025
After I finished my exchange with the two pallid experts that was, in a sense, far more intense and arcane than my discussion with the boy Aberration Slayer (“Listen, Araragi (her name for me having gotten more distant), this freaks me out even more than you think it does, so please, just stop.” “I don’t love this at all.”), I returned alone to Kita-Shirahebi Shrine─Miss Gaen and Episode went off on their own to “start on the formalities” (I hope it’s not that they decided to avoid me).
Mentally and physically drained after my sudden succession of diverse ordeals, I held the plastic bag like a treasure as I arrived at the shrine─where I found yet another, a further ordeal.
“What…”
The little girl had pushed the athlete to the ground and was holding her there.
Within the shrine premises, of all the sacrilegious things you could do.
Shinobu Oshino straddled Suruga Kanbaru’s supine torso─whaaaat?!
What happened? What’s going on?!
What were they getting into there on the other side of the shrine gate?!
It’d be one thing if it was Kanbaru straddling Shinobu, but Shinobu straddling Kanbaru? Strike that─maybe she was just addled?!
Could that talk last night about beautiful girls taking the lead have been foreshadowing?!
I ran over to join in, sorry, no, to question them, but someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into the bushes─with enough strength that I could put up no resistance.
“Shh, monstieur,” a voice said.
Just as I expected, Ononoki had been the one to tug on my hand─she was there in the bush, squatting. At first I was shocked that she’d managed to conceal her presence so close by, but then again, she was small to begin with, so I guess you wouldn’t be able to find her if she crouched down with her hands around her knees…
Not to mention, she gave off no signs of life.
“O-Ononoki.”
“Onthelowkey is fine.”
“Who’s that? No, really. You’re Ononoki, I’m sure of it.”
Could she please stop her character from changing every time we spent a half-day apart?
Still, I’d been reunited with an unexpected presence in an unexpected place─though she’d been protecting me indirectly ever since the fire through the stamp on my face.
How could I not be happy?
I leapt on her.
“Hugs!”
“Dodges.”
She evaded me─it seemed she wasn’t going to let me have my way with her.
Not only did she get out of the way of my beetle-horn hands with nimble movements while sitting, she used her back to scoop my legs out from under me, a beautiful trip─then made me sit, as if to fold me away.
Around the middle of that month, Miss Kagenui had folded my entire body up as if she were using some storage technique, and it seemed that her shikigami could do something similar, unsurprisingly enough─okay, maybe it was a surprise.
Considering how much power Ononoki, someone capable of literal death blows, had, how could I ever hope to manage her if she started using these kinds of aikido or judo-like moves?
I’d never be able to hug her again!
“Don’t assume you can hug me to begin with. I’ll prune you.”
“Prune me? Oh god.”
“I told you shh, didn’t I? Shut your mouth, moron.”
An order─I really couldn’t get a grasp on what kind of character she was.
Knowing how she acted, she probably flew all around after we last met. Judging by the boy Aberration Slayer’s words, her search was unfortunately fruitless, at least on an immediate level… Had she come here to Kita-Shirahebi Shrine to meet with Miss Gaen?
If I tried writing Ononoki’s movements out on a timeline, I guess it would go in the order of “Saved me and Kanbaru (cram school ruins)” → “Gave report to Miss Gaen (via phone)” → “Fought the monkey with Shinobu (teaches her about that park)” → “Also goes to said park herself (learns that the meeting spot has changed)” → “Kita-Shirahebi Shrine (the present)”─I guess?
Really, what a hard-working shikigami…
I recalled how much of this busy, ever-moving girl’s time I’d taken up, buying her nothing more than ice cream, and felt a little bad.
“It seems like you made your way out of a pretty tough battle yourself, monstieur─your clothes are in tatters.”
“Oh, no, this is Kanbaru’s…”
Well, the track jacket aside, I had indeed made it through a tough battle last night. I’d also experienced a fight with few parallels in history…
“If we’re going to talk about tattered clothes, though, what about you, Ononoki?”
