Kiss no Ondo - Chapter 1

Fevered Kiss

"Oomph!”

At the low groan, Satori Okada lifted his face, dragging his gaze from his notes. Naotaka Asou sat in front of him, eyes closed and eyebrows drawn together

The alarm clock on the large bed that took up half the room, read “10:00 pm.” While the kotatsu at their feet felt good, it was too early to be tired

“What’s up?” Satori asked

Asou groaned again “I had no idea Basic Sociology was so hard.” Asou’s voice was monotone, but Satori could detect an undercurrent of worry in his words.

“You’d know that if you actually went to class. It’s your fault for skipping.”

“You’re a cold bastard, Satori ”

“What are you talking about? I told you what’s gonna be on the test,” he said, the pitch of his voice deliberately cold.

Asou opened his eyes slowly and looked up at Satori from beneath his lashes His almond-colored eyes were breathtakingly sharp But it wasn’t just his eyes, his whole face was angular—from his fine nose to the strong line of his mouth It was the kind of face that bewitched everyone who saw it. His expressions rarely betrayed any real emotion, making him seem like a finely carved statue

Even among all the different people at college, Asou stood out It wasn t just his looks—his fine features or his height—it was that no one else had the same kind of presence. He was the complete opposite of Satori, whose only remarkable feature was his heavy- lidded eyes, which gave him a languid air 

“Did you memorize it yet?” 

Asou nodded. “I’ve memorized most of the stuff you said is going to be on the test.”

“Okay, what’s a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’?”

“That’s Robert King Merton’s proposition. It says when people react to a situation they perceive in a certain way, they cause that situation to happen, even if it wouldn’t have happened otherwise ” Asou spit his answer out in one breath, and then groaned again. “I’m just memorizing it the way it’s written in your notes,” he muttered, his fine eyebrows drawing together. As he almost never showed any emotion, even the slightest change in expression rendered his face that much more charming.

Satori didn’t look straight at Asou; he just let his gaze fall to his paper and said, “Well, while you were spacing out, I was studying for exams. I told you to study, but you didn’t listen to me.”

“That’s because you’re the kind of kid who finishes all his summer homework in July, Satori. I knew I could count on you.” Satori could feel Asou’s eyes on him, hut he just shrugged without lifting his eyes from the paper.

“Guessed right, huh? Meanwhile, I had a blast because I got to play as much as I wanted all August. There’s always a kid like you. Completely different from me. I spaced out the whole time, and before I knew it, it was August thirty-first.” Asou heaved a sigh and flopped down on the floor.

“Hey, don’t go to sleep!”

“I’m not. I’m taking a break.”

Asou waved a hand at him, and Satori chuckled, laying down his pencil. They’d opened their notebooks at eight that evening, which meant they’d been working for around two hours, so it was about time they took a break.

“You want some coffee?”

“Yeah. And one of the sandwiches we bought, too.”

But Asou made no move to get up and get himself one of the sandwiches. He seemed loath to leave the warmth of the kotatsu “Who do you think you are? You don’t treat people very well, you know.” Yet, for all his complaints, Satori found himself standing up.

The cold air crept over his feet. His apartment building only allowed electric heaters. Anything like a kerosene heater was against the rules. But it was much better now than when he was alone. With the heat from two bodies, the small room was quite warm. Ever since that night, Asou had been coming every day.

In the kitchen, Satori took out two mugs, and shook his head. He didn’t really care; he just didn’t understand what Asou was thinking. Why would he come every single day after something like that? Especially when he didn’t even try anything.

“Satori.”

The voice washed over Satori, closer than he’d expected; it jerked him out of his thoughts. Satori couldn’t have said when Asou came in, but when he turned around, Asou was standing right behind him.

“What?” he asked.

Asou cupped Satori’s chin in his hand. His expression hadn’t changed, hut there was a feverish heat hidden in the depths of his dark eyes.

Here we go, Satori thought.

Those long fingers tilted his chin up, and that fine face drew closer without hesitation. Satori was enveloped by the heady scent of cologne that Asou always wore and then their mouths touched. Asou’s lips were chapped Satori had kept his eyes open, hut he closed them now. As if that were the signal he was waiting for, Asou deepened the kiss The wet sensation of the other man’s tongue opening his mouth and slipping inside made Satori’s eyebrows draw together.

It wasn’t like he’d never kissed anyone before. He’d kissed his girlfriend in their senior year of high school. But those kisses had been the merest press of lips. Compared to the way Asou was kissing him now, those kisses had been child’s play. Besides, he and his girlfriend drifted apart for no real reason, breaking up after only half a year.

Which meant the only person Satori had ever really kissed properly was Asou. So Satori couldn’t say if Asou was a good or bad kisser, all he knew was that being kissed by Asou left him in a trance.

Asou kissed like he was trying to steal Satori’s soul, and Satori couldn’t help responding to that, even when he didn’t mean to He couldn’t think of anything else

“Mmm . ”

The violence of the kiss moved him backward, and that was when the warmth entwining with his tongue pulled back Asou always stopped kissing him right before his body caught fire with real passion.

Here we go again, Satori thought a second time. Why does he do that?

He opened his eyes to see Asou smiling at him The smile revealed his laugh lines and made him look positively boyish. Most of his college friends had probably never seen Asou’s charming smile—that was how rarely the man let his calm expression falter

“Be sure to give me lots of sugar and milk,” Asou said, opening the refrigerator as though nothing had happened.

He took out the sandwiches he’d bought on his way to Satori’s. He’d even bought tuna—Satori’s favorite Once, when they were talking, Satori had mentioned that tuna was his favorite kind of sandwich, and Asou remembered that

“It sure is cold today,” Asou said and then returned to the kotatsu.

Blinking, Satori watched him, feeling completely taken aback He could still feel the kiss like a hot stain on his lips He couldn’t get his cool composure back as easily as Asou could.

This had been going on for a month now Asou would come to his apartment every day. And every day, he would kiss Satori at least once. Some days, he kissed Satori as many as two, three, or even four times. But he never tried anything further than that.

What the hell is Asou thinking?

Satori could only shake his head at Asou, who was picking up his notes, his beautiful face expressionless once more

Asou and he were never more than friends They’d met their sophomore year of college, attending a lecture for Information Processing, which was one of the electives for students majonng in Sociology. They’d become friends quickly enough, but only close enough to chat when they happened to meet; they didn’t hang out together.

The Information Processing students who’d become friendly with one another had decided to hold an early end-of-the-year party The class was smaller than most, so they’d had the opportunity to become unusually close The party had included Satori and Asou, along with six other guys, and two girls who brought along four girls from a different college.

Satori thought they all had a pretty good time Aside from the annoying fact that two of the girls from the other college spent the whole time talking to Asou, the conversation had been lively, and they’d all gone to karaoke afterward.

They’d finished singing around midnight, and the two girls had tried to wheedle Asou into taking them home, but he’d practically shoved them in a taxi. Then, finally, the party had calmed down a little.

Satori remembered how angry the girls had been. “Don’t those girls know how to have fun in a group? We won’t invite them again.”

The girls who had invited them even apologized to Asou “We’re really sorry We didn’t think they’d be like that ”

“That’s okay,” Asou had said, laughing a little.

They’d been flirting with him outrageously, but Asou hadn’t gone for it. He wasn’t interested. It was that kind of stoicism that 

made it hard for other men to hate him.

“We should all go dnnking again some time,” Asou said placidly.

The friends agreed that they would see each other again, and then headed off to their homes. Asou was the only one who was going in the same direction as Satori

“You live over this way?” Satori had been surprised to hear that Asou lived not far from bis own apartment.

“Yeah. You, too, Okada?”

On the surface, Asou seemed expressionless and unapproachable, but he was calm and quiet and easy to talk to, and Satori had always liked him Even so, they’d never been close enough to talk about their private lives

“You should come back to my place for a dnnk then,” Satori decided.

There hadn’t been any motive behind the invitation He’d just felt bad that Asou had spent his time being nice to those girls Watching that, Satori decided he’d think twice about wanting to be so popular Men like that were so busy they didn’t even have time to get drunk. He’d been intngued by how nothing the girls had said impressed Asou.

“That okay?” Asou asked.

“Sure. We don’t have school tomorrow,” Satori answered

“Then let’s drink.”

They had bought some beer and went back to Satori’s apartment. They got under the kotatsu and began their own dnnking party At first, they just chatted about inane things, but when he’d begun to feel the effects of the alcohol, Satori had said honestly, “You’re amazing. Those two girls were cute, but you didn’t do anything.”

Asou took a sip of beer and shrugged. “I would’ve, but they weren’t my type.”

“What’s your type?”

“She doesn’t exist.”

That response had piqued Satori’s interest. “Oh, really?” Drunk as he was, he felt bizarrely moved by the idea. “Well, that’s a problem. If she doesn’t exist, then what’re you gonna do?”

Satori was pretty wasted by then. He gazed at Asou intensely.

Asou stood up quickly, and before Satori knew what was happening, he was kissed. At first, Asou’s lips were bcsitant, but when Satori didn’t fight it, the kiss grew deep and passionate.

All Satori could think was, Asou may be a man, but his lips are as soft as a woman s...

When Asou had lifted Satori up and earned him to bed, Satori thought, he may be tall, but it can’t be easy to lift a 5'5” man like me...

When Asou bad pushed up Satori’s shirt and begun to caress his chest and stomach, all he thought was, he has really cold hands..

When the tight, lithe body pressed against his, he had thought, he must work out.

And even when Asou was pushing inside him, Satori only thought, well, it’s not like I’m gonna get pregnant

His thoughts were like that the whole time. Never once did he feel disgusted. No matter bow drunk he was, he was having sex with a man. It obviously wasn’t normal, but...

When he had woken up around noon, Asou was asleep beside him, naked. Satori was sober by this time, and also completely flabbergasted. After all, he’d never even slept with a woman before

He remembered everything clearly. Including the noises he’d made because everything Asou had done to him had felt so good. Even if he hadn’t remembered, the pleasure and pain of the night before lingered in his body; looking down, he saw red marks spnnkled here and there It was obvious what they’d done. But he didn’t feel disgusted by it. He didn’t feel nauseated, and he didn’t get goose bumps thinking about it. 

