Monogatari Series - Volume 30 - Chapter 1.09

009

“Well, well, I never thought I’d see the day when I could accompany the esteemed Araragi-senpai and the beloved Senjougahara-senpai on their honeymoon! There can be no greater honor! Oh, dear me, I seem to have let my excitement get the better of me. That’s right, she’s no longer Senjougahara-senpai—she’s the beloved Araragi-senpai! The honeymoon of the esteemed Araragi-senpai and the beloved Araragi-senpai!”

“Sharing a surname in marriage is trickier than I thought, especially for someone as inflexible as you. Uh, if Hitagi is trying to force her senpai persona on you just to have you tag along, please let me know before she arrives? I’ll say something on your behalf.”

Descending from the mountain after seeking the guidance of the local deity, I made my way towards the rendezvous point—the Kanbaru residence. There at the entrance, I was greeted by my lively high school junior who was waiting with great anticipation.

As a medical student aspiring to be a sports doctor, she was wearing a white coat over her tracksuit—a rather inappropriate attire for a honeymoon, but then again, this wasn’t Kanbaru’s honeymoon.

By the way, when she served as a bridesmaid at our wedding, she had worn a pure white tuxedo-like outfit, stealing the spotlight not from the bride but from the groom instead.

Since retiring from the basketball team, she had grown her hair out a bit, but now it looked shorter, not quite a buzz cut, but shorter than when we first met. Well, being in the medical field, even as a student, was a bit more demanding than playing sports, I guess.

“Hmph, what do you think you’re saying, Araragi-senpai? I’ve always dreamed of attending a party to bid farewell to your single lives ever since high school, and here you are testing me.”

“Planning such a thing since high school, huh…”

“Surpassing my dream, I am elated and surprised to be whisked away on your honeymoon. Speaking of surprises, I always thought you two would certainly get married, but I never expected you to become an FBI agent!”

“It’s quite a surprise that you’re aiming to be a doctor yourself… umm, medical school takes six years, right?”

“Yes, I’m graduating the year after next, so it’s the perfect timing for me as well. There couldn’t be a better timing for joining the two of you on your trip. It must be a reward from the gods.”

“I met that god just now. She says she’ll pray for clear skies over Tochigi, all the way from a far-off mountain.”

Well, I don’t think a snail god can control the weather—but it did provide me with some comfort. At the very least, it cleared away one of my doubts.

“Hehe, to think of going to Senjougahara with Araragi-senpai, that’s an idea that could only come from you, Araragi-senpai. I’m truly impressed.”

“Hm…? Did you mean Hitagi by the first Araragi-senpai?”

“Who else would there be?”

“Won’t you call her Hitagi-senpai?”

“I could never presume to do something so bold.”

Ah, flexibility, it seems we’ve got none of that around here.

Whether coming of age or reuniting, it seems it’s always going to be a bit complicated dealing with a junior who’s climbed aboard the bandwagon. It was endearing, but that didn’t make it any less convoluted.

“Speaking of which, you and Hitagi were quite a convoluted pair, as well. When you were known the Senjougahara and Kanbaru—uh, what was it called again?”

“The Valhalla Duo. I hope you don’t forget it—it’s a treasured memory of mine.”

“Sorry—though I have to say it was a title you came up with yourself. I wanted to forget that origin. In hindsight, could Tochigi Prefecture’s Senjougahara have been similar to Valhalla?”

It was completely different since it was a battleground for gods, but the imagery seems somewhat close. At the very least, they both shared elements of mythology.

“Hmm. In middle school, I knew about Valhalla but not about the Senjougahara battlefield. If I had known about it, I might’ve called ourselves the Senjougahara Duo.”

“Your involvement would be lost if you did that… Although it’s interesting to think about it, your name does include the word ‘god’; it somehow suits you as the master of the North Shirahebi Shrine, rather than Hachikuji.”

“I wanted to become a doctor more than a god.”

It’s quite incredible how resolutely she put it.

I could never say that I became a police officer, an FBI agent, or even a college student simply because I wanted to.

