Monogatari Series - Volume 25 - Chapter 6.03

003 

The name Chikyuugi Mizore was so bizarre, perhaps due to cultural differences, that it made even Araragi Koyomi and Senjougahara Hitagi feel common after hearing it. Allow me to explain how I got involved in this mess. 

It was on my way back home from school. 

On the way home, I spotted a girl walking ahead of me—well, maybe “spotted” was a misnomer, but she was about 10 years old. 

She was walking slowly, restlessly looking around. 

“Oh! If it isn’t Hachikuji?!” 

In case you’re reading this as a bonus for the film version and you’re not familiar with the original novel, Hachikuji is my best friend, a fifthgrader who takes supreme pleasure in me hugging her from behind. She wouldn’t hesitate to say that her sole reason for existing was to receive surprise hugs from me, and I, as an older third-year high school student, am merciful enough to play along with her games—oh, well, today was another lighthearted, rocket-starting day. 

“Hachikujiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!” 

“What!?” 

Hachikuji Hachikuji Hachikuji Hachikuji—!” 

“What—!? What—!? What—!!?” 

“It’s Hachikuji, it’s truly Hachikuji, it can be no one else other than Hachikuji! Unless it was Hachikuji, I would never be able to hug someone in this way, feeling her smooth skin with my cheeks. Hachikuji and I are such intimate friends that she doesn’t mind no matter how much I fondle her, it’s just some skinship contact! If I were to accidentally do this to a character from another novel or something like that, it would undoubtedly ring big trouble! No, really, your familiar red outfit still looks good on you, as easy to strip off as ever! Your trademark knee socks are just as comfortable to the touch as ever, Hachikuji! As usual, it’s blissful to snuggle my face into your nice, stuffy red hair topped with a baggy triangular hat! Every single nook and cranny of your body is smooth and warm. Your eyes and lips are so soft!” “WHAT!??” 

Stab! 

Stab! Stab! Stab! 

“Woah!? My right thigh has been stabbed with a box cutter!? By 

Hachikuji!?” 

Even though it’s Hachikuji!? 

Impossible, Hachikuji never uses any weapons, she would directly bite me with her teeth like a vampire…! 

“You felon, so you are not Hachikuji!” 

“Mi—mimimi—Mizukura Risuka is me!” 

The girl violently pulled out the box cutter from my right thigh and distanced herself from me—now that she was facing me head-on, the differences between her and Hachikuji finally became clearer. 

“Tsk... You fooled me. I was completely deceived, how careless of me.” 

“Why are you the one looking like the victim?” 

“Also, why is it that you’re fine even after being stabbed in the thigh?” The girl—Risuka-chan questioned. 

Hey, hey. I can’t answer that many questions at once. One at a time, 

OK?” 

“It’s irritating to do that.” 

She didn’t like how I phrased my lines, it seems. 

She had her own peculiar way of speaking, but fortunately, I knew a blond-haired, blond-eyed little girl who spoke in an ancient dialect, so it wouldn’t be too hard to deal with a red-haired, red-eyed little girl, who spoke in a mysterious inverted way. 

I was a specialist. 

Not a specialist on oddities, but on small girls. 

“...........” 

Risuka-chan shook her head. 

Even though she was silent, it came across as eloquent—she seemed to be frightened of something. 

I couldn’t leave her alone. 

“What’s the matter, Risuka-chan? You can ask me questions one at a time, OK? Although, there are some things I can answer and some things I can’t.” 

“Everyone in this town talk in that way?” 

“Yeah. I don’t think I’m special, you know. I’m just a regular guy trying to do his best.” 

“Why are you the one looking like the victim?” 

“Unfortunately, I was born with this face. But if it made Risuka-chan take interest in me, I must thank my parents for it.” 

“Also, why is it that you’re fine even after being stabbed in the thigh?” 

“My body is pretty well trained. I’m used to this level of scratch. Fortunately, the femoral artery seems to be intact, so it’ll heal with just a little spit on it.” 

That’s why you don’t have to worry about my injuries, I said with the utmost kindness, just like I would for Hachikuji. However, Risuka-chan only distanced herself further from me. 

“I-I should have aimed for the stomach then...” 

Oh, come on. I don’t need someone digging into my gut outside of the hospital.” 

“Don’t shrug your shoulders. That should be me doing that.” Ummm, I guess trying to put on airs was backfiring. 

Actually, my thighs were causing me quite some pain right now. 