What was that all about? It must have been the booze.

As he stared up at the ceiling, at a loss, Asou opened his eyes and smiled, almost shyly. “Good morning,” he said.

Satori had never seen this bashful smile of Asou’s before. He couldn’t look away. “Morning,” he answered.

“About last night...” Asou began

Satori replied automatically, “It’s okay It’s not like I’ll get pregnant.”

As soon as he said it, Satori had thought sarcastically to himself, that’s really not the issue, is it?

“So it doesn’t matter what you do, since you can’t get pregnant?” Asou peered at him, looking slightly taken aback.

Unable to hold Asou’s gaze, Satori said the first thing that came to mind- “I meant, we were wasted, but no harm done Sometimes things happen when you get drunk ”

Not that being drunk could excuse sleeping with another guy, Satori thought to himself. And it’s not just wrong for Asou; what about me? Not to protest at all., to just let him do whatever he wanted, no matter how drunk I was...

Asou seemed dumbfounded, but finally he smiled. “I didn’t sleep with you just because ”

The words pierced right into Satori’s heart But he didn’t try to understand the reason for the pain.

I can't believe I slept with another guy. Not only am I not grossed out by, but it felt good It‘s so ridiculous

Satori remembered thinking that in the back of his mind- Asou probably just said that so I wouldn’t feel bad “Don’t worry about hurting my feelings ” Satori laughed and got out of bed “It didn’t hurt that bad ”

“Yeah" Asou nodded as Satori stood up slowly He could feel Asou’s eyes on his back, but he didn’t turn around.

After that night, Asou came to Satori’s apartment every day. Usually, he treated Satori like a friend, just the same as before. He didn’t try to hit on Satori, and he never mentioned what had happened. He didn’t try to get back in Satori’s bed.

But he always kissed Satori.

Satori couldn’t figure out what it meant. If Asou just wanted to make out, it didn’t have to be with him. There must be hundreds of girls who were dying to kiss him The fact that he preferred Satori meant that Asou was serious when he said he didn’t sleep with Satori “just because ” But Satori couldn’t believe it.

Asou hadn’t tried to touch him since then Asou kissed him, but even with that, Asou would just cup Satori’s chin, or put a hand on the back of his neck He would never let their bodies touch.

The more time Satori spent with Asou, the more he came to realize that the man’s lack of expression was more a habit than anything else Like his voice and attitude, his personality was calm and quiet Except for the kissing, of course. Still, Satori could be with Asou for twenty-four hours and not get sick of him.

Satori had no clue what Asou thought about the kissing He knew he should just ask Asou about it, and often, he tried to bring it up, but then Asou would kiss him, and Satori would decide that maybe things were fine just the way they were. That was how good it felt when Asou kissed him.

Could that mean no, it must mean., that there is something wrong with me?

Lately, Satori was starting to wonder about his sanity. If he really didn’t like it, he could push Asou away, or refuse to let the man come into his apartment He knew that But he couldn’t resist those kisses

There was a week left until exams, and the school was livelier than ever The typically empty lecture hall was full today All over the room, people were exchanging notes, and the combined noise was deafening Installed in a seat by the window, Satori found

himself strangely interested in it all

Who knew so many people were taking this class?

Satori didn’t skip school He felt like it was a waste of money to skip classes when he was paying so much for them. Satori was a pragmatist. Ever since elementary school, people had said that he wasn’t the type to make decisions based on emotion, and he’d always agreed with them.

Before, he would have asked Asou immediately why the man had kissed him, and he would have kept pressing until he found out what Asou was thinking.

Unconsciously, he stroked his lips with a finger.

I guess those kisses are just that good Or maybe I just like kissing? But that would make me a pervert, right?

“Okada-kun.”

Satori quickly took his finger from his lips. Two girls sitting in the seats in front of him were looking his way. Both girls had their hair dyed the same shade of brown, although he didn’t think they had done so on purpose They were also carrying the same brand of purse. Eventually, Satori remembered that he’d had a class with them his freshman year. But he’d never spoken to them before

“What?”

“Asou-kun’s not with you today?”

The pointed question made Satori blink “Why do you ask?”

“You’re always together.”

Come to think of it, that was true. Lately, they’d been hanging out together even at school. But of course, Asou didn’t kiss him at school

“I bet he’ll be here soon,” Satori answered with a smile. But inwardly, he felt strangely cold and bewildered This wasn’t the first time someone he’d never spoken to before had asked him about Asou. He’d even been ambushed at the school gates by girls from other colleges, who would ask him all kinds of questions about Asou. It must be hard being Asou, having to deal with people he’d never even seen before.

Satori watched as the girls whispered to each other, their brown heads bent together. Eventually, one of the girls raised her head, a decided look on her face. “Hey, is it true that Asou-kun has a girlfriend?”

“A girlfriend?” Satori frowned

“Everyone’s talking about it. They say she’s really pretty.” “But no one knows who she is.”

“And no one’s ever seen her.”

“We thought maybe you’d know.”

“Has Asou-kun told you anything about her?”

“Hold on there.” Satori put his hands up at the barrage of questions.

Asou’s girlfriend? If he has a girlfriend, why is he kissing

me?

“I don’t know anything about it ” Satori shook his head The two girls looked at each other, and their shoulders fell. “Maybe it’s just a rumor, after all. .”

“But it’d be weird if Asou-kun didn’t have a girlfriend, ya know?”

“So it is true'’”

“I dunno. But I wonder what kind of girl Asou-kun would date'’”

The two were completely ignonng Satori, wrapped up in their own conversation. Satori stood there, twisting his mouth up into something like a smile.

The girls do have a point. Asou is popular enough to have girls from other colleges after him It would be weird for him not to have a girlfriend.

To put it bluntly, Asou had girls falling all over him.

But if he does, why is he kissing me? If he just wants to make out, he could make out with his girlfriend “What’s up? You look perplexed ”

Satori looked up at the warm feeling of a hand clapped on top of his head He could feel everyone’s eyes turn toward him.

“Asou.”

Asou’s eyes were soft. “You spacing out?”

“No, I’m okay.”

The two girls from earlier now quietly faced forward. They may have been able to ask Satori questions, but they didn’t have the courage to ask Asou himself.

Asou wasn’t wearing anything special, just a gray leather jacket and jeans—but there was something overbearing about him, something unapproachable. That was just part of Asou’s charm.

Satori didn’t have half the presence that Asou did. On top of his looks, Asou was always calm and peaceful; Satori had never heard Asou raise his voice. It really would be strange for a guy so handsome and self-assured not to have a girlfriend.

Why didn’t I realize something as simple as that?

“What? Do I have something on my face?” Asou shook his

head

Satori realized he’d been staring at Asou and quickly looked away. “It’s nothing ”

“Well, okay then. Hey Satori, push in. I can’t stand here forever.” Asou gestured with a nod of his head. Even at times as open and innocent as this, he wouldn’t touch Satori Asou would only touch him from the neck up.

If he had a girlfriend. I’m sure he wouldn't kiss me Satori shook his head as he slid over in the seat. Asou sat down next to him comfortably Satori could only stare at him. He couldn’t read the man’s expression just by looking at that fine profile Why does he kiss me ? “Satori?” Asou asked

And Satori answered automatically: “Yes, sir?”

Asou had started calling him by his first name after that night. Could there be a deeper meaning to such informality?

“What d’you mean, ‘yes sir’? What is it? Is there really something on my face?”

Satori shook his head and sighed so softly, that Asou couldn’t hear him. It may be a mystery what Asou s thinking, but at this point, I’m not even sure what kind of person I am anymore

Judging by the first time they’d ever talked, he’d never imagined things would turn out like this.

It had been in April, at the beginning of their sophomore year.

“Okada.”

Satori turned at the sound of the deep, unfamiliar voice He’d seen that slowly approaching figure before; that tall, slender frame, and sharp, finely featured face The man had been famous since freshman year for his model-like looks. So Satori already knew that his name was Naotaka Asou

Asou was heading straight toward him, but Satori didn’t answer He figured he must have heard wrong. It's not like I'm particularly striking, there's no way he knows my name, he thought.

As he stood there, still looking over his shoulder, Asou came to a stop right in front of him. Satori looked around. It was lunch time, and barely anyone was in the ball that led to the classrooms Realizing that Asou must have been calling him, Satori looked up at the man

Asou looked straight down at him and said, “You’ve got Information Processing with Professor Baba next, right?”

“Yeah ” Nodding, Satori found himself captivated by Asou Even close up, his face was shockingly beautiful. He didn’t think he’d seen such a handsome face before. It was strangely moving.

I can’t even believe he s human What a gorgeous face.

Satori gazed at those sharp eyes as if Asou were a piece of fine art.

Eventually, Asou let out a soft, bitter laugh. “There something

on my face?” he asked calmly

Satori hurriedly tore his eyes away. He felt himself blush at his own rude behavior. “There’s nothing. Sorry,” he said, head bent. Even staring at the floor, he could feel Asou smile.

“I’ve got Information Processing with Professor Baba next,

too.”

“Oh yeah?” Satori said, although he already knew that Asou was in the class. The man always stood out.

“Okada, have you started the report the teacher was talking about last week?” Asou asked as they began to walk side by side

Satori nodded. “Yeah. I just need to print it out.”

“Wow, you’re already that far along?”

“It’s due in April, right? I figured I should get it done. How about you, Asou?” he asked casually.

Asou’s eyes widened slightly. Under the strength of such a gaze, Satori lowered his head. That fine, almost expressionless face had a strange power to it.

“What? Is there something on my face?” Satori joked.

“No.” Asou shook his head and looked away. “You know my name,” he said in his low voice.

Satori smiled “I’d have to be living under a rock not to know your name.”

