Monogatari Series - Volume 22 - Chapter 2.02

002

I would have assumed that the case of a randomly attacking phantom slasher would have had Crime Squad 1 in charge of it, but apparently the investigation actually had to do with an oddity known as the ‘phantom slasher’.

It happened on the road that led to Naoetsu High.

Yes, that Naoetsu High.

Apparently, high schoolers on their way back from school were slashed at from behind by a sharp implement, and this occurred multiple times—if this was true, then it would blow up into a huge incident that would hit the national papers, but the only reason it hadn’t already was because none of the victims witnessed any villains waving a huge knife, and the only things that were slashed were their uniforms, with not a scratch to be seen on their bodies.

The damage only went as far as the uniforms.

Of course, if there really did exist such a villain, then we couldn’t just leave this alone in case the crimes escalated, but it was a little hard to believe that any villain (or even any good person) would be able to pull off a trick like slashing open just the uniform without any of the victims noticing.

Perhaps it could have miraculously been done once or twice, but the number of victims had hit the double digits—if this was really the work of a human, then that human could only be on the level of Ishikawa Goemon.

It wouldn’t be a miracle but a superhuman feat.

However, while it would be a huge incident if it was the work of a human, it would be just as huge an incident if it wasn’t the work of a human, either.

It was only on the level of a rumor at the moment, but if there really did exist this ‘phantom slasher’ oddity, then that meant the school was involved.

And as a graduate, I couldn’t ignore that.

I had to do something about it.

Well, it’s not like I was a student with that much school pride… Rather, for most of the time I spent at that school, I was pretty much full of hate for it.

In class I would fervently pray that, if meteors were to fall on to the Earth, they would hit this school—remembering those turbulent feelings that I had at the time made me once again realize how hard-hearted I was in high school.

No matter how much I hated it, I shouldn’t try to drop meteors on it.

It’s amazing that they even let me graduate.

Though I’d spent my high school days looking down on (or really looking up at) the distasteful “elite” with a certain sort of pity for being victims of a test-results-focused education, I had ironically returned home five years later as one of those distasteful career men that had passed the state exam… If the me from back then saw me as I was now, I’m sure he’d give me a good beating.

But y’knooow, I can’t help but think that I reeeally had a looot of fun back then.

My memories are reeeally glistening like gold.

Haaah.

“What are you making such an ostentatious sigh for, Assistant Inspector Araragi?”

asked Kizashima-senpai.

We were making our way on-site in a conspicuous police car when Kizashima-senpai asked me this from the passenger seat—with me at the steering wheel. Though I was happy at first to be given the chance to drive (it’s a police car! A police car!), it turned out not to be so fun due to Kizashima-senpai constantly making remarks from beside me (“Aren’t you turning on your turn signal too late?” or “It’s faster if we go this way, you know?”).

Unlike Suou-san who liked to change it up every now and then, Kizashima-senpai would consistently address me as “Assistant Inspector Araragi”—since she herself was an inspector, it felt like she was trying to establish the pecking order every time she did that.

I wondered if I really did look like such a cheeky kid to her.

“I’m not as soft as Suou-chan is, after all. I’ll be sure to thoroughly toughen you up! Into the next section chief. Or even the chief of police!”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to make it that far. For someone as halfhearted as me, the path of the elites is far too steep. Plus, there’ll be all sorts of traps and pitfalls. I could drop out just like that.”

“Did you expect the path of the elites to be some extravagant feast? But don’t worry, because if you just drop out, then the Rumors Squad can take you on as an underling.”

“I don’t exactly have any strong desire to stay in my hometown, though…”

Or rather, I had zero desire.

If there had been any attachment, I wouldn’t have gone without visiting for an entire four years.

However, it seemed Kizashima-senpai thought it was the opposite, for she said, “Again with you trying to act all tough. I guess that’s how it is for you kids,” failing to understand my complexities—also, it seemed Kizashima-senpai had a habit of overly acting like a senpai, even when it wasn’t necessary.

Overly acting like a senpai, or perhaps overly acting like an adult.

Perhaps she was trying to cover for the fact that her outer appearance had stopped aging in middle school.

If that was the case, it wouldn’t exactly be mature to try and get in the way of those feelings.

Incidentally, the one officially in charge of me during my training period at the Naoetsu Police Department (in other words, the one who’d gotten stuck with me) was the mermaid Suou Zenka-san, but I had been specifically paired with Kizashima-senpai for the sake of this “phantom slasher” incident.

We had formed a combination.

I’d gone through a tough struggle together with Suou-san on a different case, but Kizashima-senpai was also a graduate of Naoetsu High like me—though we hadn’t attended at the same time, Kizashima-senpai wasn’t just my senpai as a member of the Naoetsu Police Department, Rumors Squad, but also as a student of Naoetsu High.

