Monogatari Series - Volume 21 - Chapter 0.16

016

I was the one who got set up.

No, I managed to dodge, but only barely.

Probably due to architectural considerations, the door to this room thankfully opens outwards — compared to doors that open in, there will be a slight delay in entering the room.

It was this slight delay that saved my life.

I stumbled as I charged into the room, and saw the sheen of a blade — a V-gouge.

‘Ooer!’

Considering the scene, I let out a weird cry and thumped down on the ground. It sounds painful from the onomatopoeia alone, but I will say it was the result of my reflexes.

Like exercising on a mat, I got up after rolling on the floor, as I shot a look at the other person with the gouge in the room. Surprisingly, although it was Nadeko, it was not Gentle Nadeko.

Her fringes were extremely short.

Yes, it was Anti-Nadeko.

‘Tch — dodging an attack from yours truly when you’re slower than a constipated shit, huhhh!?’ {O} 

Her eyes and tone were unhinged, dissonant, her eyebrows raised, her smirk as twisted as her lips, impatiently stomping on the floor repeatedly, having a standoff with me.

This goes beyond a delinquent student.

This was a rogue.

As aforementioned, to differentiate her from the three other shikigami, not only did I give her a different hairstyle, I also gave Anti-Nadeko her own clothes, in her case only a yukata.

The one that Tsukihi-chan wore often, the one I borrowed as pyjamas when my fringes were slashed by her (thinking back to the atmosphere then, I also gave her a hair tie) — she also wore wooden clogs.

It was to complement the kimono then, but if I knew Anti-Nadeko would illegally trespass a house without taking her shoes off and stomp recklessly on the floor, I probably would have drawn her bare-footed.

Or with a pair of tap shoes.

Dragging this back, with Anti-Nadeko spreading her feet wide and squatting down with a V-gouge, plus her very Japanese kimono, it was a pose that screamed a yakuza member’s formal self-introduction. [7]

It was a bit funny, even with the situation at hand.

No, with her pointing her chisel at me, I could not possibly laugh — but the questions finally caught up with the chaos.

Hey, why was Anti-Nadeko here?

Wasn’t she the meanest of all Sengoku Nadekos?

Well, I have to catch every Sengoku Nadeko in the end, so even though it was Anti-Nadeko who was in here and not Gentle Nadeko, it was still alright, as far as outcomes go…

Besides, compared to if the room’s occupant was here, this chance meeting was something I very much welcomed.

However, it was clear that Anti-Nadeko attempted to ambush me.

I thought I was the one doing the ambush, but it turns out I was the one who got ambushed.

Since this was a full pursuit, if not a retrieval mission, I expected some amount of resistance from my shikigami (Fawning Nadeko’s ‘human barrier’, as Ougi-san said, was also some form of self-defence), but I was not expecting this resistance to carry an air of murder.

You have got to be kidding me, right?

Aren’t onmyōji and shikigami master and servant?

No, I am no onmyōji, and as Ononoki-chan said, some were replaced by their shikigami — could Anti-Nadeko be trying to do the same with violence and realism?

Is she really trying to replace me?

I probably should not say this myself, but am I really worth replacing? No good would come of it, surely?

‘Grrrrr…’

Anti-Nadeko growled.

I don’t remember setting her character like that.

She has leapt off the author’s leash.

I hope she doesn’t roam free and become some wild animal.

‘Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off… I am never gonna work a single fucking minute… making me do your pissing job, fat fucking chance, huhhh!?’

‘……’

It was for a far simpler reason.

Not to replace anything, but simply refusing to labour.

Which reminds me, I nearly forgot with all these intervening events, but the thing that got me into this mess was because I wanted to divide the effort needed to become a manga artist, which resulted in me making four shikigami.

At the same time, that was also the reason why they escaped my room, but considering that for them, the consequence of being captured was forced labour, then the fact that anything goes for these Nadekos is no longer a surprise.

An offence is the best defence.

Anti-Nadeko was especially feisty.

Considering she once destroyed a classroom door with a roundhouse kick — well, I should have recognised that damage on that gate as Anti-Nadeko’s doing.

Really slow, I was.

‘I-it’s okay. Anti-Nadeko. I-I won’t force you to go to work… or tell you to work ten thousand hours…’

I tried to negotiate, whilst also trying to stand —

‘Shut your fucking gob, you’re not fooling me for a fucking second! I’m gonna fucking kill you and get some fucking rest when I’m done, huhhh!?’

The V-gouge had at some point turned into a skew chisel — and was swung right towards my heart.

She really hates work, doesn’t she.

Or maybe I was originally like that?

Is that what would happen if I set the character to back then?

In any case, I failed to stand up, and rolled on the floor like a woodlouse — this was not a big room to begin with, and I soon hit the wheel of an office chair.

It was quite painful. But not as painful as getting shanked by a chisel.

Looking closely, the skew chisel that was swung was now stabbed firmly into the carpet — a power unimaginable from a middle school girl with feeble wrists.

This, I am afraid, is a characteristic of Anti-Nadeko.

If Fawning Nadeko’s characteristic as a shikigami aberration is sociability and manipulation (when thinking about it, thank goodness she was the first one I dealt with; it was an extraordinarily powerful ability), then Anti-Nadeko’s characteristic as a shikigami aberration would likely be a removed limiter on her physical strength.

Otherwise, a hole like that could not normally be dug with a mere chisel — as I analysed coolly, I positioned myself one chair away from Anti-Nadeko.

