I've Been Killing Slimes for 300 Years and Maxed Out My Level Max Level Witch - Volume 7 - Chapter SS1

  I PLANNED A TRIP…ER, A TRAINING EXCURSION WITH THE DEPARTMENT  

All the wingless bureaucrats rolled into the corner of the building.

“Ahhh!” “Can you drive a little safer?!” “Ow, my back!”

As her passengers cried in agony, Vania, in her leviathan form, flew smoothly toward her destination. People knew her speed because she was like a warship.

We had quite a few passengers this time—sixty-five, to be precise. A lucky number for us demons, as it was a multiple of thirteen.

“I knew we should have taken Fatla…”

I was flapping my own wings, staying afloat within the building. Hovering would tire me eventually, so I planned to grab hold of something later.

Beside me, Fatla sat bound to her seat with some contraption she called a “seat belt.” It had apparently been newly installed for Vania’s shaky flights. A stability device did seem to be a safer option.

“The hard and fast rule of bureaucracy is to do the worst things first,” she said. “It would be best to experience our panic going outward first, then have my safe flying on the return trip. Especially since many will be very relaxed on the way back.”

“Mmm… But our whole department vacation will be for naught if people are injured before we even arrive.”

“None of us are so weak that we would be injured from this, so I wouldn’t worry.” Fatla was reading a book while she sat in her chair. I thought she might get motion sickness, but she seemed fine. “Besides, this is a business trip coupled with a training excursion. This is not a pleasure jaunt. This is work; please do not get these mixed up,” Fatla mentioned, reminding me of the surface reason we were going on this business trip.

“Oh, erm, yes… Indeed. We will have a good, thorough training session in the hot springs! We will learn of agriculture!”

Then I heard a voice. “Ding-dong!”

It was Vania’s sign that she was going to talk about something. She always said it before some sort of announcement or warning. Perhaps it was a kind of spell.

“My apologies for the turbulence. It is dusty up here in the atmosphere today, and my nose is all itchy. There might be even bigger bumps and shakes when I sneeze and whatnot, so please be careful~ You might fall off if you stand out on the deck, so those who cannot fly—please refrain from going outside~”

Vania’s carefree announcement echoed inside, and I heard our participants complaining soon after.

“Don’t take us on board if it’s going to be this dangerous!”

“At this point, I’d be safer clinging on to a drunken roc bird!”

Their criticisms were apt, but there was little we could do about her.

We had to save money on our trip. If the costs went too high, then we risked a reprimand for simply going off gallivanting…

“I’m sure it will turn out all right… Even if someone gets hurt, we are still on training. Our worker’s comp should apply…”

This whole incident began with a comment from Vania.

“I want to go to a hot spring.”

“The Purgatory Baths are in town. They are open quite late, so you can head there before you go home.”

The Purgatory Baths were a nice public-bathing area, but one had to be sure not to stay too long (or worse, fall asleep) and melt in the demonic spring waters.

“No, no, not a cozy little public bath, a bona fide hot spring. The kind you stay over at.”

“Hmm.” I gave a noncommittal response as I read my documents.

“You’re not listening, are you, boss?”

There was a hint of disappointment in Vania’s voice, though I was too busy reading to see her face.

“And you’re not working. You are on the clock, you know.” From my right, Fatla gave a sound argument.

Vania was on my left, ensuring I was properly flanked by my secretaries. This formation was apparently a holdover from when bosses fought with humans.

“Oh right, boss, you don’t have a lot of hobbies, do you? I don’t hear about you going out and stuff on your days off at all,” Vania commented. It was rude, but it was the truth, so it was hard to argue.

“I relax in my manor on my days off. Is there anything else to do?”

“Obviously! Make food, go sightseeing—lots of stuff!”

“Why, am I not allowed to relax, even when I don’t have to work? They’re called days off, so why shouldn’t I be off?”

Ever since my days at the bottom of the ladder, I’d been without any hobbies. If I had to pick one, I’d say lazing around and drinking was mine. I lived my life doing nothing, especially since I had no dreams or goals.

However, the hundred years since I became a minister had passed so quickly.

Yes—over a century. It almost felt like it had been barely two weeks since I crushed those pompous alraunes, but in human terms, it had almost been four generations.

I had once heard that time flew by when one did the same sort of work for a long time, and that was true. Now that I had grown accustomed to my work as minister, the years after the first ten or so flew by in an instant. Perhaps it was time to do something different.