It wasn’t an exaggeration, just the truth. There was no one at that college, or even the surrounding colleges, who didn’t know Asou’s name

Of course I know Asou's name, but how does he know mine? Satori wondered, as he and Asou entered the classroom together, where they were greeted by wild looks from everyone in the room.

“Asou, Okada—you two know each other?” Daichi Fujisaki asked from his scat by the window, his big eyes even wider than usual. Satori had become friends with him during their Linguistics class freshman year. Next to Daichi sat Yousuke Nakamoto, who had also been in Linguistics with them

“No, we don’t really know each other,” Satori replied. 

Daichi hummed. He wasn’t the type to think things over too hard, and soon the mystified expression was replaced by a gnn; he leaned forward. “Sit over here. The blinds are down, but it’s nice and warm. We were napping here.”

“It’s a good place to nap, but not for class,” Nakamoto, who had been watching Fujisaki’s cheerful expression, said lightly.

It took Fujisaki a moment to find his tongue. “I guess that’s true. I’m no good at listening; I might fall asleep. Nakamoto, wake me up if I fall asleep.”

“How do you know I won’t fall asleep myself?”

The two had been close since freshman year They were total opposites: Nakamoto was taller than Asou, while Fujisaki was short and petite. They even had opposing personalities: Nakamoto was calm and collected, and Fujisaki was lively, cheerful, and easygoing, so he had a lot of friends. Asou could be one of them. It wouldn’t be strange if Fujisaki had mentioned his friend Satori Okada from Linguistics. That would explain why the man knew his name. Maybe Fujisaki told Asou about me? Satori thought.

“Okada, can you sit there without falling asleep?” Asou asked softly, looking down at him. It wasn’t the same strong, intense gaze from before; his eyes were calm and gentle.

He’s so handsome, I thought he'd be unapproachable, but he s not at all. Satori felt a strange tenderness as he nodded. “I dunno. I think I’d be okay, but what about you, Asou?”

Asou smiled at the question and Satori couldn’t help but smile back. Asou’s lips formed a real smile. He could see a flash of white, straight teeth. Handsome guys have all the luck. All he has to do is smile, and he looks so cool.

He gazed up at Asou, feeling strangely moved. Then Asou looked away, turning to face Fujisaki.

His profile is just as handsome, Satori thought “Hey, Fujisaki, Nakamoto. Okada’1I wake you guys up if you fall asleep,” Asou said, walking toward the window. Satori could only follow after him.

After that, Asou would wave a little whenever they ran into each other. Satori would smile back. Gradually, they started talking. They were more than mere acquaintances, but not close enough to call each other by their first names. That was what their relationship was like until the day they slept together.

Soft kisses, one after the other. Lips that tasted him sometimes—devoured him others. He gasped, trying to catch his breath, and then those hungry Ups searched for him again. He parted his mouth as if to beg, and finally his chin was lifted, granting him room to breathe.

“Ha...”

But before long, his lips were covered again. Satori gripped the comer of the bookshelf that he’d been leaning up against. Otherwise, he thought he might collapse, as there were no strong arms holding him up

“Mm...”

The man’s warm tongue caressed the inside of his mouth. As the sensual feeling of it turned to ecstasy, Satori thought, Not again.

The rumors he’d heard about Asou that afternoon were still stuck in his mind. He’d wanted to ask straight out whether the man had a girlfriend, but now that Asou was kissing him, Satori didn’t care about anything else.

Maybe I just really like making-out.

Asou’s lips left his, and Satori could feel Asou sigh softly. He opened his eyes slowly, and Asou’s shining gaze came into view.

“Asou?” Satori’s voice was so husky, he almost didn’t recognize it. He could feel the heat flood his cheeks at his own wantonness

“What?” 

As those black eyes, brimming with passionate colors, gazed into his, Satori forgot how to speak.

“Uh...never mind..

“‘Never mind’?”

“Yeah...”

“Okay,” Asou whispered, and then he kissed Satori again.

The man’s soft lips touched his, moved away, searched for his again, and then traced the outline of his mouth, only to move away again. Asou stroked Satori’s lips with his greedy tongue, then bit down, devouring. Satori groaned low in his throat.

The kisses are more persistent than usual today How long have we been kissing?

they’d returned to his apartment together and put their bags down. As he took off his coat, Satori had said something mane, like, It s cold today.” And then he found himself being kissed with one arm still inside his jacket.

“Mmm...” he groaned. The sound of his desperation was so vivid that he jerked back. When they’d gotten to the apartment, Satori had glimpsed the orange sunset out the window. But now, so much time had passed, the window and the room were flooded in dark blue.

This could be bad, Satori thought in the back of his hazy mind. The center of his body was aching family. But Asou wouldn’t stop kissing him. If they didn’t stop now, it could get really bad. Summoning the last of his common sense, Satori untangled his tongue from Asou’s. But Asou grabbed his chin, stopping him.

Startled, Satori tried to move, but he found himself being thoroughly kissed. Even if he pushed Asou’s fingers away, the heat buried deep inside his mouth kept their lips locked together.

“Mmm...uh...”

Unable to resist, Satori saw stars behind his eyelids. Asou finally drew back, and Satori used the opportunity to drag m a hurried breath. It wasn’t enough, though, and as he gulped air, he realized how ragged his breathing was. The imploring sweetness in 

the sound startled him. Last month they’d be tin drunk, but now they were hoth sober.

If you think about it., no, even if you don t think about it...it’s obvious that two men kissing like this when they’re sober is weird.

He knew it was odd, and yet, he couldn’t push Asou off or run away.

Just because it feels so good? Or is there a deeper reason? This is not the time to be thinking about this! At this rate, we '1I end up just like we did before!

If Asou put his arms around Satori, he wouldn’t he able to resist.

What should I do? As Satori rallied his wits to think, he heard a sharp, electronic buzzing. Asou started at the sound, body stiffening, and his bps left Satori’s. They were both panting. The sound of their breathing echoed through the room, along with the ringing cellphone.

“I think it’s mine.” Asou’s whisper was sensuous and husky.

Satori nodded; Asou’s breath tickled Satori’s ear, confusing him. “Probably.”

Asou had been gripping Satori’s chin firmly, but now, he let it go easily. He searched hurriedly in his bag for his phone as the ringing grew louder. “Hello? Oh, it’s you.”

Satori stared blankly at Asou The man stood there with the phone to his ear. Those kisses left Satori unable to move, but Asou was having a conversation as if nothing had happened. Aside from a slight huskiness to his voice, he was acting completely normal.

“Yeah...yeah. I got it.”

Whoever was on the phone seemed to be nagging Asou. His eyebrows were drawn together slightly, but he didn’t seem particularly bothered.

This is the first time his phone’s ever rung when he s here. Who could it be?

“I’ll be over in a little hit, okay? Yeah. Later.” The phone beeped as he ended the call. “Satori...”

At the sound of his name, Satori came back to himself. He stretched back against the bookshelf and switched on the lamps. The room flooded with brightness and sharply illuminated Asou’s angled face. The clear view brought Satori hack to his senses; now, the passionate kisses they’d shared only moments ago seemed like a dream.

“Who was on the phone?” he asked. He let out a sigh of relief at the calm tone he heard in his voice. He would have been embarrassed if he couldn’t get a hold of himself, especially with Asou acting so normal.

“Sorry, I gotta go.” Asou twisted his lips in an apologetic

smile.

Satori nodded. “Yeah, okay. Sure.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just be careful out there. It’s pitch- black tonight.”

Asou put on his coat and knelt in the foyer to put his shoes on. Looking down at Asou’s face—which he was so used to looking up at—Satori felt strangely uneasy. What was this strange ache he felt?

“See you at school tomorrow,” Asou said as he stood up, looking hack at Satori. Even standing on the lower ground of the foyer, he was taller than Satori. “Satori

The sound of his name sent a sharp ache through Satori’s heart. Those dark eyes teased out the pam and amplified it.

“See ya.”

Asou turned and disappeared out the door with disappointing case. Satori sighed as the door closed with a thud His vision wavered, and he caught hold of the wall.

The intimacy of the way Asou said, “Oh, it’s you.” The way he’d said he’d be right there, as if he hadn’t just been kissing Satori.

It must have been his girlfriend.

He’d missed his chance. He should have asked if it was his girlfriend calling. And yet, Satori couldn’t ask, because if he knew Asou had a girlfriend, it would mean the end of those kisses, wouldn’t it?

Do I like kissing Asou that much ?

But, Satori knew it wouldn’t last. What they were doing was just something to pass the time. He and Asou were just friends, after all.

Satori sat down heavily. The ache inside him burned like fire. It screamed that kissing wasn’t enough. Sighing hotly, he gazed around the room, until his eyes landed on the single bed in the comer of the room. He couldn’t sleep in that bed, not like this. If he lay down on the bed, he knew he’d start to remember.

Those fingers that touched his bare skin like they were trying to make sure of him...those strong arms that held his aching body...the violent heat that plunged inside him...the smooth chest that he’d rested his head upon when he slept...the steady heart beat.. .the faint scent of cologne mixed with the delicious smell of Asou’s body... the erotic sound of his breathing... that husky voice murmuring his name...

Satori wrapped his arms around himself tightly. He steadied his breathing, trying to calm down.

It was just a drunken mistake It only happened because we weren’t thinking clearly. We ‘re just friends

It was crazy to get so worked up while sober.

Calm down, he told himself. He concentrated on breathing slowly in and out. But the sigh that escaped his lips was hot and heavy, flouting his attempts.

What’s going on? This is no good at all. I can't calm down. Why not?

Satori frowned sharply. The feeling of Asou as he clung tenaciously to Satori’s heated body was overwhelming. His whole body trembled with the memory, which he’d felt only once. No, this wasn’t just as simple as remembering. He was aching, as if Asou were really touching him. He felt as if his body would melt.

“Mm...”

Shocked to sec his own fingers reaching for his groin, Satori quickly balled his hand into a fist. With his other hand, he pushed the fist tight to the floor. A heated sigh escaped from his tightly pressed lips, shaking him.