“To become an FBI agent without even wanting to be one only highlights the extraordinariness of you, Araragi-senpai. But then, why Washington?”

“It was supposed to be for Hitagi, but things have a way of not going as planned. We ended up being a married but separate couple for a while after tying the knot.”

“That’s quite like Araragi-senpai too.”

“Which Araragi-senpai are you talking about?”

“I meant Araragi-senpai.”

Ah, it’s hard to tell… The distinction couldn’t be made through wordplay or different intonations. How does the world conduct itself in this matter? When two old acquaintances get married, how do they differentiate between each other? 

“Even if I were to take on the Senjougahara family name, it wouldn’t save me from this confusion. What do you think about this, Kanbaru? Since your mother is Gaen-san’s sister, you could have been Gaen Suruga, right?” 

“Who knows? After all, my parents eloped, so now, even whether they officially registered their marriage is questionable.”

“Could that really be the case?”

“Although I did introduce her as Kanbaru Tooe, it’s not like I personally looked into my family’s official records when I was just an elementary schooler. However, for Mom, considering the circumstances, she might have wanted to change my last name—to cut ties with the Gaen family.”

“Ah, yeah, Gaen-san’s family is a complicated one.”

“To be honest, it’s difficult for me to answer the question, ‘What if I were Gaen Suruga?’ Regardless, if it had not been for the Kanbaru family taking me in after my parents passed away in an accident, I wouldn’t be who I am today.”

I see…

More than just a name, it symbolized her identity. If the term family unity encompassed such things, it was indeed difficult to dismiss outright. 

At the very least, completely refuting it wouldn’t be fair.

“As for the issue of couples having the same or different surnames, I don’t really have any comments to make. Personally, I’d rather see the laws regarding same-sex partnership systems put in place first. But even once that’s settled, insisting on having the same last name might seem like a joke. As I mentioned before, I do have an attachment to my own last name, Kanbaru. However, I can understand the desire to share a name with the one you love. If I were still in high school, I wouldn’t have hesitated to give up my grandparents’ name to become Senjougahara Suruga.”

Yeah.

I suppose that’s one way to think about it, and it should be respected. After all, even without being married, one might say that you should let others have their own chosen name.

I wonder if Hitagi thought about it that way too? Araragi Hitagi does have a nice ring to it, but it might have just been a playful whim.

“Suppose, there was a time in high school when you had the opportunity to become Hanekawa Koyomi, you’d have done it, wouldn’t you? Regardless of whether it led to dating or marrying later on?”

“Aah, actually, that’s right. I even wanted to become Araragi Tsubasa.”

“In a ‘wanna be like her’ way.”

“Well, I suppose in a broader sense, that’s cosplay or something like that, but there’s just something about the desire to merge with someone or something you love that’s just irresistible. You might call it fusion, or maybe assimilation—” 

Maybe that was the case even for vampires—the mechanism of being bitten and turning into a vampire through infection could be seen as similar. It was an unexplainable rationale otherwise.

“…So it’s the feeling of being legally obliged to do that which makes it less appealing, I guess. It would have been nicer if the system allowed for mixing both options, sort of like averaging the two, rather than being forced to choose one of them.”

“Something like Senjougahararagi Koyomi?”

“Divided by two.”

“Gaharagi Koyomi and Gaharagi Hitagi?”

I had only said it based on my vague knowledge of some countries being like that, but it fits surprisingly well. Gaharagi.

Even Hachikuji doesn’t stutter like that.

“If it were about you and Hitagi’s last names, you’d probably be called Valhalla Hitagi and Valhalla Suruga, right?”

“Not too bad.”

“Though I must say, there’s no vibe of a finance investor and a sports doctor in that.”

“Ah, as for you and Oshino-san, it’s gotta be Arashino Koyomi. So cool.”

“Don’t marry me off to Oshino. And the kanji would change.“

“It’d still be Arashino Koyomi if you married Shinobu-chan, though.”

“Hasn’t my sense of values been updated? I thought I reached a point where I can’t marry little girls anymore?”

