Monogatari Series - Volume 21 - Chapter 0.10

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‘Mm, ye, gotcha, gotcha. Same~. Aah~, so that’s it, Ah din’ know that. Ooh~. Look at that~. What’s that, that’s cute~. Sure, sure. How’d that turn out, it looks incredible~. Wow~. Ah’ve heard that before! Where did you find it, Ah loved it as a kid; ye ye, loooved it~. Iss’ been like that all the time. Oh no ye it’s great talkin’ like this. The vibe too. Ah feel like Ah’m the happiest person in the world. Iss’a miracle. Eh, it’s been that long? Felt like the blink of an eye. Yeyeyeye. Oh! Thank you! It’s the best so far, in’t’it? Oh geez, seriously~. Enuff with that, come on~. Every single time. Oh! Ah seen it on the internet! Yeye, and, and? Aw ye Ah wanna be just like you. Ah’ve wanted that long ago. How didya know? Teach ya next time~. It’s like magic, Ah couldn’t do it if Ah tried! Though one can hope. Would be great if that happened. Alright, a promise’s a promise!’

…Conversing fluently with her classmates, her answers vapid and meaningless — it was none other than Fawning Nadeko, in a uniform.

From the formation, Fawning Nadeko was literally at the centre of attention, boys and girls surrounding her, though her flattery really is astounding — it worked for everybody, front and back, left and right.

Was she using ‘Ah’ for ‘I’ as well? [2]

Her knowledge of trends was the real deal.

A horrifically modern child.

From that alone, this girl is nothing like the me last summer — not my own self, but a creation, a caricature of Sengoku Nadeko.

A constructed Sengoku Nadeko.

‘…………’

But, how should I put it,

This manufactured, fake, ridiculous impostor of Sengoku Nadeko is someone I cannot help but admire.

Envy, even.

Her empty dialogue everywhere unquestionably places her as a side character, if this were a manga. A sidekick whose purpose was to complement the main character, as the stereotypical ‘easy-going, chatty, trendy female middle schooler’ — that description would not be far off.

Ordinary, shallow as a pancake, straight from an assembly line, a dime a dozen, not knowing right from wrong or from everything else — yet somehow cool, shining.

Dazzling.

Blinding.

No, ‘the wish to become an ordinary girl’ is really more my subconscious, but that image of ‘getting along with one’s classmates’ was something I longed for a long time ago.

Honestly.

If I could be as friendly with everybody as that, I would not mind not having these dreams and goals, that was how sparkly she was.

Almost draining my willpower.

That me.

That me who is joyous, and spreads joy all around her.

I cannot bear seeing it.

‘“If one is content, one will not deliberately pursue dreams” is probably a saying based in reality. Injustice and dissatisfaction are reasons for hopes and dreams. If you wish to achieve, to reach your dreams, to stand out, and to be loved, to be satisfied, then there’s no need to give up everything and walk a tightrope between life and death; just live comfortably in warm water and bathe in warmth and happiness. Aren’t they both the same anyway?’

Ougi-san said behind me as he peeped into the classroom.

With a hint of irony, too.

‘But then that’d only be temporary. Warm water cools down over time. Things might look good now, but you can’t hide your unease towards the future. When I say future, I mean current you, Sengoku-chan. That girl lacks your figure. A visualisation without a vision. In her eyes, Present Nadeko, who’s pursuing her dreams and giving it her all — you’d be sparkly to her.’

Wait, was this consolation? From Ougi-san?

I was not expecting it, but I did feel better.

But this person definitely, absolutely knew he was seeing Fawning Nadeko instead of Gentle Nadeko, yet he was still hiding that from me.

I have no idea if he was friend or foe.

The answer is probably neither.

‘Righto, Sengoku-chan, that shikigami should be dealt with, the sooner the better — it’s also for your classmates under the spell of your shikigami.’

That’s it. That was what I came here for.

And he was right, this was for my classmates as well — indeed, Fawning Nadeko’s flattery and intimacy is so perfectly admirable, so smoothly, enviously approachable, that even when she was surrounded on all sides, nothing looks wrong.

But the fact that nothing looks wrong meant that something was wrong.

They may be classmates, but that kid, that is, Sengoku Nadeko, had never gone to school a single day until now. No matter how joyous, how sincere she may be, to fit in within an instant is something unthinkable. Impossible.

My classmates were not recognising me as their classmate. The ‘me’ in question was of course, Fawning Nadeko. Because I had never gone to school with a headband on.

Then one can say that this sight was an oddity.

It might not be the correct way to describe my past self, but that is what I think — what may look like casual, after-class chatter was actually an active assault from my shikigami against my classmates.

Hmm.

But this feels weird.

There was a certain energy flowing around the classroom, across everybody.

For my drawing to possess such power… although no, come to think of it, Ononoki-chan’s own powers could also be a key factor.

Therefore, if this shikigami were to be ended, I would prefer asking Ononoki-chan to come, but there is little time… I will have to think of something myself.

I learnt this method from Ononoki-chan.

