Monster no Goshujin-sama - Volume 9 - Chapter 14

Chapter 14: The Girl’s Salvation

Time moved so slow, like the pain itself was making it slower. However, all things came to an end. After it was over, I sighed to myself. A terrible sense of exhaustion fell over me, but it was more of a mental thing instead of a physical one.

“Are you okay, Master?” Lily asked.

“Yeah,” I replied, half on reflex.

“I’ll heal you now,” she said, grasping my hand.

She began casting healing magic. My blood had stopped flowing partway through the act, so I’d had to reopen the wound several times over. Still, it wasn’t a very deep cut. Lily’s magic would seal it shortly. On the other hand, magic couldn’t heal some things so easily.

I glanced at Shiran, who was sitting on the ground. Her severed arm was already back in place. We’d managed to get her body back into a state of reduced activity, at least. The problem wasn’t her patchwork body, though. It was her heart, and it would be difficult to heal that.

Maybe there was a better way, one where nobody had to get hurt, but I couldn’t come up with such a convenient method. Nevertheless, I wanted to save Shiran, so I’d hurt her to do so. No matter how I glossed over it, that was the truth, and I wasn’t going to run away from that responsibility.

I took a deep breath and called out to her.

“Shiran...”

After a little while, Shiran, her gaze still fixed on the ground, said, “I’m sorry for troubling you.”

Honestly, I figured she would curse me out. Even if I’d meant to save her, I’d made her do something she hated immensely. That was to say nothing of how desperate she’d been. No matter how emotional she got, it would be understandable. No matter what she said to me, I was prepared to accept it. However, instead of expressing resentment, she apologized.

“With how starving I was, I could have troubled you even more. I might have even done something that couldn’t be undone. It seems I lost my composure. Please forgive me.”

Though she’d calmed down, Shiran didn’t turn her negative emotions against anyone. She seemed so helpless.

“Still, I never thought you’d notice,” she continued, sounding even more exhausted than me. “I thought I’d kept it a secret.”

“I’m not the one who noticed. Salvia told me,” I replied.

“Salvia?” Shiran slowly raised her face, finding this somewhat unexpected. “How could she...?”

“She’s the Misty Lodge, the monster who creates a world where dreams become reality. Naturally, the magic can surmise one’s dreams. Salvia is the magic of the Misty Lodge itself.”

“Then she found out during those few days we spent at the Misty Lodge?”

“Yeah.”

Salvia had already known what Shiran had been hiding back then. Thinking back on it, there’d been signs of it too.

“Having said that, she doesn’t read minds. At most, she can only read a strong wish,” I added.

“I see. So that’s how it is,” Shiran said with a self-deprecating smile. “Meaning she could see my abominable desire to drink your blood.”

“No, that’s not quite right,” I replied. “Drinking my blood was your urge, not your wish. It was actually the opposite. What she saw was your wish to not drink my blood.”

I hadn’t noticed this wish of hers. I hadn’t recognized that Shiran’s need to consume monster meat was a major problem. With help, hunting monsters wasn’t all that hard. But I’d misread what the problem was. I could’ve figured it out had I given it some thought. What would it be like to be stuck in a situation where I’d have to hunt and greedily devour my prey? And what if humans could sate that hunger too? It would be hell. Shiran desperately fought to protect others, so it must’ve been unbearable agony for her.

“Sorry, Shiran. This all happened because I never noticed.”

She was so resolute, so I’d thought she’d be fine. I’d been blinded by her radiance as a knight.

“No... There is nothing you need apologize for, Takahiro. After all, I thought I was fine too.”

Shiran shook her head, looking powerless.

“After I turned into a monster, many things changed,” she explained. “I no longer needed food or sleep. My skin lost all warmth. But even so, I believed myself to be a knight meant to protect the people. Plus, the commander kept me in her company despite the state of my body. So, no matter what happened to me, I thought my path remained unchanged.”

Immediately following the attack on Fort Tilia, Shiran had worried that she would be a source of trouble. At the time, the commander had ordered her to remain a knight. When Shiran reported this to me, she’d been so happy. I clearly remembered her expression to this day.

She’d been anxious about turning into a completely different being—an undead monster—so the commander’s words had definitely strengthened her mind. Her pride as a knight had supported her. That was why the Third Company’s dissolution had been a serious blow.

