Bookstore Exclusive Short Stories:
Animate SS: A Glimpse of Light in the Depths of Mire
After receiving the schedule survey form for the parent-teacher meeting, Mahiru returned to her room and carelessly placed the printout onto her desk. Since she needed to submit it back to the school, she didn’t throw it away. Had it not been required, she would have tossed it into the trash without a moment’s hesitation.
Every year, Mahiru’s heart stirred with unease whenever the meetings were held. Now, that feeling had calmed down to mere ripples compared to the past, and in a way, Mahiru had come to terms with the meetings after making her way through middle and high school with nothing but her own power. She had long since resigned herself to the situation, and now her heart merely tingled slightly—nothing more.
Indeed. She was long used to it, and she no longer even wished for it to come true. Knowing full well that her parents would never come and would never look back, she didn’t bother contacting them at all. To her, doing so would be a complete waste of time.
Mahiru intended to write on the form that her parents were unavailable due to personal reasons, and that any date for the meeting would be fine. She had taken it out of her bag and placed it on her desk only for that purpose. If she wasn’t quick, Amane might start to worry while he waited for her at his apartment, but despite it being a matter of writing just a single line, Mahiru found herself incapable of picking up the pen. She pressed her lips together tightly.
“…After so long, why am I…”
It was inevitable.
There was no reason to hesitate.
All she had to do was write that her parents wouldn’t come.
That was all, yet for some reason, her mind was suddenly swamped by a feeling of overwhelming emptiness and resistance.
Last year, there was only a faint, unpleasant feeling, like black ink bleeding into her heart. So why was her heart so shaken this year?
It must be because I met Amane-kun.
Amane was both to blame, and to thank for this change.
Through Amane, she had seen what it was like to be a child who was loved above all else. She had witnessed the peaceful, bright, and beautiful light of someone who lived a cherished life filled with happiness. Because she had been scorched by that dazzlingly beautiful light, because it was burned so intensely into her eyes, she became dismayed and disappointed by the stark difference between Amane’s reality and her own.
Even though she kept telling herself that she had given up and given up, she still longed for it, envied it, and dreamt of it. Regret settled in and she felt pathetic as she clung to those feelings—she couldn’t help but hate herself for it. Worse yet, she found herself momentarily directing those dark feelings toward Amane. That made her feel more ashamed than anything else. If she told him, she could see him smile with a sad face and accept her feelings. He would embrace her without as much as a word. No one knew how much Mahiru longed for family and affection more than he did. Surely, if she bared her suffering, he would accept it.
It was precisely because she understood that so well that Mahiru had to swallow down all her feelings before going to Amane’s place. Her anxiety, envy, inferiority, and longing—all of it—she needed to process it herself so that she could face it square on.
She couldn’t keep clinging to the hope she wanted to hold onto forever.
“It will all be okay.”
Am I really facing forward now? With such thoughts in mind as she encouraged herself, Mahiru picked up the pen that had been lying on her desk and pressed the tip firmly against the paper.
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login