3
Thus, they began taking submissions for the Lord BOX.
Word spread far and wide as boxes were established all over the Empire for the Imperial subjects to submit their slips, one after another. Each day, they received tens of thousands of slips.
Those were delivered to the Imperial capital.
“I’m gonna open it!”
Zwoooosh.
An avalanche of thousands of sheets of paper flowed out of the box Risya had opened and upturned.
“These are the ones that came in first thing today. More are coming in, so don’t dawdle.”
“…”
“Right, Mismis?”
“Uh-hwuh…,” Mismis gave a tired reply. “Ugh… It’s supposed to be my day off. Why do I have to be in a conference room at the base at four in the morning…?”
“Okay, let’s get started, Unit 907!” Risya brushed off Mismis’s grumblings and clapped her hands. “We need to do this before the Lord sees them! Get rid of all the bad requests and complaints, okay?!”
“Um, Ms. Risya?” Nene timidly raised her hand. “What kinds of questions and requests should we remove? Do you have anything to reference?”
“I wouldn’t have anything like that, Nene.”
“What?”
“Basically, just use your best judgment. If you had to bother with checking a reference, it’ll just never end. You can simply use your own judgment about whether the submissions should be seen by the Lord.”
“I-I’ll do what I can!”
Nene and Risya grabbed pieces of paper.
The others also started following their lead.
They grabbed their first ones. Iska picked up the top slip from the pile on the table and started to read it.
“Whoa! This one’s already horrible!”
After seeing the question, Iska grimaced.
“Ms. Risya, could I ask your opinion? I’ve already gotten a problematic one.”
“Oh? Read it out loud for us, Isk.”
“Uhh… ‘Hello Your Excellency, I have a question for you. What color is your underwear right now? What type of underwear are you wearing? Hee-hee-hee.’ That’s obviously a joke. I can throw this out, right?”
“That one’s okay.”
“It is?!”
He hadn’t been expecting that. Iska was surprised.
“B-but Ms. Risya, isn’t this making fun of Their Excellency?!”
“Their Excellency has a large heart and will forgive it. Also, as the Lord’s staff officer, I can tell you Their Excellency normally doesn’t wear underwear.”
“Wait, what?! Uh, how does the Lord normally live day-to-day?!”
At that point, Jhin cut in.
“Hey, Ms. Saint Disciple, this one is a request. ‘To my dear Lord, I have something to ask for. I would like the old nightclothes of Michaela, a doctor at Imperial headquarters. Also her pillows as a set.’ What a pervert. That seems in poor taste. I should throw this out, right?”
“That one is fine.”
“How?!” Iska called this into question again.
Risya, however, replied full of confidence, “It’s all right. It’s a lottery, after all. There’s only a one in some million chance the Lord will pick it.”
“Y-you think so…?”
“Of course, Isk. We’ve only just started the selection process. If you scrutinize everything, then we won’t get through this.”
At that point, Commander Mismis came up to Risya with a slip.
“Risya, Risya!”
“Yup, Mismis? Did you find an interesting submission?”
“Um… ‘I have a request for Your Excellency. All the male soldiers in the Imperial forces smell gross. Please order them to take care of their personal appearance. They should always have groomed hair, they should use deodorizing spray whenever they sweat, and they should clean the dirt off of their clothes during trainings.’”
“We really should adopt those measures.”
“If we did that, we wouldn’t be able to do any training at all!”
The Lord BOX was a frightful thing.
Though adopting those as requirements would cause big issues in Iska’s eyes, he realized that the vetting process was a lot laxer than he’d expected.
“Ah! I’ve found a big one!” Nene yelled at that moment. “Commander, Ms. Risya! This request has Commander Mismis’s name on it!”
“Mine?!” Mismis pounced on it.
It seemed she couldn’t believe that her name was on a request written for the Lord.
“Do I have a secret fan?! Oh, the woes of being popular! Can you read it, Nene?”
