Monogatari Series - Volume 11 - Chapter 1.23

023

─And now our tale returns to where we started.

Welcome back.

Did you have fun?

i’m glad to hear that.

The grounds of Kita-Shirahebi Shrine─there’s no building left here on this rotten and decayed mountain trail, with only a red torii gate giving any indication of the nature of the place, and this is where Nadeko stands all alone in a downpour so fierce she can’t even see an inch ahead of her.

Alone.

Overwhelmingly alone.

Nadeko is the only one standing.

The other two have fallen─Big Brother Koyomi and Miss Shinobu have been filled with poison from head to toe, turning them a murky black─and as for Koyomi, his shattered heart has yet to regenerate.

But that’s an immortal vampire for you.

Every bit as imposing as you hear.

It seems like they’re somehow still alive. Neither has met death─though i realize it’s laughably funny to talk about someone immortal as still being alive.

And─they’re only “alive” if that’s how you describe the physiological reactions they seem to be having to the pouring rain, like frog torsos twitching and convulsing after being electrified.

“You shouldn’t have come after Nadeko,” i mutter as Nadeko swings the fang in her left hand, cutting through the air. “You should have just let her run away, there’s no need to bother─not if you aren’t going to save her. If you weren’t going to, Big Brother, you could have at least rid the world of Nadeko─at least killed her.”

Too weak.

Even i shudder at how cold Nadeko’s words are as she looks down at him with sober eyes─it might have been because of the chilling rain, but that couldn’t be all.

By now.

Nadeko must be completely coldblooded.

Even more than Miss Shinobu─far more.

Nadeko’s body and mind, her blood and heart, must be cold.

Running out of Big Brother’s room after landing a blow and staggering him─

Running all over the place, i ended up here at Kita-Shirahebi Shrine, where it all started. Nadeko was hiding under its floor when, sure enough, Big Brother Koyomi came after her.

Even if he had some idea, he couldn’t have found Nadeko blindly.

Was he looking for her the whole time?

Just like that night─yes, probably.

He must have been.

Because Big Brother, the one Nadeko fell in love with, is that kind of person.

That sort of person and─only that sort.

“You said you were here to kill Nadeko…and to go ahead and eat her… But i bet you weren’t really going to kill her or let her be eaten. By the time you blew away the shrine hall, you must have been trying to figure out a way. Because you’re always─all talk.”

Sure, if this were a case of possession, there might be a way of driving it out.

Nadeko continues.

Her words are only getting colder.

“That’s how you always are… It’s how you always behave. You don’t think about winning, let alone your odds, you do whatever comes to mind and hope for the best in a battle…”

It’s just that he’s immortal, and as he is now, Big Brother─Miss Shinobu, too─isn’t exactly strong. He’s not even fully immortal, and especially in a bad match-up, against snake venom, for instance─yes.

You can see the results. It’s a “retched” sight.

“So, anyway,” Nadeko says without taking her eyes off of the two.

Still staring them down─there’s no point in looking at her right wrist anymore.

“What was all this? What was this about? Mister Serpent─why did it end up this way?”

“Like I’ve told you again and again, dear, it’s all your fault─hmmmm?” the Serpent answers in a cynical tone as always, like he’s picking a fight.

No─“as always” is the wrong way to put it.

Mister Serpent─the aberration called “Mister Serpent,” was resurrected when Nadeko ate the talisman only a few hours ago, and is a god.

No aberration by that name existed until then.

He was only in Nadeko’s mind.

“Usually, that’s enough─an aberration, even a god, only exists inside each person, anyway, on the inside, not outside. This image you forced on me is already a creed.”

“A creed… So Nadeko used an image to create an aberration called ‘Mister Serpent’ in her mind?”

“Right, and then you went and revived a long-dead faith all on your own. Well, I ended up being based on a weird character thanks to that… Sheesh, talk about a delusion.”

A delusion. The word sticks in Nadeko’s heart.

“A delusion… So even though Nadeko thought you were her partner, she really was just seeing things, and hearing things?”

“Yep. Seeing what isn’t there to see, hearing what isn’t there to hear. Taking them to be messages and believing you’re the chosen one─what do you call someone who does that, Nadeko?”

Hmmmm? the Serpent taunts.

i have no words.

A pitiful girl.

A painful girl.

Nadeko Sengoku.