“These aren’t in tatters. What are you trying to get by having me expose my skin? It seems like a lot has happened to you, monstieur, but I can ask you that later. More importantly, look over there.”
Ononoki pointed.
At Shinobu and Kanbaru, tangled up on the shrine grounds─I described Shinobu as straddling Kanbaru, but it looked more like a martial arts mount.
So Shinobu had Kanbaru locked down solid? Like beetle-horn legs, as opposed to my beetle-horn arms? But why was Shinobu doing it to Kanbaru? Were it the opposite, it’d feel amazing, like two puzzle pieces snapping right in.
“Let’s go over and sneak a peep at that.”
“Sneak a peep…”
Now that I thought about it, hadn’t she done the same the other day when Shinobu and I were talking? Hadn’t she been straining her ears to listen to Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade talk about the olden days?
I’d inadvertently convinced myself she was the fighting type, given how we first met, but maybe she was more of the type to run investigations, or rather, eavesdropping operations─though she wasn’t running anything right now, sitting here.
“That’s right. External affairs is my line of expertise.”
“You might be able to run investigations, but you’d never be able to do external affairs.”
“Why do you say that when I’ve forged such a strong relationship with you, monstieur?”
“No, I’m sorry, but the only reason we’ve forged a strong relationship is that I’m a pro when it comes to tween girls. Your communication skills are pretty rough, you know.”
“What does that even mean, a pro when it comes to tween girls? Look.”
The aberrational professional pointed at Shinobu and Kanbaru again.
For this girl, pointing was almost like setting a missile’s targeting. Part of me felt nervous, knowing that two close friends were on the other side of it…
“They were like that when I got here.”
“They were?”
That would mean Ononoki arrived at Kita-Shirahebi Shrine only a few moments ago. So she didn’t know why they looked like that, either…which is why she was watching them from afar?
“Wait, no. I can’t agree with this, Ononoki. How are you ever going to move forward if you’re always just watching people get it on like this? You’ve got to be assertive and climb to the next stage yourself.”
“Speak for yourself, monstieur. I’m not spying on them for any vulgar reason. It seems there’s some sort of affair going on.”
“An affair…”
Like a romantic one?
But looking at them again, assuming that’s not what she meant─there did seem to be some sort of intensity emanating from them.
Almost as if they were arguing…
Arguing?
Shinobu?
That didn’t make sense─Shinobu barely acknowledged most other humans, nor did she speak to them, let alone get into a fight with them.
As far as I knew, there was spring break, when she spoke with Mèmè Oshino, an expert (it’d be hard to call her interaction with Tsubasa Hanekawa a proper conversation), the time the other day when she inserted herself between me and Miss Kagenui and spoke to her─and this time, when she spoke to Miss Gaen after being provoked. As far as I knew, that was it.
So why would she, a former noble vampire, dregs or not, an aberration with a lofty spirit and mind, be talking like that with Kanbaru?
And─arguing?
It almost seemed more like a verbal dispute than an argument, practically a verbal conflict─but a verbal conflict with someone you have in a front mount is about as far as a war of words could go, no?
Anything past that and you just have to scrap it out.
No, hold on. Don’t make any panicked judgments, Kanbaru’s involved here, should I just assume this is some sort of kink of hers? Still…
“It’s no good. I can’t make out anything they’re saying. They’re too far. If only they’d yell at each other louder,” I said.
“They’d already be trading punches if they were yelling any louder.”
“Can you hear them, Ononoki?”
“Of course. External affairs is my specialty.”
“…”
Did she have an attachment to that title or something?
To be fair, it was some sort of affair, and it was taking place outside…
As a shikigami, Ononoki’s sight and hearing must far surpass an average human’s… Now that my link to Shinobu had been cut, I couldn’t so much as read my partner’s lips.
Dammit, unable to read her lips?
I was bringing dishonor to the name Koyomi Araragi!