“Sure. ‘I have something to ask, Your Excellency. As a fellow female commander in the Imperial forces, I cannot overlook the fact that Commander Mismis is in the good graces of our superiors, despite her misconduct and terrible marks. I’m also irritated that she has the stature of a child but a full bust. Please issue an order to have her breasts torn off.’”
“What have my breasts got to do with anything?!” Commander Mismis quickly made to hide her large bosom. “A fellow female commander… Was this written by P?!”
Pilie Commonsense. She was a female commander who saw Mismis as a rival in all aspects of life. It was likely that Pilie was trying to harass Mismis.
“She can’t have my breasts torn off, even via a request to Their Excellency! We’ve got to throw this out!”
“No, that one’s fine.”
“Risya! It’s not fine! What’ll happen to me?! What about my breasts?!”
“Oh, there, there. Calm down.” As Mismis got worked up and turned various shades of red, Risya patted her head. “Don’t be a child, Mismis. Anyone can tell that this is just a prank. I’m sure Their Excellency will laugh at it, too.”
“You think so…?”
“That’s right. The Lord BOX is completely anonymous. And because anyone can submit one, it allows people freedom with their ideas!” Risya spread her arms. “So because of that, we’re allowed to tear off a bit of your breasts!”
“But I wouldn’t allow it!”
“The fact that Their Excellency would allow it shows how generous they are.”
Risya and Mismis quibbled with each other like the old friends they were. Everyone else continued with their work as they watched the two.
“Ms. Risya?”
“What is it, Isk?”
“Oh… Sorry. I wasn’t asking for you. It’s just that your name was written on here.”
“Oh?” Risya’s eyes glittered with curiosity. “Well, I’m the Lord’s staff officer, after all. I’m famous, so it would only be natural for a letter to Their Excellency to mention me. Isk, why don’t you try reading it out loud.”
“… ‘I have a question for our great Lord. Risya In Empire, your staff officer is known by everyone in the Imperial forces. She’s attractive, smart, and has a great bod. She’s also well-liked and trusted by her direct reports and is popular…”
“Ha-ha. They get it.”
“‘…At least, that’s what she believes…’”
“…Huh?”
“‘…She shouldn’t be so stuck-up. She’s just a little smart and had good enough grades in military school, but that’s no reason for her to treat her direct reports roughly or to be so stingy. She doesn’t even try to do her makeup. Can’t she do something about those unsexy glasses? Everything about her offends me…’”
“………” Risya was frozen. Right before Iska’s eyes, her affectionate expression gradually became something sharp and disturbing.
“‘…When it comes down to it, Risya just puts on airs. I’d like a chance to give her a right straight hook to break those glasses in half and bruise up her fac—’”
“Isk.” As Iska tried to continue, the staff officer stopped him.
“Y-yes, Ms. Risya?”
“Give me that paper.”
“O-of course!”
Risya gripped the submission tightly in her hand.
What was she planning to do with it?
In front of the tense Unit 907, Risya pulled out a see-through plastic bag from her pack.
“Risya, what’s that?” Mismis timidly asked.
“It’s a vacuum bag. I’m making sure no further fingerprints get on it.” Risya had answered with a straight face.
After placing the submission into the vacuum bag, Risya closed it. She stuffed it into her pack and then pulled a comm from her pocket.
And then…
“Oh, hello, is this the appraisal department? It’s me. I’ve got a request.” Risya’s voice echoed throughout the room. “I just collected an important piece of evidence from the Lord BOX. I’d like a fingerprint and handwriting analysis done on it. Based on the content, the perp is definitely affiliated with the forces in some way. Check against all the databases you’ve got and find a match for the fingerprints. Once you have the culprit, apprehend them immediately.”
“You can’t do that?!” Iska said in a panic. He couldn’t keep quiet when he was witnessing this. “Wait, Ms. Risya! You’re not allowed to try figuring out who the person is. That’s the whole point of the Lord BOX. You’re the one who said that event is so valuable in part because it’s anonymous!”
