Monogatari Series - Volume 26 - Chapter 1.17

017

She had indeed been at Nadekou‘s place. In my opinion, this was the worst possible location—because Araragi Koyomi was not to approach the Sengoku residence.

By no means was I faithfully upholding my promise to that con man. Rather, I was upholding a promise made to myself—you could even call it an oath.

Well, in an emergency like this, I shouldn’t even be talking about oaths, but this matter transcended the issue of my vanity.

Even taking into account how sensitive I was on the matter—more pragmatically, if I ran into Sengoku again, and she ended up becoming a god again… Wouldn’t that be a bit of a problem for the townspeople here? In order to make sure that didn’t happen, even Ononoki-chan was visiting the Sengoku residence quite frequently… So, after being at a loss, allow me to tell you exactly what I did.

Although, since there wasn’t much time—I would do it at a brisk pace.

I boarded the bus that came to the bus stop, and while on board, I first texted Tsukihi to check if Ononoki-chan had returned to her room… Having completely forgotten that she was out on a hike, looking for a dead body.

However, as expected of the former advisor of the Fire Sisters, my dear sister had already pinpointed the location of her missing doll.

“Well☆actually☆it☆seems☆like☆Nadeko☆chan☆has☆her☆right☆now☆I☆must☆have☆let☆her☆borrow☆it☆when☆I☆went☆to☆visit☆I☆guess☆☆☆☆☆”

Was it a trend to put a meteor shower in your text messages? In that case, the influencer must be Higasa-chan… My new friend had some incredible clout. How reliable… Maybe I should ask Higasa-chan for help.

Of course I couldn’t do that.

But even the ex-advisor didn’t seem to believe that her stuffed doll used its own two feet to jump to the house of her best friend… When Ononoki-chan went to visit Sengoku, she certainly stayed for a long time.

I would’ve preferred if she’d been on some other business.

After pondering for a while, I decided to take a measure that would not exactly leave me free from criticism… I would be deceiving not just Ononoki-chan, but Sengoku, as well.

It was wrong, but it was a harmless lie. Please overlook it.

I used my brotherly influence to order Tsukihi to text Sengoku—with the contents of the text message as follows.

“I’m☆gonna☆come☆over☆and☆play!☆☆☆☆☆☆”

If there was but one reason for Ononoki-chan to make an early return from the Sengoku residence, it would be that Sengoku’s best friend, Tsukihi, was coming over—of course, it was impossible for Tsukihi, who was currently in the middle of hiking, to actually go to the Sengoku residence, and that embodiment of insolence would never be mannerly enough to let someone know in advance that they would be coming over. But who would ignore that rare, once-in-a-lifetime emergency alert announcing a kaiju attack?

And that was how it went.

“Listen, oni onii-chan. After we settle this case, I’m going to kill you.”

Her manner of speech had changed.

My death sentence had finally been confirmed, but regardless, I succeeded in meeting up with Ononoki-chan in my room at the Araragi residence—my first success in a while. Even though I was going to die.

“Can’t you tell the difference between a lie you should tell and a lie you shouldn’t? I guess you can’t. It was the same when you saved Heartunderblade last spring break, and when you fought me, and when you made Mayoi-nee-san pass on—”

She was rehashing all of my past wrongdoings.

But I had no choice but to kneel and listen.

“But still, to think you would betray my expectations by doing something like this in the middle of my game of Twister with Nadekou.”

“Twister… Doesn’t seem like she would’ve been able to win against a corpse doll.”

Since she could, quite literally, twist her body.

Although, at this rate, it was probably my body that would end up getting twisted.

“I’m okay with the fact that you deceived me. But I absolutely cannot forgive the fact that you deceived Nadekou. You deserve to die. I’ll make that geriatric suck your blood and raise your immortality level so I can kill you again and again.”

Geriatric…

Her character setting was reverting to its initial stages.

However, more than anything, that sense of camaraderie she held towards Sengoku was something to envy.17

She was Senbou Nadeko.

“Nevertheless, Araragi Tsukihi not showing up after saying she was coming is a very happy feeling, the best lie of all lies, so you’ll be spared with only an instant death. So spit it out. What was the reason you wanted me to kill you so badly?”

Though she was as expressionless and monotonous as always, I could really sense her fury now… Well, she probably actually was furious.

I didn’t know what sort of relationship Ononoki-chan built with Sengoku, but, uh, I didn’t think she’d get this angry…

I didn’t want to sound patronizing, but didn’t I buy you ice cream and stuff, too? I’ve spent about five thousand yen on you in total, you know?

“Or are you saying your friendship is worth more than five thousand yen?”

“This guy is talking just like Kaiki onii-chan.”

She came at me with the maximum level of abuse. But I’ll readily accept it.

I didn’t want an instant death, so I told Ononoki-chan the whole story of my bizarre experience in Associate Professor Iesumi’s apartment—I didn’t think she would forgive me just because I included it, but I made sure to include my shameful account of being locked in a cage for animals, which I would have preferred to skip.

If she could at least be satisfied with that…

“…I see. So it’s like that.”