“Fantasizing that the divine speaks to you… Whatta make-believe Joan of Arc.”

No wonder i knew what i felt in the shoe cupboard was a snake, a white one at that, when Nadeko couldn’t even see it from her angle.

It was her very own delusion, so how could she not know?

The reason why the white snakes only came out of closed spaces and Mister Serpent wasn’t able to leave the shrine couldn’t be any simpler: the delusions wouldn’t add up otherwise.

Closed spaces─it’s in the cracks and shadows we can’t see that we’re able to imagine an aberration, where we’re able to be surprised.

Sounds kind of stupid, doesn’t it, this talk?

Well, it’s not talk, it’s a tale─

“Still, it’s pretty impressive you actually resurrected me, a god, like that─hsshh, hsshh. In short, Nadeko, you fabricated a narrative to make it happen.”

“Fabricated─a narrative.”

“If you want to know what kind of story this was, there wasn’t any story to begin with.”

“…”

“You made it up out of whole cloth, concocted a tale that never existed, and played out a grand adventure in your fantasies. The real Nadeko was just living her everyday, unstoried life. You’ve always been good at escapism, and this has got to be your biggest feat yet.”

“But…” Though i’m fully aware that Mister Serpent is telling nothing but the truth, Nadeko keeps struggling against it. “If you were her delusion until now, Mister Serpent…you still knew things Nadeko didn’t.”

Drawing on her knowledge, seeming to read her mind─the easy-to-understand and far-too-specific analogies too─all of that might be explained away by him being Nadeko’s delusion. But Mister Serpent also knew things that she didn’t, there was no way she had any expert understanding of aberrations─

“Hsshh, hsshh. Are you kidding me? I was your delusion back then, how’d I ever possess any sort of knowledge that you didn’t?”

“Th-Then why─”

“You forgot about it, that’s all. You acquired a bit of expertise in June reading in that bookstore’s aisles to get rid of the charm placed on you. Of course, like when you cram for a test, you’ve forgotten most of it─but human memories aren’t consigned to total oblivion. No matter how much you think you’ve forgotten─it’s etched into your brain. Just like how you never forget your sins.”

“…i see.”

Nadeko must have seemed ridiculous, like someone watching a taped sporting event again and again and feeling thrilled every time. If Nadeko can reread and enjoy the same book endlessly, how low-maintenance is she?

“But how did you know about Big Brother, about him and Miss Shinobu using spiritual energy at this shrine or something, the stuff that Nadeko wasn’t aware of─”

“You knew that too, dear,” the Serpent declares.

i can’t keep asking him after such a forceful declaration─but seriously, how?

There’s no way─Nadeko could have known.

Who could i have heard it from? Who…

“i’m confused in so many ways…but could you tell Nadeko, Mister Serpent? What happened to make things turn out like this?”

i’m not trying to turn back the clock. Not now.

i’ve gone and done it, and that’s all there is to it.

But i do want to know how i got here─as a matter of responsibility.

As the responsible party, or maybe in the way of atonement.

As the victimizer, at least.

Even i─don’t feel like trying to run away from reality anymore.

…

Not like there’s any need to now.

“Nothing worth calling a happening happened. Your memories got jumbled up and twisted around by your fantasies, that’s all─like a big, winding snake.”

“Enough with the metaphors… Since when has Nadeko’s understanding been jumbled up? Just answer that. You must know─Mister Serpent.”

Wouldn’t he?

Now that he isn’t Nadeko’s delusion but truly resurrected.

But that’s also why this entire conversation is silly─because Mister Serpent now equals Nadeko.

Surpassing a delusion, surpassing a possession, one and the same.

The Mister Serpent sealed in that talisman─has been resurrected in Nadeko after she swallowed it.

Mister Serpent is.

Nadeko.

Which is why everything from here is just Nadeko talking to herself─as usual.

“Did the delusions start when i saw a white snake at the shoe cupboard?”

“Yes, but that’s not the exact point of origin─in terms of when it started, for you, I’d say around the beginning of the month before last.”

“The month before last… The beginning of September?”

The beginning of September means─

“Around when you found out that Big Brother had a girlfriend─when you witnessed him walking happily with her. That’s when it all ‘started’ for you.”

Or maybe that’s when it all ended─revises the Serpent.

The end.

“You sure tried to sound like an adult when you spoke to his little sister─but really, Nadeko, you broke a little.”

