Monogatari Series - Volume 14 - Chapter 1.16

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“You know, I bet that kid is the one pulling the strings, kind monster sir, the mastermind who hired Tadatsuru to do some aberration elimination, the last boss who’s amusing herself by tormenting you,” Ononoki opined calmly as we hiked up the mountain path─though when I say mountain path, in fact when I say path, I’m unfortunately not referring to the familiar stairway up to Kita-Shirahebi Shrine.

Having given up on a direct descent from the sky to avoid being seen, what was the point of then approaching via the usual, well-known route─via that stairway on which I had once passed Sengoku? Well, Shinobu probably would’ve wanted to go that way even knowing that it might be a trap, but at the moment she was recharging her batteries in my shadow, and anyway, I no longer had the power to back up such a bold and brazen approach.

In order to get the drop on Tadatsuru─to take him by surprise, we kept hidden by taking a path that wasn’t a path.

Compared to the mountain paths I once trod with Ononoki, and Hachikuji, this was nothing to speak of─or so I told myself, but no matter how much I tried to bolster my spirits, a mountain path at night is straight-up dangerous. Dangerous and scary.

I mean, you had to watch out for snakes on this mountain even in the middle of winter.

Speaking of which, I know the shrine’s name is Kita-Shirahebi because Hanekawa told me so, but what’s the mountain itself called, I wonder? Never occurred to me to ask.

Hmm.

Is this realization that I don’t know something the wisdom of knowing my own ignorance?

“Hm? What did you say, Ononoki?”

“Oh nothing─just a half-baked prediction. Even supposing it were true, what would her motive be? Though I guess she said it herself: she wants to put things right─but what does that even mean? What is right, anyway? I’m an aberration, a shikigami, a corpse, a tsukumogami─that’s probably more than enough to qualify me as wrong. It’s all smoke and mirrors anyway, I’m just finagling my way through life─or death, I guess, using every trick in the book. But even if I’m an extreme example, isn’t the same more or less true of human beings too?”

“…”

“Like, just for instance, kind monster sir─you’ve fought in the past to protect Tsukihi…right? You fought desperately to protect her secret─but I wonder, did you actually pull it off?”

“What are you trying to say? That I fought for no reason?”

“No, not at all─not at all. I’m just wondering if there really is such a thing as a secret in the first place, a secret that nobody knows. Whether it’s really possible for Tsukihi’s parents and sister, her classmates and seniors and juniors, in other words for all the people around her, not to know the truth.”

“Are you saying I risked my life to protect an open secret?”

If so, that would make me the biggest clown of them all─and yet I couldn’t come up with anything to refute Ononoki’s theory, at least not right then.

But yes.

It was definitely absurd to imagine that I was the only one who knew my little sister’s secret─even if no one knew the truth, the whole truth, how could Tsukihi keep such a massive secret from everyone else? It seemed impossible that no one would know.

In fact, it was much more realistic to imagine that everyone knew─but wasn’t saying anything.

“I shouldn’t let that discourage me, though─because then I’m not alone, then everybody’s out to protect Tsukihi.”

That thought gave me a thought.

A pretty shameless thought.

That if everyone found out about my situation─maybe they’d protect me as well.

That was probably aiming a little high.

“Listen, I’m just spit-balling, all I’m saying is that maybe it’s possible,” qualified Ononoki. “At the end of the day, even though everyone’s pretty glum, they do their best to seem glib─just enough to make everything seem right with a world where everything really isn’t. Just enough to make it seem like there’s some kind of order to the universe, to their lives.”

“You make it sound like the world is made of papier-mâché.”

“More like the painted backdrop to a play─or maybe just a giant international expo. Same goes for Tadatsuru, I bet.”

“…”

“Do you want to hear about him?” asked Ononoki.

Incidentally, our marching order was her in front, trailblazing a path through the trees, and me following behind on the path she created, like a total loser.

Totally reliant on her.

They say snakes bite the second person that comes through, so it’s not like I had it easy. But when it came to the requisite power to forge a path up a mountain, I couldn’t hold a candle to Ononoki. I had no choice but to follow after her like a loser. How have the mighty fallen. Pitiful, just like Ogi said.