What’s going on with my body? This has never happened before! This is crazy!

Even as a teenager, Satori had never been very interested in sex. Of course, he had needs like everyone else his age, but they never seemed as desperate as those of his classmates. Physical pleasure had always seemed far too fleeting to really captivate him. That was how he’d reached twenty still a virgin, having never even stepped foot into the red-light distinct.

But it was clearly the physical desire—his lust for Asou—that was controlling him now. It was completely overriding the common sense on which Satori had always prided himself It was his desire to feel that lithe body again. Satori hadn’t known he possessed any desires strong and passionate enough to defeat his common sense.

His mind swirling, Satori wondered if it could he the kisses that drove him so wild. He realized his band was reaching out toward his groin again, but this time, he couldn’t stop himself.

We \e been kissing for so long now, that I don't know what "s dream and what's real anymore.

Even if Asou didn’t have a girlfriend, they couldn’t keep doing this.

We ’re just friends, Satori thought, and felt his chest ache. The pain was sharp, and for a moment, he couldn’t breathe.

The next day was overcast, the sky filled with heavy gray clouds, threatening snow at any moment. Despite the wmd that whipped through the trees, the campus was full of students exchanging notes and ideas about what would be on the exams. 

Satori gazed at the sky and sighed, mindless of the almost-festive bustle around him. The white steam of his breath spread out into the sky, disappearing seconds later.

The weather was always cloudy when he was depressed like this. Satori heaved another sigh as he let himself get caught up in the crowd heading toward the dining hall. He felt like he’d already used up a lifetime’s supply of sighs

Last night, he’d been unable to calm his heightening emotions until he took care of the tension himself. Then he’d buried himself under the kotatsu and fell asleep, feeling wretched and trance-like. But he couldn’t sleep in bis bed because it reminded him of Asou.

Under the kotatsu, Satori had slept lightly, waking several times during the night. Today, his body was heavy, with a listlessness bom of sleep-deprivation and violent self-loathing.

He’d been weird last night, no question about it. He had to make sure that such a thing never happened again; he had to stop kissing Asou—no matter what. He just had to be direct about it. Then they would go back to just being friends. That way, remembering about Asou wouldn’t get him hot the way it had the night before.

It was simple. Satori knew that, but..

“Okada!” A hand clapped him on the shoulder and he jumped. “Did that really scare you?”

Satori turned around to find Fujisaki and Nakamoto standing there. Fujisaki had been the one who clapped Satori on the shoulder.

“I was just thinking about something,” Satori said.

“You don’t look so hot.” Fujisakfs frown was worried.

Satori struggled to form a smile. “I just haven’t slept much because of studying.”

“It’s not like you to lose sleep over exams, Okada,” Nakamoto said softly.

Satori laughed evasively. Nakamoto was right. It wasn’t the exams he was losing sleep over.

“That’s true. You’re pretty dependable when it comes to that stuff,” Fujisaki agreed.

Nakamoto muttered, “It’s unlike you.”

“Me, on the other band,” Fujisaki said. “I put it all off until the last second and end up staying up all night before the test...hey, Nakamoto, look what you made me say!” Fujisaki joked, looking around with wide, startled eyes.

“Hey, where’s Asou? It’s weird not to see him with you.” Satori laughed bitterly. His friend had asked the question in a way that said it was obvious. Even these two took it for granted that he and Asou would be together.

As the three of them started walking, with Fujisaki in the middle, Satori said, still laughing, “It’s not that unusual. I mean, we don’t hang out that much.”

“Really? You’ve been together a lot lately,” Fujisaki said, shaking his head.

Over the top of Fujisaki’s head, Nakamoto watched Satori calmly. “Okada, you don’t seem to get it, so I’m going to come straight out with it. You and Asou are really striking together.”

“Not me, Asou’s the one who’s striking.”

“You really don’t get it,” Fujisaki said.

Nakamoto was nodding thoughtfully.

Fujisaki said, “I mean, sure, no one stands out as much as Asou, but Okada, have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror? You’re not bad-looking, but your eyes are something else.”

“What do you mean, ‘something else’?”

“Special. How can I explain it? Like, they bewitch you. They pull you in. They’re...what do you call ’em again, Nakamoto?” “Bedroom eyes.”

“Yeah, that’s it!” Fujisaki nodded.

Satori slapped him lightly. “You’re a dumbass. When we were kids, you used to say my eyes were creepy because you couldn’t tell what I was thinking.”

“Well, maybe I’d thought that when I was a kid, but, right, Nakamoto?” Fujisaki had a habit of deferring to Nakamoto when he 

couldn’t explain something.

Nakamoto was used to it and nodded slightly. “You’ve got the definition of bedroom eyes: big black pupils that always look moist, heavy eyelids, and long eyelashes..

Fujisaki nodded like this explained everything.

Nakamoto looked over Fujisaki’s bead. “Some of the girls who say they’re coming over to talk to Asou actually want to talk to you.”

“No way.” Satori gave up. Maybe his eyes did leave an impression on people. But they weren’t “bedroom eyes.”

“Yes way. It may not be as much as Asou, but we do hear rumors about you.”

Satori glared at Nakamoto, who seemed to know it all.

Then Fujisaki tugged on his arm sharply. “Hey Okada, over there!” he whispered.

There was a tall mao standing in front of the brick wall of the dining ball. In his black cargo pants and black and white striped shirt, he looked like a slender beast of prey. Even in the crowd of students, he stood out.

There was only one person it could be: Asou.

Next to him stood a slim girl; she had pretty, bobbed hair. It was hard to tell from so far away, but her features were fine, and she was very beautiful. The snow white coat she was wearing looked amazing on her.

“Wow, talk about some seriously beautiful people. I’ve never seen Asou’s girlfriend before. I wonder who she is. Do you know, Nakamoto?”

“I don’t recognize her. I don’t think she goes to our school.” In contrast to the overly excited Fujisaki, Nakamoto was perfectly calm.

Satori could only stare at Asou and the girl. It was like his eyes were glued to them. He couldn’t look away.

That’s Asou's girlfriend. She's pretty. They look good together. She must be the one who called him yesterday.

It had been obvious that Asou wasn’t irritated by the call that had ended their kissing so abruptly. Asou’s lack of expression wasn’t a lack of emotion; he just didn’t let his emotions show. Satori knew that well, after spending every day with him for an entire month.

The couple seemed to be having a serious discussion. Satori could only stare at them.

So the rumors are true We really do have to stop, Satori thought. Dimly, he realized that the idea was really getting to him.

“Hey! Okada, what’s up?” Fujisaki asked, surprised to sec Satori turn away.

“I just remembered something I have to do,” Satori said, without looking back as he took off. His chest ached as though his heart was burning. Was it because he had to stop kissing Asou? Would something like that hurt this much? Was that really the only reason?

If they stopped the make-out sessions, they could go back to being friends. Stopping would be the best thing for both of them. So why was he getting so tom up about it?

A month ago, Asou had been expressionless and kind of scary, but basically, a nice guy. Nothing more Satori had never imagined that they’d kiss, let alone sleep together And none of his wildest dreams ever made him think that kissing could turn him on the way it did

What's Asou thinking, kissing me ? He has a girlfriend. Doesn’t that make it cheating?

No, it wouldn’t be called cheating. That would make Satori the other woman, and Satori wasn’t a woman at all. Maybe it was nothing but a little fun for Asou. After all, Asou had never tried to touch Satori since the night they slept together. Asou had only kissed him.

But why would he want to touch Satori again? Why would he want to sleep with a guy?

Asou was just having some Jun. Just fooling around

But even if Asou was just fooling around, it didn’t answer the  

question of why he’d kissed Satori. Satori really had no idea what Asou was thinking

Suddenly, Satori remembered that there had been another time when he hadn’t known what Asou was thinking

It had been a week before the end-of-year party. Satori had been alone in the classroom when he’d been joined by a girl he knew He hadn’t seen her in a while, since she’d been backpacking abroad and hadn’t come to classes for some time. She had started to tell him about her experiences living in India for a month. He’d been so absorbed in her stones that he hadn’t noticed Asou was there until Asou had tapped him on the shoulder Satori had looked up and smiled.

Asou’s fine features had been carefully schooled, but it wasn’t his usual lack of expression. There had been something hot and hard hidden in the depths of his dark eyes

“What is it?” Satori had asked, worried at the unfamiliar expression. Asou only glanced at the girl sitting next to Satori. A tense silence followed and Satori’s skin prickled with a strange nervousness. What was the suddenly heavy atmosphere about?

After a few moments, the girl had stood. “Okada-kun, I just remembered I have to pick something up at the school store.”

It was as if a spell had been broken. Satori nodded. “Yeah, okay I’ll sec you later.” He watched her go.

Asou hadn’t said a word. Without asking Satori’s permission, Asou sat down in the seat next to him. Satori pulled away without thinking, but it was like Asou’s long limbs were giving off a burning heat. It was obvious that Asou wasn’t quite himself. Satori had glanced up, and Asou’s returning gaze was hard.

“So I can’t sit next to you or something?” Asou had asked, staring at Satori. His tone was accusatory, as though he thought

Satori was trying to shut him out.

Satori shook his head frantically. “No, you can.”

“Are you two meeting up later?”

“What?”

“You and that girl,” Asou spit out Satori had never heard him so agitated.

“No, I’m not meeting up with her.”

“But you said you’d see her later.”

“It’s just an expression. I’m not meeting her anywhere.” Satori shook his head vehemently, but Asou had eyed him suspiciously. Satori could feel that unwavering gaze burning into him. He returned it tentatively, and Asou frowned. The change in expression made Satori feel uneasy, and he found himself hurriedly apologizing

“It’s true. I haven’t seen her in a while, so we were just catching up. She went backpacking, and she was telling me about it. That’s all. We just happened to run into each other. We didn’t make plans to meet up later. I swear,” he added.