“Broke?”

“Well, that probably isn’t the right way to put it. It’s normal, after all. It’s the regular way to feel. Just like your friend did towards you, dear, you simply became jealous─of his little lover.”

“…”

Jealousy. Envy.

Love and all the possessiveness that comes with it─possession.

Oh.

So that’s when Nadeko─was bitten.

By a snake.

By a poisonous snake.

When she was smitten─not by love but by a god.

“And then… And then what did Nadeko do?”

“Why are you asking me that about yourself? You see, you just thought the same thing that your friend did. Like attracts like, don’t you agree, hmmmm?”

“The same thing…”

Having heard this much, there’s no need for more questions, no matter how jumbled Nadeko’s memories─the bit about fabricating a narrative should have done it, but i still needed to make sure.

From the Serpent’s mouth.

That’s how i have to hear it─which makes sense.

It makes sense.

Because Nadeko relied on Mister Serpent for that purpose alone─resurrecting him after he lost his faithful, fell into obscurity, and got sealed away to rest in peace.

Fabricating him.

“If i thought the same thing…i tried to use a ‘charm’ to get rid of that person─Big Brother’s girlfriend.”

“No, no, stuck in that class of yours, you knew better than anyone how unreliable a ‘charm’ can be─that’s not what you did. But you’re right about trying to get rid of her. Wow, you really nailed it.”

“…Well, this is about Nadeko.”

“You didn’t try to take his lover’s place, of course. It was just that her existence posed an obstacle to you─for your continued devotion to Koyomi.”

“How selfish.”

Well, Nadeko is talking about herself.

i go on like it’s someone else’s business.

“Wallowing in a love that can’t be fulfilled because falling in love is tiresome…and after everything it’s done for you, feeling jealous because that person finds a girlfriend.”

“The feeling might not be jealousy─but what could you do? You couldn’t stay in love with someone who had a girlfriend, but then you weren’t ever going to go after him.”

“Right, what could i do…”

Nothing, probably─

That must have been what Nadeko told herself.

“But…if Nadeko didn’t rely on charms, what did she do?”

“You chose a more reliable method,” Mister Serpent explains. “In other words, you prayed to a god.”

“A god?”

In other words─to Mister Serpent? Is that it?

“After learning that Koyomi had a girlfriend, you visited this shrine whenever you had the time. Do you really not remember at all?”

“…i don’t. So i made the traditional hundred visits?”

“Well, no, not a hundred.”

“You said reliable, but…”

Is it really? i mean…

“Right. Just praying to a god─shouldn’t actually be reliable. That’s what anyone would think. But it was different for you, dear, wasn’t it? Because this is the same shrine where you were freed of the ‘charm’ your friend placed on you in June.”

“…”

Meet an aberration and you’ll be drawn by aberrations.

Is that─what that means?

In other words, knowing about aberrations you end up believing in aberrations─

“Oh. So Nadeko learned then─that turning to the gods works.”

Which is why─she made the hundred visits.

Well, more like fifteen, i guess.

That was about as often Nadeko could have visited given her daily routine.

“Still, i can’t believe i was able to forget that… So did i erase the memories because they were inconvenient?”

“You think you can do something that convenient? You’re not a certain someone.”

A certain someone? Who could that be.

Mister Serpent and Nadeko don’t share the same knowledge anymore, so i don’t know who he’s referring to.

“You’re just pretending to have forgotten, dear. And that’s more than enough.”

“…”

Pretending to forget… As in lying.

So i lied?

Then Nadeko─was the liar.

Well, why wouldn’t she─tell lies?

Since she lies to Big Brother, she would to herself too.

“But even if turning to the gods works…even if it does, there’d be no point in doing it here,” i observe.

This shrine, after all─fell into ruin.

A shrine deprived of faith. There were no gods here.

“Right. Which you, dear─were told by a woman named Ogi Oshino. That morning.”

That morning─the day i was nearly run over by a bicycle.

The morning of Tuesday, October thirty-first.

(Say, Nadeko. I just happen to have seen it many times, and you always seem to be going up to that shrine, and I don’t know what you’re praying for, but─there’s no point.)

(You didn’t know? There’s no god at that shrine.)

(It functions as a place, sure, but it’s finished as an abode for the divine.)

(You can pray all you want, but it’s not going to do anything.)

(Well─it might be a different matter if it got back its object of worship.)

