Monogatari Series - Volume 27 - Chapter 1.23

023

“I’m sooo sorry! Koyomi-chan, I’m sooo sorry! In the end, your involvement in this went to the maximum leveeel! I didn’t want this at aaall!”

If Meniko was apologizing to me, it meant I hadn’t been able to achieve any of my goals—however, why was it that, on the way back from the university library (the only plan for today I had actually achieved in carrying out), Meniko was rushing up to me?

Had Boyfie-kun told her? No, no, Meniko should have blocked him on everything already.

“It’s making the rooounds! A picture of Koyomi-chan sitting down on campuuus! With a ‘#sittingkoyomi’ hashtaaag!”90

“‘#sittingkoyomi’!?”

Weren’t they just making fun of me?

It seemed someone was about as clever as that elementary school fifth-grader.

“No need to worry. When I get serious, I can’t get captured on camera.”

“I-it’s true that the image was a bit blurry, I gueeess?”

Even in the midst of her confusion, Meniko was battering at my body with her palms—I was wondering what emotion that was supposed to be portraying, but it seemed she was just checking to make sure I hadn’t been harmed. I got that she was just concerned for me, but why such a violent physical examination…?

What if I had actually been hurt?

I’d totally thought you were a laid-back girl, unfazed by anything.

“Don’t worry. It was an extremely peaceful conversation with Boyfie-kun.”

“Are you suuure? Boyfie-kun was also kind of blurry in the pictuuure, so doesn’t that mean Boyfie-kun was serious, toooo?”

Hm… The whole thing about getting serious was meant to be a joke, but maybe it was something like that. If Boyfie-kun—if he were acting under orders from the ayamarei.

#4. Chain of command.

“Then maybe it’s spirit photography that’s making the rounds…”

“But anyway, I’m sooo sorry! I didn’t want to cause this much trouble for youuu! Please don’t hate meee! I don’t want to lose my closest frieeend! I’m even okay with letting you night-crawl upon me, as long as it’s just ooonce!”

“That wouldn’t make us friends anymore!”

“Will you forgive meee?”

“I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you.”

“Thank goodneeess.”

Meniko had nearly been in tears, but she suddenly gave me a wide grin—what a relief. I was plenty exhausted after dealing with Boyfie-kun, so if Round Two were to begin with Meniko here, even I would want to hold back—or at least, those were just my idle complaints. But more importantly, if even Meniko had started to show symptoms of apology poisoning, the hypothesis I’d built up like a stack of building blocks would collapse.

It wasn’t as broad as five hypotheses, much less thirteen hypotheses… The number of hypotheses someone of my caliber could come up with was no more than one.

And that single hypothesis had just narrowly avoided collapse… Heaven forbid.

“Sooo? How did you end up driving away Boyfie-kun, or rather, Ex-Boyfie-kun, anywaaay?”

“I just had a heart-to-heart with him. Thinking about it, that was what I’d been taught from the start.”

“Taaaught? From whooo?”

“From a Hawaiian-shirt guy.”

In fact, that Hawaiian-shirt guy had said this.

If we can’t talk, there’s only war.

In that sense, was it more dangerous for me, or for Boyfie-kun?—it was asymmetric warfare.

Although, I could say that there was a golden-haired young girl, who could even destroy the world if something happened to me, sharpening her fangs in my shadow, so perhaps calling it a life-or-death negotiation was not an exaggeration.

But anyway, how much should I tell Meniko now?—I didn’t want to connect Meniko to Hitagi or Oikura, but I’d only begun looking into this after having run into those three similar instances…

However, after having faced off with Boyfie-kun today, there were still individual characteristics that each case held. In Senjougahara Hitagi’s case, her apology was given with a calmness that reminded me of her past composure, and in Oikura’s case, it was just that her words had become the exact opposite, and she displayed the same hysteria that I was used to seeing—Boyfie-kun’s theatrical emotions were different in type and tendency from the other two.

Even if they receive the same command.

The pattern could change based on the person carrying it out, huh?

It wasn’t as though those people had become oddities themselves…

Well, there was still something like that… Because I’d experienced Hitagi and Oikura in advance—in other words, because I’d undergone that tough special training in advance—I was able to lay a decent foundation against Boyfie-kun, even if it had been a surprise attack.

Not to mention, there was also the fact that it was harder when it was someone I knew.

“Well, there’s no need to worry anymore.”

After much indecision, I ended up just telling her the conclusion—I was reluctant to keep secrets from my friend, but I decided to just make myself look cool here.

That was the kind of guy I was.

“Boyfie-kun probably won’t show himself to you ever again.”

“...? Is that sooo?”

Meniko was giving me a doubtful look, but she didn’t inquire any further—that sense of distance made her seem like a college girl who’d never had her boyfriend be the one to break things off.

Though if it were me, I’d be clinging to them.

“Apparently, he’s already quit the club, too. Perhaps there might be some near-misses on campus or in class, but he’ll ignore you. Boyfie-kun and I made that promise between men.”

“So I’ll be ignooored, huuuh.”

Meniko made an expression as though that in itself was regrettable, but she said, “Well, that’s fiiine. I only thought for a little bit that I wanted him to quit the university entirelyyy.”

Apparently, she’d only thought that for a little bit. Well, that was understandable.

“But a promise between men, huuuh? That’s pretty cooool.”

“That’s right. Araragi Koyomi is pretty cool.”

Although the true state was the complete opposite.