Seriously though, marriage aside, what’s up with the bonds of names? It’s like the entire family system is designed to bind individuals through their names—not only aberrations

“That’s why I decided to keep the Shinobu part of her name, if I were to adopt Shinobu as a foster child of Hitagi and me.”

“Eh? A foster child?”

“Oh man, I haven’t told you. Well, I’ve been secretly working on a plan. I was thinking of discussing it in the car, actually. After all, it’s not like I can keep Shinobu in the shadows from my partner all the time we’re married.”

“Wait a moment, Araragi-senpai. Are you planning something like this without telling Araragi-senpai?”

“If you mean Hitagi by Araragi-senpai, then yes. I initially planned on making it a surprise, but I received a divine revelation to not even attempt that. So, instead, I’ve decided to casually bring it up during our car ride.”

“I’d like to offer my own divine advice as well. Although I have no intention of meddling with your marital affairs, I think both surprising her and casually mentioning it in the car are not the best ways to go about it,” she said with a stern face.

Was it her medical background that made her feel this way? It felt more like I had just been diagnosed with a serious illness.

A second opinion, huh?

“Well… then, how should I tell her? If both a surprise and a casual conversation are off the table, what do you suggest? Speaking with my eyes?”

“Just tell her there’s something important you need to discuss with her. Bring it up the same way you did when you proposed to her.”

“How did you know I proposed?”

“Well, it’s because I received a very long phone call right after it happened.”

“She hasn’t changed at all since high school, has she.”

I don’t think she was playing me up to her junior. 

But, maybe it wouldn’t be inaccurate to say the same about myself in high school. On closer observation, this also wasn’t something to be mentioned casually.

Marriage problems.

Right, because this was a problem.

When it comes to unity, wasn’t it actually downright indolent of me to have left Shinobu, who is, in a sense, one with me, inextricably linked to me, and with whom I share a common destiny, hanging in the air as we held our candlelit ceremony?

To adopt her and have her bound to my name seemed like a wise foresight, But wasn’t it also quite the hindsight, in that it had come too little too late?

After all, as someone still attending the academy, I couldn’t quite shake off my student-like mentality. Though I wasn’t a particularly studious individual, I was working in law enforcement, and such a disposition was certainly unbecoming.

“To Hitagi, it’s a bigamous marriage to begin with. The unbreakable bond of blood that exists between me and Shinobu is something she’s probably not comfortable with, which is why adopting her might be met with resistance.”

It’s easy to sweep things under the rug by saying we shouldn’t worry about it because she’s an aberration, a ghost, a sister, or a corpse. But those excuses only work until you’re out of high school, or perhaps up through the Heisei era.

“No, Araragi-senpai. As your junior, I can agree with you up to the point of considering her as a little sister. However, even high school me would be slightly bothered by a corpse. In any case, I understand there may be some things on your conscience, but surely you haven’t forgotten?”

My junior Kanbaru, a.k.a. medical student Kanbaru, was attempting to continue her diagnosis of me, the patient. But, in that instant, a loud and somewhat obnoxious car horn rang out, interrupting our contemplative debate outside the Kanbaru family gate. The honking was quite rude by city standards, but it was my dear wife responsible for the commotion.

Araragi Hitagi’s minivan—the ultimate combination of practicality and leisure—pulled up to join us. Just as I had ordered, a child seat was installed in the rear of the vehicle.

For now, we’d had to make do with a rented one, but eventually we’d invest in a custom made, heirloom-quality model that would last us a lifetime.

With a press of a button, the side door swung open, revealing that Hitagi’s car—far from the old-fashioned type she tended to favor—was completely under electronic control. At the very least, I could safely assume this vehicle wasn’t haunted, like the aforementioned corpse doll.

“Alright, let’s go, Araragi-senpai. I’ve always been excited by the prospect of glamping—a combination of camping and glamor, after all.”

“Please don’t take our glamping honeymoon so grammatically, Kanbaru-kun.” 

It seemed she had already switched gears beautifully, but I wondered what Kanbaru was going to say. Regarding the issue of adoption, there was a lingering sense of unease, but nevertheless, our two-night, three-day honeymoon trip to the lost Senjougahara was to begin.