Monogatari Series - Volume 31 - Chapter 1

Hitagi Buffet

Senjougahara and I saw each other every day at school, so it was only rarely that we went to the trouble of meeting up on Sundays. But on that Sunday, at noon, more specifically, I had promised to meet her.

The reason for this was a ticket for a cake buffet that she had received from her father, which was only valid on this Sunday, and so she had suddenly proposed that we meet up and put it to use. The location was a sweets café, which, in order to maintain its dignified “out of reach for commoners” air, did not engage in such barbarous acts as having all-you-can-eat buffets. However, as a special event to celebrate the anniversary of their store opening, they were having a cake buffet just for one day.

Now, I had worried that this buffet might have donuts somewhere in the lineup, in which case there was the possibility that Shinobu would come creeping out of my shadow to snatch them up, but she’d never appeared in front of Senjougahara before, and she didn’t seem to care for anything outside of Mister Donut (she doesn’t really eat human food in the first place), so I felt that it should be safe enough to attend.

Speaking of worries, though, it was hard to ignore the café decorations that made it difficult for any young man to enter the building, but I would simply have to endure that.

If the decorations were a form of harassment from Senjougahara, then it was a very minor form of harassment compared to other things she had done. The store had a wide variety of cakes, all of which were more delicious than any I’d tasted before, so I quickly got over my qualms about the store’s appearance.

Mm. Truly delicious.

It was amazing what could be tolerated if it was paired with delicious food. Humans truly are creatures who are controlled by their hunger.

Well, I supposed that was also true of vampires.

“Senjougahara. Have you gotten fat?”

And then…

In a short lull in my eating, I suddenly voiced aloud the thought that drifted into my mind.

I haven’t watched any comedy shows in a while, but what happened next was like a scene taken straight from one of them. Just as comedians love to throw pies in each other's faces for an easy laugh, I suddenly found a shortcake flying straight for my face.

It wasn’t clear if they had made them just for the day to facilitate customers eating a lot or if they always used that design, but the shortcake that was traveling through the air towards my head was not the typical size of a shortcake but instead a miniaturized version. And, fortunately for me, that small size allowed me to avoid getting my face or clothes dirty by catching the confection cleanly in my mouth.

Now that’s a very direct way of eating.

“Hm? Did you say something, Araragi-kun?”

Senjougahara’s pupils were dilated.

She was terrifyingly expressionless.

“Girls do not get fat.”

“Huh…? Is that so?”

“That’s right. We simply increase.”

She took her fork in hand and, as if to spite me, began to quickly eat the cakes that were arranged on the table, starting from the edge and working her way inward.

“Do not think of it as getting fat; think of it as growing.”

“…”

That was quite a stretched interpretation.

“If I keep eating like this, eventually there will be two of me.”

“That sounds altogether terrifying.”

That was a terrifying way to think of it, but the thought of a second Senjougahara was also terrifying.

“And you’re too thin to start with, so gaining even a little bit of weight shows really easily.”

“Don’t say that my weight shows.”

She held her fork like a weapon.

Pointed toward me, her boyfriend.

... But, not too long ago, Senjougahara would have thrown her fork at me from the start instead of lobbing a cake at me, so viewed through that lens, she had become a much gentler person.

I wouldn’t say that she’d become softer, not with our current conversation topic.

“You really have no delicacy at all to bring up a girl’s weight in conversation, Araragi-kun.”

“Mm.”

She wasn’t wrong there.

I suppose that I simply wanted to poke at her a bit after watching her eat cake after cake without stopping to look at me or even her cup of tea. She was being so shameless and expressionless that I couldn’t help but want to make her react in some way.

In short, it made me want to tease her.

“Although I must admit that I have gained a bit of weight recently.”

“Oh, so you really have.”

I thought that maybe I had been imagining it.

Maybe I was fairly perceptive after all.

“Yes. To be more specific, I’ve gained about five kilos.”

“Isn’t that a lot?!”

Five kilos!

That’s how much her entire body weighed during the whole crab incident!

In that sense, she really had grown enough to have a second Senjougahara.

“It’s fine, isn’t it? 3D movies are all the rage nowadays.”

“I don’t know about that. I don’t think that means people want to see stomachs protruding over belts.”

"Oh, shut up. Or I’ll make your guts pop out.”

Flying visceral fat.

I don’t want to see that in 3D.

Hmm.

She didn’t look to have gained that much weight… Or, rather, she didn’t look to have grown that much.

“Maybe you should go back to running track? You’re not maintaining your figure.”

