Monogatari Series - Volume 6 - Chapter 7.11

011

“I’m home! Let me tell you, today was some fun! Even among the many trials and tribulations of my breathtaking existence, today was a day to truly commemorate. I doubt a treat like this will ever come again in my lifetime. Nothing will ever surprise me again after… Huh? Holy smokes?! What the heck is this?! The entrance to our house is completely gone! I’ve never been so surprised in my life!”

The time was approximately 5:00 p.m. Karen came home sooner than I thought, and her reaction to the state of our house was even better than I had anticipated.

“Koyomi, I already took my key out. Where am I supposed to put it?! Cutting through packing tape is all it’s good for now!”

“Well…”

Karen’s stupidity could be a real breath of fresh air, sometimes. She had a brain like a beehive. She’d make a great test subject for anyone who wanted to study how humans could get so scatterbrained.

“I figured it would be a little while until you got home,” I said. “Since mom and dad will be back late today too, you could have fudged your curfew a little.”

“Ahh, I couldn’t, I couldn’t. In the end, I was too nervous around Kanbaru-sensei. If I stayed there any longer, my head might explode, so I decided to say goodbye early. I kept tripping over every word. Can you believe it? I was a total wreck.”

“I wish I could have seen that.”

“But she’s really great, isn’t she? Is ‘great’ the right word? She’s really got it together? Like a woman of character? In any case, she’s really gallant.”

“Yeah, I’ll be the first to admit that Kanbaru is as gallant as they come─and her personality is genuine. I could learn a thing or two from her.”

“The funny thing is, though, she kept slapping her own cheek. I guess to keep her spirits up? She did it whenever my face came close to hers or our bodies touched.”

“……”

That was probably to control herself. A valiant fight against her own wicked impulses─maybe it had approached wiccan levels.

“We played a game of street ball at the park. One thing, though. She was a real hellcat on the court, but when it came to rock-paper-scissors, she was abysmal. Seriously. I didn’t even have to use my surefire method. I won almost every round.”

“You’re telling me. She’s absolutely terrible at any game that relies on luck.”

She didn’t have bad luck so much as no luck. For some reason, hard work and effort didn’t seem to earn her happiness─which, of course, is how she ended up wishing upon a monkey.

In any case, it seemed like hiding Kanbaru’s sexual predilections from Karen had been the right choice─my sister was so simple that if I’d told her, she might have offered her virginity up to her revered Kanbaru-sensei.

Either way, it sounded like Kanbaru had done right by Karen─I could rest easy now. Breathe a sigh of relief, or whatever.

I would have to thank Kanbaru later. I’d work extra hard to clean up her room tomorrow, as repayment.

“But more importantly, Koyomi, what is this?! What happened?! Was it cannon fire?! Did a posse from the organization track us down and bombard the house?!”

“……”

A posse from the organization? Karen certainly had a goofy imagination. What was she watching that put those kinds of thoughts in her head? Animes and movies weren’t enough to explain it.

“Whoa there, Karen, don’t say ‘more importantly’ when you were telling me about Kanbaru. Just think of how disappointed she’d be if she heard you say that.”

“Ah, good point. That’s true, telling you about her is clearly much more important than our measly front door. Okay, listen then. After basketball, we played a game of tag on the monkey bars and─wait a second! Obviously the fact that our house is in shambles is more important right now!”

Karen was playing the straight man with great gusto.

That was all well and good, but she and Kanbaru playing tag on the monkey bars surpassed anything I could imagine… I needed to hear the details.

“Yeah, I guess,” I nodded.

After Kagenui and Ononoki had left, I’d remained right where I was, in our front doorway, since the destruction wasn’t about to go anywhere. Several of the neighbors came by to voice their concern, but I managed to play it off well enough─it was a lucky break that there had been no witnesses.

A lucky break.

The phrase was a little too convenient, considering the situation─just like the three vampire hunters, Kagenui had probably just done her groundwork and ensured that there would be no witnesses before carrying out her violence.

Even if she didn’t care about the time or place, I’m sure she had her own logic.

They probably didn’t consider their use of force criminal. Having laid waste to a private residence, they proudly spoke of justice.

In any case, no matter how burglary-free our country town, I could hardly leave with our front door gaping open to the world. I’d waited like the faithful dog Hachiko for Karen Araragi’s return.

Besides─I had some stuff to think about.

I’d grown tired of waiting─but it’s not as if I’d had nothing to do with my time.