“Anonymous…right,” Risya murmured in a terribly cold tone of voice. “But Isk, in some cases, anonymity must be sacrificed for the sake of greater justice.”
“This submission is in bad taste…but it’s just them messing around. I mean, the one about Commander Mismis was considered okay, right?”
“Yes, that one was.”
“And the one about the Lord’s underwear was fine, too?”
“It was.”
“Th-then this one should be…”
“Disqualified, yes.”
“You only do something when it’s about you?!”
“No, Isk! This one seems like it could develop into an incident!” Risya hollered, gripping the vacuum bag with the submission slip in her hand. “They’re a terrible criminal who’s planning on bringing down the Lord’s staff officer. We need to find the culprit!”
“You think so…?”
“That’s right. I’m not biased about the submissions that mention me!”
As Risya ranted, Commander Mismis thrust out another submission slip toward her.
“How about this one, Risya?”
“Hm? What about it, Mismis?”
“Um… ‘Hello, Your Excellency. I adore you. Just thinking about you keeps me up at night. I’d like your (unwashed) eating utensils from a meal. A knife, fork, and spoon, please. And it would be ideal if you included a plate with some leftover sauce on it as well. Hee-hee-hee.’”
“They must be a huge fan to want Their Excellency’s used utensils.”
“But Risya, that laugh at the end seemed really suspicious.”
“Hardly! If anything, it shows how loved Their Excellency is.”
Risya didn’t hesitate to let that one through.
Mismis pulled up another submission right in front of Risya.
“There was another similar request… ‘Greetings, Your Excellency. I’m a huge fan of Risya, your staff officer, and I can’t sleep at night just thinking of her looks. Please give me a shirt she’s used and her underwear (unwashed). It would be ideal if they’re very dirty and sweaty. Hee-hee-hee.’”
“Disqualified.”
“Say what?!”
“That laugh at the end was really creepy. They must be some pervert.”
“But what about what you just said twenty seconds ago?!”
“Come, let’s hurry! We’ve got our work cut out for us!”
“You’re being ridiculous!”
Thus, guided by Risya’s (un)fair standards, they went through ten thousand submissions and successfully finished their work.
Then the special day arrived.
The Lord BOX was a huge success. The event came to a close to the disappointment of many, which should have made this a “happily ever after.”
“In the end, there weren’t any submissions picked about tearing off my breasts or what color the Lord’s underwear was… That’s too bad. Most of the submissions were quite reasonable…”
“Was there any point to us filtering them…?”
“I’m so tired,” Nene said.
“I’ve never doing this again,” Jhin chimed in.
Behind the scenes of the well-received Lord BOX, Iska and the others were lying down, groaning and corpse-like.
They’d had enough of the event.
On the other hand, a girl without any idea of Unit 907’s plight in a land far, far away was fired up from a sense of rivalry.
“The Lord BOX?!”
This was in the Nebulis Sovereignty’s palace.
Alice was eagerly reading a magazine about the Empire.
“Considered a huge success… I see. They’re putting on what sounds like a fun event, even if they’re the enemy. The Sovereignty can’t lose to them!” Her eyes burned with fervor as she shouted. “Rin! Rin, are you around?!”
“…”
“Can’t you answer if you’re right next to me?”
“…Well, I simply assumed you had another terrible idea, Lady Alice.”
The brown-haired girl next to Alice let out a long sigh. She was Alice’s attendant, Rin.
“‘Another’? Why would you say that? I’ve thought of a great idea.”
“I know you plan to do something to compete with the Lord BOX… Do you plan to set up a Queen BOX?”
“I wouldn’t do something that would cause my own mother so much trouble.”
“So then?”
“I’m creating the Alice BOX!”
“It sounds like you’re just wanting to waste time, Lady Alice!”
“We’ll collect troubles and questions from people in the Sovereignty. Then I’ll address them myself. What do you think?”
