Monogatari Series - Volume 25 - Chapter 4.04

004 

A piranha. 

A freshwater fish of the order Characiformes, of the family Serrasalmidae. 

A carnivorous fish so famous that I probably didn’t even need to describe it—but if he was able to see an animal like that, then of course, it made quite a lot of sense to not be able to descend the mountain. 

No, it wasn’t an animal. 

Piranhas didn’t soar through the sky, and even the largest ones were still smaller than 50 cm—the word giant shouldn’t be a descriptor at all. 

In that case, it was not an animal, but a monster. 

No—perhaps, even an oddity. 

“I can see a piranha about the size of a whale, floating in the air… Can’t you see it, too, Araragi-san?” 

When he asked, I could only respond that I couldn’t—in the first place, I had climbed up this mountain from that very town itself. If there had been a piranha or something flying overhead, then all hell would have broken loose in town right about now. It was a safe bet that this piranha wasn’t just something that anyone and everyone could see. 

That is, except for Mayumi-kun. 

Except for the member of the Pretty Boy Detective Club, Beautiful Sight Mayumi. 

“I see… You must have been pretty scared.” 

“Eh… So you believe me?” 

“Naturally!” 

It was so natural that there was no way I could say that it was just a trick of the light or that it was just his imagination—being able to see something that you shouldn’t be able to see, or meeting something that shouldn’t exist. 

Stuff like that was just an everyday occurrence for me, and I was even aware of how sad one would feel if nobody believed you about it. So what I could do now was to take Mayumi-kun, trembling in my lap, and embrace him even more strongly—it kind of felt like his trembling actually increased dramatically, but of course, that had to just be my imagination. 

However, a piranha…? Actual piranhas themselves were already pretty scary, but if they became oddities, then honestly, I had no choice but to say that this was something far beyond my capacity. 

A piranha monster? 

In the worst case, they were even scarier than vampires. 

Actually, a point of curiosity could be that, even though I had been a vampire in the past, my eyesight was still not enough to see that piranha—it was a piranha that only Mayumi-kun to see. 

In that case, did that mean that there was a fierce carnivorous fish that resided in the innermost depths of his heart? 

“Mayumi-kun. Do you think you can open your mouth for a bit? I want to check to see if your teeth have turned all jagged and sharp like a piranha’s.” 

“Is, is there really a need to check something like that?” 

“It’s fine, just do it.” 

“Please don’t try to just force things along. It’s not fine, which is why I’m resisting! The shape of my teeth is something I can just check with my own tongue.” 

“I’m telling you, I think it’ll be a good idea to check that tongue of yours, too, just to make sure. Just leave it to me!” 

If the other person were a girl right now, then even if it were for the sake of humanitarian aid, I would feel extremely ashamed and hesitant when it came to peeking inside a girl’s mouth, but considering Mayumi-kun was a boy, I had no problems with performing an oral check. 

Hmph, Hachikuji had been thoughtlessly saying stuff like that, but wasn’t I actually more suited to helping boys out instead? Perhaps I could actually unleash my full efforts like this. Though I was reluctant to say this, perhaps I hadn’t been completely thorough when it came to the girls I’d faced up until now—and as I thought that, I turned Mayumi-kun around on top of my lap, placed my hand on his chin, and began to examine inside his mouth. 

“Hmm. Let’s see…” 

I’d told him to leave it to me, but honestly, I hadn’t exactly had many opportunities to check the teeth of another person, so it was hard to declare anything for certain. But, well, his teeth looked to be in perfect shape, and were very pretty. In that sense, you could say it was a set of teeth worthy of the Pretty Boy Detective Club. 

But, for a middle school boy, his lips sure looked pretty soft… If anything, my eyes kept being attracted in that direction. 

“Ah, no, my lips only look like that because they were done up… The other members put makeup on me… S—so, they won’t taste good if you eat them, OK?” 

“Hey, hey, I’m not going to eat your lips. I’m not a piranha. Hahaha, although it might be different if it were a girl’s lips.” 

It was a questionable joke made between fellow guys that you would never tell to a member of the opposite sex, and I thought it would lighten the mood, but Mayumi-kun’s response was a “Ha, ha ha ha,” with a laughter that was as dry as a desert. 

I felt so sorry for him. 

He must have been really frightened by the piranha in the sky. 

However, if I’d been the one to see something that unbelievable, even though I may not get depressed enough to emanate that much darkness, I might still be completely taken aback and choose to hide away in this dilapidated shrine for the rest of my life—but Mayumikun was different. 

“It’s all right now,” he said. 

As if attacking a weak point that opened up for just an instant, he jumped off of my lap—it seemed his eyesight really was good, as he didn’t miss the chance when my embrace loosened just a bit to perform that oral check. 

“I’ve been depressed for long enough. I’ve decided to go down the mountain now.” 

“Eh? Is it really all right?” 