“Fine. We will go to a hot spring,” I said as I scrawled my signature on the document. Then I looked at Vania. “You decide the itinerary. You’re the one who wanted to go to this hot spring, so you must have a good place in mind, no?”

“Wait, really? Are you sure?” Vania was overjoyed. As her boss, I was happy to see it. “Are you really going to pay for everything? You’re so generous, boss!”

“Hey! I said nothing about paying!”

This wasn’t a drink or two at the bar; how much was she planning on make me pay?

“Aw, what? After all the hard work I’ve done as your secretary these years, I really thought you’d do at least that much for me…”

“Shall I carefully list every single incident in which I’ve had to clean up after you?”

Vania made mistakes on a regular basis. The problem lay in her personality, and if a century hadn’t been enough to fix it, I doubted anything would.

In the meantime, Fatla was working silently. If we chatted for another three minutes, we ran the risk of angering her, so I had to speak while keeping our limits in mind.

“Sigh, I want to go to the hot spring on the boss’s money~ This is a part of the service and benefits program, too~”

Just as I thought about how shameless she was—

Those words stuck in my ears: service and benefits program.

“Now that you mention it, the Ministry of Agriculture has not gone on a company trip yet, have we?”

“We have so many employees that we have never quite been able to hold one.” Fatla had been listening to the entire conversation.

“I see, I see. Well, if we have no precedent, then we may as well make one, no?” I stood and took a book down from the bookshelf in the room. It was one that had a collection of newspaper-article clippings relating to farming. “I feel as though I saw a good one about six months ago.”

I flipped through and finally caught sight of this headline.

BEAN SPROUTS IN HOT SPRINGS GROW QUICKLY!

QUICK SHIPPING, MANY VARIETIES

I chuckled to myself. We could do this. “Vania, Fatla, we’re going on a training excursion.” Vania frowned when she heard the word training, so I added a bit of extra information.

“We’re going to a hot spring.”

Things moved quickly after that.

In order to make sure this was a real training excursion, we got approval for things that needed approval, and made our sixty-five-person trip—I mean, training excursion—a reality.

Even though the volcano with the hot spring was in human territory, it was deep in the mountains where only dragons lived. We didn’t expect any trouble; dragons didn’t fear demons.

It wouldn’t feel like much of a trip if we didn’t go very far, and if it was close enough for a day trip, then we would not be granted any lodging expenses.

Additionally, by having all of us take the leviathans, we made sure to cut out all transportation expenses. If we paid for everyone’s traveling expenses with taxes, that would be difficult to excuse. We managed to keep our costs low by just asking for lodging for sixty-five people.

And so our trip…I mean, training excursion brilliantly took form!

Vania’s flying was unbelievably rough, but we arrived at the foot of Mount Rokko right on time.

“She knows what she’s doing with this trip,” I said to Fatla.

“I think my sister simply wants to relax for a long time,” she replied.

“This is nothing more than a training excursion, you see.”

“Indeed, nothing more. I know. Let us enjoy it to the fullest.”

I thought about how she was so good at separating her internal and external thoughts.

A fire-breathing species called the red dragons lived in Mount Rokko.

Dragons had all sorts of temperaments—the red dragons were honest and good-natured, but I had also heard they were rather prideful. Well, I was sure there must be some more subservient among them.

A man with horns growing out of his head was standing where we landed. Dragons had horns when they took on their human forms, so it was easy to tell them apart. He wasn’t a normal human, at least.

“We have been waiting for you, demons.”

“Greetings, I am Beelzebub, minister of agriculture. Could you take us to the hot spring…that is being used as a cultivating field for vegetables?”

Thanks to the volcano, there were hot springs bubbling up in the area.

“Yes. I will take you there—right this way.”

I followed him, while the rest of the group followed me. The dragons looked on in curiosity since there were so many of us.

“We received a very enthusiastic offer from Vania the leviathan. We did everything we could to make sure you all have a wonderful time here.”

“Yes, Vania is always on the ball when it comes to these things.”

I glanced over at her, and Vania was smiling with satisfaction. She popped her right thumb up at me.

“I am envious that you have such skilled subordinates.”

I was sure what he said was just lip service, but a compliment toward my subordinates was not unwelcome.

“She has a lot of potential, but it only ever shines through in times like these…” I wished she would be so enthusiastic about her regular work…

As we chatted, we arrived at our destination.

First, we came to a facility that was growing bean sprouts in the hot spring.

