Monogatari Series - Volume 25 - Chapter 10.02

002 

“Hanekawa Tsubasa-san, right?” 

I was surprised to have been mistaken for that person, I was surprised to see triplets when I turned back, and I was surprised to see their old-fashioned and traditional maid clothes. 

The shock was such that I didn’t know what I should be surprised about first. 

In a way, the three surprises offset each other and inversely weren’t much of a surprise. By the way, I was at the former site of the cram school where I hid during my hellish spring break alongside a particular little girl. 

As you can guess from the phrase “former site,” there was no longer a building there. 

It would be a long story to tell, but in short, it burned down due to a fire. 

Burning extensively and turning into ashes. 

Well, a lot happened in the time between summer break and this November… After concluding the episode involving the iron-blooded, hot-blooded, cold-blooded vampire with a violent bad end, I thought there was nothing left in life for me. However, events denying that assumption occurred at a pace of about one or two a month, so my life was truly inside a storm of drama. 

Regardless of whether you can call the path I walked on ever since spring break “life”, this was the first time I had experienced 

something like “upon turning back there were maids.” Not just maids, triplets. 

This was clearly a miraculous experience I would never be able to relive. 

Maybe triplet maids are even more seldom met than vampires? I can’t calculate it since I don’t have the data, but I feel like the probability of the three triplets all being maids is lower than that of having your blood sucked by a vampire… 

“I am the eldest daughter, Chiga Akari. Glad to meet you. Pleased to make your acquaintance from now on.” 

“I am the middle daughter, Chiga Hikari. Glad to meet you. Pleased to make your acquaintance from now on.” 

As the eldest daughter, Chiga Hikari introduced the last one with “And this is the youngest daughter, Chiga Teruko,” the three of them tidily greeted in unison. Lifting the end of their skirts and bowing their heads, that etiquette was far above what you could draw in any picture, it was something you could only see in CG. 

It was so maid-like it actually felt like fiction. 

The headbands and aprons looked too much like they came from a theatrical play. 

At the very least, it was unfitting clothing for this burnt field… By the way, the triplets were so indistinguishable that I started wondering if someone forgot to adjust the focus; however, I was somehow able to differentiate the youngest daughter, Chiga Teruko, the silent one during the introduction. 

That was because she was the only one wearing glasses. 

However, were you to remove those glasses, she would surely fade in with the others in no time. Their age was about mid-twenties I guess? Although they looked more composed than that. 

“We three are servants of Akagami Iria-sama. You are Hanekawa Tsubasa-san, right?” 

Hearing the old-sounding word “servant”, in this particular location, I couldn’t help but be reminded of that legendary vampire. But setting that aside, I’m not Hanekawa Tsubasa. 

I might have carelessly forgotten to say it until now, but I’m Araragi Koyomi. 

To mistake Araragi Koyomi for Hanekawa Tsubasa, what kind of error was that? 

Didn’t you get the wrong gender altogether? No, well, the name Tsubasa could well enough be that of a man I guess… And it’s not like I put a nametag on my uniform and passed by this burnt field on my way back from school. 

I don’t know where their information went amiss, but I did seriously consider saying “No, you got the wrong person. My apologies for being unable to be of any use to you.” 

If I were being honest that’s what I should’ve done, however in that case, how much of a necessity was there for me to be honest? 

A clearly strange group of three having come to this town in search of Hanekawa… I had too big of a debt towards that class president to overlook this situation. 

And one more thing. 

As of this November, Hanekawa Tsubasa had dropped out of Naoetsu High School. 

Explaining how that came to be would also take a long time (one whole book), so allow me to abridge it and stick to the current events. Anyhow, she wasn’t at school nor anywhere in Japan—sorry that they came all this way, but no matter how much they search through this town, the triplet maids and Hanekawa won’t be able to meet each other. 

That means I had to take the spokesman role and stand in for Hanekawa Tsubasa (I had to?). Let me use the words “not up to the task” with the wrong meaning.  

“Yes. I’m Hanekawa Tsubasa. I have huge breasts.” 

“What?” 

Akari-san (or Hikari-san?) made a completely puzzled face. 

I screwed up, Hanekawa wasn’t such a character, was she? 

There was no need to play the same character in the first place. I didn’t especially have to play the role of Hanekawa’s twin little sister. I should have only devoted myself to pretending to be Hanekawa and listening to the request of those maids. 

“Might you have an inquiry hane?” 

“Hane?”  

Hikari-san (or Akari-san?) knitted her eyebrows even further. 

I couldn’t devote myself. 

I didn’t learn my lesson and tried to end my sentence like Hanekawa, but upon further reflection Hanekawa didn’t end her sentences like that—I tried saying “An inquiry?” as “An inquiry hane?” but it didn’t quite transmit well. 

I mean, my speech techniques didn’t work at all (is it my imagination or was Teruko-san somewhat glaring at me?). 

I thought triplet maids might be of short-lived interest, but these girls were unexpectedly residents of a proper mystery… We also did do mystery-like things, but well, they’re basically always linked to oddities. 

We’re not genuine. 

“No, nothing. I asked what your business was. I’m also really busy. I have to simultaneously solve simultaneous equations.” 

I tried to somehow make it seem like I was smart but it wasn’t going well… Aren’t simultaneous equations meant to be solved together from the start? Also, don’t claim being busy when you come alone to this burnt place. It’s the kind of spot you only come to when you’re the least busy person on this earth. 

This should be a short one to explain. 

The me of November had a slight problem in his life (or rather lifeor-death), so I naturally wandered here while wondering what to do— it couldn’t be helped for me to reminisce about Oshino Meme, an authority in oddities. 

That man too was no longer in this town—even if he were, he was the type of man to claim “People just go and get saved on their own,” so he wouldn’t swiftly resolve my current problems. 

“In fact, congratulations.” 

Akari-san (or Hikari-san?) said as if changing the atmosphere. 

It was so smooth, they must be used to handling weirdos. However, “in fact, congratulations”? What’s up with that ominous lineup of words? 

“Hanekawa Tsubasa-san. On this occasion, you gained the rights to visit Wet Crow’s Feather Island and have an audience with our master, the graciously smart Akagami Iria-sama—as one of the chosen geniuses.” 

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1 Araragi uses the expression 役不足 (yakubusoku), which can be interpreted as “not being good enough for the task” or “being dissatisfied with being given the task”. 
2 Araragi changed the end of his interrogative sentence from ですわね (desu wane) to the nonexistent ですはね (desu hane) to match Hanekawa’s name.