SANDRA SPROUTED A HAT
Fwoooo! Pyuuuuu! Bwoooooooooom!
“Mommy, I’m scared… This storm is scary…”
“It’s okay, Mommy’s here. I’ll keep you safe, okay, Falfa?”
Falfa clung to me, and I patted her head.
Yes—a storm had come to Nanterre.
There was nothing to block the winds battering the house on its little highland hill, so we got the full brunt of the storm.
The windows rattled, and I wasn’t surprised that Falfa was scared.
But I was calm. I was used to this.
Even if a big storm came only once every fifty years, I’d still experienced it six times in my three-hundred-year lifespan. Over thirty times if that storm came once a decade.
Basically, I could tell from most storms if it was going to be the same as the strongest one from the previous year, or if it’d pass without any harm.
And as for Shalsha, the younger twin—
“Let us meditate and remove our fear,” she said, sitting on the chair and closing her eyes. “The winds blow wild. Plants wither among the grasses. But the gusts bring new seeds, which take root. All things change, like the billowing winds. It is important to accept that we cannot resist change.”
“It sure sounds philosophical, but should you be chatting the whole time you’re meditating?”
Shalsha slowly shook her head. “It is a shallow preconception that silence brings a deeper meditative state. True hermits would be able to find answers within a crowd. That is why meditation during a conversation should be permitted.”
So anything goes…?
Shalsha had to be tough to sit still in a storm like this—but there was something ominous about what she said.
She said, “Plants wither among the grasses.”
That alone was a simple truth, but we had a plant in the family.
“Is Sandra okay…? I think she’s still outside…”
She didn’t have a tough physique like Laika or I did, after all. I hoped she wasn’t having too much of a hard time out in those winds.
She could move, and I doubted she would try to put up with it out of pride alone, but I really should get her inside just in case.
“Oh, I went to go check on her, and she seemed fine.” Rosalie the ghost came through the ceiling from the second floor.
She was peeking down headfirst. I guess the blood doesn’t rush to your head when you’re basically weightless.
“She said she can endure it because she can hide underground. And that wind is nothing compared with predators.”
“Oh, that’s good. And I’m impressed with you, too, Rosalie. You can go check outside without being affected by the wind…”
Ghosts had a lot going for them. I hoped that would be useful in the future, too.
“Big Sis, I’d say there’s a bigger problem…” Rosalie went pale—and I didn’t even know ghosts could do that.
“Huh? What is it? Did something happen to the house?”
I didn’t think the wind was strong enough to smash our home, though. Laika even strengthened it to conform to dragon standards when she built the extension. Yeah, it should be fine…
Then Laika rushed into the room.
“We have quite the trouble in this storm, Lady Azusa!”
“Whaaat?! Is there a leak?!”
Rain that fell at an angle had an easier time of getting inside. At least, I hope that was the worst of it…
“Flatorte is playing outside!”
“What a child!”
Guess she got excited by the storm.
“Flying about in the middle of a storm will only scratch a dragon’s scales. And walking about in human form will only make her clothes get dirty. I truly do not know what to do with her.”
She would be soaring around right this moment yelling about how exciting it was to fly in a storm. Well, she wouldn’t die, so…I guess it was okay.
Thirty minutes later, Flatorte came back inside, her hair a total mess.
“Phew, storms always make me wanna go for a flight! Why not come with me next time, Mistress?”
“Absolutely not.”
She was like a surfer talking about going to the water when good waves were coming in. Or so I assumed; I’d never had a surfer friend, though.
“Flatorte, you’re first in the bath. Your hair is an eighty on the bedhead scale.”
Her hair was defying gravity so well, it was almost impressive.
“I’ll aim for an even higher score next time!”
Don’t.
Also, I was next to take a bath after Flatorte, but—
“There’s grass and leaves everywhere…”
—the changing room was a catastrophe. There were even some leaves stuck to the wall, as if she’d flung her clothes off. This wasn’t an open-air bath; these natural elements didn’t belong in here.
The tub also had leaves and grasses floating in it, like an herbal bath.
I did check just in case, but they didn’t have any medicinal properties, so this was more of a weed bath.
“I’m going to make Flatorte clean this tomorrow. This is her fault…”
After all was said and done, the storm did indeed end up harming our house.
