Monogatari Series - Volume 30 - Chapter 1.21

021

Though I was prepared for it, the words spoken were harsher than I had anticipated, and there was no doubt it had added fuel to the confusion, if not made the situation worse.

Possibly because I was deep in thought in front of the Sleeping Cat, I found myself more deeply engrossed than usual. From a distance, one might think I was genuinely moved by Hidari Jingorou’s sculpture, but from the perspective of someone who had read the guidebook, I could just as easily be the object of ridicule, not even knowing whether the sculpture was crafted by Hidari Jingorou, let alone if he really existed. It made me feel embarrassment deep within.

The truth is, whoever created it, whatever master sculptor with the seeming ability to bring the work to life—whether or not they actually existed—is somewhat beside the point. What’s important is that, in the context of a work attracting literally droves of people like a bustling marketplace, one should understand that it’s imbued with commensurate emotions.

Though I’d like to say the same of the Killing Stone as well, its lack of touristy development only adds to its eerie charm—it was anything but ordinary.

In any case, my impulsive musings on this allowed me, for once, to think deeply and grow from the experience; enlightened and made aware of a new perspective. Real or not, I owe my gratitude to Hidari Jingorou.

For sure.

Though I’m older now and not so quick to wholly agree and comply with everything the braided, glasses-wearing class president advises, I must also weigh the ethics of giving up on adopting a little girl vampire.

I’m not as quick as a fox in choosing ethical considerations over modern society.

Instead of giving up, let’s rethink the approach.

Once more, from the beginning.

How about we make up for what we couldn’t do during spring break—instead of thinking about ways for everyone to be unhappy, let’s consider how we could bring happiness to all.

Otherwise, there’s no point in growing older.

I managed to turn twenty-four, looping my third year of high school, graduating, entering college, getting a job, moving to the US, and getting married. All of this was done so that I could accomplish things that were impossible when I was seventeen or eighteen.

It’s about seizing the moment and doing what can only be done now.

There are dates that only an updated version of myself can be up to.

“So, Shinobu, I’m sorry, but I’ll need you to bear with me a little longer. We need to come face-to-face. I’m not finished talking with you yet.”

Not fully sharing my perceptions with Shinobu, we had already started on the roadmap for our honeymoon and our family life. That was, to begin with, the root of the problem. We became so inseparable before we even united our names that, in a way, I had treated her carelessly… If I wanted to adopt my slave as my daughter, I should have loved her like one first.

Just as every donut hole is part of the donut, so too is a large wound.

At some point, it had become a part of me.

No matter how fresh or painful the wound, it eventually becomes an old scar, and there’s no point in regretting it.

“Or maybe treating you as family was already too casual, but if we keep considering and exploring our options, there might just be a way for you to become Araragi Shinobu while keeping your wish intact. If you want, we could even ask the marriage deity over there…”

Hmm… No response.

She should hear me calling out to her, even while asleep.

I was trying to say good things, but in the end, were they only ever the same off-target remarks I always seem to make?

Was I exasperating her?

“Shinobu… hey, Shinobu?”

I felt ignored—or more precisely, as if Shinobu’s presence in my shadow had become completely invisible. Amid the pouring rain, I crouched down and touched the ground, bewildered.

“…….”

I couldn’t sense her.

I could still feel the authority of Tokugawa Ieyasu… that he gave the command to build Nikko Toshogu Shrine is a historical fact, I think. In an uncertain world where I don’t know what to believe, still, one thing is certain: since who knows when, the blonde vampire who was supposed to reside in my shadow has been conspicuously absent. I couldn’t wait for her to reply anymore.

Could it be that while I was concentrating on my inner conversation with Hanekawa—while my eyes were closed at the sleeping cat—she had snuck away under my nose? It would have been an easy escape.

But where to? And why?

“No way—”

I had no clue where she might be. As I stood up and looked around, if she were to blend into the crowd with her small physique, there’s no way I’d be able to find her. But, as for why she would do it, I can think of one possibility. 

This had happened once before.

In my third year of high school, on the day before the culture festival.

“—Maybe Shinobu-chan went on a journey to find herself?”

Not again.