Monogatari Series - Volume 15 - Chapter 6.02

002

“This is the tree, big brother,” said Karen─pointing to a tree behind the dojo where she had led me. Hanekawa probably could’ve identified the variety at a single glance, but unfortunately I’m ill-versed in both horticulture and forestry, so “tree” is the best I can do.

Whether “ill-versed” is a generally accepted opposite for the idiomatic term “well-versed” is a whole other question─the only other thing I can say about it is that it was old and almost totally leafless.

“This tree, huh?” was my initial response to Karen’s words─I didn’t know how else to react. “Well─it’s definitely a tree. It’s…slenderer than I expected. From what you told me, I was envisioning something a little sturdier…”

“I didn’t say anything like that.”

“But this is the tree that’s in your way?”

“I didn’t say anything like that either, that’s horrible. It’s all them others who are treating this tree like it’s in the way─I’m its ally.”

“Uh huh…”

All them others struck me as an unexpectedly pungent phrase.

I also found myself wondering if trees really have allies and enemies, but that aside, it seemed clear that Karen, my bigger little sister, had a tremendous amount of empathy for this tree.

Empathy.

My richly sentimental little sisters, in particular this older one, had a tendency to pour their excess emotions into literally anything─so if you didn’t watch what you said, they could end up casually throwing their support behind anything or anyone.

Which is precisely why, as one wing (?) of the Fire Sisters, this kid reigned over the middle schoolers by popular writ─but one false move and that personality could also prove terribly precarious.

So I never take anything she says at face value. I always have to listen with a cool head─as I pondered this, I reappraised the tree that stood there before me.

“…”

Late September.

I had come along with my little sister Karen Araragi to the town dojo where she trains─a privately owned dojo where they teach karate. A dojo run by a “master” of practical combat karate, where for many years already Karen had been devoting herself to her training.

The melee skills she cultivated there had been demonstrated to her older brother on many occasions, and in that sense I couldn’t set foot in that place without a certain bitterness… But under the circumstances, I had no choice.

That is, setting aside my bitterness for a moment, I was definitely interested in darkening the dojo’s door at least once─because I had a hankering to meet the person whom Karen, the same Karen who turned up her nose at any kind of etiquette or manners, called “sensei,” to find out just what kind of a person this sensei might be.

Half because I wanted to say thanks for taking such good care of Karen, and half because I wanted to complain, What the hell kind of skills are you teaching my little sister?

So after an hour and a half, my heart pounding, I reached the dojo that Karen could dash to in just under an hour. But unfortunately the sensei wasn’t in.

“This isn’t what I was promised.”

“What? I never said aaanything about introducing you to my sensei. Or did I? When? What second of what minute of what hour of what day of what month? How many revolutions of the Earth are we talking about?”

“…”

Shaddup.

If she weren’t my little sister, I’d smack her one. No, it’s because she was my little sister that I wanted to smack her for being so immature.

“Karen, the only reason I don’t smack you right now is that you’re stronger than me!”

“How can my own big brother say something so pathetic?”

She looked sad.

I hate that even more than when she looks disgusted.

“Well, I’ve wanted to introduce the big brother I’m so proud of to my sensei for a long time, too. I thought today would be a perfect opportunity, since there are no classes at the dojo…but nobody’s home.”

“I mean, it’s pretty normal for people to go out on their days off… Wait, did you even make an appointment?”

“Me and my sensei are on the same wavelength, we don’t need appointments or Apollos or anything.”

“First of all, I don’t think too many relationships require spaceships, and second of all, judging from how things have turned out, we very much did need an appointment.”

“Gyahahah, that’s all over my head.”

Despite the fact that I’d taken the time to lay it all out clearly, and in numerical order no less, Karen just laughed it off and lightly vaulted over the gate.

When I say gate, though, I’m not talking about your garden-variety garden gate. The dojo had a gate like the kind in front of a certain kind of house: impressive, or imposing, or really huge, but Karen took off like a ninja and leapt clean over it.

Damn, she doesn’t even need CG.

It made me want to market her as the antithesis of today’s movie industry─while I was thinking this over, she opened the gate from the inside.

“Okay big brother, c’mon in, this way.”

“What are you, a ninja, a phantom thief? You can’t just go in there when nobody’s home.”

I never thought I’d have to explain such a basic concept to a defender of justice like my little sister, but Karen didn’t seem phased. In fact she seemed proud. “Don’t underestimate the trust between me and my sensei, big brother. I always come and go as I please like this, and it’s never been an issue.”

“That’s unheard of, you’re just a disciple…”

That’s it.

Next time I’m coming to the dojo with our parents instead. To formally apologize.

“Oh, come on. It’s not like I’m going into the house. Just the dojo, and really just the backyard.”

“That’s all very well, but…”

“Don’t be such a stick in the mud. You’ve got to be more flexible. I can help you with that, if you want. We can do our daily stretches together from now on.”

“If I did the kind of stretches you do, I’d break every bone in my body. It’d be more like splatter than stretch.”

“Tra la la.”

She practically skipped towards the dojo─I followed after her, thinking how much I envied her seemingly carefree life, and she introduced me to the “tree” in question.

“But even if it’s slenderer than I expected, a tree’s a tree─it’s got such presence,” I said.

Looking up again at the problematic tree─though of course Karen said there was no problem at all─I asked, “Are you sure? That up until now─no one noticed this tree was here?”