002
I suffered a bad fall during gym class so I headed towards the infirmary—though it’s not like I was really injured. In reality, I had to go there alone in order to hide the fact that I didn’t hurt myself despite the flashiness of the fall.
To be more precise, I got injured.
But that injury healed the instant it happened.
At this point it’s no secret, but I stood out among my class. So having the sight of my kneecaps which should have torn being restored in an instant before their eyes would only contribute to making my future school life harder. That’s why I had to take refuge to the infirmary.
Umm… It feels weird to trip in gym class when looking back at all the violent acrobatics I performed against Dramaturgy, Episode, and Guillotine Cutter, all that eccentric bunch during spring break. Well, the damage I received at the time wasn’t on the level of scraping my knees though.
In any case, I needed to borrow some bandages or gauze and make it look like I actually received an injury… Luckily there was the “currently absent” indicator hanging up on the door.
The word “gymnasium” was written on the plate so the school nurse probably went to attend the girls’ gymnasium.
Therefore, completely careless, I stepped inside the infirmary… and—
And, my eyes met with those of an unknown girl, wearing a gym uniform and laying nonchalantly in the infirmary’s bed.
The unknown girl had a very distinctive quality to her. Elegant straight black hair, big round pupils, a small frame surprisingly bountiful, breasts pushing up on her clothes’ chest part, but her uniform also had quite the unique quality.
She was wearing bloomers.
The legendary sportswear that disappeared in olden times. I know of it because by chance I was informed by quite the cultured person, Kanbaru Suruga. However, that girl wearing it not as a sportswear but as normal clothes had no chances of being normal.
She was, without a doubt, not a student from Naoetsu High School.
I often skip school so I couldn’t possibly have a grasp on all of the first-year students, but I deduced that from the uniform which was against our school’s regulations, and the fact that such a conspicuous girl would have had rumors about her.
Even I had an urge to go around spreading those rumors myself.
Urban legend. Ignorant mouthing. Idle rumors.
No, what am I doing preaching about bloomers… err, there’s her name on the uniform, right?
Byouinzaka…?
At the very moment I was doubting my eyes, the girl in bloomers rolled on the bed and twisted her body like that of a cat, stretching her back and getting on her hands and knees, “Yah, yah,” she raised a cheerful voice and directed a smile beaming of joy towards me,
“So you are Araragi Koyomi-kun! Of course you are Araragi Koyomikun, I knew it at first glance! Why, you may ask, fufu, that’s obviously because your name is written on your gym clothes. Even you looked at the writing on my chest just now, didn’t you? Right, I am Byouinzaka Kuroneko. Oops, only my surname is written on my chest. Even if you stare at it like that, the first name Kuroneko will not suddenly materialize on it. But well, if Koyomi-kun were to wish for it, I do not mind if you call me ‘KuroneKo-san.’ Close friends call me that way. So please stop staring at my chest now, even if I am fully aware that it is not your intention, having my breasts being stared at feels unpleasant. Having said that, Koyomi-kun, the next question you will bring up is ‘my first name isn’t written on my gym clothes either so how does this boob entity know my name?’ right? That is a natural question. Thinking that there are a lot of people who wouldn’t bother with this kind of natural question, you are certainly the man I set my eyes on. Aah, sorry for having called you ‘Koyomi-kun’ without permission, OK? I am really bad at judging my distance with people, that is why I am often mistaken as someone taking a liking to people like a cat would, when in reality I am shy like a cat. To put it simply, the name ‘Araragi-kun’ is difficult to pronounce so I have taken the liberty to call you ‘Koyomikun’ despite how over-familiar it may sound. I mean, ‘Araragi-kun’ looks like a name you would fumble over, doesn’t it? Haven’t any of your friends told you so? I am pretty bad at talking so I would be overjoyed if you could forgive me for trying to make my speech flow better and let me call you ‘Koyomi-kun’ in the future. Right right, we were talking about why I know Koyomi-kun’s first name, right? But doesn’t the wise Koyomi-kun already have an idea? Exactly, the reason I came to this Naoetsu Private High School is to meet you. By the way I am a student from Outouin Private Academy. You might not believe me due to my small height, but I am the same grade as you, a third-year. I would like for you to trust me with these big milkers as proof. Hahaha, I guess showing my student ID would have been easier. Right, I am not a transfer student, even now I am still affiliated with Outouin Academy. To put it simply, every bed of every infirmary around the world is a place where I can be—not where I can be but where I can sleep, maybe? Of course this is a joke, don’t take it seriously. The truth is that infiltrating an unknown school made me awfully groggy so I instantly fell asleep. Good grief, I cannot put up a lie in front of Koyomi-kun. No, if I have to spill the beans, rather than being shy I have something like a human allergy. Therefore, even my commute to Outouin Academy is essentially a commute to the infirmary. Even just thinking about being trapped in a cramped classroom with 30 or 40 people gives me goosebumps—if I had to