“What happened here?” asked Karen.

“Actually, a posse from the organization showed up.”

“I knew it! It was them, those sons of bitches! Targeting my family, those cowards!”

“So you think you know who did this…”

“My temper’s running high! In fact, I’ll run myself! Straight for the sun on the horizon!”

Apparently my little sister’s imagination wasn’t the only thing that was goofy. She also led a goofy life.

I wish she’d mellow out eventually.

Either that, or she could die.

She could join Shinobu and go vanquish the sun.

“Hrrm?!” my sister exclaimed. “You know, saying ‘cowards’ just reminded me of beef! Is anyone else hungry?!”

“Are you thinking about something else already?”

“That settles it, tonight let’s have oden for dinner!”

“That conclusion doesn’t make sense…”

When it came to remembering things, Karen was the real birdbrain.

“Anyway!” she yelled. “I’m pretty sure I don’t know anything about any organization!”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Koyomi, would you just give me a serious answer?!”

Karen looked angry, her hair standing on end. But if she wanted a serious answer, maybe she could ask a little more seriously.

She was so high that it was almost impossible for us to have a serious discussion.

“Uhm…actually I’m not sure,” I said. “I took a break to run to Mister Donut, and when I came back, it was already like this.” Yeah, I never intended to answer her seriously. “I figure a dump truck or something probably ran into the house…”

“Oh, you mean a hit and run. This one sure is a doozy, though. Who knew stuff like this really happened.”

Karen seemed to buy my story without suspicion. She was far too trusting.

Sure, with the house in that state, there didn’t seem to be any other reasonable explanation, but seeing how easily she was convinced was a bit of a letdown. While I didn’t see anything wrong, per se, with lying to my sisters, when it was this easy I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty.

“Karen. You’re amazingly smart and very cute.”

“What? Me? Oh, stop!”

Karen twisted back and forth in embarrassment. There. Guilty feelings gone. Though I suppose I had just lied again.

“Huh, I see. So that’s why you’re sitting here keeping watch, Koyomi. Good work. But I bet you didn’t get any studying done today.”

“You’re right.”

I could hardly study under the circumstances.

But in the greater picture of life─I guess today had been a pretty huge lesson.

“It’s settled then, Koyomi. Let me take watch. It’s my turn now. Until mom and dad get home, I shall serve as Cerberus at the gates of hell. Or Dekamaster even, hell’s own guard dog!”

“You really like the Deka Rangers, don’t you?”

“Nonsense.”

“Nonsense, yourself.”

“Seriously, though, I’m really hoping to join the Fire Squad. Based on how often he does handstands, I guess I’d be the green ranger.”

“Then how come you don’t have any bright ideas?”

That was supposed to be his thinking pose.

Geez, what age range were they trying to reach with that show?

I don’t think their message was getting anywhere.

“You go ahead, Koyomi, and study at least a little in your room─they say if you take one day off, it takes three to make up for it. Of course, that’s for muscle training.”

“Don’t talk to me about muscles.”

“Actually, it’s important to rest properly after training. It’s called supercompensation.”

“Why are you still talking to me about muscles?”

Karen better wise up soon. How was a meathead like her going to make it in this world? Sometimes I wondered if she thought her noggin was just a tool to be used for headbutts.

“Hrm? Wait, what about Tsukihi? Did she go with you to Mister Donut?”

“No.” Handing Karen the box of donuts I had brought home as a gift, I shook my head─adding yet another layer to the lie.

It was a mille-feuille of lies.

“Apparently, Tsukihi was on the second floor when it happened,” I said. “She kept watch until I got back. But I think the shock really got to her, being so close when it happened─she’s in bed upstairs.”

“Ah.” Karen glanced up with a worried expression on her face─not that she could see through the ceiling or anything. “Tsukihi can be kind of sensitive and delicate.”

“I’m sure you want to talk to her, but she was sleeping pretty soundly, so don’t wake her for a while.”

“Aye, aye!”

“Okay then.”

I finally stood up.

Karen had come back sooner than I’d expected, but that was only good news as far as I was concerned. The quicker we could get this over with, the better.

I started to climb the stairs but turned around once more.

“Karen.”

She’d already plopped herself down where I’d been sitting.

She faced me. “Hmm? What is it?”

“Would you be willing to die for my sake?”

“Of course. But why ask?”

……

It was the reply I’d expected her to give, but the way she answered so readily was pretty gallant…

She really was like Kanbaru.

