Monogatari Series - Volume 18 - Chapter 1.21

021

Miss Gaen handed me a five-thousand-yen bill with an All right, I’m going to get going so you go buy yourself some breakfast if you’re hungry, Koyomin. She then started to descend the mountain to go meet this helper, whoever it was. Shinobu and I were now left behind on the shrine’s grounds. Miss Gaen never gave a clear explanation as to why she changed our meeting place from that park to Kita-Shirahebi Shrine, but her idea must have been to use this spot to explain something she originally had no intention of discussing with us. Her hand had been forced when the armored warrior began to move in earnest─and so she directed us here.

As for my link with Shinobu, it had yet to be restored. It seemed that Miss Gaen’s original plan was to repair it as soon as we met─to cram Shinobu back into my shadow, but that’d have to wait until a little further down the line, now that the first Aberration Slayer had recovered to a level where he had an unmistakable ego of his own. It was safer to leave it until everything was settled.

Even if he didn’t have a real consciousness when Shinobu and I time-traveled from this shrine, the fact that he entrusted me with a message to her, in that burning cram school, meant he already knew about her presence. We couldn’t afford to let our location slip out to him by raising the level of Shinobu’s vampirism.

To return to the magnet example, restoring our link and increasing Shinobu’s vampirism might raise the armored warrior’s vampirism by way of their link─right, just as I’d been modulating my body’s vampiric powers.

Don’t worry, I’ll keep my promise─I’d never be mean and not restore your link after dragging things out this long. In fact, it’d be a problem for me as an expert if I didn’t─because all it takes for Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade to be considered harmless is for her to be sealed in your shadow, Miss Gaen had argued. Not that I didn’t believe her, but I couldn’t deny the feeling that she’d climbed down the mountain before this and a lot of other things could be resolved.

Yes, she might not have had any other choice, since she needed to pick up this helper─but speaking as someone who thought we’d be protected if we met up with Miss Gaen, part of me did feel let down when she went down the mountain.

Shinobu and I aside, I wanted to ask her to protect Kanbaru, a bystander I’d involved in this whole mess─but Miss Gaen had assured us that there was no need to worry.

The sun is starting to come up, after all. You’re safe until night─your sense of this fact might be a little off because of Shinobu’s free-spirited nature, but vampires are nocturnal. That’s why you’re safe during the day. You could even use this time to rest─because I’m going to put you to work at night. There’s no real reason to hang around this shrine anymore, so why don’t you go back home for now and put on a change of clothes?

That’s what she’d said, but I couldn’t possibly in our situation. I did feel bad about making Kanbaru skip school, but it seemed like the right choice was to make these shrine grounds our base for the day.

Oshino’s holy of holies talisman, which Kanbaru and I had deployed here by his request, had purified this shrine, once an air pocket of sorts. To my amateur line of thinking, that vaguely meant the place was safe…

Upon consideration, it made perfect sense that Kanbaru had felt unwell that day and similarly fatigued this time around─the armored warrior’s ashes were within these grounds back then.

If not a fleck of those ashes remained… Still, as her senior in both school and skipping it, I worried about her attendance record.

“Really? It’s okay, you don’t have to worry about that kind of thing.”

“Oh… Well, you, I guess, can catch up after a day or two of classes, if you have good attendance for the most part.”

“Yeah. Also, I wouldn’t mind having to repeat a year if it was for your sake.”

“Could you please not put that heavy of an emotional burden on me?”

I only felt more guilty now. She was too straightforward of a person.

I already felt like I’d never be able to atone for acting as a mediator and bringing this mild obstruction into her life.

“No, really, it’s fine. I’m being serious when I say you don’t have to worry. And anyway, mild obstruction almost sounds like child abduction.”

“So what if it does? And why would your mind go to that?”

“Hm? Oh, you want me to explain my logical seduction?”

“You mean induction. Stop it, I don’t want you putting the words child and seduction anywhere near each other. Aren’t you supposed to be a wholesome young athlete? What kinds of workouts did you do to end up that way?”

“Child adduction.”

“As in grabbing children’s bodies and pulling them toward you…”

Speaking of which, Shinobu Oshino.

Once she’d finished hearing what Miss Gaen had to say, she watched her climb down the mountain but didn’t offer any thoughts.

Her attitude standoffish.

Of course, it was true she couldn’t dismiss everything with an “Impossible” after that thorough of an explanation…

I felt anxious seeing her like this, so I blurted out a cowardly, “So what’re you going to do, Shinobu?” But.

