I was quiet for a moment. “There’s that... And we’re teammates.”
“Are you talking about the pamphlet subcommittee?”
“Y-Yeah.” For some reason, I was anxious. “Also, we’re classmates...”
“I like you.”
I went speechless. It was as if her words had struck me down.
“I still like you. So do me a favor and don’t make me fall for you even more.” As Kurose-san continued to cry, there was even anger mixed in with the sorrow on her face. “Isn’t that a problem for you? So go already.”
Seeing that I wasn’t saying anything, she then gave me a ridiculing smile.
I still couldn’t bring myself to leave, however. How could I abandon her when she was so badly hurt...?
She might have been putting on a strong act, but I felt like I knew what she was really like. In truth, she was the kind of girl who deserved to be loved by everyone, just like Runa. I felt pity for her—had things played out just a little differently in the past, she wouldn’t have been left all alone.
If even I left her now, just how lonely would she feel?
I felt like I couldn’t do that. As her classmate...and as a human being.
Seeing that I wasn’t going anywhere, tears welled up in Kurose-san’s eyes once again.
“If you don’t go...then I won’t give up on you.” Then, she angrily added, “Are you okay with that?!”
I didn’t have an answer for her. It wasn’t like I wanted to get her hopes up. I didn’t, but...I couldn’t abandon her either.
“I said leave...”
Her face scrunched up. She then broke down into tears, and before I knew it, I was running up to her.
“Kurose-san!”
Since I was in my gym uniform too, I didn’t have a handkerchief or tissues or anything like that on me. I wanted to give her something to wipe her tears with, but I figured I couldn’t simply take off my shirt and give it to her. Instead, I felt around my clothes in a panic, trying to find anything I could.
“Heh heh.”
As I looked toward the source of the laugh, I saw that Kurose-san was smiling. Several strands of her black hair were stuck to her tear-stained face. And despite all that, she was beautiful.
“You’re too nice, Kashima-kun,” she said with a gentle smile as her cheeks turned pink.
When I saw her like that, something occurred to me all of a sudden.
“Kurose-san, um, I, uh...”
“If you don’t go...then I won’t give up on you. Are you okay with that?!”
She’d said that to me and I was still here anyway. I felt sorry for giving her hope even though I had no plans to leave Runa.
But as I stood there at a loss, not knowing what I should say, Kurose-san flashed me a self-deprecating smile once again.
“I know how you feel, Kashima-kun. Don’t go rejecting me over and over.” Her face radiated sorrow. Then, all of a sudden, her expression turned serious. “This is a matter of my own feelings,” she said resolutely as though making an announcement. “I decide who I fall for and who I continue to like. My feelings are mine to do with as I please, wouldn’t you agree?” Saying that, Kurose-san smiled at me. “I’ll keep liking you as much as I want. That’s all.” Her smile was like a dignified flower. You could even call it sublime. “That’s all there is to it,” she added quietly, holding her knees. Her eyes had finally dried.
When Kurose-san brushed the hairs that were stuck to her face away and looked up at the sky, she looked far more beautiful than the girl I’d once fallen in love with.
***
Once the sports day was over, excitement for the festival instantly took over the school.
As the preparations entered the final stages, there was something that needed to be decided at long last.
A woman from the printing office was here in the meeting room with us—the members of the pamphlet subcommittee. “We made two different cover designs reflecting the different ideas we’ve received from you,” she said, taking out two pieces of paper.
We were amateurs when it came to publishing, so we were completely dependent on the printing office when it came to making the actual designs for the pamphlets. Runa and Kurose-san had previously suggested two concepts—“pink and sparkly” and “monotone and refined”—and the two corresponding samples were now in front of our eyes.
“Wow, it’s so cute! Let’s go with this!” exclaimed Runa.
In her hands was a colorful piece of paper. Its surface had glitter over a pink background, and the writing was in a dainty typeface printed with silver foil. There were even butterflies drawn in the corners—a guy would be pretty reluctant to take such a paper in his hands.
“Don’t you only want it because it matches your tastes?” said Kurose-san. “This one would definitely have broader appeal. It’s stylish too.”
