Monogatari Series - Volume 15 - Chapter 2.05

005

The epilogue, or maybe, the punch line of this story.

Though this time around, the punch line didn’t actually come until much later─the reason being that “satisfied” by what Oshino said, the sense of “mysteriousness” cleanly swept away, I never ended up reporting back to Senjogahara about it.

And Senjogahara, never hearing back from me, left it alone─I’d figured I could give her the full report next time I saw her, but the next time I saw her, namely Sunday, May fourteenth, things got pretty hairy and this business just kind of, if I may, got lost in the shuffle.

Senjogahara must have forgotten about it again.

And so did I.

It wasn’t until the end of May that I remembered─

“I just remembered,” I said, finally telling her about it. “Basically they were part of the school’s roof supervision policy─those bouquets.”

“Roof supervision?” she reacted as if she’d only remembered because I brought it up. But being the brainy lady she was, it all seemed to come back to her in an instant.

“Yeah, just like managing the keys and putting up the fence─though compared to that, the bouquets seem more like they’re for peace of mind, like a protective talisman or good-luck charm.”

“How do bouquets─how does putting bouquets on the roof supervise anything? If it’s supposed to be like a rooftop garden─it’s in bad taste. Almost as bad as your fashion sense.”

“There’s no call to bring my fashion sense into this.”

“What’s with that uniform?”

“Whatever you may say about my civvies, how can you talk smack about my school uniform?! Are you trying to make an enemy of every single boy who goes to Naoetsu High?!”

“What do I have to fear from them as long as you’re on my side, Araragi?”

“I’m on their side, dammit! Though it is in really poor taste, isn’t it…”

“Thank you.”

“I’m not talking about my uniform, I’m talking about the bouquets! It’s a tasteless tactic─and I don’t know who came up with it, but the bouquets, which basically say ‘someone died here,’ were in fact taking the place of a warning that ‘this place is dangerous’…”

“Taking the place of a warning? Like ‘Frequent Accident Zone Ahead’?”

“Yeah. Apparently, there are signs at suicide hotspots to try and dissuade people…though I’ve heard the same signs can also make them suicide hotspots in the first place. Anyway, someone must have decided that ‘danger’ signs are so ubiquitous that they’ve become ineffectual. It sends a pretty intense message, saying ‘someone died here’─”

“…”

Although, distracted by a bouquet, Senjogahara had jumped out into the street─Oshino called it “the reverse,” and the normal reaction to seeing one was to think, “There was an accident here, maybe this place is dangerous,” and to be extra cautious.

The school put the bouquets there.

To arouse caution.

“Kind of like how people hang up the corpse of a crow to drive off other crows?” asked Senjogahara. “They see the corpse and are wary of getting too close? But does it really serve any purpose beyond being a good-luck charm? It’d be different if, say, instead of a bouquet of flowers, they left some person who died in an accident…”

“Where do you come up with such horrifying ideas, are you a demon? Oshino said it was for peace of mind, or just a little playful inventiveness. Keeping the doors locked and putting up a fence is really plenty to keep people from falling─though it’s not a perfect defense. Since there are still students like you who lie their way up to the roof.”

“Hold it, Araragi. I don’t appreciate being called a liar. I’ve got a silver tongue, that’s all.”

“Don’t you mean an acid one? That silver’s gotta be pretty corroded by now. Listen, the point is, in the face of imperfect supervision, the school opted for a sort of protective charm to give them peace of mind─it’s not like anyone’s been leaving floral tributes for imaginary deaths.”

“Hmm…”

Makes sense, said Senjogahara, seeming convinced.

I mean, once you hear that explanation it seems obvious, it’s just common sense, no room for doubt.

Not at all mysterious.

Let alone aberrant.

The story held an unseemly interest─but to say the least, it wasn’t the type Oshino was interested in collecting.

No wonder he thought it wasn’t worth more than pocket change.

Maybe Hanekawa knew about it─even the truth behind it, which is exactly why she hadn’t brought it to him.

“But that just creates another mystery, Araragi. How could Mister Oshino be so sure? Had he encountered a similar situation? How could he have come to such a firm conclusion based only on what you told him?”

“I wouldn’t call it a conclusion, exactly…but look. You and I made the same mistake. Whether it’s an accident or suicide, if someone falls to their death, the roof isn’t where you’d leave a bouquet of flowers.”

“Ah.”

“You’d leave it on the ground, where the person landed.”

With a car accident you obviously can’t leave an offering of flowers smack dab in the middle of the road where the person actually died─but if someone died falling off a roof, you’d ordinarily leave the flowers on the ground. Of course─since that’s where they died, not up on the roof.

“I see, we were thinking about it all wrong. Though anyone would’ve made the same mistake.”

“Really covered for yourself quickly there…”

“It’s meant to deter people from falling, even if it’s no more than a good-luck charm, so whoever put it there had to choose the roof despite the logical inconsistency─although.”

I guess they won’t be doing that anymore─said Senjogahara, looking up at one of the roofs, which were currently being renovated: a towering new fence was being erected around the perimeter.

Yes.

The roof improvement project was what made me remember the whole incident in the first place. And I finally made my report to Senjogahara, almost twenty days late…but that didn’t mean I felt relieved or that a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

In fact, I’d felt much more at ease when I’d let the whole thing slip my mind─the reason being that the project had been deemed necessary thanks to rumors about “a student climbing up the outside of the building and onto the roof.”

The school probably never imagined anyone would be stupid enough to try and get onto the roof from the outside─and a bouquet of flowers wouldn’t be terribly effective against such a trespasser.

The cost of erecting new fences.

A hell of a lot more than a hundred thousand yen.

And if it came out that I was the trespasser in question─they’d do a hell of a lot more than just expel me. Senjogahara, who had put me up to it, naturally wouldn’t be spared, either…

“Araragi.”

“I know, I know, this is our secret.”

“No, secret isn’t good enough.”

“Then what do we do?”

“What we’ve been doing.”

“What we’ve been doing?”

“We forget.”

Though I’ve got to do something about the hundred thousand yen I owe Mister Oshino, before I forget─said Hitagi Senjogahara, in her usual level tone, devoid of any discernable emotion.