“What is there to be done?” she asked back, sounding bored. “Though an irregularity may have occurred, we must act in accordance with that expert’s plan. Whatever the case may be with him, he shall be finished this eve. ’Twould be one thing if he were in his full and true state, but just as I myself showed this spring break, he’ll prove no match for multiple experts in his half-boiled condition. Despite what that expert said, I believe the doll-girl might be enough on her own.”

“…”

“He will be eliminated, and that will be the end of it. Done. That is all─nothing left for us to do. If they say his power may increase when near me, then I ought not to meet him, though that may not be the case for thee. His end will come unknown to me… I must say this just in case, my master, but do not worry thyself when ’tis not called for.” Her eyes alert, she continued as if to drive the point home. “While that woman spoke in ways to incite thee, in part to amuse herself─I have neither first nor second thrall. What use do orders and numberings have for me after five centuries alive? I was sure to preface my story to thee the other day, was I not?”

“Preface? Like what?”

“Occupy not thyself with foolish envy. Stem thy emotions at adorable jealousy. Do not worry.”

Thou art the only one for me now, she said.

Having lived for five hundred years (almost six hundred, actually), she probably meant it with her advice, but it still seemed like she was trying to be considerate towards me─Kanbaru only listened quietly.

In any case.

A nonstop crisis that had begun at nine the previous night finally seemed to hit a short breather after the twelve-or-so-hour mark.

“Hit a short breather? So like spanking someone when they’re panting,” Kanbaru offered strange advice about how to deal with a hyperventilator. She continued to say idiotic things despite it being morning already (she did meet with me after napping, so maybe she was only now hitting a giddy, sleep-deprived high), but it eased the tension─and as it eased, my stomach growled.

And so, I decided to take the five-thousand-yen allowance given to me by Miss Gaen (I didn’t want to think of it as payment for a job) and go buy some breakfast, just as she suggested.

I might not be able to go home yet, but that didn’t mean I’d fast until nighttime─I wouldn’t call myself resistant to hunger now that my link to Shinobu had been cut, nor could I allow my junior to starve.

“I desire donuts.”

At least one thing about Shinobu was the same as ever.

Kanbaru, my overachieving junior, asked “Should I go run over and get some?” but I’d barely done any work yet and wanted her to let me do some shopping at least.

“Really? I want to make it up to you for kneeing you when you weren’t able to heal.”

“Oh, that… It’s fine, you don’t need to worry about it now.”

“Hm. Okay, then I won’t.”

That was fast. Not that I minded.

“In that case, I’ll look at Shinobu.”

“Hm?”

“I’ll look after Shinobu.”

“…”

Was it really okay to leave Shinobu and Kanbaru alone? They were practically meeting for the first time. I couldn’t bring Shinobu shopping with me, though. It might be safe during the day, but best to have her sit still.

In fact, Shinobu might be safer around someone as mobile as Kanbaru than with me, now that I’d lost my abilities…

Anyway, I was glad that Kanbaru was so quick to accept.

“In that case, my senior. I know I shouldn’t be this brazen, but could I ask you for something while you’re out shopping?”

“Hm? What is it, you can tell me anything.”

“I want you to buy me a book. A new one coming out today.”

“Out today? Huh. Fine with me, I’ll go pick it up then. It looks like we’ll have to wait around, so you can just read it until it’s night.”

“It’s a light novel, is that okay?”

“Come on, Kanbaru. Really? Do you see me as someone who treats light novels as a decadent art? I’m the kind of high school boy who buys true-blue shojo manga with the front cover facing up at the cash register. Don’t think of me as someone who’d ever be ashamed to buy a book.”

“It’s a relief to hear that.”

“So, what’s it called?”

“The Savage Garçon Huffs and Puffs and Blows the Half-Boy Down!”

“That’s one of those light novels that’s not light at all, isn’t it?!”

What kind of books are you trying to get your senior to buy you?!

So it was boys’ love after all…and what was with that title?

“Don’t judge a book by its title. I know titles are getting more and more attention these days, even in the world of literature, but a lot of classics have pretty slapdash names.”

“True, a novel is all about its content. Can I expect much out of the content of this one, though?”

“Oh, you can. Even experts have high hopes for this, the twenty-first book in the series.”

“That’s way too long of a series! And who are these ‘experts,’ anyway?!”

“The greatest mystery of the series, introduced in the very first volume, is going to be revealed at last: Is the savage garçon the one behind the carriage arson?”

“Probably?! The author dragged that out for twenty-one volumes?!”

“Oh, and when I said ‘Bon appétit ♪’ last night, that’s actually a line I borrowed from the series’ protagonist.”

“So it was literally a line out of a boys’ love novel?!”

And here I was thinking she sounded cute!