Asou blinked and his dark expression finally cleared. He’d been leaning toward Satori, but now he moved back. The heat that had been radiating off his toned body dissipated

“What is it?” Satori asked, puzzled at this sudden change. Asou laughed a little and then sighed. “It’s nothing,” he murmured, looking away. His fine lips twisted in a self-mocking sneer, so Satori hadn’t really believed him.

What had been going through Asou s mind that day ?

Satori could still remember the strange heat that had radiated off Asou’s body He laughed bitterly at himself. No matter how long he thought about it, he still couldn’t understand it. The important thing was to stop kissing Asou. It wasn’t fair to Asou’s girlfriend. 

Satori’s eyes snapped open at the sound of the doorbell. His alarm clock read four o’clock. He bad hurried from school back to his apartment and buried himself under the kotatsu. He’d been thinking, trying to ignore his heavy heart, and he must have dozed off.

Outside his window, the sky was growing dark. His arms had been folded on top of the kotatsu, and now they ached. His neck was aching too, as he’d fallen asleep in such an unnatural position.

The doorbell rang again.

“Satori, you there?”

It was Asou’s voice.

Satori stood up reflexively, only to freeze, rooted to the spot.

What would happen if I let Asou in? If Asou kissed me? Can I push Asou away? What if I get worked up like the night before?

“Satori?”

Satori sighed. It would be all right After all, he and Asou were just friends They simply needed to go back to the way things used to be. Except for making out, they’d acted like friends all month It would be fine. He’d be fine. He nodded to himself and headed to the door.

“I’m coming,” he called. He unlocked the door, and opened it.

Asou stood there, holding a plastic bag from the supermarket in each hand. Through the steam from his breath, Asou’s beautiful white teeth looked like shining pearls. Satori felt a pain shoot through his heart, and his hand shot up to his chest.

“Can I come in?”

Somehow, Satori managed to nod.

Asou smiled, looking relieved. “You went home early today, didn’t you? You never skip class, so Fujisaki and Nakamoto were worried you might be sick ”

“No. I just remembered something I had to do.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Asou slipped off his shoes and turned to look at Satori, his eyes unwavering. His fine eyebrows were drawn together. “You look pale ”

Satori tried to laugh, but failed. He couldn’t do it. He managed to force the corners of his lips up in a smile, however. “I was taking a nap, so I’m just a little spacey What did you buy today?” He had to change the subject, because he couldn’t meet that intent gaze.

Asou nodded and put the bag he’d been holding in his right hand down on the counter. “I thought we could have a hot-pot, so I bought ingredients for it ”

“Oh, a hot-pot. Good idea ” Satori peered into the bags. He was relieved to be able to escape Asou’s eyes, but he felt strangely empty.

What's wrong with me? I've never felt like this before.

‘Tofu, napa cabbage, carrots, enoki mushrooms, pork, noodles, and ponzu sauce. You bought a ton of stuff. I’ll pay you for half later, okay?” Satori said in a cheerful voice, and Asou laughed a little.

“It’s my treat tonight. I bought this, too.” Asou put the bag in his left hand down on the counter. Through the plastic, Satori could see sake.

Satori froze. “Sake?”

“You don’t like sake"

“No, I like it fine, but...we can’t have sake.”

“Why not?”

“‘Why not?’We. .”

If they got drunk, it might lead to a repeat of what happened a month ago. As long as Satori was sober, he could stay rational But if he got drunk, he wouldn’t be able to keep from wanting Asou to touch him. That’s what Satori had realized the night before—just how much he wanted it. He wanted Asou to touch him; he wanted Asou to make love to him But now that he knew Asou had a girlfriend, he had to avoid that at all cost.

“I mean, we have to study tonight,” Satori said after a moment.

Asou narrowed his eyes at Satori. Satori looked down, but 

he could feel Asou’s eyes burning into him, urging him to look up. He’d imagined those eyes would be feverishly bright when he looked into them, but they were surprisingly calm.

“Take a break for one day. You’ll make yourself sick,” Asou said, and his voice was as soft as Satori had ever heard it.

Relieved, he smiled awkwardly. *I can do that, but you don’t have a day to spare.”

“Satori.”

At the sound of his name, Satori flinched.

What should I do? There was no way he could go back to being just friends, not when the mere sound of his name on Asou’s lips made him react.

“Satori,” Asou said again. Without warning, he grabbed Satori’s chin, forcing it up roughly

“Asou...” Satori cried

Asou sucked away his cry.

Satori stared into Asou’s almond-colored eyes, which were centimeters from his. Those soft lips moved on his, caressing and searching, and he closed his eyes tightly. White-hot heat burned onto the back of his eyelids, holding the pleasure at bay.

We can't! We can't do this!

“Oomph!” He put both hands on Asou’s shoulders and shoved. As always, Asou wasn’t actually touching Satori, so it didn’t take much to push him away.

“Satori,” Asou said, straightening up. He didn’t seem flustered or angry.

“C-cut it out!” Satori realized his voice was shaking He took a deep breath “You have a girlfriend, don’t you? I saw her today. We can’t do this anymore. Even if you’re just fooling around, this is going too far. It’s not fair to her.”

Satori’s voice was still shaking as if he would start crying.

“Satori, what about you?” Asou’s voice was calm.

Satori looked at those familiar dark eyes. Those eyes were just as calm as Asou’s voice—calm like the sea on a night without wind. 

“Have you just been fooling around? Is that why you never stopped me? Even that first night?” Asou looked over at the bed, and Satori could feel his checks grow warm. “Were you just fooling around then?” Asou asked.

Satori looked away. “It’s not a question of fooling around or not.. .we.. .we were drunk that night.”

“So, you’ll sleep with anyone when you’re drunk?”

Satori was shocked at such a frank question. He saw Asou looking down at him steadily. The man didn’t seem to be teasing. What did he just say? With anyone? I'll sleep with anyone? Anger welled up inside Satori. “Asou”

Asou avoided Satori’s fists easily and said as calmly as ever: “That’s what you’re making it sound like.”

Satori was so angry that he was shaking. “I wouldn’t sleep with anyone, drunk or not!”

Until he’d slept with Asou, Satori had never gotten drunk and had sex. He’d been a virgin. How dare Asou treat him like he was some lush? If he hadn’t wanted to sleep with Asou, Satori would have resisted He would have punched Asou. He hadn’t been that wasted. How the hell could Asou say something like that? Did he actually think that Satori was that easy?

‘Think about it, Satori,” Asou implored. “Why did you sleep with me? Why do you let me kiss you?”

Satori was too angry to listen. “Go home!”

“Satori...”

“Go home!” Satori yelled. He turned away violently. He couldn’t even look at Asou anymore, he was so angry. He shut his eyes tightly.

“Think about it, Satori. I’ll be waiting,” Asou whispered gently.

Satori stood there, staring at the floor. He heard Asou put on his jacket, and then he heard the door open and shut softly. Besides the sound of the clock, the only other noise in the room was his heavy breathing.

Think about what? About why kissing Asou doesn't gross me out?

Where does Asou get off ordering me to think about things— when he hasn't even given any explanation for the lasses? What a goddamned coward!

Satori may not have pushed him away, but Asou was the one who’d had sex with Satori, the one who’d kissed Satori, when all the time he’d had a girlfriend.

“Asou, you jerk,” Satori muttered, as a tear fell down his check His heart was aching as though it would break. Satori sank to the ground, clutching his chest. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling All he could do was stifle his sobs as he cried.

The room was pitch-black by the time Satori finished crying. His head was pounding. He hadn’t cried like that in ages. The room was freezing because the heat wasn’t on, but he felt hot and heavy. His throat was dry.

Satori couldn’t summon the energy to turn on the light, so he sat in the dark kitchen and slowly pulled the refrigerator door open. The soft light from the fridge hurt his eyes. He took out a bottle of mineral water, blinking against the light, and unscrewed the cap. He put it to his lips, and let the cold water fill his mouth. It was colder than he’d expected, and he gulped it down greedily.

His thirst quenched, Satori heaved a sigh of relief. But the pain in his heart remained. It wasn’t something that he could fix with a dnnk of water. Satori clutched at the front of his sweater and breathed deeply. The pain didn’t fade—if anything, it was fiercer than ever.

“So you ’1I sleep with anyone when you ’re drunk? ” Satori could hear that calm voice say. He pressed his lips together tightly. He thought he’d cncd all the tears he’d had to cry, but his eyes began to fill again.

Satori’s anger had disappeared, and all that was left in its place was misery and regret. Is that what Asou thinks of me? That was a pretty shitty thing to say.

Of course Satori wouldn’t sleep with just anyone. He had slept with Asou because.. .because he was Asou.

The second he thought it, Satori’s heart skipped a beat.

What would I have done if it hadn't been Asou, but some other man ? Or what if it had been a woman?

Asou shook his head, forehead pressed against his knees.

No.

He wouldn’t want that. He couldn’t imagine sleeping with anyone but Asou. Just imagining sleeping with a man who wasn’t Asou made his skin crawl. He wouldn’t even want to sleep with a woman. He wouldn’t want anyone else to touch him so intimately, and he wouldn’t want to touch anyone else, either. No way. He only wanted to do that with Asou.

A sharp pain shot through him, so severe that Satori squeezed his knees reflexively. His mind...no, every strand of hair, every inch of flesh all the way to the tip of his nails, every fiber of his being was full of desire for Asou. As if to prove it, a hot, melting sigh escaped his lips: “Asou . Asou..

He had thought that calling Asou’s name would lessen the pain, but it only made it worse. His temples throbbed, and his vision began to blur. “Asou!”

I love him

The words floated unbidden into his mind. For a moment, he hesitated.

That’s ridiculous. Asou’s a guy I'm a guy!

That’s what his common sense was shouting. But his brain was too numb to think any further.

I love him

The words flashed through him again like a magic spell. And this time, his common sense didn’t resist. It couldn’t. He didn’t want anyone but Asou Asou was the only one for him.

I'm in love with Asou.

These burning emotions, this fierce desire to make Asou belong to him, it couldn’t be anything but love.