I may not be able to put up a human barrier, but a chair barrier can do.

I ducked for cover behind the back of the office chair (it felt like reloading in a shooter game), and braced myself for this continued confrontation with Anti-Nadeko.

The chisel seemed stuck on the floor, so she grabbed a new blade — a round gouge.

I hate being stabbed by any blade, but amongst all chisels, the round gouge is the one I hate the most… it might have been out of desperation, and the knife I was most familiar with in middle school, but only until now did I seriously reflect on the many, many snakes I have severed with that tool.

Only now — and also for the first time.

I saw the harm I did.

Although I am still unsure why exactly I did that, it was something I regret doing. This confrontation with Anti-Nadeko seemed to have gained an extra meaning.

Mm?

But this is strange, no?

The one who slaughtered small animals with a chisel should be Gentle Nadeko — the most Anti-Nadeko would have had was a garden trowel, right? No, even then, I still don’t want to be shivved by a garden trowel…

Could it be that, after exchanging uniforms, Gentle Nadeko had her weapons taken away from her as well?

If the other three Nadekos robbed everything they can and left her with nothing but gym shorts on the street, then I really feel sorry for Gentle Nadeko.

Even I would think this was bullying.

Bullied by myself (myselves), no less.

I have to guard her as soon as possible.

Or should I say, I have to cut through this.

If I don’t cut through, I’ll get cut through!

‘Calm down, just, have a chat. Put that dangerous thing on the ground first, okay? Ch-chisels aren’t supposed to be used like this, wouldn’t you say?’

‘Huhhh!?’

I covered myself with the chair, as I tried my best at consolation, but Anti-Nadeko’s anger only rose further.

‘What’s this fucking tool for then, huhhh! What good is a round gouge for other than splitting your fucking guts!?’

Scary.

She said she would split my guts.

The wide-open yukata really made her look the part; if it wasn’t for this mildly ridiculous image, I would have frozen with fear from that ferocity.

No, she’s making it sound ridiculous too.

I had never thought of it that way, but back when Anti-Nadeko gave everybody a good talking-to in that year 2 classroom, this must have been what my classmates felt.

This must have what it looked like.

It was frightening all right, but it was also dramatic, exaggerated… the person might have been serious, but the more serious they were, the more farcical it ends up.

‘I-it’s a tool for making things. Chisels are for creating…’

‘Creating!? So you are making me work, aren’t you, you swine!? Huhhh!?’

Please, listen to what people have to say first.

It was a painful lesson on the hardships of communication — forming a team of yourselves would make it easy; Ononoki-chan’s proposal now rings so, so hollow. If I am like this with my own shikigami, if this continues, I could never make it into society.

Convincing such an agitated Anti-Nadeko would probably be a challenge even for the erudite Kaiki-san… however, even though I am using a sheet of paper for capturing, my opponent is wielding a blade.

Fighting blade with sheet — to wit, fighting scissor with paper.

I am going to lose, aren’t I?

Of course, we were not playing rock, paper, scissors in the first place… having been a hikikomori, Present Nadeko’s wrists have only gone weaker; compared to the delimited power character that is Anti-Nadeko, I cannot hope to match her.

My hands were empty too.

There was no contest.

But I wonder what would happen if I did get stabbed.

Perhaps, as a middle schooler, Tsukihi-chan would return home first, and find my dismembered body — even Tsukihi-chan would probably be mortified by this sight.

No, what would happen is, given the body is in this room, the room’s occupant would naturally be the first one to find me — then,

Then it would be very bad either way.

Even in the sense of taboos.

‘Eyah!’

The chair’s back which I have so far used to guard myself, I pushed towards Anti-Nadeko with both hands.

It has wheels, so even without a lot of muscle power, it gains velocity quickly if one uses both hands.

‘Huhhh!?’

Much as Anti-Nadeko was not listening to me, she would have to react to this — I say that, it was a chair approaching her, after all; something cushiony like that would do little damage.

She waved her empty left hand and flicked away the chair — good, for the chair was merely my distraction.

Since she could only use her left hand, she should flick that chair towards her left, so whilst she pushes the chair away, I am going to approach her from her right.

This is fine.

I have done this before, so I am sure of it.

A chisel might be sharp, and having used it a lot, I know how painful being cut by it would be, so it seems unnecessarily dangerous, but to use it as a murder weapon would be infeasible, thanks to how short the blade is.

Assuming!

Assuming the tip does cut through me, a few centimetres will not stab through my hypodermis — my guts won’t be spilled. Though I am not exactly full of fat, let’s hope for the best!

‘If you want a break that much — I’ll give you one!’

I let out a battle cry, trying to encourage myself, as I attempted to catch her with my sketchbook page.

Sadly, my twig-like legs did not move at the speed I hoped they would. If this was the antelope-like Kanbaru-san, this would have been over in a flash, but my sluggish movements would give Anti-Nadeko plenty time to deal with. She could even stick a yawn in there for all she cares.

By the time she was within my reach, Anti-Nadeko had already dodged the chair and was now facing towards me.

From up high, looking down on me.

‘Piss off. You’re the one who needs a fucking break. You don’t like working like this either, don’t you?

‘Just stop if you can’t fucking take it, huhhh?’

With her saying that, my slow movement ground to a complete standstill, as if stabbed in my weak spot. Anti-Nadeko swung her round gouge at me without a hint of mercy, determined to spill my organs.