She picked up the other piece of paper that had a marble, monotone background and a luxurious feeling to it. It used a somewhat thin Gothic font for the writing, which used golden foil instead. It was a very refined design.
“They’re both wonderful, but we can’t put this off any longer. You must make a decision today,” the teacher overseeing our group told us, looking at the two girls with drastically different opinions.
“Well... If I were in high school, I’d say this one is cute and exciting,” the woman from the printing office began, pointing at Runa’s preferred sample.
“But this isn’t an all-girls school. Considering that the design also needs to appeal to boys and parents, I would definitely choose this one.” The teacher was in favor of Kurose-san’s choice.
It was now two against two.
This is bad... Real bad...
As I started to get anxious, my eyes met those of the teacher.
“What do you think, Kashima-kun? You’re the only one here who can speak for the boys. You should be frank,” she said.
What have things come to...?
“Y-Yes, I guess so...” I replied.
Runa and Kurose-san were looking at me. Both of them were knitting their brows in unease. No wonder—my opinion would probably decide which cover we would be going with.
“Um...” I began.
To be honest, I wanted to support Kurose-san’s design.
But could I say something like that? Things had been awkward since that time I’d run into Runa in front of Kurose-san’s place when I’d walked her home after our encounter at the library. That hadn’t been all that long ago.
No, I can’t. Even if this was just about choosing pamphlet covers, I couldn’t favor Kurose-san.
“Th-The theme for this festival is ‘For the Future’... And a rosy future would...”
Man, this is so hard to say. But somehow, I have to make it sound like I support the flashy pink option.
But as I went about making my argument that was a hell of a stretch...
“That’s enough, Ryuto,” said Runa in a calm voice. She was gazing at me with a melancholic expression. “Tell the truth. I don’t want to make you into a liar.”
Hearing that, I suddenly recalled a conversation we’d once had.
“I hear if a liar puts his hand in this mouth, it’s gonna get bitten off.”
“I guess you’re safe, then. You’re ‘the last man’ and all.”
That had been back at VenusFort.
“So, what will it be, Kashima-kun?” asked the teacher, giving me a dubious look. She wasn’t in charge of any classes in our cohort, so perhaps she didn’t know about my relationship with Runa.
I couldn’t say a word.
Choosing Kurose-san instead of Runa...? It should’ve been completely out of the question. However... It felt like there was a prayer in the look Runa was giving me.
“I don’t want to make you into a liar.”
Her voice had been resounding deeply in my ears all this time.
“I...” I began.
Kurose-san was hanging her head, and her shoulders were drooped. Doing my best not to look at her, I continued.
“If I had to carry one of these myself, I...would rather it was monotone...”
For a while, I couldn’t look anyone in that room in the face.
I heard Runa let out a long sigh.
***
On our way home that day, Runa and I walked from Station A to her house without saying a word.
With the coming of evening, the sky, which had been overcast since morning, was finally starting to change for the worse. Runa and I both walked with our umbrellas overhead as drizzling rain fell around us like it was the second coming of the rainy season.
I regretted bringing mine. Using separate umbrellas was widening the physical distance between us, which felt like a representation of our current emotional states.
Kurose-san’s suggestion had been the winner for the pamphlet cover.
I was too ashamed to face Runa.
With my eyes fixed on the toes of my shoes as rain droplets fell around me with every step, I walked on in silence.
“I’ve been thinking recently...” began Runa.
I looked at her beside me, but her eyes were on the ground below her feet instead of on me.
“You know... Maria’s a better match for you than me.”
“What’re you—”
As I tried to say something back, Runa finally turned to look at me.
“Isn’t it obvious? You had the same taste in pamphlet covers, and you have more in common with Maria than me. Like those...gameplay videos?”
“I’m sorry about the pamphlets. I wanted to side with you...”
“That’s okay. I wouldn’t be happy if you lied to pick mine.” Neither Runa’s face nor her tone suggested she was angry, but I could tell that she was feeling thoroughly sorrowful. “At the beginning, I found you interesting because you were completely different from me.” Then, she looked down. “The more I fall in love with you, the more I realize that we’re nothing alike. It makes me anxious.”
“I...”