“I love him,” Satori whispered, and the emotions crashed over him. He’d thought of Asou as a nice guy—calm and quiet. Satori had convinced himself that it was because Asou was so striking that he was always watching Asou. He’d convinced himself he’d slept with Asou Because he was drunk, and that kissing Asou had felt too good to stop.

But none of that was true.

Satori was in love with Asou. That was why he hadn’t hated sleeping with the man; that was why he didn’t resist the kisses; and that was why it always felt so good. The reason he hadn’t asked why Asou kissed him was because he’d been afraid that Asou would say he was just having some fun.

It wasn’t because Satori was addicted to kissing that he hadn’t been able to stop—even after he’d found out that Asou had a girlfriend. He hadn’t wanted Asou to be in love with someone else. But he couldn’t forgive Asou for having a girlfriend. It hurt even to think about Asou kissing someone else.

Satori was jealous of that girl in the white coat. He didn’t want Asou to kiss anyone but him. He didn’t want Asou to look at anyone but him. He’d slept with Asou because it was Asou Because he was in love with every part of Asou.

Satori pressed his lips together, unable to stop himself from trembling. The reason it had taken him so long to understand his feelings was because Asou was a man. If Asou hadn’t had a girlfriend, it probably would have taken him even longer to figure it out.

"Think about it, ” Asou had said

And then what? Satori wondered. What am I supposed to do after I've thought about iP I love Asou. Not as a friend, I want him to belong to me. I want to kiss him. I love him. So now what?

Now that he knew, what could he do about it? Not only did Asou have a girlfriend, but Satori was a man. Nothing could comc of it, even if Asou didn’t have a girlfriend. This love was over before it began—a distorted love that could never be returned. Satori’s first love—the first time he’d ever felt anything so strong.

“Mm..His tears welled up against his closed eyelids. Asou, you idiot

There was no way that Satori could go back to being just friends, not after be knew how he felt. He couldn’t even bear to be near Asou. Satori muffled a sob that threatened to escape.

"I’ll be waiting," Asou had whispered. Satori realized now that Asou’s voice had been full of tenderness.

Waiting for what? Asou really is an asshole. How could he say—and in such a tender voice—that he'd be waiting, when today might be the last time we ever talk?

Satori trudged to the library to find only a few people there. Soon it would be filled with students coming to study for exams. The first floor of the college library had desks at which students might study, each desk having a florescent light making it a great place to read without being bothered.

Satori sat down at the desk in the farthest comer. The heat wasn’t circulating yet, so it was still chilly. Satori threw himself down on the desk without even bothering to take off his coat. His temples were throbbing because he'd been crying so hard. He’d spent the whole night crying, but he didn’t feel any better. He hadn’t eaten since morning, but he just wasn’t hungry.

To top it all off, the reflection staring back at him in the desk’s mirror looked horrible. His face was pale; his eyes were puffy and red; and his checks were hollow. He looked so awful that he’d almost stayed home. But he ended up leaving the apartment. He wanted to be alone, but somewhere that wasn’t his place. When Satori was there, all he could think about was Asou—about the feel of his lips and the warmth of his arms.

Satori sighed. His love for Asou was still burning inside him as fiercely as it had the night before. All he could feel was despair; he knew his love would never be returned. To have to give up on Asou, to have to forget him, when Satori loved him so much...

"Think about it. I ’1I be waiting " Satori squeezed his eyes shut as Asou’s voice echoed in his head. What do you mean by "wait," Asou? Wait for what?

“Hey, did you sec that chick with Asou yesterday?”

Satori jerked his head up. The voice was coming from the desk next to him. It was a male student, but Satori couldn’t see who was sitting there because of the partition.

“Yeah, she was really hot. I could never talk to her. You think she’s Asou’s girl?”

“Maybe. Her name’s Yasumi Takahashi, but she doesn’t go here.”

“How’d you find all that out? That’s creepy.”

Satori pricked up his cars. The two were whispering, but he could hear their voices clearly in the quiet library.

“Just listen-! saw her at Alga Community College.”

“Aiga? That’s where your girlfriend goes, right?”

“Yeah. I remembered her because she won the beauty contest at the school fair. That wasn’t the only reason I remembered her, though. She’s married ”

“Whoa, seriously? Does that mean Asou’s her husband?” “Her last name’s Takahashi, you dumbass. They have different last names. Sachiko said her husband is some old artist.”

“So she’s having an affair with Asou?”

“I doubt they’d meet out in the open like that if they were having an affair”

Satori jumped to his feet before the students even finished speaking. The two boys sitting there stared at him, looking startled. They smiled awkwardly. They must have known Satori hung out with Asou often. Satori stared back at them, expressionless, and then he collapsed back into his chair.

An affair? Asou? Satori clenched his hands into fists. Hatred toward the woman in the white coat welled up inside him. They're having an affair? That woman has a husband who loves her, and she wants to take Asou s love, too? Or has Asou fallen in love with her? 

"I'll be waiting "

He could hear Asou’s voice again, and suddenly it was like a light went on inside his head.

Hold on Something isn't right. Something is breaking down here.

Satori relaxed his hands.

That’s right. He’d never once asked Asou what he was thinking. He was just jumping to conclusions, here. He’d never asked Asou about the woman in the white coat, or why Asou kissed him every day, or how Asou felt about him. Asou was the only one who knew the truth, but Satori had been too scared of losing Asou to ask.

Satori got to his feet slowly.

If Satori couldn’t go back to being friends with Asou, he was going to lose him anyway—because no matter how much he loved Asou, he couldn’t be with him. So he at least wanted to know the truth. He wanted to know what Asou was thinking.

Asou, I've thought about it. I love you. I don't want to give you up to anyone That’s how much I love you

He’d thought it over just like Asou had asked, and that was the conclusion he’d come to. He’d rather die than tell Asou all that, but he at least wanted to know why Asou had kept kissing him.

Satori ran to the front gate and then stopped suddenly. He didn’t know where Asou’s apartment was. He had it written down in his address book, but Asou had always come to see Satori. Asou had never invited Satori over, and Satori had never gone over to Asou’s on his own. Satori sighed.

Come to think of it, I don \ know much about Asou. Satori was the type to collect data and analyze it. He was always careful not to overlook anything But when it came to Asou, there were huge holes in his research. It was like he’d jumped head first into a river, without testing the strength of the current or the depth of the water There was a good chance he’d drown.

Satori laughed at himself and then sighed again. He leaned against the side of the gate and got out his address book.

“Satori-kun?”

The voice was clear and pleasant, and Satori couldn’t help looking up.

He flinched when he saw the snow-white coat. It was her. the woman he’d seen with Asou yesterday was now standing in front of him, sporting a mischievous smile.

“Oh, good; I’ve been looking for you.” She nodded a little. Her smooth hair fluttered gently. Her skin was so pale, it was almost translucent, and her face, with its petite features, looked like a doll’s. She was even more beautiful up close. “I’m Yasumi Takahashi. Where’s Naotaka?”

Naotaka? Satori thought, but then he remembered that “Naotaka” was Asou’s first name.

“I haven’t seen him today.”

“Oh, he’s not with you?” she asked.

Satori shook his head automatically.

Yasumi hummed at that, and then rcachcd out and touched his arm. “Why don’t we wait together m that coffee shop? We can see Naotaka coming out the gates.”

“Huh? Wait...”

Yasumi dragged him after her. They were right m front of the school gates, so the area was full of students. Some people looked up at the beautiful woman who had appeared, but no one spoke to them.

“This college is a really good school, right? The girls and guys here are really hot. I wish I could retake my exams and go here. Oh, but then I could only be with Naotaka for two years.

Satori finally managed to find his voice as Yasumi walked on through the gate: “P-please, wait a second, Takahashi-san.”

Yasumi came to a surprisingly smooth stop and turned around. “What?”

“What.. .um, what’s going on?”

“Going on?” She gazed up at him with her clear brown eyes, and suddenly Satori was at a loss for words. She really did look like a beautiful doll.

“Well, I mean, how do you know who I—?”

“Naotaka didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“He didn’t ever mention me?”

No, he hasn’t. Satori had just seen them talking together, looking friendly with each other. A sharp pain shot through his heart at the memory. This woman was Asou’s lover. It didn’t matter whether it was an affair, or if she wasn’t married at all. Asou had kissed this woman. Asou bad held her in his arms.

The base of Satori’s skull was suddenly hot. A wordless passion welled up m his throat. But Yasumi just looked at him, completely unaware of what Satori was feeling.

“He really hasn’t mentioned me?”

Satori couldn’t answer her. All he could do was press his lips tight against the emotions that were choking him.

Yasumi arched one finely shaped eyebrow. Then she looked away and said in a fierce whisper, “That idiot...”

When Yasumi finally looked up at Satori again, her expression was apologetic. “I’m sorry, Satori-kun. He didn’t mean anything by it It’s Naotaka’s fault for being so lazy.”

“Huh?”

“Really, how can he just abandon a sexy guy like you?” Yasumi asked, linking her arm with his and starting to walk again. She was far stronger than her fragile frame suggested.

“Takahashi-san, I’m going back,” Satori said, trying to get her to stop.

“Why?”

“Well, you’re meeting up with Asou, right? I’ll just be in the way.”

“I’m not meeting him. I just came to check up on him.”

“Check up...? Hold on..

As Satori tried to shake off Yasumi’s arm, a voice called,

“Yasumi!”

He looked over his shoulder to see Asou running toward them. Satori tried to bolt, but Yasumi’s arm held him fast.

“Takahashi-san, please!” Satori cried, panicked. He couldn’t bear to watch them together—not so up close. But he couldn’t very well confess his feelings in front of Yasumi. He was the one who’d fallen in a love with a guy who was already taken.

Yasumi gripped his arm tightly and didn’t let go. “Don’t run away, Satori-kun. Give him a taste of his own medicine. There’s no reason for you to be the only one worrying ”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s okay. Leave it to me,” Yasumi said with a smirk that seemed out of place on such a beautiful face. She glared at Asou as he caught up to them. “What do you want?” she asked cuttingly.