“What do I think…?” Rin looked up at the ceiling and sighed. “You’re already set on doing it?”
“Of course!”
“All right. But, Lady Alice, this will take a lot of money and time if you do it all over the Sovereignty. Let’s start with the palace and its vicinity first. How about we start with a thousand submissions?”
“But the Empire collected hundreds of thousands.”
“If it works out well, then we can expand it. We won’t consult Her Majesty about the plan, so I believe it’s enough to start with this.”
“All right…” Alice wasn’t that stubborn, so she decided to agree with Rin’s suggestion.
They started with one thousand submissions for a limited event and handed out the slips to citizens in and around the palace.
“All right, Rin! We’ve decided, so let’s start getting ready. We’ll spread the Alice BOX all over the world!”
“She’s plagiarizing the Empire…”
“Did you say something?”
“No. Well, let’s set up boxes tomorrow. We’ll limit the submission window to three days.”
“All right!” Content, Alice nodded and her eyes glittered. “Oh, I’m so excited! I wonder what kinds of problems and questions will come in!”
They set up the Alice BOXes. She waited, her heart thrumming with excitement for the next three days.
“Here’s what you’ve been waiting for, Lady Alice.”
“You have no idea!”
Rin brought in a gigantic box. A whole mountain of hundreds of slips was in it, and they all were written for Alice.
“There are 387 in total.” Rin started to lay out the pile on the table. “Honestly, this was more than I expected. The submission period was only three days, so I thought we’d only receive a few… Who would have thought we’d have so many of them? No wonder the Empire had such a good turnout.”
“No, Rin, this is my accomplishment!”
There were piles on the table. Unfortunately, they didn’t have enough time to address all of them, so they would need to resort to a lottery.
“I’m the one who will respond to them, so you’ll be in charge of choosing which ones I’ll address.”
“As you wish. Well, I’ll begin.” Rin picked one from the middle of the pile. “It’s a question for you… Oh? This was all anonymous, but it seems to be from a soldier in the astral corps.”
“Read it!”
“Well then… ‘To my beloved Princess Alice. I hesitate to ask this question, but I’ve wondered about it for a while…’”
“What could this be about?”
“‘…You are an ice astral mage. And you always dress in beautiful royal garb, but don’t you think it’s a bit thin?’”
“Oh? It’s a question about my clothing?”
Alice’s royal garb had been custom-made to fit her. She wore a beautiful, elegant dress made as though she was going to a ball. It showed off quite a bit of skin.
“I wonder what it is about my dress that they’re concerned about?”
“‘…This is my question. When you wear that thin dress into the battlefield and use your ice astral power, are you not cold?’”
“I am…”
“You are?!” Rin’s eyes went wide with surprise.
“Oh, you should know, Rin.”
“I had no idea… You always seem like you don’t feel any cold when you use your ice astral powers, Lady Alice. It’s as though you’re unconcerned.”
“I’m just bearing it. I wouldn’t look very good if I showed I was cold.”
She didn’t let anyone else know, but when Alice used her ice astral powers, she felt a slight chill. But wearing a scarf or any gloves would look bad, so she never showed she was cold on the battlefield.
“I feel a little cold from using my astral powers, but what’s really cold is standing right on top of the ice. You have no idea how difficult it is to stop my legs and shoulders from shaking.”
“Collecting these questions seems to be paying off. That’s not something I expected to learn.” Rin nodded in admiration. “Shall I give you the next question?”
“Of course!”
“The next one uses a pen name since it’s anonymous.”
“Please read it.”
“All right. The pen name is Youngest of Three Sisters. ‘I would like to ask Princess Alice a question. I have two elder sisters who cause me such trouble…’”
“Oh, what a coincidence. Since I have two sisters too, I’m also one of three.”
Alice was the middle child. It seemed the question-asker was the youngest, however.
“So, what troubles her?”