If she weren’t my sister, I’d be crushing on her.

A big if.

“Then, could you die for Tsukihi’s sake?”

“Of course,” she replied. “I would do it smiling.”

And she actually smiled.

It was such a brilliant smile─it made me think that even if her head were to be lopped off right now, she’d have no regrets.

“Tsukihi is my sister─of course I would.”

“Yeah, of course…” I nodded deeply. “I’d die for your sakes as well. Over and over if necessary─I’d be Dracula for you guys and die as many times as it took to be dead.”

Speaking those words over my shoulder, I walked away and went up the stairs once again, to the second floor─but not toward my desk. I went directly to my sisters’ room─straight to Tsukihi.

I didn’t bother to knock and just opened the door.

Tsukihi was on the top bunk─sleeping peacefully with not even a light snore.

She was a pretty still sleeper. As quietly as I could, I climbed up the ladder and gazed at her face.

A restful sleep. As deep as death.

But─she wasn’t dead.

Tsukihi Araragi was alive.

“……”

After getting her torso blown off by Ononoki, Tsukihi’s body recovered as if none of it had happened─but since then, she’d remained unconscious. Like a bird scared from the bush, she wasn’t coming back.

It had been a mighty struggle, but I’d hoisted her unconscious body onto my back and carried her piggyback up to her room. I could hardly leave her there with her naked upper body exposed.

The difficult part hadn’t been carrying her so much as changing her out of her tattered clothes. I had never put clothes on an unconscious person before, but it was a lot harder than I expected─of course, it was just a yukata, which made it a lot easier than dressing her in Western clothes.

In the end, I wound up wrapping the yukata left over right (seen from my side), like they do for a funeral. Under the circumstances, that seemed more than a little ironic.

Oh boy, she was certainly a handful.

My sister was─such a handful.

“Immortal, huh? Not a vampire─but a phoenix.”

I leaned my weight against the bunk railing and peered into Tsukihi’s sleeping face.

Right now, she looked completely human to me. It was hard to believe she was a fake.

“It’s not even funny─it’s such a hilarious punch line, but I don’t find it funny at all. And that’s coming from me, who’s been calling you and Karen fakes for years.”

But it was the truth. I had seen Tsukihi’s uncanny powers of healing with my own eyes─witnessed real “supercompensation.”

To be killed and not to die─immortality.

Of course, when it came to immortality, I had experience in that myself─it was only for two weeks, but I’d been turned into a creature that could be killed and still not die. Looking at it another way, if it wasn’t for that experience, I probably wouldn’t be buying, even now, that Tsukihi was an aberration. It would be as ludicrous to me as the idea of drawing fire from a well.

I’d have decided that my eyes had deceived me.

Vampire.

Phoenix.

However─there was one big difference between my immortality and Tsukihi’s. Mine had been acquired, whereas Tsukihi’s was congenital. She was born immortal.

While Shinobu clearly didn’t consider vampires inferior in rank as aberrations─according to her, in terms of immortality at least, the phoenix was far superior. The top of its class when it came to not dying.

She had a point. When you thought about it, there were plenty of ways to kill a vampire─sunlight, wooden stakes, garlic, crosses, and so on. Whereas, with the phoenix, no weak points immediately came to mind─everything Shinobu said while riding in the front basket of my bicycle made sense, but I still couldn’t recall any legends about anyone putting an end to a phoenix.

Of course, that may have just been ignorance on my part. In fact, it probably was─considering the fact that Kagenui and Ononoki had attacked. That onmyoji two-man cell must possess a strategy of some sort to exterminate Tsukihi Araragi, the Shidenotori.

Kindly adding new ventilation to the entrance to our house with Ononoki’s Unlimited Rulebook must have been the outcome of a trial run─a test of Tsukihi’s immortality and a sort of calling card.

Scarily enough, that had only been the beginning. They were experts on immortal aberrations, after all─they surely knew how to kill a phoenix.

“This is all happening so fast I don’t know which way to turn… Just this morning I was having fun, letting Karen carry me on her shoulders. And now… Tsk, I’m not even sure what I should be worrying about most,” I muttered, brushing Tsukihi’s chin lightly with my fingers.

I must have sounded pathetic.

It indeed was pathetic.

Not even sure what I should be worrying about? How dumb could I get?

What was there to worry about? There was no need for angst.

The Shidenotori. The lesser cuckoo.

A bird of omen─an aberration.

