Monogatari Series - Volume 23 - Chapter 1.23

023

“It was about one week ago. As always, I’d been doing my daily routine of training under the waterfall…

“Hm? Don’t lie from the very beginning, you say?

“How rude, Araragi-san. You’ll never catch me in a lie or in twintails.

“Although I am in twintails.

“It’s true that I was lying about training under the waterfall, but the very beginning, when I said that it was one week ago, was not a lie.

“The truth is that I was zoning out on the shrine grounds. Zoning out is my daily routine, you see.

“But then, I sensed an oddity that passed through the barrier that protects the town—I’m sure I don’t need to explain, but just in case, if you happened to forget, I’ll give you a quick overview. This barrier had originally been set up by Oshino Ougi-san to repel Oshino Meme-san or Kagenui Yozuru-san from this town, before being recycled.

“Thinking about it now, setting up barriers is a strong point of those two, so using a barrier to keep them out is the kind of irony you would expect from Oshino Ougi-san. But it was a good thing that we could recycle it and use it for peace in this town—of course, it was not me, but the resourcefulness of the outstanding specialist over there, Gaen Izuko, that was responsible.

“Even if you tell me not to suck up to influential people…

“In my case, it’s my life that’s at stake—or perhaps it’s not my life, but my duty? Anyway, as it turned out, the oddity that came at that time was none other than the death-prepared, death-inevitable, death-certain vampire, Deathtopia Virtuoso Suicidemaster.

“Don’t make a face as though I should flub it a little. Do you think I should say something like, sorry, I didn’t flub it?

“Well, I had no intention of letting down my guard just because she looked to be a child of six years old, but I didn’t sense any threats coming from her. Or rather, when Suicidemaster landed on shrine grounds, she showed such concern that she went out of her way to avoid me.

“And because she was going out of her way to avoid me, she messed up her landing and broke into pieces—ahahaha.

“It’s not a laughing matter, you say? Yes, you’re right. After all, she ended up dying once then and there.

“Although, since she was a vampire, she quickly regenerated.

“Somehow or other, it seems I’ve died again—was what she said. I wonder if that was her pet saying, something like a catchphrase?

“It was like she really was the death-certain vampire, and it wasn’t a bluff or just putting on airs, because she seemed used to death—is that what vampires’ immortal natures are like?

“Anyway, when she revived, she told me about the reason for her visit—she might have mistaken me for immigration control or something. You know. I kind of give off that impression, don’t you think?

“So, when I asked her about the purpose of her visit to Japan in a formal manner, she said, ‘I came to see my old friend, Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade’—although, before she even said it, I’d already guessed that she was someone related to Shinobu-san after seeing that brilliant blond hair.

“However, after the case with Shishirui Seishirou-san, I couldn’t just greet her with a warm welcome just because she knew Shinobu-san. Just as Gaen-san said, vampires are threatening oddities in their own right.

“But, considering I was originally the lost child of a snail, it would have been strange for me to deny her entry to the country just because she was an oddity.

“With Suicidemaster having come to meet her ‘old pal’, I didn’t have any particular reason to turn her away.

“It didn’t seem as though she was lying.

“More than anything, after being asked for directions, I couldn’t just not show her the way. Because that’s the kind of god I am—my role is to act as a guide for lost children.

“Without mentioning Shinobu-san’s current state, I sent her off—and after that, I believed I’d been able to help realize their heartwarming reunion.

“But, one week later. Today.

“Well, it’s already yesterday.

“I ended up discovering the visitor that had turned into a mummy and been cruelly buried in the mountain.”