“Can’t we get a little closer to them, Ononoki? Close enough that I can hear a bit of what they’re saying…”
“Oh, so you’re all about this too, monstieur? Just look at you… You just love it when people fight, don’t you?”
“Wait… What do you mean, look at me?”
If I was all about this, that made Ononoki too much about this.
Her staying expressionless the whole time made it that much better.
“No, I want to stop them. This looks like it’s going in a bad direction… It’s just.”
It’s just.
It was just too inscrutable, too bizarre a matchup on a fight card that it made me hesitate, if I’m being honest─if they were arguing, I wanted to know the circumstances before I tried to mediate… Not that I had the luxury of saying that if they were about to break into a brawl.
I would have to stop them at any cost if it were Kanbaru on top of Shinobu, but with the positions reversed…
With our link weakened along with Shinobu’s lessened vampirism, Kanbaru was basically just romping around with a little girl, even if they were tangled up─but Kanbaru knew that Shinobu was the shadow of a vampire. Daring to argue with one was a keen reminder of Kanbaru’s iron nerves─but what could they be arguing about?
What could get her that heated?
I couldn’t imagine. Maybe they got into it over a BL ship or something… It wasn’t too serious if it was for a stupid reason, but…I still wanted to get close enough to hear them so that I could know more.
“You want to move. Hm…” Ononoki nodded. “Using my Unlimited Rulebook?”
“Why would I want to use a method that’d attract as much attention as that one? We don’t want them noticing.”
“Maybe you should try a please.”
“…Please.”
“Hm. What should we do,” Ononoki said, seeming to think as she crossed her arms─did she realize that Kanbaru and Shinobu’s conversation was going to end before ours at this rate?
“Your request isn’t very convincing. It feels like you’re just saying that.”
“What do you mean, not convincing…”
“I wouldn’t mind moving you if you did something amusing.”
“You’re being ridiculous now.”
“Also, don’t you think it’s about time for you to thank me for protecting me with that mark I put on you, monstieur?”
“…”
She now demanded my thanks.
Don’t get me wrong, I felt grateful, but I thought this was one of those situations where you didn’t have to say it out loud… Wasn’t she planning on keeping quiet about it? She seemed like the kind of girl who’d go, “What are you even talking about?” if I thanked her in an awkward way, but no, she was apparently more assertive than that.
“Well, it doesn’t have to be right now, monstieur. Promise me to do something amusing later, and I’ll guide you to the best seat in the house.”
“The best seat in the house?”
“Front-row tickets.”
“They’d notice.”
No matter how serious the problem fueling their quarrel, those two would stop if we went and watched them from that close.
“Okay, fine. I promise. I’ll do something super amusing next time.”
If there was a next time…
Ononoki took on a strange personality in response to my promise. “Hmm, I dunno, your idea of amusing always involves the dirtiest jokes… You’re the type who thinks all you have to do to amuse someone is take off your clothes.” (Seriously, what happened to her over the last twelve hours?) Only her face stayed expressionless, but then she pulled my sleeve.
“This way.”
I know I’ve been describing her as emotionless and expressionless this whole time, but at this point I started to wonder if maybe she was only expressionless, and in fact overflowing with emotion─but in any case, she continued to tug me while I followed her with stealthy steps.
She may not have been external affairs, but she must have surveyed all of Kita-Shirahebi Shrine. She led me straight to the best seat in the house as if we were walking through her backyard.
I could just barely hear their voices and just barely see their expressions, plus we were hidden in bushes, making it hard for them to notice─it must have been just as good as our previous spot for Ononoki, with her apparently sharp senses, but it was on another level for me in my current, human mode.
“…”
From the tone of the voices I now heard─and from the expressions I now saw, I was able to count out the possibility that they were fighting over something pointless and stupid.
The two were arguing.
Genuinely─and seriously.
“Monstieur, I’ve been wondering, what exactly is in those dirty books in that plastic bag you’ve been holding like some sort of treasure this whole time?”