“Well, here’s the rest… ‘My problem is that both of my sisters were early bloomers and are fully developed as women. And on top of that, both of them refuse to acknowledge it. They always wear risqué clothes that show peeks of their cleavage or rub it in my face, and I’m so jealou—I mean, irritated. How can I compete with them?’ You don’t think this question is from…?”
“Rin?”
“Oh, I was just speaking to myself. Lady Alice, what do you think of the question?”
“Right…”
She pondered it for a bit. Since she felt a rapport with this girl who had two sisters, she needed to answer seriously.
“Something is bothering me. Rin, this girl wasn’t clear about what she meant about ‘development.’ What exactly do you think she’s referring to?”
“Lady Alice.” Rin suddenly looked serious. “Based on the tone of the question, it sounds like she’s a girl at a delicate age. I think it’s generally accepted that a sensitive and sharp young lady’s concern would be her bosom!”
“Really?”
“Well, you have breasts to be proud of, Lady Alice. It may be difficult for someone who’s never been troubled about her bosom to answer this question.”
“No, Rin!” Alice declared, turning around to look at Rin, who stared at her with reproach. “There is no such thing as a question I can’t answer!”
“Where did that confidence come from?!”
“So I’ll say this. That question-asker has made a huge mistake!” She inhaled deeply. “Everyone’s different, and everyone’s bodies are great! She doesn’t need to worry about her older sisters as the youngest. To compare herself to others just hurts her own value!”
“Whoa?!” Rin was clapping before she realized it. “That’s wonderful, Lady Alice! What a very rare, good opinion from you!”
“Just look at you, Rin!” Alice pointed at her. Or more accurately, she pointed at Rin’s flat chest. “You do exercises to make your bosom larger every single night. She should learn from your optimistic example!”
“Please don’t reveal my private matters to the people!”
“…Whew.”
“And why are you acting as though you actually answered that question with a fitting response?!”
“Well, I’m simply telling the truth.” Alice thrust out her chest in pride and nodded firmly. “I face my people’s struggles head-on and reply with love. That’s it! That’s what a princess is! It seems that there was merit to establishing the Alice BOX!”
“You’ve only answered two so far… Oh, but it’s almost time.” Rin looked at the clock on the wall. It was three in the afternoon. Alice had a meeting with the ministers scheduled. “Unfortunately, this is as far as we can get. Lady Alice, we’ll continue this after the meeting.”
“But things were just getting interesting. Then Rin, just one more. After answering that one, I’ll be done.”
“All right. Last question.” Rin casually pulled another slip from the mountain. “This one is from an anonymous person. ‘To dear Lady Alice…’ Oh…this is…”
Rin stopped. She scrutinized the rest of the writing and seemed to realize something that made her feel uncomfortable. “Let’s do a different question.”
“What are you talking about, Rin? The rule is that I have to answer if it was selected. Now, come. Read it.”
“Well, if you insist…” Rin’s mouth formed a tight line. “‘To dear Lady Alice, I have an issue I’d like to consult you about. I have a master whom I’ve pledged my life to serve. However, lately, that master has formed an attachment to a man. And he’s even an Imperial—the Sovereignty’s enemy. And worse, he’s a repulsive soldier.’”
“Oh?!” When she heard the submission, Alice couldn’t help but let out a genuine exclamation of surprise. “That’s no good! Someone from the Sovereignty can’t let her heart be stolen by an Imperial. That’s a failing on the part of the master. The attendant who submitted this must have so much trouble on their hands!”
“…”
“Right, Rin?! Oh…” When she turned around, for whatever reason, Rin seemed strangely and obviously fed up with Alice. “Rin?”
“Yes…it’s so much trouble.”
“What?”
“There’s more to the submission. Here it is: ‘I’m worried. It seems that her attachment has grown so strong that she’s lost sight of herself. If that person were someone you knew, what would you do, Lady Alice?’”
“Why, that’s obvious!” Alice didn’t hesitate in her reply. “I would set her right immediately with a lecture. Actually, that servant ought to bring her here to me right now!”
