002
“I will not apologize. I will not utter a single word of apology.
“I will not beg. I will not kneel.
“I will not bow my head.
“I will not atone for my sins. I will not ask for forgiveness. I will not pay the price.
“Because I’m in the right. I’m not in the wrong. No matter what anyone says, no matter how anyone scolds me, no matter how anyone rebukes me, logic is on my side.
“Apologizing means admitting defeat.
“I don’t want to lose. So I won’t apologize.
“But, say, even if I don’t apologize, does that mean I win? I don’t think that’s the case at all. At least, I don’t feel that refreshing sense of victory.
“It’s even unpleasant.
“In that sense, shogi players are pretty impressive—I can’t help but respect them, besides their outstanding abilities. They’re teaching others the feeling of respect. After all, though it’s different from an apology, if they don’t see any chance of winning on the game board, there’s that merciless rule that requires them to say, ‘I’ve lost,’ and admit defeat from their own mouths, right?
“It would be humiliating because they’re so outstanding.
“Regardless of if you’re the meijin or a ranked player.
“They say that golf is a gentleman’s sport with no referee, but shogi isn’t without its worth, either—although, if it were me, I’d just flip over the shogi board in desperation.
“I will not admit defeat.
“In other words, I wonder if I’m not at fault if I don’t admit that I’m at fault, in the same way that I haven’t lost if I don’t think that I’ve lost.
“If I don’t apologize, then it may not be my victory, but not apologizing means I can deny that I’m the bad guy—in that case, I’m completely clean.
“Clean and pure.
“Naturally, I’m completely innocent.
“Is it like how the most cleanliness-obsessed people have the messiest rooms?
“Although my room is on the clean side—I wonder if there are shogi players like that.
“Sore losers that just stay quiet, no matter how pressured they are, in order to run down the clock rather than admit their own defeat—if there were, I’m sure they would be scorned by many, but I would sympathize with such a figure.
“‘Figure’?1
“How laughable, for that to come from me.
“In any case, exposing any person with ability or position in a state of surrender to the public eye—like the live broadcasts of shogi matches, or the apology press conferences of corporations or politicians or celebrities—they sure are cruel shows.
“I’m sure there are more than a few shogi fans who watch on their TVs just to see some great player, who would have been a wise general in the Warring States period, mentally yield.
“There aren’t?
“I’m the only one who’d be so ill-natured?
“Is that so.
“I’ve misspoken. I suppose I’ve shown my true colors.
“But I will not apologize.
“You’re the one who should apologize—Araragi Koyomi.”
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