I’d never been more cheated in my life!

“Whaaat? You’re not gonna buy it for me? Then maybe I’ll just go home.”

“I’ll buy it, I’ll buy it! Happy?!”

Don’t try to threaten me.

What was she doing, pressuring me like that?

Was she going to leave over this, when she refused to after I explained again and again just how dangerous our situation was?

Even Miss Gaen couldn’t have anticipated the allowance she gave us being used for BL…

“Oh, right. You don’t have to, but if you can, could you also buy me a bra?”

“No, I can’t. So I won’t.”

“Don’t worry, I know you can do it.”

“Your expectations of your senior are always too high, you know.”

“I don’t care about the design. Just pick one that you think looks good.”

“Don’t put it on my sense of fashion when it comes to bras.”

“Listen, there’s a million kinds of bra designs out there, but what really matters is what’s on the inside.”

“You think you’re so clever.”

“I can’t go braless for much longer. I want to take care of what they’re made to hold. I know I’ve supported you for all this time, but right now, I’m the one who needs some support.”

“What you need are boundaries.”

Of course, the main reason I went down the mountain, tasked with what seemed like some sort of punishment, was consideration for Shinobu and Kanbaru’s safety. But it also had to do with just how awkward it’d be if Kanbaru went instead, thereby leaving me and Shinobu alone on those shrine grounds.

I felt a keen hatred for just how small I was as a man.

I was worrying myself over things that weren’t serious at all─being alone and letting my head cool off seemed like a good idea.

I don’t remember when she said it, but I recalled one of Hitagi Senjogahara’s first-class aphorisms.

“It’s wrong to think that the strong look down at the weak─in most cases, they aren’t even looking at them in the first place.”

She probably said it before she turned a new leaf, given how sharp-tongued it was, but it’s probably true.

My thoughts and worries must have been incomprehensible to Miss Gaen for that reason─did the “nice lady who knows everything” even have a grasp on the concerns of someone of my level?

Don’t feel envious.

Don’t worry yourself over something stupid.

Shinobu was right─but why didn’t she feel worried? Was there really nothing for her to worry about?

Her first thrall, who she thought had been separated from her in death four hundred years ago, had been resurrected after all that time─could she really stay unemotional about it?

And if I was going there, what about the armored warrior himself?

I didn’t know how he felt about Shinobu─he may have hated her for turning him into a vampire, but until that the two were close, straddling the wall of human and aberration. Now that he had his will back, what did he think of Shinobu, with whom he once fought side by side?

She’d return the enchanted blade Kokorowatari to him─that’s what he said.

The sword was also a replica created in order to cut Shinobu down…

“…”

This too must have been a pointless concern.

Just as Shinobu said, Miss Gaen had no intention of allowing her to meet the first Aberration Slayer─whether the armored warrior plotted a drama of return or revenge.

Or of reunion. It wouldn’t be realized.

The curtain would abruptly fall first.

The rate of aberrational stories occurring in this town would surely drop by a few percent if the experts dealt with the armored warrior─happily ever after, hip hip hooray. Whatever discomfort I felt barely meant a thing─something small, just like my concerns.

The object of my concerns would be eliminated while I was busy being concerned with it.

That’s how it went.

This situation had grown out of me not finishing my homework over summer break─thus would my memories of my last summer as a high schooler be bookended.

I climbed down the mountain and returned to town as I wasted my time thinking these thoughts. On my mental shopping list were “Breakfast,” “Book,” “Donuts,” and “Bra.”

The most efficient itinerary would be: bookstore, supermarket, Mister Donut, then lingerie shop. It’d minimize the amount of time I had to carry a bra and allow me to return to the shrine without getting taken in by the police, considering the patrol routes and timetables of the officers in the area.

Fortunately, it was a weekday morning, so Senjogahara and Hanekawa would be at school. I wouldn’t end up getting scolded by them.

I’d already sent a message to let them know I was safe, but maybe I should send one more, just to make sure they didn’t worry? All while being absolutely sure not to get them involved, now that I had a better idea of the situation…

The thought went through my head as I started with the bookstore─what was the name of the book Kanbaru wanted again? It felt like my brain refused to memorize it, but…something about a garçon?

Speaking of which, you often see butlers positioned in the world of subculture as antonyms to maids, but garçons were their real counterpart, I mused as I searched the shelves, only to find it. The Savage Garçon Huffs and Puffs and Blows the Half-Boy Down! And what a cover. It managed to keep up with the title… Forget freedom of expression, it expressed the full possibilities of human freedom.

They even released both parts on the same day.

The covers even connected to make a big picture.

