managed to get so broken down the moment they took their eyes off him. Having lost not just his memories, but even his will, he was a fragile, dirty glass toy they were hesitant to touch. And despite being so easily broken, he was also garbage that was not even pleasing to the eye.
He had been taken back to the green room and left there to wait for new developments. Because she couldn’t leave her precious sister with Subaru like that, Ram had taken her twin out of the room.
“…Poor Rem.”
Subaru was in complete agreement with her parting comment.
“Subaru, just stay here and rest. Betty will do something to fix this.”
“ ”
“Betty won’t let you stay curled up alone like this.”
Even though she was still clearly bewildered, her young voice was brimming with a sense of duty. But Subaru couldn’t even answer her.
Not only that, he rejected her outstretched finger, lowering his head deeply so she couldn’t see his face.
“ ”
She was a stranger. No matter what they said, they were all strangers.
But it wasn’t their fault. It was Subaru. He was the stranger.
The familiarity they had for him, their concern, that feeling that approached a loving, tender trust—those were all directed at the real Subaru Natsuki, not at this hollow shell.
I don’t have any right to their affection.
But in the same way—
“…There’s no reason for me to be killed, either.”
Left behind alone in the room, Subaru gnashed his teeth.
Trust and affection he couldn’t remember, losing the time and bonds that he had presumably built up—that was still better than being the target of an uncomfortable love. He could find a way to cope with that.
But why did he have to foot the bill for all the grudges Subaru Natsuki had accumulated, too?
None of it’s mine. Not the good or the bad. So why do I have to struggle like I’m about to drown?
“Leave me out of it…”
After a long, long period of self-questioning, Subaru slowly stood up. He had clenched his jaw too hard and drawn blood. As he started to walk out of the green room—suddenly something pulled on his sleeve.
“—”
It was the black lizard, his only companion in the room.
It let out a shrill whinny that clashed with its ferocious appearance, almost as if trying to get Subaru to stop. He almost detected a loneliness in its yellow eyes.
“This is stupid… If you want food, ask someone else.”
Tugging his sleeve out of its mouth, Subaru turned away from the lizard’s eyes and left the green room. Making sure no one else was around, he started walking.
“Where’s water and food…”
He knew that much. He had gone to get water before, and he had been shown around the tower, too. He knew where to go. All that was left was to gather enough supplies and then he would leave the tower.
It’s a natural decision. Since I was killed by someone pushing me off the edge.
“ ”
Honestly, Subaru had no idea who might be the most likely suspect. But he had been murdered and there was no doubt someone in the tower was responsible.
There were seven suspects: Emilia, Beatrice, Ram, Echidna, Julius, Meili, Shaula. And he had no way of discerning friend from foe.
He couldn’t even say for sure that they were actually comrades before he lost his memory. It was possible they were all assassins gathered in order to kill him.
—If I can convince myself that Emilia and Beatrice’s eyes were just a lie…
“Damn it! Grow a spine, dumbass…”
Smothering the conflicting emotions in his heart, Subaru secretly took some water and food. If he was seriously only thinking about himself, it would probably have been best to take everything.
But he simply eyeballed three days’ worth and left the rest. He justified it to himself with the rationale that the more he was carrying, the more difficult it would be to escape.
“From what they said, outside is a desert, but…”
He put on a cloak that was stored in the same place as the food, and a scarf to cover his mouth. And with water, food, and desert gear all gathered, he was as ready as he was going to be.
“I wonder if I’m past the time where I died before…”
Considering how long he had wasted miserably running away, the slow explanation of everything, and the time he had spent crouching in the green room, he was pretty sure that he had set a new personal best for survival.
I’m already putting my ability to use. I can avoid triggering all the death flags around me and keep surviving on a knife’s edge.
“I don’t want that.”
What reason do I have to stay here if I have to suffer that?
Screw whatever Subaru Natsuki might have been trying to do. If it means suffering like that, there’s no reason for me to cling to this place.
Setting his sights on the outside, Subaru reached the spiral staircase leading downward. Seeing the place he’d died twice before, every cell in his body screamed at him.
“—Ngh.”
Catching his breath, Subaru cautiously checked behind him. He had to make absolutely sure that no one was sneaking up behind him, that no arm was stretching out to push him over.
Nothing. There’s no one here. Right now, they’re probably all in the archive full of books of the dead or else on that top floor with that evil test master. So this is the perfect chance. There is no better opportunity to just leave everything behind and run away.
Just abandon those kind people since it might just all be a lie.
That was it.
“What do I care! It’s got nothing to do with me!”
Biting down on the hard-to-bear annoyance, Subaru took the stairs, stepping over his trauma.
He ran down the spiral stairs, setting his sights on the bottom floor below that he couldn’t see yet. Up and down, trying to live and being killed, it was all so stupid and ridiculous.
But even so, I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.
“A giant…door…”
As he rushed down the stairs, running out of breath, he could gradually see its outline taking shape. The unbelievably large door looked more than thirty feet tall.
It was almost like they were for letting giants in and out of the tower. The only things in the vast expanse of the fifth floor were a set of stairs leading further down to the sixth floor and that colossal door standing in the wall.
“ ”
Subaru gulped, feeling a trace of sand in the air as he stood in front of the door. The sandy breeze blowing was proof that the gate connected to the outside of the tower.
If I get out of here, it’s a desert—I don’t know the desert’s name anymore, but either way, there’s a desert out there. If I make it through the desert and reach a human settlement, I can get away from whatever dangerous person is after me in this tower.
When moving in a desert, avoid being active during the hottest times, be careful of sandstorms, fix on the direction you are walking, and always walk toward that one point.
He had seen a story about suits being good in the desert in a manga, too, but that seemed dubious.
Honestly, that’s all I really know about deserts. But still…
“Doing anything to save myself is better than hanging around somewhere where I’m one-hundred percent going to be killed.”
I might not be thinking completely straight, but it is a hell of a lot scarier if I stop trusting myself in this situation. If I give into the fear, the only thing left will be death cackling and waiting for me.
“ ”
Putting his hands on the giant door, he slowly pushed forward.
The door was more than ten times Subaru’s size, with the sort of weight that shouldn’t budge even if he pushed with all his strength. But just from leaning his hands on it, the door opened easily, as if by some mechanical contraption.
“Huh?”
The door opened more than he intended in the push, so he stopped and carefully peeked outside. He was worried about a trap or someone waiting for him, but he was greeted only by the night sky and a sea of sand.
Narrowing his eyes, he scanned the horizon, but he couldn’t see an end to the desert in any direction.
“…It really…is a desert…”
He couldn’t see any buildings. Just a colossal ocean of sand. After making his preparations to step out into it, he turned back toward the interior of the tower one last time. What compelled him was the guilt he felt about leaving behind the people who bore no malice for Subaru.
But he pointedly shook it off. His lingering attachment to the outside—to his former world—was even greater.
I don’t want to be here.
Because to Subaru Natsuki, home was the house where his father and mother were waiting.
“So…”
He stepped firmly through the door.
On the other side, he felt his shoes sinking deeper into the sand than he’d expected. With a powerful step, Subaru Natsuki walked into the outside world.
And—
“…Eh…”
There was a large explosion beneath where he stepped, sending his body flying high up into the air.
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