There were so many leaves floating in the bath, which meant… Ugh, I didn’t want to believe it, but had she been running outside naked? Well…I’ll just assume she flew around in her dragon form, then turned back into her human form. I’m sure the leaves just stayed stuck on her body after that. Yeah…
But the storm also brought a nice thing. It was getting worse when it was time for bed, so Falfa wanted to sleep with me. Yay!
“Mommy, the whole house is rattling…”
“It makes you worry, doesn’t it? Let’s count some sheep slowly, okay? Well, maybe you’d want to count slimes instead.”
“Okay, I’ll do that. One slime, two slime, but it merges with the previous slime, so one slime, and then another one comes, and they merge, so one slime again.”
“The number is just going to be one forever, isn’t it…?”
Falfa had her eyes closed, but the rest of her was tense, like she was still a little anxious. But at some point, I knew she was going to calm down.
“Shalsha fell asleep while she was meditating—it was amazing. Falfa can’t do that.”
I think she just dozed off in the middle of it, but who knows…?
Shalsha had fallen asleep before Flatorte came back inside, so I took her straight to her bed in her room.
In a way, that meant she’d beaten her fear of the storm, so I guess I should compliment her for how amazing that was.
In the end, after about fifteen minutes, Falfa started snoring softly and cutely, too. It seemed like her sleepiness had been stronger than her fear.
“Yeah, that’s good. The storm should be gone tomorrow.”
I wanted to watch her sleep forever, but staying up all night wasn’t good for my complexion, so I decided to sleep, too.
The next morning—
—I woke up to a brilliant morning sun.
It seemed the storm had gone sometime in the night. It was exactly as I’d predicted. A storm like that would pass fairly quickly.
“I bet a walk today would feel really nice. The air should be all clear from the storm winds now.”
I felt a little extra weight on my body, and then I saw Falfa clinging to me.
I didn’t mind having her relying on me. It’s actually what I wanted as her mother.
“Falfa, wake up. It’s morning. It’s so nice outside.” I slowly shook Falfa.
“Oh, Mommy…where’s the storm?”
“Look outside, and you’ll see.”
“The wind is…gone! It’s sunny!” Falfa stood on the bed and started jumping in place with her arms over her head, as if she’d won something. “Falfa feels like she just solved a really difficult proof! I’m going outside! I’m gonna catch a praying mantis!”
“Sure, go ahead.”
That distinct mixture of child and adult belonged to no one else but Falfa. It’s an important thing to be yourself.
“It’ll be a little while until food is done, so go play. Things might seem different when you go out and play early in the morning, so that might be fun.”
“Yeah, I’ll go get Shalsha, and we’ll head out together! Sandra…might hate praying mantises, actually, so it’ll just be the two of us!”
Sandra the plant often hated bugs.
But just two minutes after Falfa dashed out of my room, she came back. She seemed a little deflated, so I guess there was a problem.
“What is it? Shalsha still asleep?”
“Shalsha said she’s doing early-morning meditation…”
“Meditating must be her thing now…”
I started worrying—what if she told me she was going to join a monastery?
Shalsha wasn’t the type to play like Falfa did, but Falfa still enthusiastically went outside.
All right, today for breakfast, I’m going to fry up some delicious sausage for Falfa. I bet she’ll be hungry after playing.
However, as I stood in the kitchen, getting ready to cook—
“Waaaaah, Mommy! Help! I dunno what to do!” Falfa flew into the house again.
“What is it? Did the wind bring something horrible?”
“No, that’s not it.” Falfa waved her hand side to side.
“Sandra… Sandra, she’s…”
I felt a chill. Don’t tell me Sandra got blown away by the wind…?
I thought she had mentioned she was fine in the ground, but maybe she wasn’t careful enough and left too early…
Sandra looked like a child, so she didn’t weigh much. That storm the previous day was strong enough to blow her away if she didn’t watch out.
No, I had to stay calm at times like this. If I started acting worried, it would only make Falfa’s anxiety worse.
I decided to hear what Falfa was going to say. I couldn’t do anything until I knew what was going on.
“Sandra…sprouted a hat!”
“What?”
If I had the choice to say whether I understood or not, I’d say I had no idea what that meant.
I would understand if she was wearing a hat.
But what does sprouting a hat even mean?
I tested the most reasonable interpretation.
“Did Sandra start wearing a hat that blew in from somewhere?”