“Up to that point, I believed I could simply stay my path as a knight forever more. But, when Margrave Maclaurin arrested the commander, the Third Company dissolved, and I was no longer a knight. They say bad things happen in droves... Ever since then, a starvation that could never be satiated by regular meals hounded me.”

Shiran spoke with disinterest, but it only made her situation all the more tragic.

“At first, I didn’t understand what was happening,” she continued, “but I figured it out soon after. I was horrified. When I saw monsters, the thought that I could eat them came to mind.”

Her single eye trembled slightly. She was likely remembering the shock she’d felt at the time.

“And that wasn’t all. That wasn’t the truly terrifying thing. It wasn’t just monsters... I...”

“That’s enough, Shiran.”

Seeing the heartbreaking fear deep in her eye, I tried to stop her, but Shiran refused.

“No. Please let me speak. I must confess everything. I ended up causing everyone trouble with my silence. It’s my sin, brought on by my own foolishness.”

Her obstinacy laid bare her desire to punish herself.

“I saw you with such eyes, Takahiro. The moment that impulse took over, especially when I could feel your body heat, I was hopeless. Even if it was to train you as a spiritualist, when I placed my hand upon yours, the warmth passing through to me was unbelievably pleasant.”

Shiran kept talking as if possessed by something.

“Maybe that was because I had no warmth of my own anymore, or maybe it was the wretched envy of the dead toward the living. Either way, I felt like I could drown in the pleasure...and it all connected to my desire for blood.”

The more she talked, the more erratic she became. Her instability unveiled everything she’d been hiding.

“And it wasn’t just you. I felt the same toward everyone. Everyone I saw. Everyone I talked to. There were no exceptions.”

Shiran’s body suddenly shook. Her hand, pressed against the ground, clawed through the earth.

“There was...even a time I saw Kei like a snack,” she confessed, squeezing the words out.

Unable to bear it any longer, her expression crumbled. Admitting that was probably the hardest thing for her.

Our talk of the Misty Lodge’s world reminded me of one thing: the conversation I’d had with Salvia on our last night there. In her world of mist, many impossible things happened to grant the wishes of those who wandered within.

“You, Mana, Ayame, and Kei hadn’t changed at all.”

That was what Salvia had said. In other words, everyone else had changed. Asarina had been able to talk. Mizushima had come out of hiding. Gerbera’s lower body had become that of a human. But what about Shiran?

The scene I’d witnessed from the second-story window when Shiran and Kei were training had remained in my thoughts. Kei had hugged Shiran in high spirits, and Shiran had accepted her. Their intimacy had seemed like a normal everyday scene, but something about it had stuck with me since then.

Now I could understand. Shiran had needed to twist reality to be able to fulfill that scene. Kei was the type to keep near to those close to her, but during our journey, I’d never seen her and Shiran touch. Shiran had been the one carefully avoiding any contact. Those days in the Misty Lodge had been the only time she could touch anyone without being threatened by starvation.

If such a natural and tranquil dream was impossible, then reality must have been a nightmare for her.

“I found myself gulping when I saw her...” Shiran added.

Even now, her voice sounded damp.

“In that instant, something came to mind. Why must my life be prolonged if I must become like this? It would’ve been better if it all ended back then. Even though you saved me, even though I truly am grateful, I started to feel resentful.”

Her words of repentance were a knife she used to inflict harm on herself now, but in truth, she’d been doing that and just hadn’t let it show. She’d always blamed herself. This incident had only brought it out for us to see.

“I understand these thoughts make me seem ungrateful. I do not wish to think that way. And yet... And yet, I...!”

For Shiran, it was a devastating confession. The reality of having to eat carrion was one thing, but even the feelings born of that need overwhelmed her mind. Nothing could be done about those feelings, though, and there was no reason to blame her for them. Even if her thoughts made her ungrateful, that was merely a facet of humanity’s helplessness and weakness.

Nevertheless, Shiran would never allow that. Her fastidiousness and nobility tortured her mind, and despite the agonizing situation she was already in, she’d constantly been condemning herself. Today, that had finally come to light.

“I’m a fool... I’m not suited to being a knight...” she said with a fleeting smile.

All the straining threads that had held her up were cut, leaving her worn down to the bone. Being forced to reveal the secret she’d kept under wraps and to drink the blood she’d so desperately avoided was the final blow.

And I’d been the one to deal it. I’d broken the final remnant of her that was a knight, that final line she’d been trying to defend.