“Mm.”

Senjougahara hated to talk about the past, especially middle school, but she must have agreed with me to some degree because she didn’t argue and instead looked thoughtful.

“Well, if I were to make some excuse…”

She began to speak while still eating cake.

“It wasn’t until recently that I was able to eat my fill of the things that I like. I’d gone so long without even considering that possibility that now it makes me happy.”

“Hm?”

“You know, because of the crab, I didn’t have any body weight. So, much like I had to be careful with the weight of my clothing, I also had to limit how much I ate.”

Because if she ate too much, it would be too heavy.

That’s what Senjougahara was telling me.

“Aah…”

I nodded.

It made sense.

That was the reason she was so thin from the start.

Senjougahara was tall for being a girl (she was taller than myself), so even if she did gain five kilos, in reality, she might still be underweight for a girl of her height.

“Being able to eat until my stomach is full of things that I like, it’s nice. I can really feel that I like it.”

Senjougahara said, repeating herself.

“When I can feel that I like something, it feels like I’m being saved by it. I’m a person who has made all kinds of mistakes, but if I can at least recognize that something wonderful is wonderful, then I feel like I can forgive myself.”

“Forgive yourself—”

Being saved by it.

That… I could understand as well.

Or perhaps, more than understanding, I could sympathize.

Or maybe it’s the other way around.

Maybe only people like myself and Senjougahara could be saved and forgiven by finding something to love.

“People like to speak negatively when they talk about people who are ‘in love with being in love’, whether it applies to people, hobbies, or whatever… but I want to know what’s wrong with that?”

Only someone who has never hated themselves would say such a thing—that is what she was saying.

“You might be right there. … But I don’t think that excuses you for overindulging in cake. Moderation in all things.”

“You’re right.”

She didn’t stop eating.

The Senjougahara family wasn’t exactly wealthy, so she was possibly simply wanting to eat as much as she could while she had this fleeting chance.

I’d already said something indelicate before, but in my opinion, girls who were a bit plump were cute, so I thought she could stand to gain another two kilos.

“Maybe I should go jogging with Kanbaru.”

“I wouldn’t if I were you. Her diet techniques are not something for any normal person to try.”

“By the way, you’ve been eating quite a lot of cake yourself, Araragi-kun. Just to let you know, Araragi-kun, I will not hesitate for a second to break up with you if your BMI goes above 20.”

“Isn’t that a bit harsh?”

A BMI of 20? That’s stricter than a person with metabolic syndrome.

“Well, I don’t think either of us has to worry about that.”

“Oh? You’re certainly confident. Why is that?”

“Well, I only just realized it recently, but I guess you could call it a perk of my vampire physiology. Vampires are always in their peak physical form, so even if I gain some weight, my body will naturally go right back to being its ideal weight. Basically, I can’t get fat.”

Clang.

Senjougahara dropped her fork.

I’d never seen such a shocked expression on her face before.

Her position as an expressionless character was collapsing.

“W—Well, it’s just a side effect. It’s not like I can lose weight as well as Kanbaru. I’m sure I could get fat to some degree. So it doesn’t change that I’m jealous of her—Senjougahara-san?”

“How enviable…”

She was staring at me so intently.

“I cannot acknowledge such an unfair ability… How dare you look down on my weight gain while you’ve got a physiology like that…”

“W—Wait, I didn’t say anything negative about you?”

“Alright, fine then. Just watch. Unlike you, Araragi-kun, who relies on help from an aberration, I will show you what a true human is capable of. I will lose every gram of weight that I’ve gained. I, Senjougahara Hitagi, declare the commencement of my rapid weight loss plan.”

“R—Rapid weight loss plan…”

So it wasn’t just a diet? It seemed a bit overly dramatic.

“Yes. As soon as I’m done eating here, I’ll put my plan into action!”

And with that, she began to eat the cakes with her bare hands (as she had dropped her fork). She ate with incredible vigor, even eating the cakes that I had selected for myself.

While I was a bit concerned about her determination to eat every single cake that she could get her hands on, I felt no desire to rain on her parade any further as I watched the expressionless Senjougahara stuff herself with happiness just as she stuffed herself with a variety of spongy and sweet cakes.

If Senjougahara was happy, then that made me happy without even needing to eat the cake myself.

I thought today was the best day.

… By the way, as a bit of an epilogue, I will announce that Senjougahara really did join Kanbaru in her training, and she did indeed lose weight in a comically short period of time.

Her determination was definitely not something to scoff at.