“The bean sprouts grow best here. The yield is high, too.”

“Hmm, I can almost tell by looking that they have a nice, crisp texture.”

This was work for the agricultural minister, but it reminded me a bit of a field trip. It was rather nice.

Vania tapped me on the shoulder. “Boss, I got them to prepare samples for us today. I really bargained with them!”

“You spared no effort, did you…?”

I was given a plate of bean sprouts with a drizzle of dressing on it.

“Mmm, these are—”

“SOOOOO GOOOOOOD!!”

Vania shouted from beside me.

“What, what?! Why are you so loud?!”

“These are nothing like anything I’ve had before! They’re resilient and not grassy and just a little sweet—I’ve never had bean sprouts that were so proud to be bean sprouts!”

“You are much too excited about bean sprouts!”

“This is how impressed I am! See, the producers are happy, too!”

The dragon farmers certainly seemed happy to have grown them.

Next, we went to the carrots that also used hot spring water and received some cooked samples. It seemed like we would be trying them at every turn.

“Yes, the flavor is—”

“Sooooo goooooood!! I cannot believe how sweet this is! It’s almost like a fruit! It’s warm and delicious, like a completely different vegetable than the carrots I know! This is excellent! I’m seeing carrots in a whole new light!”

Fatla slid right up next to me. “My apologies, my sister gets incredibly excited about these things… She goes so over-the-top that it might even seem fake, but she is not exaggerating. I believe this will continue all day long, so please just endure it…”

“Very well… I will just accept that this is how it is…”

After that, Vania sampled all sorts of food with the same energy.

Garlic

“Sooooo goooooood!! I can feel my stamina rising! When I eat one, it feels like I could fight for an entire week! A+! I could fly to the ends of the earth!”

Onions

“Sooooo goooooood!! It’s so sweet! Onions usually have a bit of a bite, no? But there’s none of that here. It’s like all the nutrients from the hot springs and the soil have gone right into the vegetables! It’s almost like a fruit!”

“Hey! Your report on the onions is starting to sound like the one on the carrots! You just think you can call everything ‘like a fruit’!” I had decided I would stay silent, but in the end, I couldn’t keep it in. “And you open every evaluation with a loud ‘Sooooo goooooood!!’, tricking us with your enthusiastic reaction! It’s unfair!”

“Wh-why…? I’m just saying it’s good, and it is…”

“I can see how excited you are about this. It sticks in my mind—and gets on my nerves…”

Then Vania popped up her thumb on her right hand again.

“What are you doing with your finger? Is this a joke I’m not understanding?”

“Next, we will be receiving a drink and some food that will go with it. Let’s have a good round of drinks for lunch!”

My resolve began to falter at that. “Ooh… A drink at lunch… I suppose it’s all right, since this is a training excursion…”

We were served pork fried with onions and a generous amount of garlic, along with a nice, cool glass of alcohol. I could feel my mouth watering at an alarming rate.

“This would certainly go well with the drink—perhaps this dish was chosen to complement it.”

“Hee-hee-hee, your body knows what it wants, boss.”

“Don’t be crass. Listen. This is a training excursion. We are not here to play,” I said. We took a few bites of our lunch and washed them down with the drink.

““Ahhhh! Sooooo goooooood!!””

Vania and I cried at the same time.

We made a toast, enthusiastically clinking our glasses together.

“Well done, you! You pass!”

“I want a raise, please!”

“That is a different conversation.”

“Why are you suddenly so calm?!”

Fatla seemed a little exasperated at our antics, but she ate her food and drank, and her cheeks flushed red. She was probably having fun at the end of the day. I knew her well enough after all these years together to tell.

“Well, now that our training is finished, I suppose it’s time for us to head to the inn.”

Then the dragon-man who had shown us around approached us, slightly hesitant. “Pardon me, Lady Beelzebub. My daughter has mentioned she would like to have a brief spar with you…”

I had heard that dragons tended to be fond of battle—although, in the case of red dragons, it might be better to say they had a warrior’s spirit.

“My daughter has taken a great interest in you since you are known for your power, Lady Beelzebub…”

Since becoming minister of agriculture, I had certainly worked very hard in my training until I was a rather formidable member of my race. No demon would disparage me for being powerless now.

“Very well. I take no responsibility for any injuries, however.”

When I gave the okay, a young girl with horns came over to me. “My name is Laika. I am striving to become the strongest among the red dragons—no, among all dragonkind. Please spar with me!”