“To be perfectly honest, no, I don’t.”

“Really? Even though he’s abducted three of your dearest people?”

“Yup. For me, the ideal course of events is that we take this Tadatsuru by surprise, snatch the three hostages from under his nose, and come back down the mountain without him ever seeing us or finding out that we were there. Conversely, nothing could make me happier than to get this over with without ever seeing Tadatsuru’s face, hearing him speak, or generally knowing anything about him whatsoever.”

“That would be wonderful. That would definitely be ideal, tonight, in light of our plight. But that’ll just get us through tonight’s plight; it won’t actually resolve anything. What do they call that─a game of fox and mouse, of tanuki and mouse…”

“A game of cat and mouse.”

“Right. That’s the one. A game of cat and mouse…an endless string of fruitless battles. Doesn’t feel like much of a game, honestly. Though I bet a cat would have a lot of fun with an endless string.”

Ononoki unconsciously darted glances in every direction─maybe all this talk of animals made her feel like they were out there somewhere, close by. Not that I’d ever heard anything about foxes or tanuki or even cats on that mountain.

It felt like literally anything could appear out of that darkness, though─who knew it would be so hard to walk at night when you couldn’t see in the dark?

It took all my concentration just to keep from tripping.

And I was covered in cuts… Would little wounds like that heal right away, given my current state?

“So I think you’re going to have to ‘convince’ Tadatsuru like you’ve done in the past─face him, talk it over with him, and make him give it up.”

“You might be right…but talking it over isn’t actually such a mature solution. Lately I’ve been thinking that hashing it out is no different from fighting it out, it’s just another form of violence. Which is why, to tell the truth, after we recover the hostages I want to shut myself up in my room and let you or Ms. Gaen or Ms. Kagenui take care of the rest.”

“That really is the unvarnished truth, isn’t it? It makes me happy that you can be so honest with me. Well, it seems like Ms. Gaen is working to protect you, monstieur…this time, anyway. She really seems to have taken a shine to you. Or maybe she feels responsible, in her own way.”

“Responsible? For what?”

“Well, I bet she’s super-conscious of failing to prevent what happened to Nadeko Sengoku… Ms. Gaen’s not the type to regret it, but maybe she’s trying to make amends for it. Since the thing with Nadeko Sengoku has been one of the main drivers of your precipitous descent into vampiredom these past few months.”

“But that was just a matter of time anyway. Just a question of whether it’d happen sooner or later─even without the whole Sengoku thing, other problems would’ve cropped up. I would’ve borrowed Shinobu’s power to deal with each of them, gotten complacent about wielding the unbridled fury of my vampiric power, gotten carried away─and lost my humanity. Am I wrong?”

“You’re not wrong. Which is why you’ve got to stop now. Now’s the time to give it up. Now that you can see─or, not see, the reflection of your actions, this is your golden opportunity. You said it yourself, monstieur: you probably wouldn’t have stopped until these symptoms manifested anyway─but still, I want you to listen to me. I don’t want to intrude on your view of life, or death, monstieur, I don’t want to trample all over them in muddy shoes, but right now you don’t know enough about Tadatsuru. Since whatever happens, I doubt you’ll get out of this without exchanging at least a few words with him.”

“…”

“Big Sis didn’t seem like she wanted me to blab about this to you, she even stopped me from telling you about it earlier, but fortunately Big Sis isn’t here right now.”

“Wait, hang on a sec, Ononoki. Since you’re a shikigami and she’s your master, won’t anything you do be transmitted straight to her?”

“It sure will.”

“Then we’re S.O.L., aren’t we?”

“She can’t hit me if she isn’t here.”

Ononoki, bloodied but unbowed.

In this age of telecommunications, where people can stay constantly connected regardless of distance, I was envious of her attitude.

Up to and including her indifference to the fact that Ms. Kagenui would probably just hit her later on.