(By the way, Koyomi Araragi has its object of worship now─Miss Izuko Gaen entrusted it to him, just a few months ago. It must be somewhere in his house. Given who we’re talking about, it can’t be stored just randomly.)

(A talisman.)

(You could say its god is sealed in that paper─by the way, did you know that the onmyoji who sealed the god in that talisman a thousand years ago is the same person who made the amulet Araragi-senpai used when he saved you? That’s all you need to hear to understand just how valuable and terrifying that talisman is, right?)

(And how mighty the god is.)

(If that god was resurrected─if the seal was undone, I’m sure he’d easily grant any wish of yours─no, really.)

(How to undo the seal? How would I know?)

(It’s a snake god, so maybe you just need to get some snake to swallow the talisman whole─)

“─You got that tacky scrunchy from that high school girl that morning, too. As a ‘token of your budding friendship’…”

If we were that “deep in conversation”─

Then no wonder time passed so fast.

“…And that got you started on fabricating a narrative.”

i did first see the white snake, yes, right after running into Miss Ogi.

“So Nadeko atoning for killing the snakes… Even that was just a pat excuse. A tale i spun so i could search Big Brother’s room for the talisman─Mister Serpent’s object of worship…”

Nadeko even exploited her crime for the purpose.

A delusion. A fabrication. A bald lie.

Nadeko tried to resurrect a god just to have her selfish wish granted.

And to resurrect that god─i forged a god’s voice.

Not only was Nadeko hallucinating─she wasn’t looking at reality.

With a tale of her own creation as a decoy─

Nadeko plotted behind its cover to restore a god.

“…But how did i unlock the front door of Koyomi’s house from inside? That has to be the doing of an aberration. A hallucination can’t explain that.”

“You used an actual key, that’s all,” the Serpent replies dismissively. How sober and unromantic. “Why did you leave home the previous night in a way your parents would notice, resulting in Tsukihi and Koyomi being told about it? To enter the Araragi residence and borrow the key, of course─the plan must have been to return and take your time searching the house when it was empty in the afternoon. Sure, in the end, you could have tried looking for it that night, but there was no guarantee it was in Koyomi’s room, and there was no telling when his little sister might come in.”

“Tsukihi really did end up coming in.”

That being said, despite all of Nadeko’s calculations, having not just trespassed but burglarized the home, she got caught red-handed anyway by Big Brother and Miss Shinobu.

i don’t see Nadeko becoming a pro burglar.

i don’t see anything in her future.

She just stares at the ground, after all.

“Uh-uh, you were able to resurrect me, Nadeko. I do see something in your future.”

“You do… What?”

“Being a god.”

“…”

“That’s no joke─you’re a god now. When I was sealed away in that talisman, that object of worship, you resurrected me in you like this, bodily.”

“It wasn’t like i…”

It’s not like Nadeko was trying to become a god herself…

But you could say it’s all Nadeko’s fault for getting into “a tizzie” and swallowing the talisman when Miss Ogi said to have a snake gulp it down.

Nadeko really is a bad listener.

“Or is this supposed to be some kind of lesson that only you can make your own wishes come true? You shouldn’t rely on any god?”

i try saying that, but it doesn’t feel true at all.

i don’t believe it one bit. Nadeko is still trapped in a delusional tale of her own making.

i’m still─pretending to have forgotten.

“i suppose Nadeko…really played it fast and loose, listening and not listening to people, twisting the truth, tricking herself.”

“Well, the same goes for everyone.”

“But there wasn’t anything i could do.”

There wasn’t, was there? i had to.

“i just─couldn’t help it.”

“…”

“Don’t people find themselves cute, whoever they are? It’s just that Nadeko felt the same way…”

“…Acting like some kind of victim.”

“Kakak,” i hear.

From where Miss Shinobu has fallen─a faint little laugh.

“Victim, culprit, ’tis easy to switch from one t’ the other─positions and situations are all there is. The rights of the victim, the rights of the accused… Truth be told, no such difference─”

“…”

Nadeko silently brings down the fang in her left hand.

It’s quiet again.

i think she’s right, though.

Miss Shinobu is correct─and whether or not she is, the reality is that she’s poisoned and flat on the ground.

But now it’s clear why Mister Serpent never spoke in front of her─because in this gourmet’s presence, the delusion would have been revealed for what it was.