The flip side was that this Shidenotori was just an aberration─an aberration, with no clear will of its own. At the end of the day, aberrations were no more than phenomena.

Even when manifested, even when made real─they were phenomena.

Transitory.

The will and consciousness of Tsukihi Araragi belonged solely to Tsukihi Araragi─and every kernel of Tsukihi Araragi saw herself as human. Naturally, if she didn’t, she would be incomplete as a fake.

In other words.

Tsukihi Araragi had no idea she was an aberration.

She was born as the true Tsukihi Araragi.

Raised as the true Tsukihi Araragi.

She lived as the true Tsukihi Araragi.

She would die as the true Tsukihi Araragi.

A fake Tsukihi Araragi─who was every bit the same as the true Tsukihi Araragi.

“Hmph…”

So then, how was she different from the real thing?

Exactly the same in every single way but still a fake─did that mean like a synthetic diamond? Something with the exact atomic structure as the real thing but with a value as different as heaven and earth, night and day…

It was Hanekawa, of course, who taught me about the uncanny valley.

I think it was during art class─the idea is that when a depiction of a person too closely resembles the original, it can inspire extreme discomfort rather than appreciation.

For instance, the fear felt at the sight of a mannequin. Or at a robot that too closely resembles a human being.

When something not human takes the shape of something human, the closer it resembles the original, and the more exquisite the fake, the deeper the sense of primordial rejection in the viewer─those coordinates are what is known as the uncanny valley.

Man, there sure were a lot of these terms.

If Hanekawa only knew the things she knew─then as for me, I didn’t even know what I do know.

I didn’t even know─about my own sister.

After being attacked by Shinobu, thrust head first into hell, and transformed into a vampire─all I wanted was to become human again.

I risked my life for that. Offered my life up to that end.

But when push came to shove, I remained irresolute, returning instead to an imperfect half-vampire, half-human sham. In Tsukihi’s case, however, she didn’t even have an original human state she could revert to.

Tsukihi Araragi had always been in the aberration column. As a human, she was a sham from the outset.

“I thought I was supposed to be like a phoenix to the flame─but really it was you, Tsukihi.”

A fake family─an imitation sister. Without even being conscious of it, simply by existing, Tsukihi had been deceiving us all this time…

“Uhn…”

I kissed Tsukihi on her sleeping lips.

“What the heck are you doing?!”

Her eyes flew open.

Just like Sleeping Beauty in the fairy tale─immediately shoving the prince (i.e. me) off her as hard as she could and sending him flying from the top bunk was where the stories diverged.

Tsukihi bolted up with a start and began scrubbing at her lips frantically, nearly in tears.

“I-I can’t believe it! I-It’s a lie! My first kiss! The kiss I was saving for Rosokuzawa!”

“Heh…the same reaction as Karen.”

“The same… Wait! You mean…”

You did the same thing to Karen?!

With that anguished cry, Tsukihi glared down at me on the floor where she had tossed me. Her eyes were brimming with tears.

Drooping, tearful eyes were some crazy peepers.

“I knew things were funny lately between Karen and Mizudori, but I would have never imagined the reason why!”

“Who cares about that? The real surprise is that you and Karen reacted in the same way.”

“That’s what you care about?! What kind of big brother ruins his sisters’ love lives with stunts like this! Who cares if our reactions are the same─we’re sisters, of course we’d react the same!”

“Yeah…” Of course. Because─they were sisters. “Haha… Ahahaha!”

I couldn’t hold it in. I burst into full-throated laughter without meaning to…

Without missing a beat, Tsukihi snarled, “What’s so funny?! What kind of person steals his little sisters’ first kisses and then laughs about it?! A hamster is more principled than you! It wasn’t an accident either, was it?! You were clearly aiming straight for my lips! I bet you attacked Karen in her sleep, too!!”

“No, you’ve got it all wrong. I kissed you in your sleep, but I kissed Karen while she was too sick to fight back.”

“That’s terrible! Listen up, neighbors, we’ve got a real degenerate here! The kind of low-life miscreant who sexually abuses his own family!”

“Come on, don’t be like that. I’ll explain everything to Rosokuzawa and Mizudori.”

“Oh, thank goodness. Now I can rest easy. Once my brother explains things─I’ll never see my boyfriend again!”

“Hahahaha.”

“I thought I asked you what was so funny! Is our heartbreak so hilarious to you?! Does it just fill you with delight?!”