“Tadatsuru, well, it’s definitely true that he specializes in immortal aberrations same as Big Sis, but the nuance of ‘immortal aberrations’ is slightly different for each of them. Slightly, but clearly. Big Sis specializes in immortal but still-living aberrations─because you can’t kill something that isn’t alive. Tadatsuru primarily deals with dead aberrations. That’s the source of the disconnect between them.”

“Living immortality and dead immortality? I think I heard something about that somewhere before. The difference between ghosts and zombies or something…”

“Tadatsuru’s love is reserved for life in the form of unliving dolls─originally, anyway. But that alone doesn’t pay the bills, so he isn’t too hung up on it, he does all kinds of odd jobs.”

“Yeah, makes sense…totally makes sense. Otherwise, why would he come after a living immortal aberration like me?”

“I’m an artificial aberration, myself.”

“…”

I couldn’t immediately muster a response to Ononoki suddenly bringing up the subject of her own origins like that.

“It was Ms. Gaen who drafted the plan, just as you’d expect from Izuko Gaen, but it was Big Sis and Deishu Kaiki, along with Mèmè Oshino and Tadatsuru Teori, who carried out the actual creation─I guess it started as a summer research project for a bunch of college students with too much time on their hands, in the beginning of the beginning.”

Though that beginning is too far back to have anything to do with me─noted Ononoki. “An artificial tsukumogami─made from the corpse of someone who lived for a hundred years.”

“Hunh? I don’t get it. I knew Kaiki was involved in your creation, but doesn’t that mean Tadatsuru was part of Ms. Gaen’s group too?”

“Back then even Ms. Gaen was just a college student. A regular old college student. She wasn’t the leader of that faction or group or whatever yet. Though I don’t think she thinks of herself that way even now… People just drift apart over time, even if there’s no specific falling out. That’s how it goes, right?”

Is that how it goes?

Well, the old me might have readily answered yes, but at this point I didn’t want to believe it.

I didn’t want people, didn’t want groups of people, to drift apart.

But even if I didn’t want to admit it, I knew somewhere deep inside─deep down in my core, that it was probably true.

Once I graduated from high school and moved away─the relationships I have would change.

And we’d probably drift apart.

“The reason Big Sis and Tadatsuru have bad blood, the reason they still have something like a feud going, the reason Big Sis maintains her unpraiseworthy attitude─I’m the source of all of it. It’s a struggle over ownership of this shikigami, of me.”

“…”

“Kaiki was the first to renounce his claim, followed by Mèmè Oshino, but…I’ll skip that part. Different people have different takes on that part of the story. There are three sides to every story, you know. The me at the beginning and the me now aren’t the same aberration anyway.”

“Hmm…that definitely sounds complicated. But basically, you’re saying that Ms. Kagenui and Tadatsuru ended up fighting over you, and Ms. Kagenui won, like in the Judgment of Solomon.”

Though if we’re going to liken it to the Judgment of Solomon, it seems highly likely that Ms. Kagenui would’ve won the tug of war and gotten Ononoki by sheer strength alone. In which case Tadatsuru would have a legitimate gripe.

In any case, a friendship ending over who got to keep a doll reminded me of kids playing house, and it seemed really childish.

“Actually.” Ononoki, however, refuted my admittedly very rude surmise regarding Ms. Kagenui, even though I hadn’t actually said it out loud. “I picked Big Sis.”

“…”

“She tried to push me on Tadatsuru, but─in the end she agreed to take me. Ever since then, she and Tadatsuru have been estranged. Not that they were ever the best of friends, but that was the decisive split…not that a stray like Tadatsuru has much in the way of close friends to begin with.”

Just Mèmè Oshino, I guess─if anyone─added Ononoki. That took me by surprise.

The idea of Oshino being close with someone had never occurred to me. He seemed like the kind of guy who didn’t have friends─not that I was anyone to talk.

And yet, Mèmè Oshino.

Seemed like the kind of guy who’d intentionally distance himself from anyone who got too close─and that I couldn’t relate to at all, so maybe I was someone to talk.

He was a natural-born hermit─who sucked at goodbyes.