“I start wondering if I’m really the right person for you. If I can be with you forever, the way I am now... If you’ll always love me.”
“That...”
Should be obvious, right? I’ve known from the start that we’re different, but I still want to be with you.
However, Runa didn’t wait for me to say anything and continued speaking with contemplation written on her face.
“You yourself might lose interest in me at some point. I’m a gyaru, and I wanna do all the things that gyaru do. All the places I wanna go, all the things I wanna do—none of them interest you at all, right?”
“That’s not true... I like bubble tea...”
“That’s the only thing!” Runa raised her voice as she said that, sounding impatient, but then immediately went back to speaking quietly with a dejected look on her face. “Even Maria likes bubble tea...I’m sure...”
Of course, I should’ve known...
“Since, you know, we had the same taste in food and all. So I was sure you’d like them too...”
I recalled what Runa had said when she’d had croffles for Kurose-san that time we’d run into her when I’d walked Kurose-san home.
As I remained silent, Runa hung her head. “Maybe you’ll be happier going out with Maria instead,” she said quietly.
“Again, what’re you—”
“You liked her back in the day, right? If it wasn’t for me, you might’ve been going out with her now,” said Runa with a frown.
“But that didn’t happen,” I replied. “The reality in front of our eyes is more important than what-ifs.”
“But in reality, Maria’s in front of our eyes now! Every day!” Runa exclaimed loudly, then quickly slumped her shoulders as if having given things more thought. “How can I keep dating you while pretending not to notice that you and Maria are drawn to each other...? I’m not that happy-go-lucky.” Then, she looked at me again. “During the sports day’s closing ceremony, you were with Maria, weren’t you?”
For a moment, I couldn’t breathe.
I hadn’t told Runa about what had transpired on the rooftop. Kurose-san had felt alienated after having seen Runa getting along nicely with their mother in front of everyone. The fact I’d followed after Kurose-san to smooth things over felt like I was blaming Runa for her behavior, which was why I’d kept quiet to her about it.
I’d thought there was nobody on the rooftop, but perhaps someone had seen us.
Seeing me hold my breath, Runa put on a stern look. “I knew it.”
Her words gave me a start. It wasn’t like she’d heard it from someone—she’d simply assumed that had been the case because we’d both been missing.
“Um, well... Kurose-san was crying, so...” Now that it had come to this, I had no choice but to explain what’d happened. “Apparently, she asked your mom to come that day, but when she saw that everyone saw her as only your mom, she felt lonely...”
“I know. Of course you were too kind not to go to her.” Runa gave me a smile that looked a little sad, but it quickly disappeared from her face. “I felt sorry for Maria, but I miss my mom too. All the time. Is it that bad for me to cling to my mom on the rare occasion I get to see her?”
I couldn’t reply.
I didn’t blame Runa. Or her mother, naturally. Kurose-san had brought this on herself when she’d acted to spite Runa at the beginning and had made it difficult to reveal herself as her sister.
Still... I couldn’t have let her cry alone back then. Because I’d noticed how lonely she was.
“You understand how people feel, and so you couldn’t leave Maria alone, right?” said Runa as if showing that she understood. Then, she furrowed her eyebrows. “But since you did that with Maria...I can’t let it slide.”
I watched her from the side as she spoke, and she looked startlingly beautiful. I was close to being captivated by her, despite the feeling in the air.
“You’re kind...so I figured I had to say it.”
“Runa, I...”
I didn’t know where to begin. It wasn’t like Runa was blaming me.
“I won’t reach out to you for a while,” she told me.
Her words made pain shoot through my chest.
“I want you to think about...if it’s really a good idea for you to keep going out with me.”
“Wait, I...!”
There was no need for me to think about it. Runa was the one who was important to me. I still felt that way.
But she wouldn’t listen to me anymore and instead started running through the rain.
“Runa!”
I tried to give chase, but my legs wouldn’t move. They were stuck because I figured I couldn’t catch up with her.
When she ran with all she had, I knew I couldn’t keep up. And her house was right over there.
As the rain kept falling around me, I dazedly watched Runa’s back grow smaller and smaller.
When I heard her close the front door of her house, I realized that today was our four-month anniversary.
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