I couldn’t believe it. Even the copy on the bands around the covers connected─I know it’s all the rage these days, but whoever made this was way too into connections.

While part of me was dumbstruck by the kind of junior who’d order her senior to go buy these for her, this was also what made it impossible to hate Suruga Kanbaru.

Given her national-level physical talent, her honest personality, and her incredible mental fortitude, just being close to her could make you feel inferior and suicidal, but she was also a pervert─when I thought of it that way, even these novels seemed lovable to me.

Still, I did feel a little embarrassed about buying just these two volumes…though I’d be opening up a huge can of worms if I started worrying about what bookstore employees thought of me.

It wasn’t manly of me to buy a book as camouflage for another, but it actually seemed smart to avoid being too manly here. That kind of camouflage would be a kind of courtesy to the employee at the register, like thanking a bus driver when you get off. It wasn’t as if I had a book I particularly wanted to buy for these deceptive purposes, but I was in a perfectly fine bookstore with a wide selection of titles. Not only had Sengoku looked up info about snake curses here, this is where I’d picked out some study aids myself.

I picked up the books in question for the time being, but another thought came to me.

It had been a while since my link to Shinobu had been established, but now that it had been severed by the Darkness, I was truly acting on my own for the first time in a long time.

I acted freely.

Freedom.

I was in the middle of running errands─but when I thought about how Miss Gaen would soon restore our link, my freedom struck me as being fleeting. Kaiki’s senior though she may be, Miss Gaen surely wouldn’t refuse to repair our bond…

In that case, shouldn’t I at least make the most of this moment of freedom, this liminal space of extra time where I didn’t have to concern myself with anyone’s eyes, whether human or aberrational? The thought came to me in a flash, leading to an idea, and so as part of my search for literary camouflage, I headed for the first time in a while to the adult books section.

“Hmm…”

They didn’t call this the town’s only major bookstore for nothing.

Their lineup lived up to all my expectations.

Still, a rather discerning eye was necessary to pick out something that could neutralize the destructive power of the front covers of Kanbaru’s BL.

It’s not as if I didn’t buy these kinds of publications in Shinobu’s presence, but part of me always tries to show off around her─I wanted to choose without having to worry about how it looked in this rare moment roaming free.

It’d been so long that I didn’t fully recall my way around these shelves, but I formulated a certain standard as I inspected them─a guiding ideology.

All of that earlier talk from Kanbaru of child abduction and whatnot reminded me: because I’d spent so much time having fun with Shinobu, Ononoki, and Hachikuji lately, people’s suspicions that I was a pedophile were growing by the day.

I didn’t think Kanbaru had been trying to humor me, but given the time and season I found myself in, the best thing to do would be to buck the trend and clear up these suspicions.

In other words, cougars.

Handing the volumes to Kanbaru, or taking them out of the bag, I’d nonchalantly show her a glimpse of a cougar mag, proof that her senior Araragi was by no means a pedophile─I’d have her know that when disinterested and true to himself, it was cougars that Koyomi Araragi desired. Something about this felt like I was only making the problem worse, but I put those concerns aside and began my investigation with this new guiding foundation.

I ended up agonizing for another hour, ultimately picking up two photo books with covers adorned by women whose clothing choices could be said to resemble Miss Gaen’s. Much Introspection and Logical Formulation naturally led to cougars. I alternated these between Kanbaru’s two volumes, creating a milf-euille of sorts, and brought it to the register with a sense of accomplishment.

3,850 yen.

That got pretty expensive…

I now had to cover breakfast for three, including donuts, as well as Kanbaru’s bra with the remaining 1,150 yen─not to mention that it’d be the afternoon by the time I got back to the shrine.

Sheesh.

Could I not even shop right? How depressing.

If only I had half of Kanbaru’s caliber as a person, or half of her guts, I surely wouldn’t be worrying like this, I thought as I walked away from the cash register─and then.

I nearly knocked over a boy standing right behind me─that was close. Could he have been next in line to pay? No, he’d still be too close…

He was empty-handed anyway.

And wait, a boy who looked to be an elementary schooler being in a bookstore and not at school felt awfully strange.

Wearing long hair, a vertically striped sweater, and capri pants, he could almost be mistaken for a girl, but hah, did he really think he could hide the fact he was a boy from me? He was five years too late for that.

“…?”

What could it be?

Was he watching me making a captivating purchase out of boyish curiosity? I could understand if that was the case, but it was five years too soon for him. I tried to pass by him, but.

But then.

“Hello there, Second.”

The boy spoke.

“Did ye give my message to Kissshot?”

His voice sounded like mine.