“Oh?” Rin’s eyes glinted. “So you strongly oppose the situation then, Lady Alice?”
“Of course I do. I’m answering based on concern for the master of this servant. Having a connection to an Imperial soldier as a member of the Sovereignty is disastrous. The Empire and the Sovereignty are like water and oil!”
“…”
“Rin?”
“That’s exactly right, Lady Alice!” Rin howled. Her hands were clenched into fists as though she were waiting for Alice’s reply.
“What’s wrong, Rin? You seem a lot more excited about this than I would have expected.”
“Lady Alice! Hold your hand to your heart and think over it carefully.”
“What?”
“Think about the question and your own circumstances!”
“My circumstances?”
Her eyes went wide as she blinked. She had just answered a question about a relationship of two people from two countries that couldn’t be. But she couldn’t imagine what that had to do with her own circumstances.
“I can’t think of anything in particular.”
“Of course you can!”
“What are you talking about, Rin?” Alice cocked her head to the side.
“Ugh!” Rin said, scratching at her head. “Then allow me to answer for you. It’s that Imperial swordsman. You can’t tell me that you don’t remember Iska!”
“What are you talking about?!”
When Rin blurted out the swordsman’s name, Alice couldn’t help but turn red. The Imperial swordsman, Iska. He was someone she had met on the battlefield. They had been on such equal footing that their duel had ended in a draw. Alice most certainly had a very deep bond with the Imperial.
“Wh-what about Iska?!”
“You must know what I mean if you’re saying that. You’ve been acting strangely since meeting him!”
“…What did you say?!”
She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe her own attendant would dare to say something like that.
“Me? Attached to Iska…? Rin, a-are you really accusing me of falling in love with Iska?!”
“I never said that…”
“Or that I would marry him?”
“Now this fantasy is going too far!”
“So you’re trying to say we’ll end up cutting a yard-tall wedding cake while holding the knife together, are you?!”
“You’re getting too worked up, Lady Alice!”
“Uh? Huh? What am I…?” As Rin held her down, Alice finally came back to her senses.
“See? Whenever we talk about that Imperial swordsman, you change.”
“It’s because you’ve gotten the wrong idea, Rin! Ahem… Well, this is the perfect opportunity. It seems that you’re still under a false impression, so I’ll tell you this.”
She took a deep breath in front of Rin. But she didn’t show on her face that her heart was still pounding in her chest.
“Iska and I are rivals! We’re nothing more, nothing less. We do have a connection—a pure, perfectly acceptable one—as enemies. But we are not a ‘thing,’ as people call it.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone describing a relationship between enemies as pure and acceptable…”
“Anyway! That’s it. That must have been your question, wasn’t it, Rin?”
“I drew it by coincidence.”
“Ugh… That was supposed to be the last one, but it doesn’t count. The next one will actually be the last one. Okay?”
“As you wish.”
This would really, truly be the last one. As Alice watched, Rin pulled another submission from the pile.
“This is the last one, Rin.”
“All right. ‘Dear Alice, I have a problem. I have three daughters, my lovely girls, Elletear, Aliceliese, and Sisbell.’… Wait, what?”
“Those are names I know very well…”
Those were the names of the three princesses—Alice included. It seemed the person who had written in was the sisters’ mother.
“Say, Rin, I have a bad feeling about this…” Alice felt sweat dripping down her face. There was only one person who could call her a daughter in the palace. In other words…
“Lady Alice, would you like to hear the rest?”
“Continue…”
“All right. Um. ‘I love all my daughters, and they’re lovely girls, but I’m having trouble with my middle daughter, Alice. Whenever she has a break, she abandons her work as a princess and holds grandiose events to fool around. It seems that this time she’s decided to set up Alice BOXes all around the palace…’“
“…”
“‘…Alice, have you finished signing those documents that were due a week ago?’”
“I-I’ll do it immediately, Mother!”
She pushed the Alice BOX aside, then ran to the princesses’ study.
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