It was entirely possible that the storm brought in a hat.
“No. Sandra sprouted her own hat.”
Nope, logic lost this fight.
It sounded like she’d actually sprouted a hat—this was no metaphor.
It was hard to believe right away… I didn’t want to doubt Falfa, but hats didn’t sprout. In my three hundred years of life, I’d never seen this happen. My own witch hat was only something I put on my head myself; it wasn’t attached. You couldn’t take it off if it had sprouted.
Maybe it was one of this world’s idioms that I didn’t know about.
“We should go outside, okay, Mommy?”
I just needed to see Sandra, and this mystery would be solved right away. I should see it for myself.
I headed for the vegetable garden where Sandra usually rooted herself.
Now let’s see what’s going on here.
“Good morning, Sandra. I hope the storm yesterday didn’t— Pfft!”
I couldn’t help but snort.
Sandra really had sprouted a hat!
I don’t know if hat was the right word, because it looked more like the braided-straw head-coverings they used to wear in the Edo period.
How did this happen? I circled around behind Sandra.
Some kind of stick was extending from her neck, supporting the hat-thing on her head. It was probably part of the mushroom family.
Now that I was closer, Sandra also noticed I’d arrived.
“Good morning, Azusa. You seem a little pale. Is that from the storm last night?”
“U-uh…I’m not worried about the storm, but I guess you could say that’s why I look pale…”
“Huh. That’s not a very solid answer.”
“Hey—are you into hats, Sandra?”
“Not really. Why is that your first question for me this morning? I’m not really interested in them. I’ve never wanted one before.”
So she hadn’t noticed.
“Let’s go take a look in the mirror, okay, Sandra?”
“What, are you telling me my leaves are all rustled by the wind? Then just say it. If this is your way of being nice, it’s making me antsy.”
Sandra still had a bit of the wrong idea when we went into the house.
A little while later—
“I have something growing on my head!!!”
—her scream rang throughout the house.
Yep, Sandra was indeed surprised… Falfa and I had no idea what to do about it…
“Wow, this is quite an unusual mushroom you have growing on you~”
We had our local mushroom expert Halkara take a look.
Sandra sat in a chair in the dining room. Halkara was peeking above and below her at every angle, checking the hat-shaped mushroom.
“There is no doubt that this is the mushroom called mandragora hat. It is quite valuable!”
“It’s named after this exact situation, huh!”
But then again, there were plants on Earth called foxglove, and some people did call mushrooms toadstools. Maybe mandragora hat wasn’t all that unusual.
“This mushroom can only sprout from mandragoras. Mandragoras do not grow in areas like this, so normally, this mushroom would not be found here. Perhaps the storm blew in some of its spores.”
“Storms bring all sorts of stuff, don’t they…?”
I’d been a witch for three hundred years, but there was still a lot I didn’t know about the plant world. Wait, maybe mushrooms aren’t part of the plant family. But the fungal world still falls under the witch domain, so same thing.
“Hey, Halkara, what kind of influence will this mushroom have on me?” Sandra asked Halkara uneasily.
That would be the primary concern of the one infected.
“Well, the mandragora hat grows by absorbing nutrients from the mandragora, then releases spores. So, um… This is how it works in general, by the way. It’s just in general, okay? It doesn’t apply to your case, Sandra, okay?”
Halkara was putting a lot of emphasis on this.
“Just say it! I need to know! Grrr!” Sandra growled like an angry lion. It’s been a while since I heard her do that.
“In the worst-case scenario, the parasite will cause the mandragora to wither.”
“Eek! Mrow!”
Sandra meowed in shock!!
She leaped out of her chair to hug me; she was shivering.
“I’m scared, I’m scared… I don’t want to wither…”
The mushroom was pressing against my stomach …
The previous day, Falfa had hugged me, and today, it was Sandra. But in Sandra’s case, this was way more than being scared of a storm.
“That’s why I said in general! Mandragoras like you, Sandra, can walk around freely to find sources of nutrients. You can obtain much more than the mushroom can take away from you—and you can just remove the mushroom anyway!”
“Oh, you’re right.”
Regular plants couldn’t just pick off parasitic mushrooms. They couldn’t run away, either.
Sandra would manage in that regard.
“You’re right… I’ll be fine… Phew…” Sandra breathed a sigh of relief.
