Monogatari Series - Volume 24 - Chapter 2.30

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I have always thought, that everything that has happened to me has been normal.

That the reason why we did not have much was because we were ‘pour’, that that was why. So, when I was growing up, I wanted to make lots of money when I grew up, to make mummy live a happier life. Mummy was the one who raised me, so I wanted to repay her. That was the dream I had. I had that sort of dream.

But, however, it was wrong.

My family does not lack money, but affection; that was what was missing. Mummy was not trying her hardest to raise me, that was not the case. She spends all her time outside the house, eating delicious food, having fun with everybody, meeting and playing with her friends; she did this almost every day.

She always comes home late, but it was not because she had overtime, but because she was having ‘corses’ at a restaurant. Sometimes she would not come home at all, but not because she had work all night, but because she was drinking wine as if it were water.

When mummy is tired, she goes and sleeps inside a hotel. Not home, but a hotel. For my mummy, home is not a place she can take a rest in.

When I have many things, it results in something called ‘opsesshun’, that was what she had taught me before.

The world’s gone to stuff, hasn’t it?

See, look at the telly.

Oh, there isn’t one. Out of sight, out of mind.

Everybody can’t let go of their phones for one second. See, that’s what obsession is. If nobody had phones, then everybody would be free. Don’t you think?

You don’t? Makes sense, you don’t have one after all.

This is what freedom is like.

I don’t want to tie you down, Kujaku-chan.

When I’m on the train, all I see is people playing around with their phones. A truly senseless sight. What happened to the people who’d read books? Hm? Aren’t people who read books obsessed too?

Don’t interrupt me.

You’re making mum sad.

I only have two clothes, because I am supposed to be free. I do not need to think about rotating my clothes. Because I have no pyjamas, I wear nothing when I go to sleep. This makes it the greatest freedom.

I have one pencil. The only rubber I have is on the other end, the other end of the pencil. I have the one notebook for every class I take. Originally, mummy wanted me to wear one pair of shoes rather than to have outdoor and indoor shoes, but my teacher said no to that.

Your teacher’s a sad human being, imprisoned by traditions of old. Don’t you grow up to become so unfree.

So she said to me.

Then, with such freedom, what kind of grown-up will I grow up to be?

For mummy to be so unopsessed, she might be giving it her all to save up.

But the home looks completely empty, and there is nothing inside.

Our bathroom has only a bar of soap in it. We wash our hair with it, even though it makes our hair all dry and rough. I did not know what shampoo was until I was in year three I knew. I still have little clue what a rinse is. Do you know what the difference is between a rinse and a conditioner?

When my hair, my dry and rough hair, when it grows, my mummy cuts it for me with a pair of scissors. The same pair of scissors she cut her envelopes open with just now. It takes a minute for her to finish cutting my hair.

I do not have a toothbrush. Mouthwash is enough, according to the books. But then I had a cavity. It hurt so much, but mummy said it will be fine, it’s only a milk tooth, so it does not matter if I do not get treatment.

It hurts going to the dentist’s, you don’t like it, do you? Mum doesn’t want to saddle you with bad memories.

So I left the tooth alone. The pain went away over time. But I have always felt something else was paining me.

I have always thought, that everything that has happened to me has been normal.