Her clear eyes reminded me of mine, back when I was struggling to get even stronger.

I folded my arms and nodded. “Take me to a place where you can breathe fire freely. You dragons cannot use your full power unless you are in your dragon form, no?”

I never thought I would be fighting on a trip.

Even though we currently lived in an era of peace, violence hadn’t been completely eradicated.

We moved to a vast, empty area, and Laika the dragon-girl changed into her dragon form.

“Yes, you seem quite strong. And tense.”

“Here I come!”

“I’m ready!”

We then engaged in a rather intense battle.

In the end—

It was my overwhelming victory.

I knew this would happen. I hadn’t trained myself so little that I would lose to the likes of a dragon.

After five minutes, Laika returned to her human form and lay on the ground. Her shoulders were heaving; she’d yielded.

“You still have much to learn. It was like you were attacking me with a rusted weapon.”

“Where did I fall short?” she asked me candidly.

There was no doubt that she was trying to grow stronger. I could sense that she was not so much vexed with herself, but that she felt the need to grow.

“You are too intense.”

“Should I not be…?”

It didn’t seem like she understood what I said.

“To be hardworking is good. You are simply not giving yourself room to breathe, however. That is why you see nothing but what is right in front of you, and you leave so many openings in your stance. A taut thread is much easier to cut.”

I thought back on the past, and I almost laughed remembering how much my two leviathan secretaries had built me up. Before that, I had run laps around the castle moat. I couldn’t sit still unless I was doing something.

“Well, I am sure you’ll break out of your shell soon enough. Discard your rust. Well sharpened, the same weapon will be much mightier. Life is long. You may understand if you continue with as much intensity as you have now. But if you still don’t understand, then…”

I looked to my two secretaries, who stood a short distance away from us.

“Then perhaps it would be best to find a teacher who is nothing like me.”

Laika stood and bowed politely. “Thank you very much!”

“I hope we see each other again somewhere, though I can’t guarantee I’ll remember after such a short bout together.”

After that good round of exercise, we headed to the hot spring inn in Mount Rokko.

I was staying in a three-person room with my two secretaries. As the minister of agriculture, I got to stay in a higher-grade room with fewer people.

There was still time before dinner, so we decided to take a quick soak in the private outdoor bath connected to our room.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh, the water is so niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.”

“Vania, no need to draw out your words quite so much.”

“It’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.”

“Oh, I’m beginning to sweat.” Fatla’s expression was slightly relaxed. It must be the hot spring taking effect.

“It is nice to relax like this every once in a while.”

“This is still a training excursion, however.”

“You’re a tough one, Fatla.” I ruffled Fatla’s hair.

“Ugh! Don’t you tease me, too, Lady Beelzebub!”

“What? It’ll dry out. Heh, I was much too frightened to try anything like that when I first became minister.”

It was foolhardy for a low-level demon to prank a leviathan, but I finally felt like I had grown into my shoes as agricultural minister.

I was almost worthy of the legacy of my name, too.

“I am glad you are our minister of agriculture, Lady Beelzebub,” Fatla said quietly. “Things started to change in the demon world once the previous demon king ended the war with the humans. Many things had to change in order to keep up with the times. We needed new people like you, Lady Beelzebub, in order to make that happen. I think the current demon king had a keen insight when it came to that.”

Being naked together—or rather, being in the hot spring together—made it easier to put some things into words.

But to me, it seemed too early for such a confession. “I will not say thank you just yet. You will have to wait a little for that.”

“Of course. Please pretend I was talking to myself.”

“By the way…what’s my score as the minister now?”

After a moment of thought, Fatla responded. “Ninety-three.”

Much higher than seventy-five, which was what I had gotten last time.

“That’s an unusual number.”

“Minus two points for messing with my hair.”

“I should have asked before I did that!”

“And the other five points I’ve left open, because you might rise to even greater heights, Lady Beelzebub.”

For now, I would be satisfied with a passing grade as the minister of agriculture.

Or perhaps her grading scale was a little generous because of the hot spring?

Everyone gathered in the great hall of the inn so we could all eat dinner together.

On our tables were some of the vegetables that we sampled earlier that day, accompanied by the copious portions of meat typical of a dragon establishment.

I could see quite a few appetites had been whetted, but they would have to sit tight for a little bit.

I took my glass and slowly made my way to the front of the room. My job was to give the toast.

The chatter naturally died down, proving I had won their trust.