“The reason the mandragora hat takes the shape of a hat is to block sunlight, which is required for photosynthesis, so the mandragora will wither.”
“What a wicked mushroom. It’s like a demon.”
Maybe from Sandra’s point of view, but to the mushroom, that’s just its nature.
There were plenty of mushrooms that grew from the roots and stems of specific plants. It was survival of the fittest out there.
“Then let’s pull this nasty, annoying mushroom out right away. And then let’s sauté it or something afterward.”
I don’t really want to eat a mushroom that’s been growing out of one of my family members.
“We can remove it, but if we forcefully pull it out, parts of the mushroom will still remain in your body, Miss Sandra. If it does, then it might grow again.”
“Ugh! How disgusting…”
Sandra wanted to put her hand on her forehead, but she put it on the mushroom instead. It was, after all, a mandragora hat.
But judging by Halkara’s calm attitude, it was nothing to fear.
“Also, this mushroom is poisonous, so we can’t eat it. It gets bigger by absorbing the poisonous nutrients from the mandragora, after all.”
“Hey! I’m not poisonous! Grrr!” Sandra snapped.
“Please calm down! The reason mandragoras are used in medicines is because one of their components can be used as a poison in higher doses! The mushroom collects a concentrate of those components!”
“I see. I have such incredible power. And if I use it incorrectly, it can also be used to poison others.”
That was a high-and-mighty way of putting it, but it wasn’t wrong to say her poisonous components were a form of power.
Also, it was that part of her makeup that had witches chasing her before.
“Even if we pull it out, if any mycelia remain in Miss Sandra’s body, then there is a chance the mushroom will grow again. We would have to ask a specialized doctor to operate on you to remove all the mycelia, but you don’t want to have surgery, do you?”
“Don’t you know a lot about mushrooms, Halkara? Can’t you just get it over and done with?” Sandra didn’t seem happy about that.
As a witch myself, I understood why Halkara was taking such a roundabout explanation.
“I am a pro when it comes to mushrooms, but I am not much experienced in mushroom removal.”
Pharmacists had all sorts of specialties, too. Just like how there were all different kinds of doctors.
“Or would you want me to give it a go? I can give it a pluck for you.” Halkara bashfully pointed at herself.
“…Sorry, but I don’t think you’d be able to pull it off.”
“Ouch… I’m glad you understand, but I don’t think I would fail. I’m just pulling it out.”
“If you pull out this mushroom, I’ll grow two hats next time.”
“That’s too far, Miss Sandra!”
For some reason, we ended up insulting Halkara along the way, but it seemed the option of removing the mushroom was off the table now.
“But then what are we supposed to do? Am I supposed to have a hat on my head forever? I don’t want that.”
“No, that won’t happen. You just have to be patient until the mushroom releases its spores. Once its spores fly away, the mushroom will quickly wither. And then the mycelia should die as well. And even if another one does sprout, it won’t happen over and over. They will soon stop growing on you.”
Live with the new hat. That was Halkara’s suggestion.
“I’m not going to have to wear this mushroom for decades or something, am I?”
“A month at the most.”
“I’ll be that kid with the hat for a month… That’s kind of long… It’ll be gone right when I’m finally used to it.”
I knew how Sandra felt, but this was probably safer.
And so Sandra began her new hat life. Unsurprisingly, it drew attention from everyone.
“Pfft! Sure is useful, though, since you don’t need an umbrella when it’s raining.” Flatorte immediately burst out laughing.
“What?! It’s not bad! I can go shopping when it’s raining to show everyone how convenient it is!”
That was a weird thing to get angry about, Sandra! But I did appreciate if that meant she would help with the groceries.
“Also, Flatorte, you need to clean the changing room and the bath. It was filled with leaves.”
“What…? But the leaves and grass will dry out someday…”
“We can’t wait for it like the mushroom, so no!”
The person who made the mess needed to clean it up.
Flatorte went to clean, her tail whipping back and forth. Maybe she was regretting her wild antics during the storm.
On the other hand, Falfa and Shalsha were patting Sandra’s hat.
“This hat is so cute!”
“It’s fairly springy. Expensive quality.”
“I don’t feel anything, though. And expensive? It’s growing on me for free.”
Surprisingly, Sandra had quickly grown used to her hat.
Sandra’s hat also had a favorable reception among the people of Flatta, and some nicknamed her Little Miss Hat.