“Me? What do you want?” Asou panted, glaring back at Yasumi.

“I came to see how you and Satori-kun were doing. You really Are thick, you know that?”

“What do you mean, thick?”

“You didn’t tell him anything. I thought you talked to him yesterday and settled it all. What the heck are you doing, making Satori cry his eyes out like this?”

Satori just stood there, overwhelmed by Asou and Yasumi, who glared at each other dangerously; but then, he flinched. He’d known he didn’t look good, but he hadn’t known it was obvious that he’d been crying. He hurriedly looked down at the ground. He hadn’t wanted Asou to know he’d cried. He didn’t know what to say if Asou asked him why. It wasn’t like he could tell Asou he’d been crying because he was in love with him.

Satori was pressing his lips together, embarrassed at the sheer awkwardness of the situation, when Asou grabbed his arm

“Stay out of my love life1” Asou threatened, pulling Satori toward him.

Satori looked up in shock. 

Asou hugged him tightly “And stop groping Satori like that!”

“If that’s how you’re going to be, you shouldn’t have asked me to pretend to be your girlfriend in the first place! And don’t call me ‘ Yasumi.’ The only one who’s allowed to call me that is Mitsuru- san.” Yasumi balled her hands into fists and started pounding Asou’s stomach

“Oomph!” Asou coughed.

Yasumi snorted. Then she turned back to Satori, who was standing there in shock, and smiled at him. “I’m sorry, Satori-kun. I’m not Naotaka’s girlfriend I’m his aunt.”

“His aunt?"

“Right. I’m Naotaka’s mother’s brother’s wife ”

His aunt His aunt? What ts going on here? Satori looked up at Asou, feeling totally confused

Asou was glaring at Yasumi, his eyes watering “Don’t say anything else. I’m gonna tell him.”

“Oh, you are? You’re sure taking your time about it. I came here to talk to Satori-kun, but then you show up. Too bad.” Yasumi sighed and then looked over at Satori with a renewed smile. “Well, I guess I’ll have something to look forward to. Satori-kun, my nephew is an idiot, but I hope he makes you happy.”

Yasumi bowed slightly and then walked off without waiting for an answer

Satori watched her slim figure go; he stood rooted to the spot

What’s going on? What's Asou going to tell him? That girl isn't Asou’s girlfriend? She's his aunt? But she’s so young .He didn’t get it at all.

“Dammit, she’s got a black belt! Why’d she have to hit me so hard?”

The growling, low voice by his side brought Satori back to himself. Asou still had his arms around Satori. He was so warm Hot, even A tear slipped, unbidden, down Satori’s cheek Satori covered his face with his hands. He couldn’t stop He’d thought he’d cried himself out last night, but the warmth enveloping him made him so happy and yet, so sad, that he couldn’t keep himself from crying.

It wasn't just the kisses. I wanted him to hold me like this I wanted him to love me—not just with his body, but with his heart

“Satori? Satori, what is it? Did Yasumi do something to you?” Asou’s anxious voice floated down to him He’d never heard Asou sound like that before.

Satori shook his head. No, you’re the one who did something to me. You ’re the one who made me feel this way.

“I love you,” Satori whispered. He hadn’t meant to say it, but he couldn’t hold it back any longer. “I love you. I love you, Asou ” The whisper was almost a sob. He clutched tightly at Asou, unable to put into words the depth of the love he felt.

He forgot that they were on a busy sidewalk in broad daylight He forgot that Asou might hate him now that he knew how Satori felt. All that mattered to him was the warmth of Asou’s arms around bim.

“Satori...” Asou said, his own voice full of emotion. “I love you, too.”

Said in that deep voice, the words shocked Satori. He looked up to see Asou frowning, his dark eyes moist with heat.

What did Asou just say?

“We can’t talk here. Come to my place,” Asou whispered gently. He took Satori’s arm and started to walk, but Satori couldn’t respond.

I love you?

You love who ?

Who did he say he loves?

The apartment that Asou dragged the still-dazed Satori to was a luxurious two bedroom with a living room, dining room, and kitchen. Asou brought him into the master bedroom. The only real piece of furniture in the room was the double bed, but the mats on the floor and pictures on the walls were tasteful.

Asou put one arm around Satori; with the other hand, he closed the door

“Satori,” Asou said, kissing him.

Still in a daze, Satori was completely unprepared for it, and just let himself be kissed.

“Mm...”

As those lips hungrily devoured his, Satori could feel Asou’s arms and upper body press against him. He could feel Asou’s heartheat, and the heat of his lithe body was making Satori dizzy. Satori felt like Asou was the ocean, and he was drowning in the other man’s passion.

They kissed, long and deep, and when their lips finally parted, Satori let out a moan. It was then that he realized: Asou was lying on top of him.

“Asou?”

“I’m sorry, Satori. I had to do it, or you would never have figured it out.”

“Do what?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t love anyone but you, Satori.” Asou’s usually calm voice was low and seductive in a way that Satori never could have imagined

“No way .” Satori whispered.

“I’ve loved you since freshman year.” Asou sighed, nibbling Satori’s earlobe.

Satori arched as a familiar wave of pleasure shot up his spine. “Oh...”

“I fell in love with you the moment I saw you during Freshman Orientation. You were wearing a classy, dark-gray suit. Your hair was a little longer, and you brushed your bangs to the side, so your eyes were really noticeable,” Asou said, slipping Satori’s jacket off his shoulders.

He lifted up Satori’s sweater and shirt all at once. “Our eyes didn’t even meet. I just saw you look up But I remember the way your dark eyes moved under your lashes; they captivated me. I wanted you to look at me with those eyes. I wanted to make them mine.”

No way. This has to be a dream

“N-no You’re lying.” Satori protested at the touch of Asou’s cold fingers on his skin.

“I’m not lying. I’ve never looked at anyone but you. I love how you never skip class, but you’re not a bookworm. Or how nothing fazes you, because you analyze everything, so you always know what’s going to happen. How you have no idea the effect your eyes have on people.”

Asou continued to whisper sweetly to Satori, which eventually stopped his struggling. With every word, Satori could feel just how earnestly Asou wanted him to believe every word he was saying

“I learned all of that by watching you, and it made me so happy It made me love you even more.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not.”

“But then, why didn’t you just.. ”

“I’d never fallen in love at first sight like that, so it took me a while to recognize my feelings for what they were. I just couldn’t stop thinking about you, and I couldn’t take my eyes off you. Finally, I realized why,” Asou whispered huskily, before covering Satori’s lips with a kiss.

Satori could sense the sincerity of Asou’s words through that kiss. It melted down into his heart like sweet honey, making him weak

Can it be true? Can Asou really be in love with me?

“I finally got up the courage to talk to you sophomore year, and I was so happy when we became friends You saw me, you talked to me, you laughed with me. I knew you were straight, so I tried to convince myself I was satisfied with just being your friend. But I couldn’t keep lying to myself The closer I got to you, the more I loved you.”

As he continued his passionate confession, Asou bit lightly at Satori’s neck, and Satori felt his body responding

“But I couldn’t repress my feelings. Just watching you almost made me lose control. I decided I had to make you mine at the end- of-the-year party. I thought about it every day.”

Satori had been holding himself up with his arm, but he let himself fall to the sheets His stiff body grew limp, and he felt his legs opening slowly.

So, that was the reason for the heated gaze from Asou that day in the classroom. Asou had hounded him about his presumed meeting with the girl because Asou was jealous.

Satori closed his eyes as joy spread through his body. He was so happy that he wanted to cry. Asou was really in love with him. Only a man in love would make love so passionately, so gently, he was certain. Satori stretched out on the bed, giving himself over to Asou’s caresses.

Before Asou, Satori had never slept with anyone—not when he was sober, and not when he was drunk. Maybe even as far back as a month ago, on that very night, Satori had wanted Asou to be in love with him Maybe he had asked Asou what he would do if his ideal woman didn’t exist because he’d wanted Asou to see him as someone special.

“I’m sorry, Satori. I’ve been in love with you for almost two years, and I didn’t know what else to do. But no matter how much I loved you, it was cowardly of me to take you like that.” “‘Cowardly’?” Satori repeated, his voice husky.

Asou nodded as he kissed his way down Satori’s jaw-line.

“It wasn’t the alcohol that made me do it. I wasn’t really that drunk. When I kissed you, you didn’t push me away, and then I couldn’t help myself...” Asou’s voice was low and passionate; his breath tickled Satori’s ear. “But you thought I was drunk.”

Satori grabbed at the shreds of his fading consciousness to ask the question that had been puzzling him for so long. “But after that night.. .you never did anything except kiss me... Why?”

“If I’d slept with you every time we saw each other, you’d think I was just bomy, and I didn’t want that. I slept with you because I was in love with you.” Asou undressed Satori layer by layer, leaving red marks on his newly exposed skin. Satori’s body arched with every one of Asou’s masterful kisses.

“You’re always so logical. I was sure that eventually you’d ask me about that night. But you never mentioned it, and you never pushed me away when I kissed you. Sometimes, I wondered if you were just...easy.”

“You...didn’t...think...” Satori’s senses clouded as Asou bit his chest. “Ab!”

“But, I knew from watching you that you weren’t the type of guy to sleep with just anyone. So I started to think that you liked me, but you just didn’t realize it.”

Asou was exactly right. Before he’d heard the rumors of Asou’s girlfriend, Satori had written off the pleasure of Asou’s kisses as a by-product of lust.

“So I decided to find out what you’d do if you heard that I had a girlfriend. I knew you might not believe it if it was just a rumor, so I asked my aunt to play along with me. I stood there with her that day, sure to be where you’d see us. Then, if you had kept on kissing me after that, I’d have known you really didn’t have any honor.” 

“Asou.” Satori gathered what little reason he had left and glared at Asou.

Feeling Satori’s eyes on him, Asou looked up, staring at him intently. “I thought you’d either tell me we had to stop kissing—in which case I’d know you only thought of me as a friend—or you would realize how you felt about me and try to step down. But you tried to step down and go back to being friends without ever asking me how I felt...” 