“No, I was actually just thinking about how I didn’t feel anything when I kissed you.”

“Huh?”

“It didn’t make me happy, or make my heart flutter in my chest, or anything like that.” Which was all I needed to know. I got off my ass and stood up slowly. “You really are my little sister.”

“Huh?”

Tsukihi stared at me suspiciously. She seemed to have no idea what I was talking about─the disturbance at our front door must have been completely wiped from her memory. I guess that made sense since her brain had been blast away, too─how convenient.

Better if she forgot.

Not just about the blond Lolita. The less she knew about those other two shady individuals, the better.

Or about who she really was.

A fake or real, she was still my little sister.

There was nothing─uncanny about it.

“Tsukihi, did I ever tell you there was a time when I wasn’t your big brother?”

“…? What do you mean?”

“There was a time when I wasn’t Karen’s big brother, either. For the first three years after I was born, I was an only child, and for the next year after that, it was just me and Karen. I had to wait four years to become your big brother.”

“Well─okay.”

Tsukihi seemed confused.

It was only to be expected.

Even under the best of circumstances, this wasn’t exactly the kind of conversation a person was used to waking up to─and after the wakeup Tsukihi had gotten, asking her to process everything I was saying was probably asking for the impossible.

I continued, regardless. I was only saying all of this because I wanted to get it off my chest.

“The thing, though, Tsukihi, is that Tsukihi Araragi was always my little sister, from the moment she was born. My little sister, and Karen’s too. There hasn’t been a single moment where that wasn’t true.”

“……”

“A kiss with me doesn’t count. That’s part of being brothers and sisters, all right? Just think of how many times I promised to marry you and Karen while we were still little kids.”

That would have been polygamy, of course, I noted.

Tsukihi pouted, unhappy that I’d stirred up ancient history. “What does way back then have to do with anything? You think you can distract me so easily?” Averting her eyes, she muttered, “You’re making me dagnabbit mad…”

If I recalled correctly─that meant she was only a bit mad.

Not that I cared.

“Hahaha,” I laughed again, telling Tsukihi she should get a little more sleep─and exited my sisters’ room.

She probably didn’t even know why she was asleep so early in the evening. Perhaps compelled by my peremptory tone, she nodded with uncharacteristic docility.

Next I returned to the front door.

I guess Karen had changed her mind while I was upstairs, because she was no longer sitting in the doorway. Instead, she was standing at stiff attention like some mythical gatekeeper.

She could be very capricious.

From the front gate to the front door, the whole entrance to our house was in shambles. And now there was some crazy person standing watch. What was happening around here?

What was up with our family?

“Hey, Karen. I’m going to head out for a little while.”

“Mrr! Brother or not, none shall pass!”

“You’re turning into a weird character, you know…”

“If you want to defeat this, you’re gonna have to pass through me first!”

“I can pass through you?”

What did that mean exactly? What would count as passing through her?

Looks like the words got switched around.

Besides, if I defeated the doorway, our house wouldn’t be half-wrecked anymore, it could totally collapse.

“Ah, forgive me, forgive me. This is a great time to try out that new gag you taught me the other day,” Karen said as if she’d just remembered something.

She used the stoop of our entryway to bend over into a fairly difficult-looking upside-down bridge position, supporting her weight on her neck.

“If you want to pass, you’re gonna have to defeat me first!”

“Bwahahahaha!”

Uhm…sorry.

Something about that gag cracked me up every time.

“Uhn…”

I reached out and honked Karen’s chest, which was emphasized by the bridge position.

Hey, stop touching your little sisters’ breasts so much!

“Ghakk!”

To judge from her reaction, she’d suffered critical damage.

She went head over heel across the front hall like she’d been electrocuted. Tumbling full circle, she stood back up with a dauntless grin.

“Hmph. You have defeated me, well done! You have passed the first test!”

“This skit isn’t over?”

“The second gatekeeper will not be so easy… Indeed! Prepare to be shocked, for he is our older brother!”

“I don’t have an older brother.” Just two little sisters, I said, shoving past Karen and slipping on my shoes.

“Boo! Come on, play along, Koyomi. You should have said, ‘Th-That can’t be! My brother died five years ago, protecting me!’ I’m doing my part here looking after the entrance like you said, okay?”

“I don’t recall asking you to monitor it like some character out of a boys’ manga. Just watch for people going out and coming in.”