I mean, this hat was going away one day, so that nickname was going to lose its meaning pretty quickly.
If a person with a distinctive bag was called Baggy McBag, then people who didn’t know where the nickname came from would be confused why this utterly normal, empty-handed person had such a weird name.
But it seemed like Sandra was turning out to be popular, so I guess it was fine.
After a few days, Sandra herself seemed to start forming an attachment to her hat.
“This little thing has been fighting to survive in a land with few mandragoras. I sympathize.”
Her mushroom was really growing on her—literally and figuratively.
She also kept her hand on her hat when she sat at the dining table, too.
“You’re not much more than a mushroom, but you still need to do your best.”
Don’t discriminate against fungi…
“Here, tea is ready.” Laika placed a tray with a tea set on a table for our afternoon break.
“You don’t want any, right, Sandra?”
“Right. No tea for me, thanks. Water on its own is much tastier.” As a general rule, Sandra didn’t eat or drink. She absorbed water from her roots.
When Laika sat down, she wore an odd expression. Something was bothering her. “Mmm, Lady Azusa? Do you smell something odd?”
“I don’t know. Maybe some vegetables went bad…”
I went to check in the kitchen, just in case, but none of them were so much as bruised.
In the highlands, it wasn’t very hot or humid, so it was pretty safe on the sanitation front.
“Our produce looks fine, Laika.”
“Is that so? Then it must not be rot…but it’s not a scent I’ve experienced before.”
Maybe dragons had a good sense of smell. “Where is it coming from anyway?”
With a bit of an awkward look, she turned her gaze to the source:
Sandra’s hat.
Oh, I guess Laika knew the answer from the start.
“Huh? What? Are you telling me this is my fault? Can you not make false accusations, please?” Sandra hurriedly placed both of her hands on her hat.
But I mean, our circumstantial evidence did seem to implicate it…
“Oh yeah, didn’t Halkara say before that part of the mushroom exudes a smell to attract bugs that’ll carry the spores around?”
“What…? Ew, I don’t want bugs… Some of them will come and munch on my leaves, too…”
Even if she didn’t mind the hat, a whole bunch of bugs would spell trouble for Sandra. And I didn’t want bugs flying around me all the time. This mushroom sure was a problem…
Then there came a knock on the door.
“Who could that be?”
I looked to the front door. It didn’t sound like an adventurer coming to challenge me, at least.
I opened the door, and there stood Nosonia, standing with her wings spread.
“Oh hey! Long time no see.”
This girl was a crawler who I’d helped without even realizing, and she came to repay me much later after she’d matured and grown beautiful wings.
“Indeed! Thank you very much for having me last time. I am Nosonia from the Nosonia Project.” She introduced herself like an office worker. “I am sorry for intruding so suddenly. I heard tell of someone who exudes a delightful scent here, so I came by!”
I wondered for a second what she meant by “a delightful scent,” but Nosonia was already flapping toward Sandra.
“Oh yes, this! This! This is the best smell in the world! How elegant!”
Nosonia was sniffing the top of Sandra’s mushroom.
“Hey, no sniffing my hat!”
“This hat is actually rather floral to my people, and I just couldn’t help myself!”
“Stop sniffing!”
Sandra wriggled around, but Nosonia was quite strong, being a demon herself, so Sandra couldn’t get away. Although Sandra was pretty weak to begin with, so you didn’t have to be very strong to overpower her anyway.
“I see. Insects enjoy this scent…”
Laika was watching on with amazement.
I was a bit hesitant as to whether I should stop Nosonia, since it wasn’t enough to bring Sandra any harm.
“But I guess a bug really did show up.”
From the mushroom’s perspective, its goal wasn’t to provide Sandra with fashion, but to leave progeny, so of course it’d make a stink.
“My, you don’t see a mandragora hat every day. I would buy this for 3,000,000 koinne. Will you sell this to me?”
Koinne was the demon currency, which was roughly equivalent to the kingdom currency, gold.
Basically, she was saying she would buy it for 3,000,000 gold.
“You’d offer 3,000,000 for it…?” Sandra blinked.
“Yes, of course! A mandragora hat needs a considerable mandragora in order to grow to such a magnificent size, so you rarely ever find one this big!”
Nosonia was enraptured. I guess it was a good smell.