“Has everyone enjoyed themselves today? There’s no harm in having days like this every once in a while.”

It was a little embarrassing, but I had to say it at times like this.

“We’ve been working together for quite some time now—thank you all.” I bowed my head as though I was talking to close friends. “I used to spend my empty days idly, with no dreams or hopes for the future. I did not understand why I had been made minister of agriculture at first, and I even cursed Her Majesty for foisting such a troublesome job onto me. Oh, no actual curses; don’t worry.”

This was where they were supposed to laugh, but no one did.

Surprisingly, they were listening to me earnestly.

“Of course, I knew I could not carry on as I did, so I worked hard in my own way. I have no intentions of denying my hard work. But if it were not for your support, nothing would have happened. It is all thanks to every one of you…”

As I spoke, tears started pooling in my eyes, but I knew not to worry. No one was going to laugh at me for crying in front of them now.

“Thank you… I really hope to have your support from here on out. I believe I can do my job without causing you as much trouble as I have in the past. That’s because I want you to think of me…as the best minister in history…”

“Hooray for Lady Beelzebub!”

Someone suddenly shouted, and I realized Vania had stood up with tears streaming down her face.

“Hooray for Lady Beelzebub! Hooray for Lady Beelzebub! I’m not going to call you boss or minister right now! You are a noble, so you’re Lady Beelzebub! Hooray for Lady Beelzebub!”

Hooray for Lady Beelzebub.

That chant finally spread throughout the entire room, and it kept on going for a while.

I was incredibly glad I had decided to go on this training excursion. Everyone in the Ministry of Agriculture was now connected by a tight bond!

“You are all the best! Hooray for the Ministry of Agriculture!”

Almost four hours later…

“Will you cut it out already?!” I yelled, walking among the rooms and down the hallway.

A pillow flew at high speed and slammed into the back of my head.

I whirled around to find one of the directors watching me with regret.

“How long will you all keep up this child’s play?! What is this pillow war?!”

It was something very small that started it all.

Some of the people in one room started throwing pillows at one another, mostly in jest. A few of them then decided to take their pillows and “attack” their good friends in another room.

Those in the second room decided to carry out their “revenge” as a joke. Which was met with more “revenge.” Meanwhile, the “conflict” grew larger and larger—

And it was now on an unprecedented scale, with the rooms allying together to form an eastern and a western army…

If these were children playing, I wouldn’t mind, but more than half of the people here were high-ranking demon officials. The force of the pillows alone was terrifying enough. I even received a report that some of the rooms were already damaged.

Perhaps this was how wars started. No one wanted it to happen, but before you knew it, the conflict had escalated.

No, this was not the time for me to think quietly to myself.

This pillow war was unfolding in the present continuous tense…

“You understand what will happen if you embarrass me any further, don’t you? It is absolutely, unconditionally unforgiveable! All of you, take a bath and go to sleep!”

And so as I proceeded along the hallway, shouting cease-fire instructions—

I discovered Vania looking out on the situation from the landing on the stairs.

“Heh-heh-heh. The enemy will never know I’m here.”

“Well, I do.”

“Ugh! Boss!”

I was the one who wanted to grunt in frustration upon discovering my secretary participating in this.

“I will cut your pay… Are you ready for that? Stop this at once and go back to the room… And please tell me I am wrong when I ask you if you were the one to break the wall there?”

For some reason, she wore a bandana (?) on her head that said VICTORY, too. Where did she buy that?

“Boss, there are times when a demon must fight. This is one of those times.”

I was impressed she said that with such a straight face—not a trace of mirth.

“Very well. I will not force you to stop, then.”

“Thank you! You are the best minister of agriculture! Hooray for Lady Beelzebub!”

“—But I cannot speak for your sister.”

Fatla gave Vania a good whack on the head from behind.

“Gaaah! When did you get there?!”

“Stop with this silly nonsense and go back to the room. If you do not listen to me, then I will tie your feet together and drop you from the stairs.”

“O-okay…”

Afterward, it took almost an hour for the fighting to stop, and as the minister of agriculture, I was obliged to offer my deepest, repeated apologies to the innkeeper. We did break a wall.

Maybe I should resign…

But it was because of the training excursion that I found a new hobby.

Now, when I had a day off, I would go travel, and I was slowly starting to visit more and more places in the human lands.

Perhaps now that I had occupied my current position for over a hundred years, I had the time to expand my horizons.