Asou reached down between Satori’s legs, making Satori’s back arch at the sudden wave of pleasure that engulfed him.

“I really wanted to kiss you—to take you into my arms and make love to you. Because I knew you were jealous of Yasumi, which had to mean you loved me back...”

“Asou...” Satori clutched at Asou, rocked by sensations far greater than what he’d felt a month ago. He trembled with pleasure as Asou’s smooth, heated skin rubbed against his own.

Asou’s low voice whispered in his ear: “But I knew if we slept together, we’d be back where we started again. You’d just confuse your feelings for me with the physical pleasure you felt. I didn’t want that to happen.”

Again, the man’s hot breath tickled Satori’s ear, and he felt his whole body responding to that.

“I decided to wait until you told me that you loved me.” Asou held him even more tightly. “Satori,” he murmured tenderly. “I love you.”

Satori’s breath grew shallow as Asou kissed him deeply. The kiss was feverish, more passionate than any they’d ever shared. He could only nod at this passionate confession. He marveled that the words “I love you” could change everything, even the temperature of a kiss

“What about you? Do you love me?” Asou asked, his body trembling.

“I love you,” Satori answered, rocked by a pleasure so fierce it was almost painful. “I love you I love you, Asou.”

He tried to say it again, but all that escaped his lips was a moan

It was three days before exams, and the campus was seething with excitement. The classrooms where the more difficult courses were taught were in chaos. Satori stole a glance at Asou, who was sitting in the seat next to his. Asou was copying down his notes; he looked like a model in his bright red shirt and beige chinos The notes Asou was copying were Satori’s.

Nakamoto and Fujisaki, who had come to borrow bis notes before, had warned Asou that while Satori’s notes were easy to understand, they didn’t do any good if you didn’t understand exactly what they all meant.

“I told you they wouldn’t help you much,” Satori said with a smirk as he peered at the other hoy’s serious profile.

Asou looked up from the notes and shrugged. “I told you I didn’t care I’ll stop when they stop helping even a little.”

“We’ve only got three days; you should stop now. IIow many times are you planning on writing them out?” Satori realized that this wasn’t something they should he discussing in public, and he quickly covered his mouth. He could feel his cheeks grow hot as he blushed all the way down to his neck, which was covered with hickies beneath the turtle neck he’d borrowed from Asou. He turned to face front, embarrassed by the memories of the night before; he could tell Asou was holding back a smile.

“Man, Satori...I wish exams were over.”

“They haven’t even started yet.”

“Once they’re over, we can stop thinking about them. Then...”

Satori glared at Asou, not letting him finish the sentence. Even in a busy classroom, you never knew who was listening.

“I thought you’d he more relaxed about this,” Satori said softly, still glaring.

Asou’s face grew serious. “Satori...”

“What?”

Asou tilted his head and brought his lips up to Satori’s car. “Stop looking at me like that. It’s making me really hot.”

Satori’s cheeks flushed hotter than ever. He quickly looked away as memories of the night before came flooding back. “What are you talking about?”

“Satori...”

“What?”

“I love you,” Asou whispered.

Satori stared at him in surprise. Asou’s expression hadn’t changed, but his dark eyes shone with happiness. Somehow, Satori could believe that Asou really had been in love with him since their freshman year. Asou seemed so happy that bis love was finally returned. He’d been bubbling over with happiness since last night.

Thinking back on it, Satori realized how important it must have been for Asou to speak to him in the hall that April. At the time, Satori hadn’t noticed it, but now, he realized just how happy Asou had been when Satori had said his name. He’d seemed overjoyed that Satori knew it.

Satori could feel a smile tugging at his lips, and he quickly schooled his expression. Asou was watching him tenderly.

“Asou, Okada.”

Satori looked up to see Fujisaki walking over, with Nakamoto following behind him.

“What’s up? We didn’t sec you two yesterday...” Fujisaki asked, as he and Nakamoto sat down.

“Not much. We just had to go do something,” Asou said easily, his eyes on Satori.

Satori looked down, feeling the heat from his lover’s gaze.

“What? Did something good happen?” Fujisaki asked innocently.

Asou looked up. “Why do you think something good happened?”

“Well, you both look really happy.”

“Both of us?” Satori asked.

Fujisaki nodded. “You and Asou both look really happy.”

Satori’s hands flew to his cheeks. He thought he’d had his expression under control.

Can they see it?

He could hear Asou chuckling beside him. Satori glared at Asou, but Asou just looked back at him, his gaze heated. Glaring at him did nothing Asou was happy that Satori was looking at him at all, even if it was with anger.

“Oh Asou...?” Nakamoto, who had been watching the three of them silently, spoke suddenly. “Everyone’s saying that girl with the white coat yesterday is your girlfriend. Some people are even saying she’s having an affair with you. It doesn’t seem like she’s your girlfriend to me, but you should probably set the record straight.”

Asou finally took his eyes off of Satori, and Satori sighed a little. When Asou stared at him like that, it made him think about what they’d done last night.

“You’re just as sharp as ever, Nakamoto. You’re right; she’s a relative of mine. You can’t stop people gossiping, though. Just let them talk.” Asou nodded generously.

Nakamoto’s eyes widened. “You really okay with that?”

“If anyone asks me about it, I’ll tell them, but I don’t think I need to go around denying it People are just going to say whatever they want to anyway.”

“If you say so, Asou.”

The night before, Asou had explained to Satori that Yasumi Takahashi was married to his uncle, Mitsuru Takahashi. Mitsuru Takahashi was a modem artist, known mostly for his object d art and his sculpture. Even Satori had heard his name before, and he knew nothing about art.

Yasumi had been in Asou’s class in middle school, and through him, she’d met Mitsuru. Despite a seventeen-year age difference, Yasumi had married Mitsuru. And because Asou was closer to his uncle than his parents, and he saw Yasumi often, be had asked her to pretend to be his girlfriend. Yasumi had agreed to help on one condition: Satori and Asou had to have tea with her one day. Yasumi loved to observe the people around her, and she was dying to see what kind of man Asou had finally fallen for.

“She’ll probably come to see us before too long. Sorry. Would  

you mind hanging out with her?” Asou asked apologetically the night before.

“Nah, I don’t mind, but...did Yasumi-san know I was a guy the whole time?”

Asou had laughed a little. “Both my uncle and Yasumi are bi, so they don’t care about stuff like that.”

Satori was completely at a loss for words.

Asou added casually, “I mean, I’m bi, too.”

“I’m.. .totally lost...” Satori whispered.

Asou had pressed a kiss to Satori’s forehead. “But you’re the only one I want. You’re the one I’m in love with.”

And he’d spent the rest of the night proving that to Satori. “Well, she sure was pretty,” Fujisaki whispered dreamily. “Don’t judge a book by its cover, Fujisaki,” Asou replied lightly. “Any man other than her husband is no more than a punching bag to her. If you don’t watch it, you’ll get a swift blow to the stomach!”

“What? She’s married?”

“Yeah She’s my uncle’s wife.”

“Really? She’s our age, isn’t she? I can’t believe it,” Fujisaki whispered, clearly impressed.

Nakamoto had been listening to the conversation in silence, but suddenly he spoke: “Is this really okay?”

“What?”

“You’re in love with someone else, right? What if they get the wrong idea?”

Asou and Satori both stared at Nakamoto. At the same time, Fujisaki’s jaw dropped Man, he’s sharp...

Asou broke the awkward silence with a short laugh. “It’s okay. I explained the situation.”

“When you say ‘explained,’ you mean you told them exactly how you feel?”

“Pretty much.” Asou nodded lightly. He threw a glance to Satori as he did so, and Satori quickly looked away.

Nakamoto watched the two of them: Satori looking down at the ground, and Asou looking at Satori. Nakamoto nodded to himself and said, “That’s okay, then.”

However, Fujisaki wasn’t willing to let the subject drop as easily as Nakamoto had. “No, it’s not okay. Asou, who’re you in love with?”

“It’s a secret.”

“Come on, tell me! Does she go to our school?”

“I told you it’s a secret,” Asou answered calmly. Beneath the table, he twined his fingers around Satori’s. Satori looked up in surprise, but Asou just gave him a blank expression.

Fujisaki changed tactics, turning to Satori: “Satori, do you know who it is?”

“I...”

“Tell me. I won’t tell anyone!”

“I don’t know” Satori blushed as Asou squeezed his hand. Last night, they’d fallen asleep holding hands like this.

“Give it a rest, Fujisaki. The professor is here.” Asou nodded at the front of the room with his chin, while he still held Satori’s hand tightly.

The professor had just walked into the room. Fujisaki turned around to face front. The room fell silent; the professor was one of the few teachers who were still strict about talking in class. But Asou didn’t let go of Satori’s hand. They were sitting so close together that the chance of a student behind them noticing was slim, but it still made Satori nervous. Luckily, Asou was holding his left hand, so Satori scrawled on his notebook: Let go.

Asou stole the pencil from Satori. Using his left hand, wrote in bold letters: NO.

Satori was taken aback. No? What did he mean "no"?

He’d thought that Asou would be smarter about his relationships. He hadn’t seemed the type to keep up an unrequited love for almost two years, and he hadn’t seemed the type who lost sight of everything but his boyfriend once he started dating. Of course, Satori had never thought that he would be that boyfriend. He’d never even dreamed that the day would come when he would love someone like this.

Satori glanced over at Asou. Asou gazed back at Satori. His almond-colored eyes were full of passion, and Satori felt himself falling into them

I want to kiss him, he thought suddenly I want to share those new, feverish kisses 

Asou wasn’t the only one who’d fallen hard. Satori laughed to himself and squeezed Asou’s hand. Asou squeezed back. A feeling of relief welled up inside Satori at the firm pressure of Asou’s hand on his. He picked up the pencil again. In small letters he wrote: I want to kiss you

Asou stared at him, eyes wide, and then he took the pencil from Satori. Satori looked at his lover’s awkward scrawl, and smiled. 

ME TOO.

THE END