“Um… Okay, was there anything else i didn’t understand?” Nadeko searches for doubts like it’s routine business, taking care to go down and snuff out every loose end. “Oh, right. Why did Big Brother return to his room just as Nadeko was rummaging through it to begin with? If it wasn’t for that…”

If it wasn’t─then what. If it wasn’t for that?

“He almost sounded like he knew everything. What Nadeko was doing, what Nadeko was trying to do, the narrative Nadeko fabricated, everything.”

“Beats me. This, I don’t know either. You’re talking about something completely beyond the subject of me or you, dear.”

“Even if he did know through Tsukihi that i left school early after saying and doing all those messed-up things─”

Now that i think about it, that unwatchable rampage Nadeko went on, too.

The appearance of Naughtyko─was simply Nadeko being naughty and nothing else.

It wasn’t the fault of Mister Serpent or any aberration.

It was just the result of a delusion running wild.

“Big Brother couldn’t have known that Nadeko went to search his room.”

“Who knows, maybe it was a plain old coincidence? Maybe, before heading out to search for you again, he came home to change or otherwise prepare for a minute and just so happened to bump into you.”

“Mmh…”

It barely does pass as an explanation… The words “just so happened” actually feel kind of convincing.

Just so happened. Right now, it sounds like such a great phrase.

“Wh-What a convenient line of thought, befitting of the waif… As if it explains why I, a nocturnal being, was active in the middle of the day.” It’s Miss Shinobu, who’s being awfully persistent. “Kakakak─she got me, that would-be niece… I can finally hear the scrunchy’s speech, but I suppose this was all part of her plan─”

“………”

Swoosh.

With a swing of the fang, i silence her.

No, i swung it a few more times, just to make sure, just to be on the safe side.

Hm?

Uh, that’s strange. She’s still moving.

Well, i need to stop her.

There. There. There. There. There. There.

She stopped.

She stopped now.

“Whatever. It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” asks the Serpent.

“It’s fine… Knowing the truth isn’t going to change anything. It just means that Big Brother has his own narrative. One that he didn’t make up himself, unlike Nadeko’s… That’s all, it’s not enough to make Nadeko want to hear the tale.”

“Sounds pretty careless to me.”

“And i could care less. i don’t know why things turned out like this─but in the end, Nadeko doesn’t particularly want to know. She doesn’t give a damn, to be honest.”

Okay, Nadeko says as she turns.

She goes from leaning more toward Miss Shinobu to leaning in Big Brother’s direction.

“So. Guess i’ll kill him.”

He still seems alive, being a vampire, but i bet he couldn’t maintain his form after a few hundred more poison injections.

“Hmmmm? You sure? Seems like you’d be putting the cart before the horse.”

“The cart’s been there from the start─or maybe it’s more like a snake eating its own tail? Or a wild snake chase.”

“…”

“Mmh, well, i have to, right? If he’s alive, he’s going to keep on finding girlfriends and lovers. Nadeko’s heart breaking every time would be tiring.”

“…”

Forget heroes and idols─let’s make him someone that no one can ever reach.

“Of course, i’ll get rid of his girlfriend, sure… But in terms of a love that’s never fulfilled, isn’t it a lot more romantic if Big Brother Koyomi dies? Mostly, though, i don’t want to cause him any more trouble.”

“…So that’s how crazy you are,” the Serpent says softly. “You’re hopeless. I judged wrong, and you’re wrong in the head. Yeah… You can’t be saved. By anyone.”

“Can’t help it.”

Nadeko raises the fang. Her fully regrown bangs block her vision─but they don’t afflict anything.

Nadeko is the affliction now.

She is the serpent, and the truth.

The monstrous aberrance.

“Because Nadeko’s an aberration─but…” swinging the fang over her head─putting everything into a blow aimed for the heart─Nadeko says.

I say.

“That’s Nadeko, not me─”

Swoosh─

The moment i start to swing down the fang, an electronic noise fills the shrine grounds. No, it’s pouring right now, so the sound itself doesn’t seem that loud.

The stone-paved path to the hall.

It carries the vibration─Nadeko can feel it.

Like a snake crawling along the ground, i sense the vibration.

“Dowsing…”

No, it has nothing to do with that.

Mister Serpent has no such skill─that was another illusion on Nadeko’s part. There was no malfunction, let alone any function to begin with.

Just a case of phantom vibration syndrome.

