Monogatari Series - Volume 18 - Chapter 1.09

009

Izuko Gaen.

The lady who knows everything.

Senior to Mèmè Oshino, Yozuru Kagenui, and Deishu Kaiki, as well as something like the big boss when it comes to aberrations─I’d heard of her existence here and there, but only met her for the first time a few days ago.

She was mature but not by any means old, wearing an outfit that made her seem younger than her real age. I never would have imagined her to be Oshino’s senior. I suppose you could describe her as oddly or overly familiar; her chumminess was something she had in common with Kanbaru, a natural communicator.

At the same time, there was a clear line between her niece’s sociable and engaging personality and her own. At the risk of being misunderstood, I’d say she wasn’t the type I really wanted to befriend or get too involved with. In that sense, she definitely was a kind of senior figure to Oshino, Kagenui, and Kaiki…

I should’ve been celebrating my good fortune, having managed to contact the outside world with a cell phone amidst this new aberrational phenomenon─but I felt so strongly about her that part of me wished my phone had ended up being jammed and out of service in the middle of town.

While the location of our meeting had been decided, we hadn’t set a specific hour─since I didn’t know how long I’d need to talk (chat) with Kanbaru.

Miss Gaen shouldn’t have been able to figure out when we’d arrive at the park, let alone whether I’d call her─but she seemed totally unflapped when she picked up.

As if she’d been waiting, like she said.

“C’mon, Koyomin. Don’t talk about me like I’ve got superpowers or something─I’m no big deal. Yotsugi gave me a progress report on the details, that’s all. That, and I assumed you must have a phone with you.”

“…”

“Seems like you’ve been through a lot─but I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Okay? I’m not sure if I could say that.”

I somehow resisted the urge to complain─ranting at Miss Gaen wouldn’t do me any good.

Ononoki was right, even she couldn’t have predicted what happened back there… And how could I raise my voice at someone I was about to ask for advice?

As a matter of courtesy, of course, but also in terms of simple self-interest.

“You’re okay,” Miss Gaen said, her tone as assertive as ever. “People are okay so long as they’re alive─and isn’t it great? You’re not dead. No, I’m being serious─if I’d let you get yourself killed, even I wouldn’t be able to hold my head up to Mèmè with a smile on my face.”

“…”

Something about her seemed so frivolous. Every little thing she said.

So she always smiled around him? Insincerely or something? Then again, her frivolity did make this easier for me…

“And? What’s going on now? Go ahead, you can tell your friend Miss Gaen all about it.”

“Well…”

“Is it a crab? A snail? A monkey? A snake? A cat?”

“Huh?”

I couldn’t help but be disoriented at her attempt to anticipate what I was about to say─it felt like getting stabbed in the back right as I called to ask her for help.

A snail─a lost cow.

“Wh-What do you know?”

“I know everything.”

As you know, she reminded me.

I went silent─I wouldn’t have been able to hold the words back otherwise. Not complaints this time, but doubts.

What I’d started to doubt was Ononoki’s claim that the current turn of events was far from what Miss Gaen could have predicted. Whatever report Ononoki might have given, how could Miss Gaen know that we were now lost─lost as though we’d been led astray on these streets by a lost cow─when she should be in a distant park?

But perhaps she could glean something even from my silence.

“Ahaha,” she laughed. “C’mon, it’s just a joke─what’re you acting all serious for, Koyomin? It’s all a trick to make myself seem more impressive. If I give five examples, one of them would have to be right. It’s a dirty trick that adults pull.”

“…”

“So, which is it? Wouldn’t you please tell your friend Miss Gaen, she doesn’t have the first clue─though my personal guess would be the snail.”

She had it right after all.

Her explanation that one of her five examples had to be right did have some merit to it, but her afterthought ruined her own argument. Did she want to clear herself of any doubts, or only deepen them?

The simple answer would be that she was just toying around with me─but that’s not to say it felt pleasant to be toyed around with.

“Oh, please. I just thought that if you were in a place to call for help, it must be the snail─it’s called reasoning. So, what’s the matter?”

“You’re exactly right… Yes. Kanbaru and I are together─and we were heading toward the park to meet you, but we’ve spent over an hour and─”

“Hahaha,” Miss Gaen laughed again.

Just like earlier, it felt like the gravity of my situation wasn’t getting across at all.

“I was thinking of all the people it could be─but it looks like it’s the smallest one of the bunch.”

“…?”

Miss Gaen’s inexplicable statement left me at a loss for words, but it did seem as though one of her points of concern had been addressed. Her already-clear voice grew even brighter.

“Koyomin,” she said. “That to me is great news, if anything─and it just might be for you, too. Yes, how auspicious. I almost feel like getting a cake ready for you with candles and all.”

“A cake…”

“That’s a joke, don’t worry about it. Anyway, hurry up. I’m starting to want to hear the details about this face-to-face. To be honest, I thought we might be in a little bit of trouble when I got that report from Yotsugi, but your intel is like a shining beam of hope.”

“N-No, like I was saying, the issue is that we’re having trouble hurrying up─I think we’re going to be lost out here forever if we don’t do something, which is why I was hoping to get some advice from you─”

“There’s no need for me to give you advice. That’s nothing more than a little bit of meddling─if you can’t overcome a hassle like that on your own, then we’ve got a problem.”

Her tone was neither cold nor harsh, but the words were a clear rejection─a clear rejection in a clear tone.

A problem? Sure, we had a problem. But it was she who dragged us into this situation.

“Oh, no, Koyomin. That’s exactly why─you already know what it means to ask me for advice, don’t you? You’re in this predicament because you got yourself saved by me─the longer you want this endless cycle of assistance to continue, the worse of a light you paint yourself in. Find yourself a good distance from me. Fortunately, Koyomin, this isn’t your first time getting lost. So why don’t you follow Mèmè’s principle and go and get saved on your own?”

Wait, no─Miss Gaen paused. Then continued insinuatingly:

“I guess you’re not alone. You have your reliable junior there with you, don’t you? Why not just rely on her?”

“J-Just rely on her?”

On Kanbaru?

When I’d already gotten her this involved?

This went beyond the armored warrior. I could look at everything that happened to me starting on the last day of summer break, and she still had nothing to do with any of it whatsoever. There wasn’t a single reason for her to be lost on the street with me─and Miss Gaen wanted me to rely even more on Kanbaru, a complete bystander?

“Wh-Who exactly do you think Kanbaru is? Kanbaru is─”

“Suruga Kanbaru is the daughter of my sister,” Miss Gaen replied cheerfully. “It’d be a waste to allow her talents to remain slumbering.”