“Yes, especially because it feels like it’s even more dangerous to stay here… I mean, after hearing what you had to say, Araragi-san, I feel more at ease about this.” 

Actually, a method existed from the beginning. 

That was what Mayumi-kun said. 

“Yes. It’s pretty simple, actually. Basically, if I can’t see the piranha, then I won’t be afraid—so all I need to do is close my eyes when I go back down?” “Close your eyes…” No, no. 

He was saying it as if it was a brilliant plan, but that was far from simple; it was a plan made out of sheer desperation. If that was something you could actually do, then you could’ve done that from the beginning, without getting all depressed—but I didn’t even have the chance to stop him like that. 

Because Mayumi-kun tripped on his first step. 

It was way too obvious that that would happen. 

It was the first time I’d seen something so obvious. 

Perhaps he’d do better walking across a meadow, but walking down this rocky, desolate mountain path with his eyes closed was way too unreasonable—not to mention, after you tripped, you’d end up falling onto the rocky ground, too. 

“Mayumi-kun, are you OK!?” 

I rushed over to Mayumi-kun, who’d fallen forward, and picked him up. And then, I felt his body all over to check for broken bones or sprains. 

“H—hiii, um, wait, you’re feeling me up a little too much…” Being felt up, Mayumi-kun resisted violently. 

That’s good, it didn’t seem like he was badly hurt. 

What a relief. 

Well, it seemed he himself had known that it would be dangerous, as he’d taken that first step very carefully. And he must have properly protected himself as he fell, as his smooth cheeks and soft lips were unharmed—although, he wasn’t totally uninjured, there was a minor scrape on his knee. 

Blood was spreading onto his slacks. 

Hmm, it would probably be OK to just leave a scratch like this, but, well, the place we were in wasn’t exactly a safety zone. It was an air spot for oddities—it would be a problem if a middle school boy that came from afar got something akin to an oddity-like tetanus, so with a single motion, I rolled up the pant leg of Mayumi-kun’s trousers. 

“You’re almost as skillful as a doctor, aren’t you…” 

“Well, I have some experience, after all.” 

“With medical treatment?” 

“No, with flipping up skirts. Although it might be the first time I’ve rolled up someone’s slacks…” 

“Ha, ha ha, is that so. Um, you’re rubbing my legs way too much… 

… I definitely can’t let this guy meet Bare Legs-kun.” 

So apparently he had a friend named Bare Legs-kun. 

Although, he must be a problematic friend if I wasn’t supposed to meet him.  

As I thought that, I took a good look at the affected area, that is, Mayumi-kun’s scraped knee—and when I got a good look, it turned out there was more blood than I thought. 

Even Mayumi-kun was going “Uwaah…” in surprise. 

Injuries like these were just a matter of course for middle-schoolaged boys, but still, it was obvious that people would hate being wounded no matter what their gender was. 

To encourage him, I said with an intentionally light tone of voice, “It’s fine, it’s fine. Something like this will get better if you just put some spit on it,” and then I licked his bare knee. 

I licked it directly. Slurp. 

If the other person were a girl, then I would definitely have to be more tactful and go through the trouble of licking my finger and then using it to rub my saliva onto the affected area, but since it was a guy, it was a lot easier to not have to hold back like this. 

He must have been extremely shocked from scraping his knee, as Mayumi-kun’s face turned as white as a sheet. Feeling sorry for him, I pulled his slacks back down. 

“I think it’s going to be pretty hard to go down the mountain with your eyes closed,” I said, reprimanding him. 

It was quite literally, not watching where you’re going. And, seeing as he wasn’t a martial arts expert, there was no way he could pull off something like that. 

“No… I’m sure I’ll be able to do it this time. If I just be careful… It’s just a single path down, anyway, and, I know! If I just use a walking stick…” 

“……” 

He wasn’t going to give up. 

From the slenderness of his appearance to the depressed state he’d shown just a bit earlier, it seemed that I’d misunderstood him, but Mayumi-kun was a middle schooler with a lot more guts than I’d initially assumed. 

I felt almost sorry that I’d lumped him in together with me. 

It seemed his guiding principles would not waver. 

In that case—I decided upon my own guiding principles at the same time. 

“Then, let’s go with that. I won’t stop you anymore. But, I have one condition.” 

“Eh? Araragi-san, from what position are you coming from to put a condition on me, when we’re meeting for the first time and are completely unrelated…” 

“Don’t say something so lonely like we’re completely unrelated, Mayumi-kun.” 

When I said this, it was not an act, but bright words out of the kindness of my heart. 

“I’ll go down the mountain with you. Allow me to be your escort— and if you would rather have a walking stick, then feel free to use me as your walking stick.” 

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7  Ashikaga Hyouta, a sports ace and yet another member of the Pretty Boy Detective Club, is nicknamed Bare Legs because of his tendancy to always wear shorts and want to display his beautiful legs.