“What I’m getting at─the reason I brought this up so suddenly, monstieur. Is the worst-case scenario,” Ononoki said. “The worst-case scenario, where you end up getting into it with Tadatsuru but are no match for him, and Big Sis isn’t there in time, the hostages are in mortal peril, you’re in mortal peril─when every other option is off the table, when there’s nothing to be done about it, I’m almost positive that if I offered myself in return for your lives, Tadatsuru would accept. That’s what I wanted to say.”

“…”

“He still desires me. I’m pretty sure that’s why Big Sis lent me to you─whoa.”

Ononoki never looked back at me during this speech, she just went on and on, up and up, walking towards the summit, but as she was saying that last part I grabbed the hem of her longish frilly skirt and lifted it up.

Whoa.

That’s what kind of panties Ononoki wears?

That’s going to be a real problem when they make a figurine out of her.

“What do you think you’re doing, monstieur.”

“People who say stupid things get stupid things done to them─heheh. There’s no way I’d ever offer you up just to save my hide. I’ll thank you not to sell me so short.”

“And I’ll thank you not to look under my skirt.”

“And Ms. Kagenui,” I said, reining in Ononoki by her skirt, “didn’t lend you to me with that in mind. Obviously, it’s because she knew she could trust you with an undependable guy like me. Don’t you think?”

“The kind of guy who goes around peeking under tween girls’ skirts.”

“Come on, I made a good point, so let’s forget about the peeking under your skirt part.”

“You want me to forget about it? Then let go. If you think I’m as shameless as a doll, you’re very much mistaken.”

I was?

That sucked, it was Ononoki’s shamelessness that I was into… But then, someone who isn’t shameless seeming shameless thanks to her expressionless face might be even more moé…

With these thoughts in mind, I tugged harder on Ononoki’s skirt and pulled her towards me. With her power, she could’ve just planted her feet and dragged me towards her instead, but she didn’t offer any resistance, obligingly walking backwards.

“Ononoki, if we’re going to come up with something resembling a plan of attack, this is it: I’ll be the decoy, and while I draw Tadatsuru’s attention, you take the opportunity to rescue the hostages. After you’ve got them, use ‘Unlimited Rulebook’ to get as far away as you can, doesn’t matter where─leave me behind at the shrine and split, in low gear. Some of the girls may pass out from the abrupt shift in elevation, but at this point we don’t have any other choice. I don’t think any of them will die.”

“And if they die, they die. Got it.”

“No, it wasn’t meant to be a callous remark. If they die, do everything in your power to bring them back to life.”

Well, Karen and Kanbaru had extraordinary cardiopulmonary systems, so I didn’t think it would be any worse for them than it was for me. Which left Tsukihi─and Tsukihi was Tsukihi, so…

“But if it comes to that, what will you do, monstieur? If I leave you there alone…though I guess there’ll be two of you, if we include the former Heartunderblade. But anyway, I’m your muscle, if I leave you alone at the shrine with Tadatsuru, what’ll you do?”

“I’ll be fine. I’ve got my secret technique: The Kowtow.”

“You’d be better off keeping that one secret forever.”

Ononoki sighed, still facing forward. I would’ve liked her to turn and face me for the sigh, at least, but even without seeing her face I knew it was expressionless, so it didn’t hinder the conversation any.

“A little kowtowing isn’t going to work on Tadatsuru. Getting other people to bow down to him is basically his hobby.”

“Sounds like a hell of a guy…but even a guy like that has probably never met someone whose hobby is bowing down to other people.”

“I’m glad you’re so pleased with yourself…” Ononoki shrugged her shoulders. It was weird, she actually seemed more emotive when you couldn’t see her face. “If you’re thinking that a sincere─a sincerely sincere apology is going to get you off the hook, monstieur, I’ll tell you right now that you’re being too optimistic. Sure, Big Sis decided to let you off the hook for the time being, even though you’re well on your way to becoming an immortal aberration, but that was only ever her own provisional standard. By Tadatsuru’s, even if you’re not a vampire right now, the fact that you’ve ever been one is enough to make you a target.”

“Right, the harmless certification carries no weight with him, is that it?”

“More like the harmless certification might work against you. Precisely because no one within Ms. Gaen’s network will touch you, he might feel like he’s got to do it─he’s probably chomping at the bit.”

