Majo no Tabitabi - Volume 15 - Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

A Story of Saya and Sheila’s Tobacco

“Teacher, tell me, why do you smoke tobacco?”

This happened while I was working odd jobs at the United Magic Association.

I suddenly became curious about my teacher, the Midnight Witch, Sheila, who, despite the fact that smoking was prohibited indoors, always had her pipe in her mouth, blowing out little puffs of smoke and shortening her own life span.

When I threw out my question, my teacher looked at me and asked, “Huh? You want a puff?”

“I have trouble understanding how you would come up with that idea…”

“Well, you’re looking at my pipe like you want it.”

“Like I want it…?” I was just staring at it, but… “Pipes and cigarettes—all they do is damage your body when you smoke them, right? Plus they make your clothes stink. What’s so good about smoking them?”

“Oh-hoh, so you are interested?” For some reason, my teacher nodded meaningfully. “Let me think…” Then she thought for a short while as she gazed up at the cloud of smoke hanging in the air.

“For example, say there’s someone you like.” For some reason, she launched into a strange hypothetical. “People act strangely when they’re in love, and all they can think about is that other person, right? Whether they’re working or playing, thoughts of that person rise at unexpected times from a corner of their mind. They can’t seem to forget about them, no matter how they try, and in fact, the more they try to forget, the more insistent their thoughts of that person become.”

“Um… That kind of makes sense, I think…”

“In other words, to me, that’s what tobacco is.”

“Uh-huh. So to put it simply, you’re in love with tobacco?”

“Well, I guess you could say that.”

“…That’s unexpected. I didn’t think you’d ever experienced love, Miss.”

“Hey, hey, who do you think you’re talking to here? I’m still your teacher, you know?” Then, after tapping the ash out of her pipe, my teacher said, “I never have experienced love, I don’t think.”

“……”

“Everything I just said was only from my imagination.” She snorted proudly. “Now, I know what you’re going to say. You’re probably going to tell me I should quit smoking, right?”

“Bingo. It’s bad for your body, you know?”

I nodded, but my teacher said, “Sorry for using the love metaphor again, but do you know what you should do when you’re feeling impatient because the person you love is moving too slowly?”

“Um…just hang in there and endure the waiting or something?”

“No, wrong.” My teacher shook her head, then held out her hand to me. “Mm.”

She had been holding a gold coin.

“…What’s this for?”

My teacher said simply, “I’m out of tobacco leaves, so go buy some.”

I see, so she’s trying to tell me that the only way to suppress your desire to smoke tobacco is to go ahead and smoke it.

…She’s not interested in quitting at all, huh?

“Which is to say, every day, I’m annoyed at my teacher… Because of her, my chest hurts every day.”

“Huh.”

I had reunited with Elaina in Qunorts, the Free City.

I was casually complaining to Elaina about my recent troubles with my teacher being a heavy smoker and the harm I was suffering because of it.

Elaina’s teacher, Fran, had known my teacher for a long time, and so my ulterior motive was to get my complaints to pass to Fran through Elaina, and then for Fran to speak to my teacher and get her to quit smoking.

When calling an adult’s attention to something, the best approach is to follow the proper procedure and get another adult to pass your opinion along. It was obvious that whenever I talked to Sheila directly, she always ended up getting annoyed with me. Even though I was the one who was annoyed!

To that end, I had explained the situation to Elaina, from start to finish. But—

Munch, munch, munch, munch.

Elaina was eating her bread.

The way she was eating, carefully taking little bites, holding her bread close to her in both hands with her fingers wrapped around it, she looked just like a little animal. She was embodying the very concept of cuteness. I was enchanted.

Finally, Elaina looked in my direction and tilted her head quizzically.

“Ah, sorry. What was it you were talking about?”

She’s so cute. Wait, but—

“Weren’t you listening to me?”

“Huh? Sure, I was listening…” Elaina’s eyes shifted around.

Adorable.

“Well then, what was I talking about? Do you remember?”

“Saya. That’s my question.” She snapped into a smug expression.

Adorable.

“I was talking about how my chest hurts every day because of my teacher.”

“Ah, that’s right. That was it. In other words, you’ve got a little crush on your teacher, huh?”

“Incorrect.”

“Now, now, you don’t have to be embarrassed, Saya. You are at that age. Lots of people have similar problems, you know.”

“You’ve got it wrong. It’s not love.” Then I put on a smug expression of my own and said, “You’re the only one I have feelings for, Elaina…”

“Sure, sure.” Elaina waved her hand dismissively.

Adorable.

“Oh my, what’s this? Elaina…by any chance, are you feeling embarrassed?”

“I’m not embarrassed.”

“I see, so you’re saying that when two people are as close as we are, a little thing like a love confession is nothing to get embarrassed about, is that it…?”

“Where does that boundless optimism of yours even come from…?” Elaina asked with a sigh.

I’m not sure how to answer that question; this is just what I’m like. I guess if you must ask, well, there’s nothing to say except that I’m just out here laying myself bare, as always.

“Setting that aside, Elaina, please give me some advice.”

