Monogatari Series - Volume 15 - Chapter 6.04

004

And that’s how I ended up ’round back of the dojo.

Led there by the arm.

I don’t mean that metaphorically, we really did go the whole way arm in arm.

I’d be delighted to seem like a guy out for a companionable jaunt with his little sister, but the reality is that people probably thought I was the younger sibling. Karen’s so much taller than me.

And while we’re at it, the arm in arm part was “to keep me from running away before we got there,” so the truth is that it wasn’t particularly “companionable” either.

Well.

There is precedent for me breaking my promise to Karen and running off, so I can understand why she felt that way, but for once I had no thought of running away.

Given how emotional and quick to judge she is, I took her story with a grain of salt─but to be honest, this story of a “tree that existed without anyone noticing it” piqued my interest.

…It had nothing to do with avoiding my exam prep, of course.

“Hmm…”

As I’d told Karen, the tree was a lot smaller than I’d imagined─even so, and even though it was an aged tree, it seemed highly unlikely that it could’ve been there without anyone noticing.

It seemed unlikely─but apparently that’s what happened, so what can I say? If Karen had been the only one claiming this, I would’ve said my little sister was oblivious and that’d be the end of it (okay, maybe not?), but with the other pupils and even the master of the dojo all corroborating her story…

“So you were the first one to notice it? This tree?”

“I sure was. Praise me, praaaise me. Pat my head, paaat it.”

“I’m sorry to say you’re too tall, I can’t reach.”

“I’m not that huge…”

“So when everyone is training in the courtyard, you stand closest to this tree, right? Don’t you think it was just that no one could see the tree because you were in the way?”

“I’m telling you, I’m not that huge.”

Karen went and actually stood in front of the tree.

Some portion of the trunk was hidden, of course, but it’s not like I couldn’t see the tree─obviously, since it was at least ten feet tall.

There wasn’t a single leaf or fruit or anything─whether it was just that the season had passed, or whether the tree had run out of the requisite life force to produce such things, I couldn’t say… But judging from its height, I would’ve expected it to be visible even from outside the walls.

I asked Karen about this.

Shaking her head, she replied, “Dunno. I take a different route. Maybe I saw it…but I was never aware of it.”

“There you go… I mean, most people don’t go around peering at the trees in other people’s yards, right?”

“Yeah. And I think the same is basically true even when you’re inside the yard itself, or in the middle of training. So maybe we just never noticed it. But doesn’t that mean it was just our own negligence?” As she said this, Karen turned around and touched the tree. “We never noticed this tree thanks to our own negligence─we weren’t kind enough to notice it, and now that we’ve noticed it we say that it’s freaky and ought to be cut down? Isn’t that fucked up?”

“Well…”

To be perfectly honest, I could see where the people who said it “ought to be cut down” were coming from. But at the same time, it was only natural for Karen to think the whole thing was “fucked up”─whether or not it actually was “fucked up” is another question, all I’m saying is it was only natural for Karen to think so.

Both sides’ opinions were valid.

As a disinterested third party, I could only say that I understood where everyone was coming from─but the important thing here was that I wasn’t a disinterested third party.

There’s a time and a place, of course.

But at that time, and in that place, all I could be was Karen’s big brother─that’s all I wanted to be.

“Okay then. It seems like you were telling the truth this time, so I’ll help you.”

“What the hell, big brother, are you saying you didn’t believe me? How rude, when have I ever lied to you?”

“Including only the clearly verifiable instances, you’ve lied to me on 293 occasions. The first time was when you were two years old and had broken one of my toys.”

“I don’t know whether to say you’ve got an amazing memory, a small mind, or a short stature…”

“Leave my stature out of it.”

Anyway, let’s get down to business.

Needless to say, we were currently trespassing on someone else’s property─for Karen this was evidently a mi casa es su casa situation, but this was my first visit to the home of someone who I didn’t know from a hole in the ground.

I could not have been more antsy.

“In other words─you want to figure out some way to keep the tree from being cut down, right?”

“Yeah. With your political pull, big brother, I know you’ll manage something.”

“I wouldn’t count on my political pull.”

“I have an even more shameless request… ‘Keeping the tree from being cut down’ makes it sound like it’d be okay if we found some way of moving it somewhere else. But that’s off the table.”

