Monogatari Series - Volume 21 - Chapter 0.21

021

A tangent (we will get back to the story, I promise): when drawing manga, there are several things I need to pay attention to as a beginner.

Character design and storylines are important, obviously, but although they may be fiction, they have to be grounded by some realities.

Plot convenience is of course to be avoided, but more importantly, one must remember that the characters bumbling about in the story are ‘living’ — specifically, eating, sleeping, going to the toilet, bathing; changing health, swinging moods; they tire, they recover, they learn and they forget; one must not forget to include such details.

In other words — Alltag.

Yes, the things often cast away when one is giving something their all.

Indeed, if this is ignored, characters become meaningless markers.

That said, excessive obsession with this would render that fictional plot non-existent; finding the right balance is the first step in advancing beyond a beginner. Alright, back to where we were.

My stomach was empty.

Having moved about all morning, being unimaginably active compared to my typical reclusion, going to and fro, climbing a mountain just now… it was noon.

Frankly, my physical and mental exhaustion were at their limit — if somebody told me ‘it’s okay to sleep’, I would probably sleep soundly then and there.

‘Hey you, is this really the time for eating?’

Ononoki-chan said, her face incredulous (no, expressionless); but one can’t go to battle with an empty stomach — ah, a fantastic Japanese phrase.

The wonders of the Japanese language.

Ononoki-chan, being a corpse doll, seemed detached from this reality (for Ononoki-chan, wining and dining appear to be for fun. She probably likes ice cream for its temperature and smooth texture), but the same cannot be done for me.

Living is important.

It is a lesson I am learning right now.

Not only that, now that Ononoki-chan’s strategy is coming up next, it becomes even more important — I do not want this to end with me unable to concentrate due to my hunger and losing the battle.

Adjusting my condition forms a part of my search.

So, I wanted at the very least to have an onigiri and a bottle of mineral water to wash it down with.

Fill up my unsplit stomach.

‘You say it’s like a manga, this feels more like a video game. The um, you know what I’m talking about, the ones where you’re in a dungeon and you can die from starvation…’

‘Mm, roguelikes, they’re called. Quite a revolution in the genre.’

‘Thank you for teaching me. In return, you can eat my right hand.’

‘Isn’t that dirt I just moulded?’

Not that I would eat the bits outside the right hand either.

With that, I accompanied Ononoki-chan down the mountain and to the Sengoku household for a little reprieve — well, filling my stomach was one reason, but this interval was also for a little planning for the upcoming battle.

It was time to strategize.

One can go with the flow, and take them on with a single blow. A furious image; romantic, even, but ultimately self-destructive.

It sounds arrogant, having failed multiple times, but precisely because of these past mistakes, I wanted this next team battle to be executed with caution.

Having managed to return home in one piece, I originally wanted to change back into my own clothes, but since I was going incognito, I decided to keep wearing these borrowed clothes.

And definitely not because I like being in this cute dress, okay?

Even though I borrowed them on my own, Tsukihi-chan would probably not get mad over it, but if I asked her to lend them to me, she wouldn’t; such a mysterious personality is beyond me.

‘But Ononoki-chan, you could use a change of clothes as well.’

‘Mm? But I kinda like this avant-garde style with my belly button exposed.’

‘That’s not what I mean. You need to go incognito too.’

If I was the only one incognito, but Ononoki-chan looked the same way as she does, we would get discovered first.

Even if that did not happen, that belly-button-exposing avant-garde style was screaming for attention.

From Divine Nadeko’s perspective, were she to know that the supposedly-dismembered Ononoki-chan is after her again, it’d be quite frightening, but since she is an aberration, things would probably not go as well — given that, I should give her a full dress change.

In other words, a third Ononoki-chan.

Even if Ononoki-chan is detached from the reality of eating and drinking, she wouldn’t be detached from the reality of having to change clothes.

‘If you wore my clothes, then they’d see through you; see what you can find from mum and dad’s wardrobe. You can don my hat.’

