Monogatari Series - Volume 25 - Chapter 11.02

002 

“I’m Niounomiya Rizumu! Sixteen years old! And a great detective!” 

“Okay! So how can I get you to go back home to your world?” 

“Don’t try to get it over with as quickly as possible! This is special!” 

When I tried to treat her appearance like a bureaucratic affair, Rizumu-chan immediately filed a complaint and shut me down. We were located at the top of a mountain at the North Shirahebi Shrine.  

In the past, this shrine had been godless and abandoned, but then “bad things”, something not even classed as an aberration, had taken up residence within the shrine. During that time, the shrine was too dangerous to be a test of courage, and it was more akin to a test of immortality. But after that, skipping over some details, the shrine was demolished and then rebuilt, torii gates were added, and a small water fountain was installed. Now at the start of February, the shrine as a whole was brand new and completely changed. (For reference, the start of February was right between the events of Koimonogatari and Tsukimonogatari.) 

Calling a shrine brand new doesn’t fit with wabi-sabi,  and it’s unclear if one could say that the shrine has an ancient and honorable history, but having visited the shrine, I could say with certainty that visiting the current North Shirahebi Shrine did not come with the danger of being strangled to death by a snake.  

The shrine was still without a god, though.  

The reason that I had gone to visit the shrine in the first place was specifically to confirm that the shrine did not have a god in residence (I’m not so trusting as to believe a swindler), and to my surprise, when I arrived, there was neither a god in residence nor a snake, but instead I found a great detective wandering the yard.  

And according to her, she was sixteen years old.  

A great detective in glasses. 

I compared her to another glasses girl I knew, though Hanekawa was not in Japan at the time, and she was quite different in appearance. She was hiding both of her hands under her mantle, which was not because she lacked manners or because we stood on a cold, snowy mountaintop, but because underneath the mantle she was wearing a straitjacket.  

A straitjacket. 

No, no, it would take more than that to surprise me now.  

If that was all that defined her, then she might as well be Doujima Mayumi.  

This was my eleventh time interacting with another world, and having encountered eccentrics and oddballs left and right, I was surely accustomed to it by now. If you told me that Niounomiya Rizumu-chan has two personalities and that the other personality is that of her “twin older brother”, who is “Niounomiya Izumu, the hitman”, and that she wears the straitjacket at all times to contain and seal her brother, well, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least.  

It would be dealt with appropriately.  

Before that “older brother personality” Izumu-kun could appear, I would have everything wrapped up and finished.  

I would kindly say, “Please take your leave”. 

They should have known that there is a reason for hiding behind red tape. Did they not realize what it did to a person to deal with more than ten weirdos from other worlds?  

According to Oikura Sodachi, who would go on to work in a literal bureaucratic office in the future, it was the duty of those in a bureaucratic office to welcome in individuals who are overflowing with their individuality and handle them safely and comfortably—which made it truly ironic that she worked in such a field.  

“So, what is it, Rizumu-chan? Am I here to help you solve a case of some sort? I’m the king of assistants, so leave it to me.” 

“I’m having a hard time understanding what your character is supposed to be, oniisan... The ‘king of assistants’? What is that?” I wished she wouldn’t ask me that.  

More than half of the things that I said had no particular meaning.  “Haha! I’ve got it! You were the culprit, oniisan!” 

“Don’t declare me the culprit without establishing a reason for it.” 

“If I were looking for the one who killed the specialness of my appearance, then you would be the culprit!” 

“Well, that’s fine, isn’t it? I doubt that anyone’s read this far. We’re like the bonus features section on a DVD.” 

“They are! They are too! They’re reading it! And the next one is the final one getting a theatrical distribution, so everyone is excited!” 

“I checked the table of contents, and in the next one it looks like three college girls who are good friends will be coming...” 

“Three college girls for the finale is amazing, isn’t it! It’s so unexpected and surprising! Hey, wait—don’t skip over me and start talking about the next story! And don’t read the table of contents! 

Ahaha!” 

Even though I had ruined her first scene, she laughed innocently— what a cheerful girl.  

To be that bright... she definitely didn’t belong here.  

There weren’t any characters with a shine like that in this worldview.  

But I couldn’t have simply failed to welcome her—of course, that didn’t mean I wanted to throw a welcome party for her. Even setting aside the aspect of intercultural exchange, it had become an Araragi Koyomi tradition to help out strangers in need.  

There was no need to recall the visit of the iron-blooded, hotblooded, and cold-blooded vampire. 

... On that note, while the mantle that Rizumu-chan wore did make her look like a detective, her design also looked a bit like a vampire— whoa, and her canines were sharp.  

“Actually, that’s just for this story.” 

Rizumu-chan abruptly stated while flashing her pearly whites. 

After that, she shifted from being a meta-mystery great detective to being a traditional mystery great detective. I asked her what brought her to this area, and she told me—though I would have preferred to be left out of it, it didn’t seem this great detective had a confidentiality agreement stopping her from sharing.  

“I’m currently working on a child abduction case!” 

“...” 

I had prepared myself, but the answer was still heavier than expected.  