“Off the table…”

Dial back the language when you’re asking for help, okay?

Why the hell are you saying that to me like it’s some kind of rule, or a condition of my contract?

“It’d feel like we were driving this tree out of its home, and I couldn’t stand that. Which is why I ask that you find a way for it to stay here like this forever.”

“Forever, huh…”

The tree seemed like it was going to die of its own accord in the not too distant future, so the “forever” part honestly seemed a bit difficult…though likewise, moving a tree that old somewhere else was probably worse than difficult.

If we were to preserve the tree, it seemed like it was going to have to be done there─whether or not I had the political pull.

“From what you said, your sensei doesn’t think this tree is freaky.”

“Are you kidding my? It’s me sensei we’re talking about.”

“That didn’t come out right, did it?”

“Are you kidding me? It’s my sensei we’re talking about.”

“Geez, saying it with the same gusto like you never messed up. In that case, though…can’t you just ask your sensei to talk to the students who’re so freaked out about it?”

“It’s not that easy! Sensei certainly isn’t freaked out by the tree, but that’s only because to a martial artist, trees are just something to be kicked over.”

“…”

That’s nuts.

Kicking over trees instead of cutting them down?

Faced with someone like that, I guess Karen couldn’t simply come out and say she felt sorry for the tree─

“If this tree were gone, there’d be more room for training. So freaky or not, I think sensei would secretly be glad to see it go. But it’s not like I haven’t already pled my case. I managed to get the tree a temporary reprieve.”

“Is that so?”

“Just because I came to you, big brother, doesn’t mean I didn’t go to my sensei first.”

“Is that so…”

“But it’s impossible to stop all the other disciples. They’re all pretty cocky and won’t just quietly follow sensei’s orders.”

“Hmmm… In that case, what if you tried to convince them as their fellow karate student instead of your sensei handing down an order?”

“No good. Otherwise I would’ve done it already and not have bowed my head to you, big brother, I seriously hated having to.”

“Seriously hated, huh…”

The hurts just keep on coming from this little sister of mine.

Like she’s trying to gradually wear down my health bar.

“At the same time, if I can convince the others, I bet I can convince my sensei─that is, sensei said as much.”

“A-ha…”

“To be exact, what sensei said was, ‘If you can beat the shit out of all the other disciples and change their minds, I don’t mind leaving the tree alone. For your sake, I’ll suppress my desire to kick it over.’ But I really don’t want to beat the shit out of all the other disciples.”

“…”

Seemed like her sensei erred a little too far on the side of practical combat.

And the fact that Karen said she didn’t “want to” rather than “couldn’t” was terrifying… Though if they went by majority rule, she would get pwned, so maybe her sensei was considering her feelings in a way.

The courtyard belonged to the dojo, so it was up to the sensei what happened to the tree─yup, Karen was a cherished disciple.

“And my cherished little sister… If that’s how it is, the obvious course of action would be to try and convince each of the other pupils one by one…”

Cocky.

I’m not sure exactly what Karen meant by that, but if every one of them was a seasoned combatant, convincing them one by one didn’t seem like it’d be an easy task.

Instead of dealing with them one at a time─the best solution would be to come up with a “principle” that could convince all of them at once.

I touched the aged tree as Karen was doing─and it felt real, in a way that didn’t come across when you were simply looking at it.

It made me think, This is a living thing.

It wasn’t just Karen, anyone might’ve been opposed to “killing” it simply because it’d started to wither…or simply because no one had been aware of it before.

Putting aside whether or not I agreed.

“If nothing else, we’ve got to get rid of this preconception that the tree is freaky. In other words─if we can prove that it’s not an aberration, or an apparition, or some kind of evil spirit, but just a regular old plant…”

“Right. If only we can set those scaredy-cats’ minds at ease.”

“…”

It might not be so easy to convince those “scaredy-cats” with such a hostile attitude…

“Yeah? Fine, let me rephrase that. Chickens, not scaredy-cats.”

“Still only sensing hostility. You’ve got to be buddy-buddy with them.”

“It’s not like we’re not buddies. I usually have the utmost respect for my fellow fighters. But in this case they’re chicken. A bunch of Chicken Littles, running around like chickens with their heads cut off. But mark my words, their actions will come home to roost.”