Rather than killing me midway through my account, she listened to the very end before nodding—though the atmosphere of her total rage had not yet subsided.

“When you say like that, like what?”

“Like you really are Araragi Tsukihi’s big brother.”

Was that also the maximum level of abuse?

But no, it seemed she was being serious.

“Perhaps I should add a new interpretation of looking at the shide-no-dori. I’d described it as assimilation or hijacking, but I can see the resemblance between you two beyond just simple blood relations. Thinking about it, there are no precedents for phoenixes becoming siblings with vampires, so I guess it would be more unnatural if there were no irregularities.”

“……”

Was the mess I made somehow connected to redeeming Tsukihi in their eyes? This was quite the unexpected development—no, no matter how Ononoki-chan interpreted it, at the end of the day, as long as there was no change in what Kagenui-san thought, the phoenix’s safety wasn’t guaranteed… Still, I felt like I had made a step forward.

Though I had decided that I would die today, maybe Tsukihi would be able to survive.

“Basically, instead of being oni onii-chan, you’re the phoenix’s onii-chan. It was a mystery last summer when onee-chan decided to let Araragi Tsukihi go, but perhaps she anticipated something like this.”

“? It’s hard to believe she thought something like this… I thought she just let her go because of how pitiful I was…”

“Who said you could object?”

She flatly denied my freedom of speech.

Scary, scary.

Her anger probably wouldn’t let up for a while now… I really should’ve just asked Shinobu for help instead of thinking about it so much.

But there was no going back now.

As her brother, I was curious about this new interpretation of the shide-no-dori (it wasn’t necessarily all good; in the end, it could end up being the reason why my sister would become subject to another purge), but, rather than the phoenix, the abused doll was more urgent right now.

“Please, Ononoki-chan. It’s just as I said. Just as I said—it’s kind of a mess. It’s my fault that the Iie-chan doll escaped—I want to prevent any more damage from occurring. Maybe we can’t assume that the flying blanket is specifically targeting the missing Associate Professor Iesumi or the estranged husband, but couldn’t we at least warn them ahead of time?”

“You’re such a nice person, oni onii-chan.”

Her sarcasm was scathing.

Not to mention, it was a line I hadn’t exactly taken well when Hanekawa had once said that.

“It’s a shock to me that you’re still a good person even after becoming a fine adult.”

“…I’m not a fine adult at all. I’m still only a first-year in college.”

“You’ll probably say the same thing even at a hundred years old. Like, ‘I’m still only a hundred years old’.”

It wasn’t very convincing when a tsukumogami that had been used for a hundred years told me that… Well, it had just been decided that I would die at nineteen years old, so it didn’t seem like I would be able to live to a hundred.

I was in dire straits.

It was like hell’s mountain of needles.

“All right. I’ll take it on. This job. No matter how you forcefully interpret it, it’s not really my area of expertise, but I’ll accept the incomprehensible and forced theory laid out by oni onii-chan, or for short, onii-chan, that it was reincarnated as a representative doll and is thus immortal.”

“Ah… Is that so?”

Even though she’d been so angry, it was a surprise to hear that she agreed to cooperate with me… Was she showing pity because I was on the verge of death? Like a last meal for prisoners on death row? Although, if this was the attitude of a professional not influenced by emotions, then I would’ve made no mistake in choosing Ononoki-chan as my partner… But it probably wasn’t that simple.

It was true that, no matter how hard you tried to spin it, this was not Ononoki Yotsugi’s area of expertise—but perhaps, because they were both living dolls, Ononoki-chan couldn’t ignore the Iie-chan doll.

But, no matter the reason, there was nothing more reassuring—it finally felt like I had found a ray of light. Even if that ray of light was the last light of a fading candle.

“Th… Thank you. That helps a lot, Ononoki-chan.”

“It would be pretty stylish if I quoted Oshino onii-chan’s famous line here, but oni onii-chan, you can’t even be helped on your own. You can’t be saved.”

“…Haha. Hehehe.”

“And now you’re laughing. But when it comes to work, oni onii-chan, you better be prepared to pay the cost.”

So the process here was exactly the same as with Oshino… I’d shouldered a debt of up to five million yen to that middle-aged guy in a Hawaiian shirt, but I never thought I would find myself paying off a loan like that even as a college student… Did student discounts still apply for college students? My beloved Oikura Sodachi was living her college life under the debt known as student loans, but I didn’t expect our lives to align in such a way. I guess the inseparable bond between childhood friends will go on forever.

As I listened with trepidation, thinking that I might have to sell my New Beetle in the worst-case scenario, Ononoki-chan said,

“Then, five thousand yen. Please and thank you,”

and named the price.

“Eh? Five thousand yen? What’s with that sudden drop in prices… Was it deflation, or something?”

“It’s a friend discount. My friendship with oni onii-chan is worth that much, I suppose… Plus, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the fact that you went to fix the door that I kicked down. Don’t worry, I’ll let you pay in installments—pay me a hundred yen a day.”

“……”

It didn’t seem like her anger had subsided just yet.

But it seemed my execution date had been postponed by fifty days.