This is somewhat off-topic, but the piece of bread Elaina is eating right now is one I bought.

I hadn’t known what to do with the bread I had bought for my own lunch, which turned out to be tough and unpleasant enough that I had no desire to eat it. “Oh? Looks like you’ve got something good there, haven’t you?” Elaina had pestered me like some kind of delinquent, after which I’d handed it over to her. Since she was eating even that poor excuse for bread as if it was delicious, I think it would be fair to call Elaina a peerless lover of bread. And because I gave her bread, surely I was entitled to request one piece of advice.

“Let me see…” Elaina, who had listened carefully to my story, no matter what she wanted me to believe, put her finger to her mouth for a moment and pondered the question adorably. “Hmm…”

Eventually, she said, “I wonder if it might be best to tell her honestly that she’s giving you chest pains.”

……

Talk to her honestly.

That’s not much in the way of advice…

“That’s an incredibly basic suggestion…”

“That was incredibly basic bread…”

Thinking that next time I would have to present her with more respectable bread, I then had a lively chat with Elaina.

Who on earth could that perceptive girl be?

That’s right, it’s me.

I had been listening to Saya talk about her problems while I was eating my bread, but of course, I had been aware of her true motives. Going out of her way to speak to me about her troubles with Sheila’s smoking must have been part of a bigger plan.

Given her position, it would obviously be quite a difficult thing for Saya, the pupil, to directly admonish her teacher, Sheila.

And knowing that, this perceptive girl immediately went to see a certain person.

I had to at least put in the work equal to the bread I had received, after all.

“Good afternoon, Miss.”

Wham! I opened the door at the inn.

“Oh, Elaina. Good afternoon.”

Miss Fran, who had been relaxing in her room, greeted me with a smile upon my sudden visit. “Please remember to knock,” she reprimanded me, still smiling.

Setting that aside—

“Please hear me out, Miss. The fact is that recently, one of my friends has been at her wit’s end dealing with a certain problem.”

“Oh my, is that so? What kind of problem?”

I said, “Apparently, she’s suffering because whenever she’s near her teacher, she gets chest pains.”

Since this was my teacher, Miss Fran, whom I was talking to, I figured she would probably demonstrate her quick wit and grasp everything I was trying to say just from this little bit of information.

“I see…”

However, contrary to what I had imagined, Miss Fran reacted strangely. “…By the way, would that friend of yours happen to be you yourself, Elaina?”

“Huh?”

What are you talking about?

“Substituting a friend for yourself and watching the reaction of the person you ask for advice. It’s an old trick when you want advice on a topic that’s difficult to ask others about.”

“Is it, now? That’s not what’s going on here, though.”

“Oh, but your chest hurts whenever we’re together…? In other words, you hate being with me, Elaina, is that what you’re saying…? How heartbreaking for your teacher…”

“Incorrect.”

“Oh, I’m wrong? Well then, that means your chest is hurting for a different reason…?”

“No, um, Miss, the person who needs advice isn’t me at all…” Perceptively, I picked up on her extreme lack of understanding and the fact that a strange atmosphere was starting to fill the room. Shaking my head, I let out a sigh. “Saya is having trouble with her teacher, Sheila.”

“My goodness.”

I’m sure now that I’ve explained this much, I can expect her to understand what I’m trying to say.

That’s what I thought, but a moment later, my teacher defied my expectations.

“That must mean… What are you trying to say, Elaina?”

You don’t get it, huh?

I guess I shouldn’t behave like I’m so clever and dance around the issue.

“I want you to tell Sheila what we just talked about.”

“I see… Passing along your own opinions through a third party. An old trick for when you need to convey something that’s hard to talk about.”

“Righto.” I nodded roughly.

Please just help me.

“I don’t mind talking to her, but…but are you sure it’s all right? It won’t cause problems if I tell Sheila about this conversation?”

Saya’s already in enough of a bind to come ask me for advice, so I don’t think it will cause any more trouble.

Besides—

“That’s what she wants.”

When Sheila smokes around her, the smell sticks to her clothes, and it has an effect on her health. There’s nothing good about it. It really does a lot of harm with no benefit.

“I see… If that’s the situation, then I understand. I’ll try to help.”

My teacher nodded gravely, taking the responsibility very seriously for some reason.

“Sheila… So you are guilty, I see.”

“Huh?”

I was in my room smoking my pipe after lunch.

After knocking hesitantly on the door and opening it slowly, Fran came in wearing a serious face and said to me, “It’s about your pupil, Saya. Don’t you think she’s been acting strangely lately?”

“…?”

Since she asked, I tried to think back on my recent conversations with Saya. But she was always acting strangely anyway, so to put it another way, I could say her behavior had never not been unusual. In other words, normal.

“Nah, she’s been the same as ever.”

“Huh… Are you sure that’s true?”

As if she wasn’t satisfied with my answer, Fran sighed dramatically and looked up at the ceiling.

“What is it?”

“Sheila, will you keep calm and listen, please?”

“Sure.”

“Apparently, recently, when Saya is with you, her chest hurts.”

“Her chest hurts…?”