Shiran was a strong knight, but after she’d lost her knighthood, a natural weakness remained. She’d lost all her mental support, and life had struck her down. She was no longer the girl I knew. She seemed so very small.

That was the reason Salvia had said nothing despite knowing everything. She’d predicted how much it would hurt Shiran for her secret to be revealed. Salvia had also been concerned that it could lead to a bad outcome.

According to Salvia, the timing with which Shiran began feeling starvation was probably related to the commander’s arrest. When Salvia told me about it, she’d touched upon the legend of the Undead King Carl. Back in Draconia, during our conversation with the carapace wyrm Malvina, we’d mentioned the subject in passing. Having lived so long, Salvia had been acquainted with the real Undead King Carl. He had apparently been pretty moody, so she hadn’t been particularly close to him, but she still had a good understanding of what had happened to him.

According to the legends, he was the king of a nation that excelled in magic technology. The death of his lover, a savior, had driven him mad, transforming him into a lich. Salvia had told me that the truth was a little different, though. According to her, Carl was already a lich by the time he met the savior. Much like Shiran, he’d hidden his circumstances to keep himself safe, so such details hadn’t been passed down throughout the ages. Maybe some power had been at work to hide the scandal between a savior and a monster.

In any case, the Undead King hadn’t turned into a lich because his lover’s death had driven him mad. He was already a lich and had then gone mad when his lover died. After that, he’d been subjugated as a monster.

Salvia had compared that precedent to Shiran’s situation and formed a hypothesis. In short, undead monsters could fall into a berserk ghoul-like state depending on their mental state. The great sorrow of his lover’s death had triggered the Undead King’s nature as a monster to run wild, ultimately leading to his subjugation. In Shiran’s case, losing her pride as a knight through the Third Company’s dissolution had tormented her with the hunger of an undead monster.

Their situations had some similarities. If Salvia’s hypothesis was correct, then Shiran’s current weakened state was extremely dangerous. Even though Shiran’s mana had been replenished, she was extremely weak compared to the time she’d had my blood at Fort Tilia.

I had to do something about it...but what? There was only one method that came to mind, so I walked up to Shiran.

“Taka...hiro...?”

She raised her face...and I pulled her into my arms.

“Wha...?”

Her entire body stiffened with shock.

“Y-You mustn’t.” She immediately came back to her senses and struggled against me. “What are you thinking? It’s dangerous! Takahiro!”

She was concerned for my well-being. Shiran had just hinted that she had a bloodthirsty desire for me, so getting closer to her, let alone holding her in my arms, was unthinkable. But it was necessary. I had to get this across to her using every fiber of my being, both through my words and my actions.

“Hey, Shiran, even if you’re not a knight, I want you to stay with us,” I declared wholeheartedly.

“Ah...”

“I’m a fool... I’m not suited to being a knight...”

That was what Shiran had said earlier. Perhaps those words had revealed everything about her current state. It was a case of lost identity. Being a knight was everything to her, so now that she no longer was one she’d lost the core of her being.

She’d only barely maintained herself despite this because she’d cloaked herself in the last remnants of her knighthood. Even without her core, that mantle of stability could keep her going.

But now she didn’t have that either. She was no longer a knight, so she couldn’t accept her own worth. Thoughts like, “Why must I go so far just to survive?” and, “If this was going to happen, it would’ve been better for it to end back there,” dominated her mind.

That was wrong, though. I couldn’t let Shiran think that way. My feelings were so strong they pushed me into action. What she needed now was for someone to accept her, to find worth in her, even if she was no longer a knight. That was what I believed, but I didn’t know if I was right. Still, her meager resistance came to an end.

“You mustn’t,” Shiran muttered. “I’ll cause you so much trouble.”

“So what?”

“I might be of no use whatsoever anymore.”

“Who cares?”

“I thirst for your blood, remember?”

“I don’t mind.”

“Isn’t my body repulsive now?”

“I don’t think so.”

I denied everything Shiran faulted herself with.

“You hear me, Shiran? None of that is a problem,” I said. Now that I knew everything, I could say it clearly. “Even if you find yourself repulsive, you’re still my precious companion. That doesn’t change.”

I validated her existence, conveying my thoughts, like, “You’re not repulsive,” through my arms. Before long, Shiran’s cold body began trembling and she started sobbing. And until that trembling stopped, I continued holding her in my arms.