“…”

What, like vigilante justice or something?

If so, then I’d really been cast as the villain here.

“Plus, even if your pathetic pleas for mercy convince him not to kill you, never forget that a little girl who used to be a vampire is lurking in your shadow as we speak. On the one in a million, one in a trillion chance that he lets you live, there’s no way he’ll do the same for Big Sis Shinobu. Absolutely no way. There’s another route, though. If you offer up the aberration formerly known as Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade to Tadatsuru, he might spare you and only you.”

“That’s never gonna happen, Ononoki, though I might offer myself up for her sake,” I said.

In fact, the proposal might have made me grab her by her lapels if I hadn’t been prevented from doing so by the fact that my hand was busy holding up her skirt─that, of all things, was out of the question.

“Didn’t think so. I wouldn’t expect you to offer her if you wouldn’t even offer me.” Ononoki seemed to have already known what the answer would be when she suggested it, and backed off readily. “But here’s the thing, monstieur. You’re still talking the same way you always have─you haven’t grown up at all. Retaking the three hostages safely, without offering him Shinobu or me, and saving yourself in the bargain─that’s nuts. It’s like dining and dashing at a fancy restaurant.”

“…”

“Everyone’s got to pay the appropriate price for their actions─right? Like how you paid for your overreliance on the immortal power of a vampire with your very humanity. As long as you don’t learn that lesson, monstieur, you’re going to keep skipping out on the bill until finally you lose everything.”

Weighty words.

Beyond weighty, with the way things were going for me.

“And yet it’s hard to take you seriously,” I said, “when your panties are showing like that.”

“The fact that my panties are showing is one hundred percent your fault, monstieur.”

“Don’t go blaming everything on me.”

“Who else should I blame it on… Though maybe it’d be boring if you became a real adult. Listen, monstieur. If that’s how you feel, then I have an alternate plan.”

“Alternate plan?”

“No way I’m going to let you be a decoy. Actually, if you want to that badly, I won’t stop you, but─if we can get close enough without being detected, how ’bout I go in all Unlimited Rulebooks blazing. A surprise attack. If I can take out Tadatsuru, then we can rescue the three hostages at our leisure.”

“Umm…” It did seem like a foolproof plan.

Much like my strategy, it didn’t involve talking with him and left no room for bargaining, but her way everything would be settled in an instant.

Even if Tadatsuru had some countermeasures in place against Ononoki, there was no way they could stand up to a surprise attack.

But…

“What’ll happen to Tadatsuru? Will he get off with just a flesh wound?”

“He’ll die.”

“No shit!”

“No good, huh? But he’s the kind of guy who kidnaps young girls. I feel like getting blown to smithereens is no more than he deserves.”

“No…it’s just no good. It’s no good, and it’s going too far. That would be murder. If we did that─then I’d really lose my humanity.”

Lose my humanity, I said to Ononoki─recalling as I did what Oshino once told me.

“A murderer continues to be a human being, though,” the familiar disagreed. “Well, I’m not against your pacifist worldview, and anyway, it’s needed. I’m happy to hear you say that.”

“Hm?”

“I said I’m happy to hear you say that. Listen, monstieur. Do you think you could let go of my skirt already? It’s getting chilly down there, I’m worried I’m going to catch cold.”

“Catch cold? Can that even happen to a tsukumogami, a shikigami like you?”

“No, but I feel like it’s going to. If you want to talk about catching or not catching, though, I’m catching plenty of creepy vibes from you standing there clutching at my skirt for so long, monstieur.”

“Oh.”

Once she said it, I definitely, or finally caught on to how creepy I was being, and I let go of her skirt and stopped to take a breath.

But.

In retrospect, I really shouldn’t have let go of Ononoki’s skirt─I absolutely shouldn’t have.

I shouldn’t have let go no matter what she said.

Because, with Kaiki’s influence so strong.

No, you know─forget about that.

Regardless of Kaiki’s influence, it would’ve been easy to figure out what Ononoki was going to do if I’d only thought about it─but I didn’t, I just let go of Ononoki’s skirt like she asked me to.