“Out and in, huh? Hurrm. Out and in? Out and in, did you say? How can they go out before they’ve come in? If they don’t come in first, they can’t go out!”

“……”

She was getting on my nerves, but since I didn’t have an answer to that, I just ignored her. If Hanekawa was here, I’m sure she would have had a good response.

“Well, I’m going out, so let me through.”

“Heheh. I might let you, but when you return, are you sure you’ll be able to get back in?”

“You better let me in.”

Did she have a brain attached to her shoulders or was that just a watermelon?

“Hold on, though, going out where?” she asked me. “I thought you were supposed to be studying? You’ve got exams, young man!”

“Since when are you my boss? Anyway, umm…I have to go buy a study-aid.”

“Huh. Well then, godspeed.”

Karen had accepted one of my lies without the slightest suspicion again.

No wonder she got played by Kaiki… This went way beyond simply trusting her big brother.

Maybe I’d been wrong all along. Maybe Karen was even more loyal to me than Kanbaru was.

What a scary thought.

“Karen?”

“Yes?”

“We talked about this before, but what do you think justice is?”

“Being just. What else?”

“I see. Then what is the enemy of justice?”

“Hrm? Evil, naturally. Like that ominous dirtbag from the other day.”

“Yes, you’re right.” She was right. Karen’s straightforward answer elicited a nod from me. “But obvious villains like Kaiki are a minority. It’s hard to be so confirmed in your evil. Most people couldn’t be a scoundrel without some aesthetic or rationale. They end up establishing their own notions of what’s just.”

Deishu Kaiki was an exception among exceptions.

A fake among fakes.

While he did give voice to his views, he never once tried to assert their legitimacy. Indeed─he was anything but shy when it came to assuming the mantle of evil.

No matter what names Karen and Senjogahara called him, he never once tried to suggest that you had no one else to blame for being a sucker.

“So you see, broadly speaking─the enemy of justice is a different justice.”

“……”

“War is an excellent example. The Fire Sisters’ justice, too, is the enemy of justice from someone else’s point of view─as long as we insist on our own justness, there’s no telling when, or for what reason, we’ll wind up becoming an enemy of justice.”

The world wasn’t built on such simple binary oppositions─it was more complicated. It was freakier than that.

During spring break, during Golden Week, I learned that until I was sick of it.

I was still learning. It was a lifelong lesson.

“Karen. It can be hard to know the right time to say ‘cheating,’ don’t you agree? I know that you hate cheaters, and I don’t intend to affirm cheating. But when you think about it, being strong is like ‘cheating’ for the weak, and being weak is like ‘cheating’ for the strong. Strength can equal weakness. And being just is like ‘cheating’ for the unjust and evil. In which case only evil─isn’t cheating.”

Strength can be a weapon. Weakness, too, can be a weapon.

As for being just─it was a lethal weapon.

Only evil, the supposed polar opposite of justice─bravely came to the fight empty-handed.

“Surefire methods are cowardly, like you said, because it’s cheating. Whether it’s rock-paper-scissors or whatever. Only evil, which is fated to lose, isn’t cowardly.”

If justice always prevails, then evil is always vanquished.

Evil never prospers. Which is precisely why─

“Sorry, Koyomi. I don’t really get it,” interrupted Karen.

I guess it was too much for her─maybe she was too young for this kind of talk.

But if she was going to pursue justice, this was a hurdle she was going to face at some point, and sooner rather than later.

I decided to put it in simpler terms─so she would understand.

“Just by living, everybody becomes somebody’s enemy at some point. That’s all I meant.”

“If that’s true…” My words seemed to have hit their mark this time─but Karen responded with a question of her own, a look of uncertainty on her face. “What do you do then?”

“Hm?”

“When you become the enemy of justice. When you’ve done nothing wrong, and think you’re actually correct, but still wind up as the enemy of justice, what should you do?”

“If you can answer that question─you’re a defender of justice.”

I wouldn’t know, though, I shrugged my shoulders.

Maybe that didn’t cut it at all, after I’d put her on the spot. Maybe I was just taking things out on her with my line of questioning.

Hanekawa had actually told me as much once. It was during Golden Week.

─Araragi… You might become a star, but you could never become a hero.

It was harsh, but she was right.

What Hanekawa said─was always correct.

I was no defender of justice.

I wasn’t on the humans’ side, and I wasn’t on the aberrations’ side.

I was only on my sisters’ side.

An ordinary, dime-a-dozen big brother.

“All right then, off I go. Guard this place. Don’t let anyone in.”