put it in the KuroneKo-san way, it feels like every hair on my body is reversing, I guess? No no, don’t misunderstand me, I definitely do not hate people, you know? Like how I, for example, love Koyomi-kun. It’s a joke, a joke! I’m the kind of girl that likes to say jokes like this, you see. That is one of my bad points. But also one of my charming points. You know, there are quite a lot of people coming to the infirmary in search of that lovable aspect. Although that is only valid for Outouin Academy, Naoetsu High School’s infirmary isn’t in my range after all. That is why I am happy to no end that Koyomi-kun came to visit me like this. Though of course I understand that you didn’t come to meet me, but this is a good occasion so I would like to request some advice from Koyomi-kun before the teacher comes back. I said it without any preamble, but yes, I came here to ask for advice from Koyomi-kun. Normally I would bow down and request for you to benevolently come to this pitiful self’s help, but I understand that it would be exceedingly rude towards a man brimming with such chivalrous spirit as yourself. I got some stories, you know? Of how many people you have saved. If we count from your middle school days, that number would easily surpass ten thousands. And that is not an exaggeration, every time you save one person, at the same time their family and friends are saved as well. Although I learned of Koyomi-kun through the activities of the Fire
Sisters, your little sisters, even then I have some confidence in my intelligence network. I have a friend that treats me as some kind of great detective, but I am basically an information dealer. Collecting information and analyzing it is my main occupation. So, Koyomi-kun, there is no way I wouldn’t have heard of your heroic tales, is there? My heart was moved around in all directions by your adventurous tales. Therefore bringing you a problem that I unwillingly ended up carrying is the utmost natural course of action. Meeting you here is nothing but a delightful coincidence for me, but if that didn’t happen I intended to barge in your classroom. You might be thinking ‘would you go that far?’, but I am one who is willing to go through such lengths so please understand that. I would do anything. I would appear on any bed. Koyomi-kun, I would be glad if you could recognize my modesty for not appearing on a bed in your house. Or perhaps you would have preferred it that way? To be honest that idea wasn’t really past me, but then I would have had to wait until after school which was unbearable for me. In the same way you are a high schooler uncontrollably wanting to help people, I am a high schooler uncontrollably wanting to solve mysteries, although that somewhat strays from my domain as an information dealer. That’s how it is, so without further ado let’s enter the main subject. Once upon a time in a certain place—well not, this is a current story, I have a friend I deeply love called Samatoki-kun. What have I to hide, the friend treating me as a great detective is also him. Pleasant, isn’t it? Good gracious, if I were to express the depth of my affection for him, including the gratitude for the overestimations he holds towards me, it would fill an entire book of poem collections. Nevertheless, he has one troubling defect. In reality he has more, but let’s keep it at one for today. Samatoki-kun has a pretty little sister. The overprotectiveness he shows towards her is his only problem. As I said it is not really his only one, however, I am so sure this is his biggest that I would even be willing to wager my lips on it. And once again, that overprotectiveness became the seed of trouble. Oops, although I understand Araragi-kun cannot listen in silence when hearing the words ‘seed of trouble,’ please calm down and listen. I appreciate the feeling, but no need to be that aggressive about it. Even I am not only an incompetent asking for help. Helping people is not my specialty, but I consider my personality built well enough to be able to help my friends. I am delighted that saying that in front of Koyomi-kun doesn’t result in bragging talk, but I played a move to make that seed of trouble end as just a seed. We don’t have enough leeway to talk for long so I will explain briefly: there was one boy who fell in love with Samatoki-kun’s little sister. In reality there are some more complex circumstances, but we can omit those parts. You can simply understand this as ‘the pretty little sister was really popular.’ And that girl received a passionate love letter. That in itself happens frequently and, in reality, I move around some pieces every time. So, that little sister was, if I had to compare it to someone from Koyomi-kun’s surroundings, a kid similar to Sengoku Nadeko-chan, I guess? I am thankful that Koyomi-kun already accepted that I am an information dealer so I don’t have to waste time answering the question ‘why do you know Sengoku?’ Just, that overprotective brother is really overprotective. How much Araragi-kun spoils the Fire Sisters, his two little sisters, is outside of the range of my investigation, but Samatokikun’s overprotectiveness manifests in the form of ‘any guy approaching my little sister won’t finish unhurt.’ Not something to be praised, but for him it is a way to express his affection. I also ask him to show some restraint but to no avail, it has little to no effect. So, in addition to my long-term strategy of enlightening Samatoki-kun, I have to prepare short-term tactics—in other words, makeshift treatments. So, on one hand I try to approach Samatoki-kun in a way that would restrain his rash behavior, and on the other hand I get closer to the male student and warn him ‘if you value your life you should better stop’. Putting it like that makes it look simple, but it was a pretty hard task. That is because the letter sent by that student to the little sister was anonymous. Even if I wanted to advise him, I didn’t know who the sender was. Therefore the mission which befell me this time was to identify the sender before Samatoki-kun and to make him give up on the little sister. I don’t intend to sound like a hypocrite, but rather than having in mind the sender’s well-being, that was a mission with Samatoki-kun’s sake in mind. Perhaps my high motivation got materialized in the form of results, because I managed to immediately pin down a suspect. Right, so I am not here to ask Koyomi-kun’s help on that subject. The concerns I want you to focus on are the developments that happened after. That said, the task was still difficult after identifying him. I have some reluctance on calling someone a suspect just for having sent a love letter, but the letter in question reads pretty dubiously so it shouldn’t be that far off. The sister was completely frightened, so I could no longer turn a blind eye to Samatoki-kun’s reaction. What made it hard is that I endeavored to protect the suspect from Samatoki-kun, to protect the little sister, and to protect Samatoki-kun. However, the thing is, Samatoki-kun saw right through my objective—because we understand each other, him and me. Therefore Samatoki-kun waited for me to pin down that suspect. He let me identify the anonymous writer and moved based on that information—using my kindness in such a way, pretty atrocious, even from the perspective of a friend. Although I like that part of him. Even with that shortcoming, I had no intention of taking part in his plan. I investigated so that Samatoki-kun wouldn’t be able to tell and I have no plan of ever telling him the name of the suspect. So, I had to contact that suspect in a way Samatoki-kun wouldn’t notice—rather than Samatoki-kun, in a way no one else would. I needed to talk with the suspect behind-the-scenes. Behind-the-scenes, and peacefully, in order to calm things down. So first, I had to ask him ‘are you the culprit?’ in a way only he would understand. That comes before telling him ‘the girl you confessed to has a crazy brother’—I have absolute confidence in my information network, however, anyone can make mistakes. Making them think I am down on them without any grounds would only create useless opposition. I am a high schooler cherishing peace and harmony more than anything. Naturally I had some grounds to do so, but I wanted to avoid something as devoid of delicacy as pursuing and chasing them down. So the method I chose was an encrypted signal. Emitting multiple signals at random and including the real encryption among those. So Samatoki-kun won’t be able to easily find out which code among the massive amount I sent was aimed at the suspect. After all, he couldn’t really take it out on every single person I sent one to—although the more I learn about how infatuated of a brother he is, the less I can relax. Anyhow, my plan up to then ended with great results. A few of my messages were caught by the meticulous Samatoki-kun, but he is not skilled at deciphering so no worries about that. For better or worse, he is an honest man. Honesty is one of his charms, and a weak point. Naturally I count it as a charm. Plus, all of the messages he picked up were dummies—now is where my plan begins to see some dark clouds. Since the question I asked was ‘are you the culprit?’, I was waiting for a sincere reply from the suspect. No, it’s not that no reply came. And having presented an arraignment through a code, there is no such thing as the suspect not understanding the meaning of the question. A reply properly came—however, the reply he sent back to me was encrypted too! Thinking about it that was natural, eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, code for a code. Having sent him a code, I couldn’t fairly get offended at receiving one myself. Rather, I took it as a challenge from the suspect to me. Or perhaps a provocation? ‘If you can solve this encryption I shall admit I am the sender of this love letter,’ I felt like it was hiding this meaning—precisely like a code would. I swear, I am acting for Samatoki-kun’s future, but it’s not like I was totally indifferent to the sender’s safety though. However, he was the type to accept a fight he was offered. That motivation is splendid. Truly splendid. Come at me with that competitive and unyielding spirit! And isn’t he stylish to easily deal with my encryption too? If this wasn’t about Samatoki-kun I would be cheering for him, I would flutter in an ode to him. Now Koyomi-kun, Araragi Koyomi-kun. This is precisely my request for you. Won’t you flutter along with me? If you allow me to bluntly state it, I want you to join forces with me and accompany me in the deciphering of the aforementioned cipher sent by the suspect!” She said.
“… Err, is it finally my turn now?”
After having listened to Byouinzaka Kuroneko-san’s, self-named KuroneKo-san’s, roughly-13000-characters-long speech unfold on and on, I complied with a long reply myself—
“Huh?”
----------------
1 Byouinzaka’s first name, Kuroneko, is normally written 黒猫 (lit. “black cat”), but her nickname is くろね子さん (Kuroneko-san), which is mostly made of hiragana, except for ko which is the kanji for “child”.
2 About 6000 characters in the original Japanese.
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login