Araragi Koyomi was only trying to look cool, so he couldn’t actually be cool, and before that, Boyfie-kun and I had not even made a promise between men—after thoroughly talking it out and listening to everything Boyfie-kun had to say, in the end, I couldn’t say everything was resolved with that.

It may have been peaceful, but what was actually established was a brute-force peace treaty.

That couldn’t be called a promise.

That—was a command.

“And that’s what makes it #4. Chain of command, I suppose? Basically, if they’ll take orders from one person, they’ll take orders from another.”

“? What are you talking abooout?”

“The Three Laws of Robotics or something.”

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and an oddity for an oddity.

And a command for a command—though it wasn’t like I had a strategy.

However, I’d laid the foundation—returning to my hometown that day and speaking with Ougi-chan by chance was a mighty fine play that would otherwise have been unthinkable for me.

The idea that Boyfie-kun or Hitagi or Oikura were being forced to apologize by some external influence was an idea that could have never come from me—even if it was rooted in an oddity, I would only have been able to link that thread to the hypothesis that it came from their own reasoning. For better or for worse, I had too much faith in the individuals’ own wills. You could even say it was the flip side of them being weak-willed.

That was my mistake.

Thus, I was weak.

However, if Boyfie-kun and the others were lacking in the “self” that was needed for #2. Self-punishing tendencies or #3. Self-sacrifice, when continuing to repeat their apologies, then it would be meaningless no matter how much persuading or heart-to-hearts there were—because their hearts were openly empty91, and what really needed persuading was the puppetmaster pulling the strings behind them.

Those threads were rooted to a different location.

“Are you talking about AI, theeen? Like, how would a computer respond if given a command that contradicts an earlier ooone?”

It was a little outside of her area of expertise, but it seemed it was something Meniko had thought about: “Usuallyyy, the later command would take precedence, riiight,” she said.

“The law where going second is superiooor. It’s not a very versatile one, thooough. But, is that really the case? What if it simply adhered to the first command, insteaaad?”

“You can also give it the command to ignore commands from anyone else—but, well, even if it seems stubborn, it’s actually pretty flexible.”

Well, rather than flexible, it was simple because it was stubborn.

Since Boyfie-kun had exhausted himself to his limits after that thorough discussion, it was true that it had been the best possible timing (the stamina of a vampire was inexhaustible), but even if not for that, I’m sure my “command” would still have been accepted.

After all—it was the royal edict of a king.

The King of Oddities.

“...But this kind of thing probably wouldn’t work against Hitagi or Oikura. It probably wouldn’t be structured so that they’ll accept commands from the target of the apology.”

Ultimately, it was because I was a completely unrelated third party in the problem between Meniko and Boyfie-kun that I could give that “command”—plus, even though I didn’t want to worry Meniko any more, this couldn’t be a fundamental solution.

In the end, it was just a temporary solution, like palliative care.

I had only succeeded in overwriting the input, but if Boyfie-kun were to receive another command from #4. Chain of command, then we’d be right back where we started, a pointless back-and-forth.

The overwriting would be overwritten.

It may have been a command using the name of the iron-blooded, hot-blooded, cold-blooded vampire, but if anything, it was the authority of a mere shadow of that… In the sense that I was riding on the coattails of an authority with no real backing, there would be no second chance for me.

Ougi-chan had said as much.

Not even a vampire could contend against the ayamarei.

And in addition, it wasn’t even a good solution for Boyfie-kun—I’d likened him to a robot to make things easy to understand, but naturally, human beings were not robots. Overwriting his commands could make him fall into a contradictory double bind… Well, considering how much of a nuisance the “apologies” undergone by Meniko were, I did also feel that Boyfie-kun should suffer a little bit to balance things out, but I couldn’t leave him like that forever.

For a more fundamental solution, rather than reaching out to and dealing with each individual case, I needed to find the one pulling the strings and cut them off at the root—if even an evil law was a law, then I needed to enact legal reform.

“Buuut, in any case, thanks a bunch, Koyomi-chaaan. I dunno what’ll happen from now ooon, but for now, you’ve been a huge heeelp. I’m really really really really gratefuuul!”

“It makes me uncomfortable to be thanked that much, though. Really really really really uncomfortable. It was just that I happened to take on that role. I simply did what anyone could have done.”

It was really all thanks to Shinobu’s influence, so it was easy to profess my modesty, but Meniko continued, “No, no, it’s all because it was you, Koyomi-chaaan,” refusing to give in.

“It’s because you were the one to tell him, Koyomi-chaaan, that Ex-Boyfie-kun obediently listeeened.”

“......Hm?”

There was a weird emphasis to that.

Was it because Meniko thought of me as that much of a reliable man? If so, it was a little embarrassing. To be honest, I didn’t remember making myself seem all that capable in front of her, though…

I’d only shown how incapable I was, specifically incapable at studying.

“Even after bearing the brunt of all the ferocious faces of the club research club, it was completely useleeess. You really can’t beat regional connections, huuuh.”

“There are ferocious faces in the club research club?”

What kind of a club is that.

Or rather… Regional connections?

“Meniko, what do you mean by regional connections?”

“Hmmmm? Was I delayed in telling you?”92

She tilted her head as though feigning innocence.

“Boyfie-kun, like Koyomi-chan, is an alumnus of Naoetsu High, you knooow? Didn’t you talk things out with him because you knew that?”

said Meniko.

“...I hadn’t heard.”

No.

I’m sure you already know him—was what she’d said before.

She’d said it before, but in that case—the story changes completely.

This discussion changes completely.