“Just leave it to me! I am Karen Araragi, my brother’s orders are absolute!” Karen threw her head back and beat a fist against her chest. “For it is my brother who inspired the hatred of evil that burns in my heart, my brother who instilled in me the love of justice!”

“That’s a nasty responsibility…” I didn’t know how to respond other than to grimace and tell her no thanks.

She clearly wasn’t influenced by me.

Neither she nor Tsukihi were.

“Ah… I almost forgot. If Tsukihi wakes up while I’m gone, don’t let her out. She literally doesn’t go out or come in. Knock her out with a sleeper hold if you have to.”

“Aye, aye, sir!”

Why was she accepting my terrible order to choke out her sister? Karen wasn’t about absolute obedience so much as the type to just go ahead and do things out of sheer momentum.

Scary, scary.

Casting one last sidelong glance at her, I toed up my bicycle’s kickstand, straddled the seat, and began pedaling─I pointed the handles in the exact opposite direction of the bookstore, of course.

I was heading toward that ruined cram school building I knew so well─the name of which, as I had learned just today, was Eikow Cram School.

It was where Mèmè Oshino had once set up camp.

And now the onmyoji.

An expert on immortal aberrations─the aberration roller.

Yozuru Kagenui and Yotsugi Ononoki were based there.

“My lord, ye are going, then.”

Now that I noticed─before I’d even noticed, Shinobu was riding in my bicycle’s front basket in the reverse ET position.

While I was waiting for Karen to come home, the sun had set─in other words, the hour of aberrations was now upon us, when the moon shone bright and impudent in the sky.

It was Shinobu’s hour.

When night fell, her eyes sprang open, alert regardless of whether she’d been awake or asleep during the day. It was a testament to the fact that she was a monster and not an organism─even with her schedule all mixed up, she wasn’t about to sleep the night away.

Hence, her eyes─those golden irises of hers sparkled, more full of life than ever.

Not alive─but still full of life.

“Yes, I’m going.”

“Where? To do what?”

“To them. To fight.”

“For what?”

“For my sister.”

“And what will this gain thee?”

“Nothing. I lose a bit of time, that’s all.”

That was just our usual silly banter─I don’t care how many anime or live-action adaptations they were going to make, they’d never make a serious character out of me.

If a situation seemed dubious and inequitable─well, you just kept dividing by seven.

“I see.” Shinobu gave a nod. She looked somehow satisfied. “If ye choose to fight, there is aught I can do─after all, should thou perish, I too must share in that fate. I have no choice, then. For my own safety, I must join thee in thy fight.”

“You mean you’re going to help me?”

“But let me be clear, I disdain doing so─I find this odious, but I have no choice. I care not what becomes of thy littler kinswoman. I am only helping thee out of self-interest, to protect myself.”

“Your tsundere is so annoying,” I said─with a chuckle. “Ha, I thought you wanted to die? Whatever happened to you being the suicidal vampire?”

“Hmph. That was my original characterization, I’ve moved past that now. Nor am I taciturn now as I was in the middle act. I am a regular donut-loving mascot now.”

She didn’t even sound self-deprecating. Sarcastic, flippant─but optimistic, if anything.

“’Twas Tsukihi, correct?”

“Huh?”

“Thy littler kinswoman’s name.”

“Ah… I can’t believe you remembered it. You never remember human names.”

“Well, after hearing it rehearsed so incessantly… Not that I can distinguish her from other humans as a result─hmph. And ’tis a fine name.”

“A fine name? How so?”

“The tsuki means moon. This pleases me. The sun is my enemy─but the moon offers many boons. Mayhap this would be a good opportunity to return those favors.”

That is my excuse, she said─leaning back officiously in the front basket.

We hit a bump just as she did so, nearly causing us to lose balance.

“I see. Thank you.”

“Thanks are not necessary.”

“In that case, let me buy you more donuts next time. I may not be able to get you one of each, but I can probably afford to get a tray’s worth.”

“That is unnecessary. I do this only for my own sake─ergo, I will not seek any recompense.”

If ’tis a mere kindness, then I accept, Shinobu appended with a pushy, evil grin.

A ghastly smile.

She smiled like she might be an enemy of justice.

“Besides, I have my own grudge in this matter.”

“Huh? A grudge?” I asked her.

“Aye. That whelp of a maiden called me, a legendary vampire, a geriatric─I wish to teach her who she is dealing with.”