‘The sizes are going to look really loose on me, I’m going to stand out…’

Ononoki-chan seemed disinterested, but then again, she was probably reflecting on her dismemberment.

‘Alright. I’ll find something that suits me. Like the ones that shrink once they get washed. Onee-chan might not like it, but I’ll model it after Gaen-san.’

She relented in the end.

So it’s ‘onee-chan’ who doesn’t like it.

Seems like her casual clothes that were really difficult to draw were co-ordinated with her, then.

With that, as Ononoki-chan changed, I prepared a meal in the kitchen.

I say prepare, I, Sengoku Nadeko, possess zero cooking talent, so I was looking for something instant.

My family is dual-income, so mum and dad sometimes prepare lunch for me in the morning, but sadly, no cling wrapped dishes in the fridge today.

We were in the middle of a cold war.

A cold war colder than the refrigerator.

It appears my supplies were being cut off.

Sodachi-onee-chan may have said what she said, but from this countermeasure, it seems my parents were determined to drag their beloved daughter away from a hikikomori life.

Tragically, it seems their stern words were not a one-off.

Although continuing on the theme of realities, to deprive food from a child forms, in a way, child abuse — ‘creating four shikigami to compress my workload hours’ was a completely wrong way to deal with this, and I was fully living the consequences, but I could have made a less sensible choice.

To be like Anti-Nadeko, to throw my toys out of the pram, to resort to violence and swing chisels about — it would be incredible if my parents, others, and even myself came out of this unhurt.

Children really take off after their parents. Or do parents take off after their children?

These were thoughts I should not be having now, but in face of parents like these, what should I do to restore some of their faith in my piety?

I went ahead with my stupid thoughts.

Imagine drawing an ideal Sengoku Nadeko that my parents could be proud of, conjuring it as a shikigami from two dimensions to three, and letting her replace me.

This would not be a takeover, but an inheritance.

She would go to school like a normal kid, listen to her parents; honest and cute, quite clever, but awkward with words… goodness me, what should I call this Nadeko…

‘Why’re you grinning at an empty fridge? Freak.’

Ononoki-chan returned with new clothes.

Ononoki-chan, mode III.

Despite wearing adult clothes, no, because she’s wearing adult clothes, she was, as she said, rocking a loose, casual look — so this is what Gaen-san probably looks like.

It was one thing seeing clothes like that on Ononoki-chan who looks like she’s twelve (though I don’t know how old she actually is. She is an oddity. I have heard that oddities take over a hundred years to form), but it would be quite special to see an adult dressing like that.

I wonder what kind of person she is.

Would I be designated as a liability or as harmless? The fact that my fate rested on this one person’s judgement made me nervous — it was a limited choice of clothing for her, but Ononoki-chan’s quick changing has helped me out.

To return home due to an empty stomach makes reckoning with a lonely reality unavoidable.

To face life.

That may be important, but right now, I have to think about what to do with the two remaining Sengoku Nadekos. I have to have a full stomach for this.

‘With that look, Ononoki-chan, you should wear a knit cap. It suits you.’

I ended up boiling some water and fixing myself some instant ramen — it may come as a shock, but Present Nadeko can boil water.

‘So, again… Ononoki-chan, could you recap your strategy for me one more time? You say there’s three of me…’

‘Mm.’

I sat on the dining table, face-to-face with Ononoki-chan.

Come to think of it, it has been months since Ononoki-chan came to my room to play (to rant) and model for my sketches, but every time that happens, she came in through my window to avoid being spotted by my parents, so this was the first time we were together on the ground floor.

The refrigerator may be empty, but there was ice cream in the freezer, so I served some for Ononoki-chan.

Bon appétit.

‘As I was saying, if Divine Nadeko is teaming up with Gentle Nadeko, then we could have three Sengoku Nadekos on our side. You with the two shikigami you caught — Fawning Nadeko and Anti-Nadeko, three of you.’

‘Mm. I know what you’re trying to say, but…’

When she said it on the mountaintop in the Kitashirahebi Shrine, it felt like everything clicked, but upon closer, calmer thought, I felt things would go nowhere near as smoothly.