“Uh huh… Anyway.”

Naturally, it wouldn’t be too hard to prove that the tree was just a plain old tree─we could verify it by taking a cell sample. No exaggeration, we could end the whole business with a little trip to the school science lab.

But I didn’t think that was what Karen was after─and I didn’t think it’d make the “chickens” back down.

Scientific inquiry doesn’t necessarily do anything to dispel a visceral doubt─saying the tree had been falsely accused might be putting it a little forcefully, but establishing its innocence was a bit of a Devil’s Proof…

I knew.

I knew that this was just a plain old tree and not an aberration─but there was absolutely no way for me to get that across to someone else…

And when you get right down to it, even my sense of things isn’t always correct. It’d be the Vampire’s Proof, not the Devil’s Proof─still, if push came to shove, I could get Shinobu to confirm it.

“Karen. Can you think of a reason why no one noticed this tree all those years? Doesn’t it seem a little much to ascribe it entirely to the greenness of some karate students?”

“Not at all.”

“I see…”

If that was how she felt then so be it, but if we could only “cook up” some kind of reason, something that made sense, it seemed like we might be able to convince the other students.

I say “cook up” like I’m some sort of swindler because when you really think about it, we could probably chalk up the fact that no one ever spotted this tree to simple negligence─if not greenness.

No, maybe negligence was overstating the case, too.

But it’s only natural for there to be trees in a certain type of courtyard─Kanbaru’s house has them, for instance, and since it’s a pretty standard scenic option for a house with this kind of vibe, you don’t end up really paying it any mind.

It was neither negligence nor greenness.

It’s just that nobody paid any attention to the presence of the tree─until Karen “pointed it out,” and then it was suddenly thrust into the forefront of everyone’s mind.

Which is probably…precisely why Karen felt responsible for an old tree growing in somebody else’s courtyard, even if that person is her sensei.

“So, what did Tsukihi say about it?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. There’s no way you consulted me without consulting Tsukihi first─what did the Fire Sisters’ strategist have to say?”

“Oh. She told me about Washington.”

“…The city?”

“The president.”

“…”

I assumed she meant the story about how George Washington, first president of the United States of America, cut down a cherry tree…

“D-Dare I ask why she brought up that story?”

“She said, Can’t you just break it and apologize?”

“…”

Sounds like Tsukihi when she has no interest in what you’re saying…

My littler little sister Tsukihi loves to stick her nose into other people’s troubles, but is the flipside of that her utter lack of interest in her own family’s troubles?

“I’m afraid she wasn’t actually listening to anything you had to say. What would you be apologizing for? What misdeed?”

“She was saying that regardless of what you have or haven’t done, whether you’re in the wrong or not, if something happens, just apologize.”

“Tsukihi’s entire life philosophy laid bare…”

Though in this case, Karen would probably be a hero if she broke it─seeing as that’s what everyone including her sensei was hoping for.

I was reminded afresh of Karen’s inner strength─sticking to her own opinion even when everyone around her, her erstwhile comrades no less, all saw it differently.

I, at least, wasn’t possessed of the mental fortitude to brave friction and conflict when victory promised no concrete advantage or benefit.

That alone.

That alone was enough to make me want to help her out, just this once─oops, that makes it sound like I care about my little sister.

Let’s call it an opportunity for me to put Karen in my debt.

“Heheheh.”

“What’s with the evil look?”

“Karen. How much time have we got to play with?”

“Almost none. Even tomorrow might be too late. We’re up against the possibility that someone’ll try and knock it over sometime today.”

“Gosh, at least use a saw.”

Anyway, not much time.

Almost none, or none.

Even if we did have some time, it would be of the essence─I had to assume that all the other disciples came and went as freely as Karen, so it was entirely possible one of them might go rogue. And seemingly every last one of them could topple the tree without using any tools─

“Then I know what to do. Karen, you can rely on your reliable brother.”

“Really? Then as thanks I’ll let you do whatever you please with my boobies.”

“I don’t want you to think that I was motivated by that reward, so I will not do whatever I please.”

“Playing hard to get, huh. Why, you…”

“How about I do whatever I displease.”

“Whatever you displease?! What are you planning to do to my boobies?! Anyway, big brother, what are you going to do?”

“Heh. Trust me.”