A cell phone─but i don’t own one.

“…”

Crouching by Big Brother Koyomi’s side as he ever-so-slowly recovers and regenerates, Nadeko takes it out of his pocket─the still shaking cell phone.

It must be water-resistant, but making an umbrella with her hand anyway so it doesn’t get wet from the rain, Nadeko checks it.

i consider just turning it off, but seeing the caller’s name, Nadeko changes her mind.

She changes her mind and becomes mindless.

Pressing the talk button with her index finger and pushing her snake-hair to the side, Nadeko gently puts the phone to her ear.

“Hello, Nadeko Sengoku speaking.”

“Hello, Hitagi Senjogahara speaking.”

Her voice is so calm, so cool.

It’s incredibly flat and lacks any intonation.

Or should i say─any drama.

It’s a quiet voice, like she doesn’t feel anything, like she isn’t the least bit surprised─which shouldn’t be possible.

After all, Nadeko answered Big Brother’s phone without his permission─you’d find it strange if you called and someone else picked up.

But this person stays completely calm.

“Hello, Sengoku,” she says. “Is my man still alive?”

“…Right now, just barely.”

Not that i’m overwhelmed by her intense calmness, but i answer her honestly.

Hitagi Senjogahara.

A name i know─it’s.

How would i not─it’s.

It’s.

i mean, it’s the name of Big Brother’s lover─and the person Nadeko tried to get rid of with a “charm.”

A name i may have been thinking of even more than Koyomi Araragi’s for these past two months.

How could i not know it. How could i forget it.

“Oh. Good. So I just barely made it in time,” she says, not sounding particularly reassured.

But that feels off in its own way─in fact, when i saw her talking to Koyomi─when i stole glances of them─she looked more like a regular girl.

Is this how she is when she’s angry?

“You just barely made it in time? What makes you think so?” asks Nadeko─i honestly want to know. “Unless you’re somewhere less than a second away, you could hardly say that.” i glance at Big Brother Koyomi and Miss Shinobu. “Are you here already?”

“Oh, please,” shoos Miss Senjogahara, “I’m at home eating potato chips.”

“…Is this a joke to you?”

“I was watching TV and eating chips and was surprised by how closely the phrase ‘channel surfing’ resembles ‘chattel servant,’ so I thought I’d call Araragi to let him know.”

“…”

It’s a joke to her.

Is she trying to defuse the situation?

Or is she just self-possessed as his girlfriend?

i’m pretty sure she shouldn’t be, in this situation…

A truly mysterious person.

“But I do think I made it in time,” Miss Senjogahara says, quickly putting us back on topic. She’s admirably good at it. “I mean, if I were calling after you put an end to my man, I’d have to commit murder.”

What got saved here was my future, she quips, her tone not changing one bit.

“Thank you very much, Sengoku. For saving my future.”

“…”

“Well, technically, it’d be homicide by assault, battery, intimidation, and unlawful confinement─but anyway, Sengoku, allow me to get straight to the point. Let’s make a deal.”

“A deal?”

“You can kill me, so could you spare Araragi?” There’s so little behind Miss Senjogahara’s words, like she’s asking you to go buy her a soft drink with her own money. “I offer you this entire future of mine that you just saved. So spare Araragi─and while you’re at it, Shinobu, if she’s still alive too.”

“…What are you even saying?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care one way or another about that ex-vampire lolita, but she’s Araragi’s treasure. If she isn’t alive, there’s no point in keeping him alive…”

“That’s…not what i meant,” i tell her, wondering what Miss Senjogahara could possibly be thinking.

But i stop right away.

It doesn’t matter.

“No.”

“…”

“i’m going to kill Koyomi, and i’m going to kill you. And i’ll kill Miss Shinobu too. That was my plan from the beginning, so i’m not interested in your deal.”

“Oh. That’s too bad.”

I guess it can’t be helped, Miss Senjogahara accepts readily.

While her reaction is disappointing, she continues, “In that case, from here on, please just listen to the advice of someone who’s older than you. Think very carefully about the order in which you kill us three.”

“Huh?”

“You absolutely mustn’t kill Araragi before Shinobu─it will sever her link to him, and she’ll regain her original powers as a legendary vampire. She’ll gobble you down in no time.”

“…I see.”

True.

Her advice is priceless─without it, i’d have killed Big Brother first because he means more to Nadeko.

