Mushoku Tensei (LN) - Volume SS - Chapter 35

Short Story:

Fitz’s Doubts

“HEY, RUDY. Have you ever been to a brothel?”

It was a quiet afternoon. I was relaxing in the living room, and at that moment the only people in the room were me, Sylphie, and Roxy. When I heard the question, I thought for sure she must’ve gotten the wrong idea from something. I mean, you would, right? If your wife suddenly asked you if you’ve been to a hostess…or rather, a brothel. She was saying, “You’re seeing other women in secret, aren’t you?” In other words, she suspected I was cheating.

No such thing was true, of course. But Miss Sylphiette had been clever with her question. She asked if I had ever been to a brothel. And the truth was, I had. It wasn’t like I’d gone every chance I got, but after I found out I had ED, Soldat had taken me to what you’d call a high-class brothel. In the end, after being unable to reach the finish line, I got drunk off my face, and then Sara slapped me. It was a painful experience. I hadn’t been back since, but it was true I had gone that time. 

Which was to say, what I ought to do now was play it cool and say I’d been once long ago, but not recently.

“Oh…yeah. Ages ago. But not recently, you know.” Crap. The way that came out made it sound like I’d gone yesterday.

“What sort of place was it?” Roxy asked, joining the conversation. 

“What sort of place…?”

Until yesterday, I’d been in the Asura Kingdom. After finding Eris’s parents’ bones in the conflict zone, we’d reinterred them in Asura, then invited Ghislaine to visit the grave. James, the current head of the Boreas family, had invited us out for dinner, during which he had come out and asked, “What do you think of my granddaughter, eh?” I hadn’t made any moves, of course. Eris sat beside me. At a single glare from her, the poor girl drew back, trembling—and more importantly, I was currently Rudeus the Celibate. Which was to say, yesterday, I had not been to a brothel.

“The brothel from ages ago, you mean?”

“Yes.”

What exactly was I being asked right now? Well, they might be testing me. If the brothel I described now actually had the same system and the same girls working there as a brothel in our neighborhood, then they’d have me.

Wives, you have nothing to worry about. I’ll breeze through this test, just watch.

“Why, uh, are you asking?” 

Still, this was scary, so I took my time getting to the point. Look, there really wasn’t anything on my conscience, but if I answered incorrectly, I’d probably end up apologizing on my knees.

“Actually, the parents of one of my students are in debt, so she had to leave school and go to a brothel… She was worried, so she came to me for advice, but I don’t know much about it. I’ve been struggling to work out what to say to her…”

So that was it. I’d gotten worked up over nothing. Still, a girl having to leave school and go into sex work because her family was in debt was a lot heavier than I’d expected.

“Well, the place I went was really high class,” I explained, “but you get all sorts of brothels, so I don’t think it’ll be much help…”

“Please tell me. This will be the last time I see her, so I want to offer her something.”

So for the moment, I told her everything I knew. I started from the system the high-class brothel had used, and went through the courtesan’s education and techniques. 

Now, even in my previous life, I’d never gone to that sort of establishment. All I knew was stuff I’d picked up from ero games. Anything other than that was second-hand knowledge from people like Soldat and Elinalise. That being said, I thought it was all close enough to being true. In the end, it all came down to pleasing the dude so he’d think, I want to see that girl again. 

“Pleasing” might have sounded simple, but you’d be wrong if you thought it was just about being good at the act itself. If anything, the real test was your hospitality the rest of the time—things like introducing yourself with grace, showing deference to the customer, and physical contact in the form of a casual squeeze of the hand or a brush on the shoulder. People tended to see prostitution as a shady line of work, but as you got closer to the top, the job looked more and more like what you’d find at any morally upstanding ­establishment. The key things were solicitude and customer service.

That was immediately obvious when you looked at Elinalise Dragonroad, otherwise known as the Sex Grand Master, and who I got the impression had taught Roxy and Sylphie all their technique. She wasn’t just good with her hands; she enticed men with everything else as well, employing her wiles to get them into bed and then providing a no-strings-attached bang. And she offered full aftercare too. Cliff would probably flip his lid if I called her a prostitute, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d worked her way to the top of a high-class brothel somewhere, considering her background. 

As I explained all that at length, Roxy took notes, looking serious. “I see, yes. So you’re saying if I want to know more, I should ask Elinalise.”

“Yeah, she seems like she’d know more than me.”

“Thank you. I’ll ask her next time I see her.”

Roxy really was an eager student. With that diligence, even if she somehow ended up as a prostitute, she’d rise high. She probably wouldn’t reach the very top, not with her figure, but I, for one, would be charmed into becoming a repeat customer. Then, after I’d spent all my money on her, I’d take her hand and say, “Let’s run away together.” But she’d look back cold and unimpressed and reply, deadpan, “I’m afraid I must decline.” Later, when I turned into a stalker, a man in black would come out the back of the building, arrest me, then drag me off to see the management.

“Hey, Rudy.” Sylphie wouldn’t make it to the top either, but she’d definitely build up a base of diehard fans.

You’d peel layer after layer of baggy clothing off of the silent Fitz until—hello, there was slender Sylphiette. She’d be so shy that when you stroked her face, her ears would twitch in embarrassment… Heh heh, oh, I’d definitely be a repeat customer. Then, after I’d fallen head over heels for her, I’d beg her to marry me, and a man in black would come out from the back and—

“You seem to know rather a lot about this. Have you really not been recently?” Sylphie said.

“Uh…” She was so intimidating that before I knew it, I was on my knees. But just so we’re clear, there really wasn’t anything on my conscience.

“I really haven’t, okay?” I said.

It would take a little while for her to actually believe me, but that’s a story for another time.