I wondered if I could help with solving such a heinous crime.  

To be honest, it seemed like something that was far beyond the scope of the king of assistants, but seeing as Rizumu-chan’s arms were bound in a straitjacket to contain her “older brother” personality, it looked like I would have to lend a hand to protect the peace of this town.  

“The girl who was abducted is Yamiguchi Houko-chan. She’s thirteen years old!” 

“Thirteen years old...” 

The abduction of a thirteen-year-old girl.  

It was a truly vile and despicable crime—however, at the same time, I couldn’t help but wonder if the government recognized the usage of the kanji for “yami” in family names. It was just my nature to be worried about things that didn’t matter.  

Speaking of thirteen-year-old girls, though, there was a legendary vampire who had her limbs taken from her, and afterward, she had 

taken on the form of a girl of around that age— 

“Oh and she’s an assassin.” 

“Hmm. I see.” 

The words washed over me.  

Anything that could not be understood was ignored.  

“So the point is that this girl needs to be saved, right? Okey-dokey. When you said that it was a child abduction, I had a moment of panic, but, fortunately, I am a specialist when it comes to saving thirteenyear-old girls.” 

“I-Is that really ‘fortunate’?” 

She looked at me then, not as if I were a criminal, but as if I were a pervert... I had to admit that I didn’t appreciate being treated like a weirdo by a girl who was herself a weirdo. 

I wanted to be properly respected as someone who specialized in little girls.  

“I’m sixteen years old, okay! And my older brother is eighteen years old! That makes him the same age as you, Araragi-oniisan!” 

“...” 

I wondered just how much of this whole “split personality background info” I was supposed to accept without questioning. No matter how I looked at it, it didn’t make sense for Rizumu-chan to be only sixteen years old. And the whole thing about sharing a body with her “older brother” felt a lot like an initial character premise rather than something concrete... 

Setting aside the issue of emotional or mental age, I think her real physical age may even be over twenty. It would have probably been pointless if I’d asked Rizumu-chan about it since she was unaware of her split personality. (Please do not ask why I, a person who had only just met her, knew about a particular quirk of her body that even she wasn’t aware of. These kinds of inconsistencies are necessary to make cross-world interactions possible.) 

Speaking of split personalities, Hanekawa Tsubasa and Black Hanekawa; Kanbaru Suruga and the Rainy Devil were all forms of split personalities, but Niounomiya Izumu and Niounomiya Rizumu seemed to be a very different situation that wasn’t quite like the aberrationbased split personalities that I knew.  

Their split personalities were artificially and deliberately created, and while they were unnatural, but not supernatural, they had achieved a fine balance so that each personality supported the other... And that was probably thanks to the skill of their creator, Dr. Kitsuregawa.  

“Don’t worry. I can’t save anyone but thirteen-year-olds.” 

“Then what kind of ‘king of assistants’ are you...?” 

“Sixteen-year-olds have no value. They can save themselves.” 

“You don’t sound like an assistant at all, oniisan!” 

Rizumu-chan sounded like she was regretting her choice of who to consult, but she followed it up with, “But it’s okay!!” and quickly pushed through her doubts with sheer positivity. I had to be impressed by the tenacity of this girl from another world. 

“The girl who was abducted, Houko-chan, has already been released!” 

“Huh? Really?” 

Well, that was a bit of a disappointment.  

“If there’s not a thirteen-year-old girl anymore, then what am I supposed to do? Damn it, I’m a highly-skilled specialist in exactly one field, and now it’s been taken from me.” 

“I wouldn’t call you a highly-skilled specialist, I’d call you a... No, no, never mind!” 

Rizumu-chan had been about to say something else, but she swallowed her words. So she wasn’t just cheerful, but considerate too.  

“Well, in any case, if the thirteen-year-old girl is safe, then that’s a great thing, isn’t it? I don’t see any problem.” 

I had heard from my parents that abductions and hijackings had a very low success rate, and I supposed that this case fell in line with that.  

“Setting aside hijacking, determining if an abduction was a success or not is so easy! Even if the person who was abducted is released, if the culprit receives a ransom payment, then it would be a success for them! If the culprit doesn’t receive their ransom money, but they do kill the abductee, then it’s considered a failure from both the culprit’s side and the investigator’s side!” 

The standard for success or failure changed depending on the objective.  

The best outcome was for the victim to be released unharmed and without the payment of a ransom, as well as the capture of the criminal... As someone not directly involved in the matter, I had to be happy that Houko-chan had been safely freed.  

Even if she was an assassin.  

“Wait, but hold on, even in that case, it’s not like there aren’t issues left to resolve! Even if there isn’t a problem, there are still questions!” 

“Not a problem, but a question?” 

For a great detective, problems and questions were both things that had to be solved.  

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1  In traditional Japanese aesthetics, wabi-sabi (侘寂) is a world view centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. 
2  Rizumu says that there is still a 問題 (mondai), which can mean both a problem and a question (like on a test), and that even if it’s not a “problem” (プロブレム, puroburemu), it’s a “question” (クエスチョン, kuesuchon). The final line says “To a great detective they’re both mondai.”