What are you trying to say?

I cocked my head, and at that point Fran repeated herself.

“So you are guilty, Sheila…”

That’s what she said.

“…Huh?”

When she said her chest hurt, that’s what it meant? Not that she was physically in pain but that she was hurting because of psychological causes? Seriously?

“Well, I wasn’t expecting that…” Thinking back on things, she had never acted that way toward me, and she was always talking about Elaina and nothing else, so I’d been sure she had those feelings for Elaina, and I had never given it any more thought.

I was bewildered by this sudden discussion, and Fran nodded with a know-it-all look on her face.

“People are quick to fall in love, after all.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You often hear of people who consult with a close friend on matters of love, then inadvertently fall for the friend who they were consulting with…”

“Wait, I’m not her friend, I’m her teacher…”

“Kyaaahhh! It hurts! My chest hurts!”

The next day, I tried to implement the advice Elaina had given me and have an honest talk with my teacher, Sheila.

I went to the room in the inn where my teacher was staying, checked that she was there blowing smoke out the window as usual, then dived onto the bed.

As soon as I did, I started yelling about the pain in my chest.

I tried to strike honestly and directly and make my objection to her smoking impossible to miss.

So then, how do you think my teacher reacted?

“Ah, o-oh…does it…? Your chest…hurts…?”

……

Hmm?

What’s with this weird reaction?

“What’s the matter, Miss? I feel like you’re acting a little strange.”

“I’m acting…strange…? Am I? Is that how it looks…?” my teacher said, putting on a serious air as she puffed on her pipe. “Ah, I really thought I was treating you the same as always, but, uh… I’m sorry, I don’t have much experience in that realm, so I’m not exactly comfortable…”

“Huh?”

I don’t really understand what’s going on here, but she seems troubled by something.

“Are you all right, Miss?” I asked. “If you want, I could lend you an ear.”

“Uh…no, that’s all right… It’s not something I can talk to you about.”

“Come on, now, don’t hold back.” I shoved my way over and closed the distance between us. “But maybe, in exchange for me listening to your troubles, Miss, you would take some advice from me?”

“Now I want to talk to you even less.”

“Well, if you prefer, you could just take my advice?”

“That’s awfully selfish.”

“Right, so then, I will just talk, okay? My chest hurts, Miss.”

“This really is one-sided.”

And so I spoke to her honestly, just as I had been advised to do.

The whole time I was telling her this and that, I stared at her intensely, certain that Elaina had carefully considered my intentions and managed to indirectly ask my teacher to temper the use of her pipe.

The fact that Miss Sheila seemed to have been having trouble breathing ever since we met up that day was surely proof that I was right.

I’m sure she’s already gotten a warning from Miss Fran. Elaina sure is a dependable friend!

Expecting the best, I puffed out my chest as I honestly complained to my teacher about her tobacco use.

To which my teacher responded:

“…Sorry, Saya. Right now, I’ve got my hands full with work, you see, and I don’t have the time to be dating.”

“?????”

“So listen…I can’t return your feelings.”

“????????????”

The inside of my mind started whirling at a terrifying velocity, around and around and around like a spinning top. What on earth had possibly happened to make it seem like I had just delivered a love confession to my teacher, I wondered. I turned the question over in my mind, stuck in the perplexing and somewhat awkward situation of having been somehow rejected by someone I hadn’t even been confessing my love to.

Let’s think this through in chronological order. First, there can be no doubt that this all started when I went to Elaina for advice yesterday. Elaina is very perceptive, so I’m certain she communicated my concerns to Miss Fran, for sure. By the way, when you’re passing a message from person to person, the more people it goes through, the more the substance changes bit by bit, isn’t that right? So then what happened was a transmission error? That has to be it! How totally embarrassing!

Having arrived at this conclusion, I pointed out the mistake to my teacher, clearly and directly.

“Miss, what I’m saying is that my chest hurts because of your smoking.”

Immediately after I did, the light returned to my teacher’s grave expression.

“Huh? Uh, what? You mean this?” My teacher tapped her pipe out to get rid of the ash, and she let out a white puff of relief. “That damned Fran… She almost gave me a heart attack, telling me that way!”

Just as I thought, it sounds like it was a communication failure.

My teacher had her hand on her chest.

By the way—

“Tobacco is also bad for your heart, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

My teacher waved her hand dismissively.

Back to her usual self, my teacher then packed fresh leaves into her pipe and asked me, “By the way, do you know what you’re supposed to do when you’re confronted with a situation that makes your heart stop?”

After some hesitation, I answered—

“Um…pause and take a deep breath or something?”

“No, wrong.” My teacher shook her head, then held out her hand to me. “Mm.”

She was holding a gold coin.

“…Somehow, I feel like we had this same exchange yesterday.”

I stared intently at her.

Then my teacher said simply—

“I’m out of tobacco leaves, so go buy some.”

In short, she seems to be trying to tell me that when you’re confronted with a heart-stopping situation, the first thing to do is to smoke some tobacco to settle your heart down.

I see, I see.

…I knew it. She’s not interested in quitting at all.