Based on that, having a bit of buffer time was the right call. When facing against Anti-Nadeko, I reacted as she went, without anything remotely resembling a strategy, in a fight that would have left me more dead than alive; even if this was a pro’s battle plan, I still wanted to rehearse it step by step.

‘Meaning it’s three against two, so that we win on numbers, right?’

‘Yes. Naturally, each Nadeko has their own features, so a simple majority-minority wouldn’t be enough. Considering that you have set different personalities for each character, they aren’t clones, which means it only works on paper. But this presents an advantage for us. They couldn’t use Fawning Nadeko’s charm or Anti-Nadeko’s physique, which makes it the best for us — by contrast, having already had her chisels taken away by Anti-Nadeko, all Gentle Nadeko can be is either bait or a human shield, so Divine Nadeko is the only one we have to plan around.’

‘Indeed. I understand that.’

In addition, now that Ononoki-chan has received some first aid, whilst she couldn’t use the ‘Unlimited Rulebook’, she is still capable in battle — I might be powerless, but anyway, powerless me would still contribute as much as I can.

Despite this, the proposal was still only good on paper.

Because.

‘Relying on shikigami to solve the problem, or to turn the tide to our benefit… didn’t we do this just this morning and failed miserably? We wanted the four shikigami to help, but ended up causing more trouble than they’re worth, and they roamed free, didn’t they?’

If this was like shogi, then it’d be great to have some shikigami pawns, but I don’t think that was going to happen.

Even if I conjure Fawning Nadeko and Anti-Nadeko and enlist their help, surely they would end up running away?

‘Ougi-san said I could comb through the town by drawing a hundred more Sengoku Nadekos, which I think isn’t far off from what you’ve said…’

‘Oshino Ougi was probably kidding when he said it, but that lil’ scamp’s jokes cut to the centre of the matter to a frustrating extent. That’s of course a stupid idea, but Sengoku Nadeko, are you seriously just going to take it after you’ve failed?’

‘What?’

‘If you’ve failed on your first try and don’t give it a second go, that’s not really the attitude someone pursuing their dreams should have — we did fail in controlling our shikigami, so we just make it work next time.’

‘……’

No, that’s true.

You do make it sound optimistic though.

Besides, this avoidance of hard work was, I think, the reason why this Sengoku household ended up with that Gentle Nadeko; sure, it did not work the first time, but to then preclude this option from consideration really was not forward thinking.

My own weaknesses should be overcome.

This should be the part where powerless little me started to work for it.

…But this was after all challenging the lessons on safety once again; to take on a challenge without any warm-up or practice was not exactly courage; it was recklessness.

Rather, the wish to fix one’s failures, to finish a fundamentally mistaken will, could be what leads to failure after failure, inflicting ever greater levels of harm.

‘If you are against this, then I wouldn’t force you to do it. After all, it’s not the only option we have… but you mention one’s will; have you forgotten what your original goal is, Sengoku Nadeko?’

‘Original goal? Isn’t that forming a rotation with the shikigami and reaching that ten-thousand-hour goal?’

‘There’s something else: to be certified harmless by Gaen-san, no? Your status is still pending, so you need to make yourself useful and present your appeal — to clean this up, that is your goal.’

Ah, that.

Of course I had not forgotten — this was also the same reason why despite (to put it lightly) less-than-ideal circumstances, seeking help from other specialists was not an option.

But when listening to her scheme again, if I did this on my own (in the presence of alternative options) and overcame this hurdle, the most that can be guaranteed was to not be regarded as a dangerous troublemaker, and for Ononoki-chan to not receive a penalty, but no matter what, since I had let my shikigami loose, I as an observational target was not going to see any points awarded my way.

To be designated harmless was a goal that will not be achieved — no, thinking of it fairly, that was not going to change in the long term.

Precisely because of that, I needed to fight.

For me to understand only after Ononoki-chan laid it bare multiple times; I really am obtuse.

But she was right.

Making it through the present is not enough.