“Of course, we will also remove the mycelia remaining in your neck, Miss Sandra. For that, I can hire a plant-demon doctor!”
I wonder if that meant a dryad or an alraune…
“Hmm, 3,000,000? 3,000,000… I suppose I’ll think about it…” Sandra had a dishonest look on her face.
To a child, 3,000,000 was an unbelievably huge amount of money. The temptation must’ve been intense.
“I could get all the high-quality water and high-quality fertilizer I wanted… Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh…”
“Lady Azusa, this might not be very good for Sandra… I cannot imagine having access to all that money as a child…”
It seemed the honest Laika was concerned about it. I understood where she was coming from, as Sandra’s kind-of mother.
“But Sandra does have the right to sell the mushroom growing out of her.”
And if all she was going to buy was water and fertilizer, even though she had the choice to live in the lap of luxury from its sale, then I had a feeling it was probably okay. I would stop her if she was just going to gamble it all away, though.
“Could you please sign this sales contract?” Nosonia instantly pulled out a document that looked like a contract written in Demon.
“You were way too prepared for this. This is why everyone thinks bugs have no principles.”
Sandra, that remark sounded a little discriminatory.
“Oh, no. I am the president of the Nosonia Project, so I always have contracts on me. Write your name there, and where it says product name, you can just write mandragora hat.”
I wish I could carefully read through it ahead of time, but a sales contract probably wasn’t going to be any trouble.
“Fine. But the contract is written in Demon, so tell me what it says in a way I’ll understand. I don’t want the price to end up being 3,000 after you told me 3,000,000, you know.”
Sandra was particular about the money, so she was being careful now.
She sure was being mature about the weirdest things… But it is wise to always read the fine print.
Then I heard the door opening.
There wasn’t even a knock.
“Hold on a moment!” Standing there was Eno, Witch of the Grotto!
“At least knock, Eno…”
Some people seemed to forget that good manners made for good friendships.
“Sorry, Miss. I heard someone say contract, so I rushed in, thinking I might not make it in time.”
“Sounds like you were eavesdropping—”
“We’ll discuss the details later!” Eno came to stand before Sandra.
So her objective was Sandra (or rather, her mushroom) after all.
“Ugh! You’re the witch who was after me… I gave you one of my leaves not too long ago, didn’t I? What more do you want?” Sandra was shrinking back.
Indeed, since Eno had freely used mandragora in her medicines, she was practically the most natural of natural enemies to Sandra.
“Yes, I apologize for before. Of course, I am not here to use you in my medicines this time. What I want is that mushroom!”
Eno pointed at the mandragora hat.
“What? Stop pointing at me. That’s rude.”
“No, I’m pointing at the mushroom.”
This was getting a little complicated.
“That mandragora hat is an extremely valuable medicinal ingredient to witches! And with it growing from a legendary mandragora, it’s even more valuable! This is a premium item!”
“Hmm. So it is that valuable.” I crossed my arms, nodding.
That mushroom attracted not only bugs, but witches as well.
“Did you not identify the mushroom as medicine, Lady Azusa?” Laika questioned me. I was a witch who made cures myself, after all.
Maybe I should explain. “It’s not easy to turn it into medicine, and since it’s not a mushroom growing in the ground, the extra work is just a pain to deal with.”
We weren’t really strapped for cash, so I wasn’t desperate for the mushroom. I wasn’t out there searching for rare plants and mushrooms with my whole heart and soul.
“I mean, if Sandra doesn’t want to take it off, then we’ll just have to let her be. It isn’t ours; it’s hers.”
“Such insight, Lady Azusa. I am so impressed that money does not motivate you!”
“The bigger reason is that I can’t be bothered…”
It wasn’t an easy task turning an unfamiliar mushroom into medicine. Not only that, but there was no telling when I’d get my hands on this same mushroom again, so I couldn’t even put that knowledge to use.
But of course, there would be witches who wanted it. Like Eno.
“Miss Sandra, I will purchase that mushroom from you for a total of 3,100,000 gold!”
She was pretty enthusiastic when she said it, but she only added 100,000 on top of what Nosonia offered.
An offer of 100,000 gold was plenty of money, but the way she said it came across as a little cheap.
“What?! How unfair of you to cut ahead of me like that, witch!” Nosonia objected, flapping her wings indignantly.
“The one who pays the most gets the prize—that is the way of things in this world! Please refrain from speaking, butterfly demon!”