“You’re right. Got it─”

“And you know, I think you should probably kill me first.”

Otherwise. I’m going to kill not just you, but everyone, Miss Senjogahara utters the words like they’re any other.

“E-Everyone?”

“Everyone means everyone. What else could I mean?”

“…”

They’re dreadful words.

She’s not even an aberration─just Big Brother’s girlfriend.

“Don’t underestimate my random venting.”

“…Okay. In that case, i’ll start by killing you─then Miss Shinobu, and Big Brother last. Will that do?”

Thank you, Nadeko says.

Nadeko can thank someone who’s generous to her.

People who are kind to Nadeko are good people.

“I don’t need your thanks. Instead, Sengoku, would you listen to a request of mine?”

“Huh?”

Wha? Why’s she starting to sound like a pushy salesman?

“Oh, it’s nothing much─you’re a god now, who’s to be worshipped, the master of that shrine, so why not heed the request of a little old commoner? I’ll even make you an offering, how about that?”

“…i’ll listen, at least.”

i’m interested.

What is Miss Senjogahara going to say here?

What might the kind of person who becomes Big Brother’s lover request of Nadeko─of a god?

“You can kill us in that order, Sengoku. But could you give us some time?”

“Time?”

“Now that you’re an aberration, won’t you be existing forever so long as people worship you? In that case, what’s wrong with waiting a bit? Like a day, two days, a week, a month, or…half a year.”

Those last words, half a year.

For the first time─i sense a strong nuance in her speech.

“If your murderous intent is the real deal, then you shouldn’t mind. If it’s not just an impulse but the real deal─if it’s not some temporary emotion but how you truly feel, then you should be able to wait.”

“Half a year… What’s in half a year?” i ask in return.

“Graduation.” Miss Senjogahara doesn’t even try to keep it secret. “We’ve been working very hard for a while now so the two of us can graduate together… I’d feel bad for Hanekawa, too, if all that effort went to waste.”

“…Graduation.”

i can’t believe it. i can’t believe the word─such an everyday word, would come up here at this moment.

A word we take for granted.

Graduation…

Nadeko can’t go to school anymore. She’s no longer human, all her hair is snakes, and she’s been trying to kill her object of affection, yet─graduation?

“Kh…”

Nadeko.

No, I react to Miss Senjogahara─

“Kh…ah hah, hahah. Ahaha… Heh.”

Like so.

i burst out laughing─how can i not?

i guess i’m quick to laugh even as an aberration─oh what a needless character trait.

Really. i don’t need it.

“All right… Then i’ll wait for half a year.”

“Ah. Thank you very much,” Miss Senjogahara expresses her gratitude once again.

But i still sense no emotion in her words.

While it almost feels like i’m talking to voice synthesis software─this must be none other than her natural voice.

The natural voice she uses with Nadeko.

“Half a year…” i confirm, “until graduation day, to be precise. As soon as the ceremony is over, walk yourselves to Kita-Shirahebi Shrine. i’ll be waiting for you there.”

“What? We can’t celebrate first?”

“Nope.”

What is she even thinking?

Well─the same goes for Nadeko.

“At any rate, the six months are just a ‘stay of execuetion’… You better not do anything like hold hands with Big Brother during those six months.”

“My goodness,” i hear from the other end. It feels like Miss Senjogahara has a smirk on her face. “You’re trying to poison our relationship or something.”

“…”

i’m not laughing at that one.

It’s not even a good joke…

At the same time, i feel like i don’t hate her─if only Nadeko had talked to her.

If we’d exchanged words─maybe things wouldn’t have turned out this way.

The thought goes through Nadeko’s head.

If i didn’t feel jealous, hostile, hateful─and murderous just because she is Big Brother Koyomi’s girlfriend.

If only i didn’t make a wish─and knew.

If only i knew her.

Maybe things wouldn’t have turned out this way.

Now that i think about it, Nadeko never once tried to get to know anyone.

Ah ha.

That’s why─it turned out this way.

“If, Miss Senjogahara…” Nadeko says. “If we’d met in some other way─you and i might have become friends.”

“Not a chance,” i get shot down with no room for compromise. “Pardon me, but I hate cute brats like you even more than I hate the person I used to be, Miss Nadeko Sengoku.”

The call ends. No farewells.

Folding the cell phone closed in the ceaseless torrent, i agree with her wholeheartedly.