One must look forward.

My thoughts towards Gentle Nadeko was something I had to say to myself too — I have a future.

Using shikigami to reach ten thousand hours was well and truly scrapped, but even so, now that things have gone like this, I should at least find a way to get that harmless certification.

For a future, for a dream, I needed avarice.

‘Understood. I’ll do it, Ononoki-chan. Nmm, let me do it. Please let me do it.’

I said. Whilst slurping my ramen.

‘Just to confirm, Ougi-san’s suggestion was a joke, right?’

‘Mm. Drawing new and other yous is inadvisable. I said you could repeat your failures, but I said nothing about making the exact same failure — it’s a meaningless loop. Essentially, this is trial-and-error, and try again. Now that one has failed, one should learn something from that. Especially for Araragi Tsukihi.’

‘……’

Even in this crisis, Ononoki-chan still found time to rant about Tsukihi-chan.

Which also meant, since Ononoki-chan usually partners up with Tsukihi-chan (just a quick mention, Tsukihi-chan seems to treat Ononoki-chan as a doll possessed by the soul of a magical girl), to lecture a problem child like myself was probably no difficult task for her.

I hope I could listen in on their conversations someday.

I am interested to see Ononoki-chan as a magical girl.

Anyway, thank goodness I did not have to draw a hundred Sengoku Nadekos — even with a dream of becoming a manga artist, drawing a hundred versions of the same person was beyond my abilities.

Beyond a pro’s abilities, even.

‘You mentioned learning from failures, so I’m going to have to summon Fawning Nadeko and Anti-Nadeko properly this time, haven’t I?’

‘You’re right. Unlike this morning, you have already faced these two shikigami once, and no matter how they happened, they are already firmly sealed away; they were defeated, the role between master and servant has been clearly delineated — therefore, when you open up the folded pages, there is a high likelihood that they’ll listen to you this time.’

I wouldn’t go ahead and suggest something reckless, Ononoki-chan said, as she scooped up more ice cream with a wooden spoon.

‘With that said, there is a worst-case scenario.’

‘A worst-case scenario?’

‘Against Divine Nadeko and Gentle Nadeko, the moment you let Fawning Nadeko and Anti-Nadeko free, they rush over to the other side; let alone a three-versus-two, this becomes a one-versus-four.’

That would be disastrous.

I would be clobbered on all four sides.

‘Well, that is the worst case, and on the subject of more predictions, there is also the optimistic case of Gentle Nadeko, having been only used as bait by Divine Nadeko, to switch sides, turning it into a four-versus-one scenario. But this conversation would never end if we talk about permutations, and this is not a roll of the dice anyway — in the end, it all depends on the power of your guts.’

The power of my guts, I see.

I have never heard of that power before.

Where was I going to find that within my powerless self?

I even wished she would say something such as spiritual power or witchlike power, but in the end, it all depended on willpower.

‘I’ll of course support you on the technical side. To borrow from shoujo manga, Sengoku Nadeko, the time has come for you to surpass your former self.’

Why today, of all days? Wasn’t this for when someone has gone through some growth and was facing a challenge?

All I did was fight with my parents.

‘Shut your cakehole. If you don’t quit your babbling, I’ll end this story right here by saying you, the narrator, are a shikigami all along.’

Please don’t presage a not-entirely-implausible conclusion like that this early.

‘……’

But one doesn’t get to choose their own days anyway — if anything, this has been long overdue.

Gentle Nadeko, refusing to face forward.

Fawning Nadeko, only living for everyone around her.

Anti-Nadeko, always crazed.

Divine Nadeko, feigning holiness and purity.

All of them, me. All of them, connected to me.

Therefore, I am the one who is going to connect all of them with me.

Before all this, when facing Fawning Nadeko and Anti-Nadeko, I honestly did not have the spare power to think this much about it. To prevent a panic, to save myself from that blade, I had no epiphany, I was not aware, all I did was try and survive what was in front of me — but I can no longer do the same for what follows.

I’m full.

Onwards to battle.