But Eno was ruthless when a sale was on the line. We got a huge dose of that side of her back when we were looking for Sandra. She didn’t flinch, not even when she was up against a demon.
“Very well, then. I will offer 3,110,000 koinne!”
“Then I will pay 3,111,000 gold!”
Neither of you are really raising the stakes high enough for how loud you are…
But neither party was giving way, and the price was steadily rising.
Maybe it was also hard to tell when to give up since there was only one other competitor.
Before long, 3,500,000 gold (since koinne and gold had the same value, I was just going to use gold for both) was 4,000,000 gold, and an hour later—
—it even reached 5,000,000 gold!
But it didn’t seem like either of them were going to back down. Instead, it was probably even more difficult to figure out when it was time to step down now that they’d come this far. It was a lot like gambling in that regard…
“Dammit… You are quite tough for a human…”
“And I did not think much of you—but you have a lot of backbone for an insect.”
*It sounds like they’re in the middle of a battle manga, but they’re just raising the price.
And Sandra, the very one they were fighting over, looked extremely happy.
“Heh-heh-heh, the price is going up and up. I can live with this. Heh-heh, how wonderful. I will buy the most expensive fertilizer in the world.”
Hmm, she was getting those money signs in her eyes.
“I have done nothing, but I get 5,000,000 just from selling the mushroom that has decided to grow on my head… Oh, life is full of good times!”
Oh… Even though she’d been acting like she was attached to the hat, all she could think about was money now!
“Laika, what you said earlier was entirely correct. Now that money’s in the equation, I’m worried this is going to corrupt her…”
Giving a child a ridiculous sum of millions of gold would only bring trouble.
“That said, it is as you mentioned, Lady Azusa—Sandra is simply selling what she has, so we don’t exactly have the right to intervene.”
“Hmm… This isn’t easy…”
At this point, I would just pray things would settle before the price got too high.
“Well, how about this?! 5,500,000!”
She suddenly raised the price by a lot!
“Hah! Demon attacks sure do sting…but I will not lose. I will retaliate with all my might! 6,000,000!”
“Whaaaat?! 6,000,000?! That is power befitting the name of the Witch of the Grotto, I see…”
*It sounded a lot like an intense fight, but they were just arguing over a price indoors.
“Now, what will happen next? I don’t mind selling it to either of you~ ” Sandra was reclining arrogantly in her chair.
I had a feeling her personality had gotten a lot worse in this short amount of time…
“Oh right. While you’re at it, I think I’ll give more nutrients to my hat.”
Sandra took some fertilizer and diluted it in a bowl. Plants who could take care of their own nutrition sure were powerful.
She then placed her bare feet (or more strictly speaking, her roots) into the bowl.
“Now grow, mushroom! Bring me money!”
The situation had turned, and the plant was now cultivating her own mushroom…
Two hours after Nosona and Eno started fighting each other by raising the price, they were still at it.
I mean, some might think this would end right away, but at some point, they started slowly and carefully saying their prices, like shogi players in the middle of a match.
“Hmm… Is that what you’re going for? I see… Then I will offer…6,375,000.”
“At that price, considering how much money I’d earn from selling the medicine I could make from it… I will go to the bathroom briefly and think.”
I didn’t really know if this was worth so much thought. I was kind of impressed.
I decided to go out and water the vegetable garden in the meantime, but the argument kept going until I came back in.
“The price should be reaching its peak soon. I suppose we’ll be reaching a settlement before long.” Sandra was watching the bout elegantly, her feet soaking in the bowl of fertilizer water. She had wholly transformed into a princess.
After a little while, Eno returned from the bathroom with a hard look on her face. “I have come to a conclusion, Miss Nosonia!”
“Very well, Witch. What is your offer?” Nosonia looked ready to take anything.
“This is my conclusion!” Eno slowly held out her open right hand.
What? Was she casting a spell? Direct attacks were not okay!
“Let us break for a meal! And then why don’t we resume our match afterward?”
Oh, come on, really?!
Nosonia thought with her eyes closed, arms crossed for a little while. “Very well. That is all right with me. My offer sits at 6,375,000. Your turn will be next, Witch.”
She seemed okay with that.
“Miss Azusa, I do apologize, but we will be eating dinner here.”