“It sounds like you already know, you just said that they’re dirty books.”
“Well, the bag is strangely transparent. At least, to eyes like mine. Still, I never knew you were well-versed in the ways of boys’ love. That seems a little too broad-minded to me.”
“No, you don’t understand. This isn’t me trying to show how broad-minded I am. I bought these because Kanbaru asked me to…”
I recalled the earlier trouble this got me into─then realized something.
Kanbaru had asked me to pick something else up while I was out shopping─and hold on, why would she ask me, her senior, to pick up something extra while I was out shopping in her place to begin with? You could chalk it up to shamelessness, sure, and that’s why I didn’t find it odd until this moment, but…
What about that?
Was asking me to pick something else up a way of delaying my return? To give her more time to speak with Shinobu alone?
She couldn’t have predicted that I’d encounter the boy Aberration Slayer at the bookstore, of course… But could Suruga Kanbaru have wanted to speak to Shinobu Oshino─in as frank of a manner as I spoke to the boy Aberration Slayer?
But the discussion, or rather, the argument the two girls were having seemed to be a fruitless one. Although I could hear them from my current distance, it was hard to pick out each exact thing they said─they both seemed to have gotten pretty emotional.
Ononoki was staring at the two, but could she really hear them?
“Hey, Ononoki… I have a request.”
“Didn’t I tell you to be quiet, you living interruption? If you’re not going to be reasonable, I’m going to have to shut you up with a kiss.”
Really?
Ononoki’s character was changing from one moment to the next, but who ever taught her that one?
I’d wanted to ask her to translate the exchange for me, but that now seemed difficult─fieldwork may have been her job, but to me she just looked like a dedicated rubbernecker.
But then.
The heated argument between the two finally seemed to reach a stopping point─the conversation between Kanbaru and Shinobu paused for a moment.
It was like one of those fleeting silences that suddenly descend on a noisy classroom─we’d be liable to erupt in laughter next had this been a classroom, but of course, that didn’t happen.
Kanbaru looked up at Shinobu, her lips firm─while Shinobu looked down at Kanbaru, baring her fangs as if to gnash her teeth.
They’d stopped trying to shout each other down─were they trying to stare each other down now?
I was prepared to jump in at any moment, expecting them to beat each other down next─but then.
Shinobu spoke.
“Listen.”
Her voice deeper than before─calmer than before.
“I recognize thy courage─I see from thy recklessness, not ceding a single step to me, that thou art indeed my master’s junior. So rather than grow emotional, I shall indulge this child before me, as an adult who has lived for five centuries─take back thy prior statement and I would be willing to act as though this interaction never occurred.”
Apologize, and I shall forgive thee, Shinobu said.
She hadn’t spoken in such a menacing voice in a while. It made me go from being prepared to leap out to cowering.
I was just trembling, but Ononoki seemed to overestimate me, thinking that I was getting ready to intervene.
“Calm down, monstieur,” she said, taking my hand.
She really was quick to initiate physical contact with me. Maybe she’s in love with me, I thought. She continued:
“A fight between girls isn’t a boy’s business.”
A fight between girls?
This clearly went beyond that. The weak of heart could die on the spot if Shinobu pressured them in that manner. Couldn’t Ononoki see it? That was what it meant for someone’s gaze to pierce like a dagger─but the person in whose direction that dagger pointed.
Suruga Kanbaru.
Her mental fortitude could not be pierced that easily─as far as her spirit went, it could put some aberrations to shame, as far as I knew.
“I won’t take it back. I won’t apologize. I’ll say it again and again.”
Kanbaru sounded calmer, too─thanks to all the preceding, frenetic screaming and shouting? If this was how girls fought, Ononoki was right. No boy had any business trying to get in the way of that.
“Shinobu. You─ought to meet him.”
A line that she’d most likely repeated over and over─Kanbaru said it again.
“You ought to meet the first Aberration Slayer.”
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