I’d gladly let her act like a senpai to me.

And as such, I’d refer to her as Kizashima-senpai with nothing but respect.

To be honest, there had never been anyone in my life I could call senpai until now, so this actually made me pretty happy.

“But it’s a little interesting. I thought for sure that I was the only immortal student to attend Naoetsu High since it was founded.”

“And that was an incredibly conceited thought to have. Even if they weren’t immortal, there were a good number of part-youkai that attended before you, just from what I’m aware of.”

“Really…”

There were a good number of them, just from what she was aware of.

With that frequency, it likely meant that oddities weren’t as rare as I’d thought—which meant the foundation of the Rumors Squad had been all the more necessary.

“Well, though I’ve never seen an example as extreme as yours, Assistant Inspector Araragi, doesn’t everyone go to school with their own circumstances? I’m sure there’s no high school student in this world that spent their youth blissfully, without a single care.”

Now that I heard that, that was probably true.

It was so true that I had nothing to say in response.

For example, even Senjougahara Hitagi had been able to complete two of her three years in a state of “having no body weight”.

There could have been plenty more of those students that I’d simply never noticed… Even in that Class 1-3 in my first year that had put me in despair.

Maybe even that person, too.

But, on the other hand.

While my vampire constitution did lend itself to some inconveniences in my daily life, it surely couldn’t be comparable to the difficulties one had to face when one’s body was a doll made of mud.

What kind of life did Kizashima-senpai lead in high school?

“It wasn’t that hard, actually. People are surprisingly not that interested in other people’s circumstances—and since Gaen-san was able to figure me out just like that, it meant my disguise hadn’t even been perfect, either.”

“…And have you met Gaen-san personally?”

“I haven’t. She’s an acquaintance of an acquaintance of an acquaintance of my grandpa and grandma… or so I remember.”

Hmm.

Suou-san had also said that she’d never met Gaen-san personally… I would never have thought so because of her affable personality, but it was possible that that controller wasn’t someone you could easily come face-to-face with.

Although, to be honest, I hadn’t exactly met her that many times, either—and most of those times were set up through Ononoki-chan, too.

“Ah. Could it be possible that, somewhere within the range of your grandparents’ acquaintances’ acquaintances’ acquaintances’ acquaintances, there was a person named Teori Tadatsuru? He was a puppeteer specialist.”

“Hm? Unfortunately, I’m not familiar with that name. Who is that?”

“A direct junior of Gaen-san… He was the main creator of a corpse doll that I know.”

I had asked on the off chance that she did know, but it seemed no such unusual coincidence had occurred. Although it wasn’t particularly unfortunate. Well, Gaen-san’s network was pretty large, and Teori Tadatsuru was really an outlier on the level of Oshino Meme or Kaiki Deishuu, so naturally, things wouldn’t fall into place so neatly.

“Well, either way, it’s thanks to her that I was able to find employment, so I feel a great deal of gratitude towards Gaen-san. These days, it’s hard to find work even if you aren’t a golem, after all. I won’t go into it all, but I put in a lot of effort, okay? Until the Rumors Squad was founded.”

“…Were you and the section chief members of the squad since its foundation?”

“Yes. Right now, the ones left are us two—the other founding members were… killed in the line of duty.”

“Eh!?”

Was this that unforgiving of a squad!?

But when I turned my head in confusion, Kizashima-senpai scolded me by saying, “Keep your eyes on the road!”

With an amused tone.

“I’m just kidding. After starting up the Rumors Squad, they all moved to other regions. They needed to spread the roots that had sprouted, after all. Because the chief wanted a leadership position, and because I loved my hometown, we stayed behind at the Naoetsu Police Department.”

Moved to other regions… Roots that had sprouted… In other words, they went to start up the next “Rumors Squads”.

They’d been steadily doing all this behind-the-scenes work while I had been stressing over my course units in college—or rather, had the behind-the-scenes work already started before I’d even entered Naoetsu High?

If that was the case, it was probably closer to the truth to say that the first Rumors Squad was founded at the Naoetsu Police Department not because it was my hometown, but because it was Kizashima-senpai’s.

Although it’s not like there was only one reason… Good grief.

The world had an underbelly that made me want to start believing in conspiracy theories.

An underbelly, but also a side flank.

In the first place, compared to Hanekawa Tsubasa’s current activities overseas, Gaen-san’s plans were much calmer, though perhaps not as wholesome.

There was no need to worry.

In that respect, you’ve gone past the level of me being able to worry about you, Hanekawa-san.

“What’s wrong, Assistant Inspector Araragi? We’ve almost reached the site. It’s fine to take in the nostalgia, but please be sure to live in the present. For the sake of the future.”

It was like a proverb.

If you ignored the fact that neither I nor Kizashima-senpai had anything like a future.