“Oh, then please only prepare one extra plate. I am an insect, so I would be perfectly happy with flower nectar or something similar.”
They sure were frank about all this…
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll take care of you.”
Laika then brought over some tea for the both of them. “Now that you are taking a break, why don’t you have something to drink?”
“Oh! Thank you so much. Wow, I really appreciate all the trouble. I’ll be sure to bring over my new line of clothes next time.”
“Thank you very much. Please take some medicine, if you will.”
We had some shameless visitors in the house, so Laika’s good behavior was winning the day.
Dinner was a peaceful time of food and conversation, probably because they were in the middle of a truce.
“Young witches nowadays have no backbone. I really don’t know what to do about them.”
You sound like a crotchety old woman, Eno.
“But no backbone means even better peristaltic movements!”
Spoken like a true crawler!
Now dinner was over, and the battle resumed again.
The playing field was, as it always was, the dining room.
There was more of a crowd than there was last time, too. That said, it was just the family watching since they were doing this in my house. Everyone seemed relatively interested to see who was going to win Sandra’s mushroom.
Falfa and Shalsha were watching as they ate some edible slime snacks.
“Who’s gonna win? Falfa’s so excited!”
“Shalsha hopes they fight fairly. The buds of their friendship will grow if they do.”
I didn’t really think this would end in friendship.
“Well then, Eno, Witch of the Grotto, will you be able to surpass my number?” Nosonia looked smug. The act of outbidding her itself was easy, though—she just had to say it.
“Certainly. This is my answer: 6,375,000 gold…and a year of fertilizer.”
Now she was adding items to it!
“What? That’s cheap of you. We are fighting over the price… Adding a year of fertilizer is a bit odd, don’t you think?!”
Uh-oh, an objection from Nosonia.
“Is this allowed, Miss Azusa? What do you think? As a demon, I think this is unfair!”
Why was she asking me like I was some kind of judge?
“Sandra, what do you think? Is that okay?”
“It’s fine. It’s just adding to the terms, so I’ll allow it.”
The world was revolving around Sandra today.
“Yes, it’s allowed! Now it’s your turn, Nosonia! I doubt your industry can provide nice fertilizer, can it?!”
“W-well… In addition to the 6,375,000 koinne…I can add a grab bag I was selling when I last had a sale…”
That’s just leftover clothes…
“I’m not really interested in clothes,” Sandra said coolly.
She wasn’t old enough to be interested in fashion! She’s just a kid!
“Ooh… Th-then you wouldn’t like two grab bags, would you…?”
“No. A year’s worth of fertilizer is much better than that.”
Nosonia’s expression was tense. Had she reached an impasse? Was this Eno’s win?
“No answer, Nosonia? Then I’ll sell this to Eno the witch.” Sandra made the last confirmation.
Was this finally the end to a long-drawn-out battle?
But then the unthinkable happened.
Plop.
Sandra’s fungal hat fell to the floor.
“What? What happened to my hat…?”
As Sandra sat in bewilderment, Halkara the expert arrived on the scene.
“Oh dear~ It’s gone rotten~ It’s dead~”
“What?! The mushroom was all healthy today. What happened?!”
“An excess of nutrients, I believe. Did you give it a lot of fertilizer all at once?”
The whole family besides Sandra turned to look at the bowl Sandra had her feet in.
The fertilizer had backfired.
“So, Halkara, how much is the mushroom worth now…?”
“Nothing.”
“Is it because it doesn’t smell…?”
“The living mushroom gives off that smell to attract bugs, but it doesn’t make it anymore.”
Nosona and Eno were hurriedly making preparations to go home.
“Sorry, but my next job is in the demon lands, so I’ll be leaving now~”
“Oh, I forgot I still have some potions I need to make today. Oopsie~! ”
They were acting too unnatural!
Businesspeople sure move quick when it comes to this stuff. They were already gone.
All that was left was a dumbstruck Sandra.
“But I was going to buy all the fertilizer I wanted…”
I patted Sandra’s shoulder. “Greed brings out the worst in people. I hope it served a good lesson.”
“I’m not a person; I’m a plant!”
The mandragora hat, by the way, totally rotted away, and Sandra was now right back to her regular schedule.
If there’s anyone out there troubled by the mandragora hat growing on you, all you need to do is put your feet in some fertilizer water. If there are any other mandragora out there who need to hear it.
The End
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