That was also including the price of a pair of cut-up jeans. 

“Oh well, now it’s my turn to ask questions.” 

“How come you get a turn too?” 

“You don’t look like you’re going home from elementary school, but are you alone? Are your parents around?” 

“C-confirming the absence of parents first thing…. That’s common practice among criminals, that is…” 

I think there was a misunderstanding. 

But I think we could understand each other. 

“I don’t go to elementary school… I’m skipping school. I’m always with Kizutaka, but I got separated from him... and my parents...” Stammering. 

While she seemed wary, somehow, Risuka-chan managed to divulge some personal information (Kizutaka?). It seemed to be difficult for her to talk about things related to her parents, regardless of her peculiar wording. 

What was it, did they not get along? 

“I see. So, you wanna come over to my place?” 

“Of course I wouldn’t.” 

I’m in the middle of a witch hunt— Risuka-chan said, declining my invitation. 

Witch hunt? 

“Aaah, that thing, yeah.” 

“There’s no way you would know.” 

“Not exactly, but I know of a similar case. Yes, when I was researching medieval European literature.” 

“I wish you didn’t brag about your knowledge.” 

“I don’t know everything, I just know what I know.” 

Could you cut that out?” 

“I don’t cut everything, I just cut what I cut.” 

Hanekawa might get angry with me if I use her lines in this way, so let’s change course. 

“I think I get the gist. Risuka-chan is a righteous magical girl who came from the Kingdom of Magic to take out evil magicians who do the world harm, right?” 

“H-how did you actually figure that out? It’s frightening how close your guess hits the mark.” 

“Don’t underestimate me. After all, I am a specialist on little girls. I’m an authority on little girls, so naturally, I’m an authority on magical girls too.” 

“You must cause great pains to your family.” 

“Oops, sorry for the delay in introducing myself. My name is Araragi Koyomi. Even if I go to hell, I probably wouldn’t change my ways.” “It’s my first time getting that amount of useless information. 

Well... uh, Ara? Ragi?” 

“Is it hard to pronounce? Well, just call me whatever you like.” 

“What should I do if I hate every option?” 

“As long as you take your time and fall in love with it, that’s fine.” 

“What is it that you’re thinking about, Koyomi?” “Heheh. I’m always thinking about you, Risuka-chan.” 

But still. 

Despite us exchanging such witty and lighthearted banter (which I felt that she was boldly missing the point of), it was not as if I seriously believed that Risuka-chan was a magical girl at the time—as an insightful adult, I thought I might as well play along with her in this “game” of hers. 

Just when I was thinking that I should pretend to be a monster and play with her until she could meet up with her friend Kizutaka, a monster appeared. 

An actual monster. 

“Koyomi! Dangerous!” 

Dangerous? Me? Hey, hey, there’s no one safer than me—but before I had time to say that (there was no margin left to say that), I was sent flying by a kick to my back, a kick from a right leg. 

Was this the kind of pain my lovely friend Hachikuji feels when I hug her from behind? Wondering about this, I crashed straight into a telephone pole. 

“Finally! He’s dead at last! Wait, no! Are you alright, Koyomi!?” 

For a moment, I thought I heard Risuka-chan’s true intentions leaking out, but it was probably an auditory hallucination. After all, a 10-year-old girl who was the embodiment of an angel would never say such a thing... 

“No problem.” 

I answered shortly and reversed my posture—wanting to do something about the identity of the thug who gave me a flying kick to the back. 

But there was no one, nothing, nothing at all. 

There was no one—except for a single leg standing there. 

A bare right leg. 

If I had to compare it to an oddity, it would be a kasa-obake  with its umbrella ripped off—but if that’s the appearance it’s aiming for, it should’ve been wearing getas.  

“Wh-what the heck is that...” 

“The right leg of Carousel, Chikyuugi Mizore.” 

The question that I asked on reflex was unexpectedly met with an answer from Risuka-chan. 

“It’s the leg that was failed to be hunted in the series of witch hunts I conducted with Kizutaka and Tsunagi—I’m the one who came to hunt the remnants.” 

Saying that, the magical girl bared the red box cutter, showing her hostility. 

Schk schk schk schk… 

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4  A kasa-obake (傘おばけ, “umbrella ghost”) is a mythical ghost in Japanese folklore, that is usually depicted as an umbrella with one eye and a long tongue jumping around on one leg. 
5 Traditional Japanese footwear resembling flip-flops, with a wooden base and prongs elevating the foot above the ground.