‘Though they may be shikigami, they are ultimately a sheet of paper — there are many ways to defeat a shikigami, and I shall teach you a method so easy even you can do it. Actually, more accurately, it’s something only you could do as their creator… take some blank pages from the sketchbook and bring them with you. Pat the sheet onto the shikigami and fold it in as if you’re collecting it, and those Nadekos will be transferred onto paper. From three dimensions back into two.’

Such was her lesson.

A rather primitive, if not violent measure.

‘Nono, Sengoku Nadeko, I’m the one thinking of using a violent measure. I was going to shatter the shikigami into dust with my “Unlimited Rulebook” — like making recycled paper.’

…I cannot help but feel bad about the Sengoku Nadekos found by Ononoki-chan — in that sense, I guess Fawning Nadeko would be the luckiest of the four.

I thought as I took out a page of quarter fold sketchbook paper — all I had to do is seal her.

Tame it.

Now I felt like a real onmyōji.

Was this how talismans or sacred shintai are made? [3]

‘…mm’

Mm.

It took Ougi-san’s little nod to remind me what I was here for, but making a move was going to be difficult. Approaching a Fawning Nadeko surrounded by classmates… wait, was this a human barrier?

Was this on purpose?

‘Could be. Making close friends and entering the group could be a self-defence mechanism. It seems it lacks self-awareness given that it’s new-born, but once that Fawning Nadeko grows up, she could be quite the tricky character to deal with, no? Something that exorcists have to deal with.’

Coming from Oshino Meme-san’s nephew, I froze in terror — I’ve created a monster.

But to maintain this current state, who knows what negative effects could befall my classmates — even though I barely knew half of them and today was the first time I met them.

Though I was now peeking from the corridor, there was a limited timeframe — what if somebody approaches me and starts a chat? There was only one thing I can do — barge into the classroom, no plan in hand.

I was committed.

I remember doing something similar in my Anti-Nadeko days… what is that rock-and-roll Sengoku Nadeko up to now?

‘E-everyone, don’t be fooled! Th-that girl’s a fake! I-I am the real thing!’

I gathered my courage and did something no hikikomori would do — I shouted as loud as I can, but nobody turned.

Because in the end, my loudest yell was still a feeble whimper, and even ignoring volume issues, my stutter could also be to blame, although for classmates I am seeing for the first time, a shout like that on who’s real or who’s fake would be totally unconvincing; that would be the biggest reason why.

Imprisoned by this odd sight, the students remained entranced in this dangerous dream — I could not destroy the human barrier.

All I got was a humiliating defeat.

From which stemmed deep regret and shame.

Yes, I have tasted failure once again. Not in convincing everybody, but in becoming part of the class. Witnessing myself ‘in a state of success’ has only yielded greater misery.

Aah — how should I put this —

With this sight, I’m better off disappearing —

Because I’m thinner than a sheet of paper; faker than a fake —

Such was the mode of thinking I am trapped in.

Which reminded me of what Ononoki-chan said before: shikigami taking over their masters. That could be possible.

But since everybody looks so happy, and Nadeko herself looks so happy, I thought this was not a bad end — if I can be enveloped in everybody’s smiles, and smile back, there is not much in this world that can beat th—

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!

A deafening noise broke out.

No, not a noise, an emergency bell.

The alarm that sounds when a fire breaks out.

I turned back immediately — the classmates who were surrounding Nadeko also looked towards the corridor.

The corridor?

Even without looking, I knew.

I knew precisely because I did not look.

Ougi-san was not at the classroom door where he was; I realised this as soon as I saw the scene unfolding in front of me. That guy left the classroom door as soon as I went in, and pressed the emergency button!

I cannot believe he just did that.

To trespass into a middle school he has nothing to do with, to press the button when there was not even anything close to an emergency, he really does whatever he wants — though for someone like him to be in that school at that time does count as an emergency.

However, Ougi-san activating the alarm was probably not a prank. At least I hope it wasn’t.

Observe: everybody stopped their chatting and stared into the corridor, creating a weak point in Fawning Nadeko’s human barrier.

Such was Ougi-san’s intent.

It might not be, but I am sticking with that explanation.

However joyful, however dreamlike the conversation, it is impossible to ignore a ringing alarm. At the very least, it was enough to let everybody wake up from this odd scene.

This conversation — this subjugation, has ground to a halt.

Whilst I barged into the classroom and failed spectacularly, that male high schooler was executing a tactic of his own — no, if all he wanted was everybody’s attention, there had to be better ways of going about it?

How am I supposed to tidy this up later, I thought as I went for Fawning Nadeko — tidying this current situation seems more paramount than tidying that later situation.

Having not exercised for so long or attended PE classes, I really should not be running in sandals. Even so, I barely broke through the barrier my classmates had formed.

Fawning Nadeko had not escaped.

It seems she had not exchanged shoes, and since there were no indoor shoes in the cabinets, she was wearing something that could not be run on either: women’s court shoes. Although shoes did not matter here; she made no effort to run.

Without moving, yet without fear, let alone bracing, she simply squinted at me, sketchbook sheet in hand, as she smiled mockingly — Sengoku Nadeko mockingly smiled at Sengoku Nadeko, and said,

‘Giving it your all and pursuing your dreams… stop embarrassing yourself. It’s embarrassing.’

Mind your own business!