I WAS ALMOST BRIBED DURING AN AUDIT
“One, two, one, two, one, two!”
Lately, I’d been running around the castle’s inner moat before reporting in to work, putting my morning to good use.
A passerby who was walking his hellhound early in the morning (the general public is allowed as far as the outer side of the inner moat) said, “Oh-ho! Trying to lose weight, are you?”
Nope. I was exerting myself for a completely different reason.
When I’d finished my usual two laps around the moat and was resting in the shade of the trees, someone came over in front of me.
“You’re out working hard very early, Miss Beelzebub, minister of agriculture.”
It was the very one responsible for my position: Her Majesty the demon king, Provato Pecora Ariés. She was by herself today, under a parasol.
They said she hardly ever went around with attendants and that she popped up randomly all over the castle. In fact, I’d run into her several times myself, so I knew that was true.
“Oh, fancy meeting you here, Your Majesty.” I started to get up, but she put out a hand, stopping me.
“You’re training yourself physically to build the strength not to embarrass yourself as a minister, aren’t you?”
“…Was it that obvious?”
“I have an excellent eye for my subordinates.” Her Majesty sat down beside me.
She was mischievous, but she tended not to act all high-and-mighty. When she first ascended the throne, some demons were uneasy about that, but lately, she’d acquired a fine reputation as a demon king who did what it took.
“I’m a minister, whether I’m suited to the position or not… It would be embarrassing if I couldn’t defeat my own subordinates.”
In the demon world, even among bureaucrats, we tended to lionize strong fighters. Maybe it was a holdover from when we fought humans long ago.
When you’re at minister level, some more conservative types believe you’re doing something wrong if you can’t nonchalantly plunge humans into terror.
Even now, people from noble stock who tended to end up at minister level were put through the mill from a young age, and they were pretty formidable, both physically and magically.
Here in the demon world, we didn’t have pampered young nobles. Most of ours were tough.
“And not only do I hit harder, I believe I’ve managed to beef up my Ice and Snow spell quite a bit lately, too. I’ll have to keep developing it—well, enough to let me defeat my two leviathan secretaries without trouble, at least…”
There was a deep-rooted stereotype among demons that masters must be stronger than their subordinates.
If the master was that strong, you’d think the subordinates wouldn’t have joined battles, but when you were taking on an enemy, the subordinates had to go up against it first. You might have seen many examples of that in war chronicles and novels.
In addition, even among demons, leviathans were a pretty big deal. People said they were a match for ten thousand human soldiers each.
“If you keep putting in so much effort, I’m sure you’ll make progress. I believe in you.”
The demon king smiled at me, then left me to my devices.
“Effort… I hope the day comes when my efforts are rewarded, but I dunno…”
When I made the rounds of my sections, I could feel the tension rise slightly.
Hmm. I must have more of a presence now.
It had been about eight months since I became minister of agriculture, and as far as I could tell, I had started to gain recognition in the ministry for the way I worked.
If I keep this up, I may be able to get away with taking a day of paid vacation next week. Or maybe I’ll say I caught a cold and spend a day or so just lazing around.
The only problem with that plan was that my mansion was too big, which made it hard to just take it easy. Lazing around in a studio apartment felt more authentic. In a mansion, it might just feel pointless…
“Lady Beelzebub.”
As I was thinking about stuff that didn’t mean much, I realized Fatla was right in front of me, waiting. “Wh-what is it…?”
“An urgent job has come in for next week.”
“Urgent, hmm? Well, that’s fine. After all, I’m pretty familiar with almost everything in the ministry by now!”
“No, this is a business trip.”
Ugh… I still wasn’t completely used to business trips. Back when I was a bottom-tier bureaucrat, my job had hardly ever required them.
“It’s an audit. An on-site audit of a fruit farm run by the relative of a Ministry of Agriculture executive who fell from power. The farm and the executive may be colluding with each other.”
“Can’t somebody else handle this?”
“It’s necessary for the head of the Ministry of Agriculture to go in order to show the people that the ministry itself was not a party to the relationship. It is also an order from the demon king.”
Vania came up beside us. “We really should go, boss! Let’s go!”
“Why do you look like you’re having so much fun? Do you plan to sample all the local gourmet cuisine during this business trip? Is it a hobby of yours or something?”
“It’s a fruit farm! We can eat all the fruit we want!”
“You’re treating this too much like an ordinary trip! Besides, there’s no way we’d be able to eat at a place we’re auditing!”
“You might be surprised. You never know until you try!”
Why was she getting all worked up over this…?
Fatla gave Vania a proper scolding later, if you were wondering.
My two secretaries and I headed for the Bellgundeal Fruit Farm.
Fatla had transformed into her true form as a leviathan, an ultra-large flying beast, to carry us there.
“Hell’s bells, this really is a flying ship.”
I was sneaking peeks at the scenery from way up in the sky while I looked over the documents I’d brought along. Vania was helping me.
There were several buildings lined up on top of the leviathan, and we were inside one of them.
“This is the true charm of leviathans, after all. Long ago, we flew freely through the skies, but since there’s a risk of bumping into dragons and other creatures, we have to get permission first now.”
“Life is hard as a leviathan, isn’t it?”
I could never beat something like this. I sighed inwardly.
I’d have to do some absolutely ludicrous training, or it would never work… No, even if I did, there’s no way one person could beat a battleship.
“That’s why my big sister became a bureaucrat, and I followed her lead and took the test. Once I was out of cooking school, I could have just become a chef, but my sister told me not to. She said I’m not suited to that type of management.”
“You went to a cooking school? I see I still know next to nothing about my subordinates.”
Just then, something like a shipboard announcement came on.
“Vania, you’re only talking about personal matters, and your hands aren’t moving. Do your job.”
I see… So Fatla was keeping an eye on us even when we were riding on top of her.
“This farm is suspected of aggressively marketing low-quality fruit as high quality and yielding considerable profits. Potential tax evasion has also been indicated.”
“That’s terrible in several different ways, huh…”
“There were doubts in the past as well, and audits have been conducted twice, but they found no problems on either occasion.”
“Doesn’t that mean they’re innocent, then?”
“You see, there are rumors that the individual who was a Ministry of Agriculture executive at the time interfered, or that someone under the influence of that executive was sent to conduct the audit. This is why you—a former commoner who is not hampered by any of those things—are looking into the matter.”
Being called a commoner irritated me a little, but it was the truth.
“Well, I’ll take a real thorough look for you, then.”
Still, it sounded like the company was under suspicion for quite a few things. They aren’t going to just up and attack us, are they…? Quite a few members of demonkind are still pretty hotheaded. We can’t get careless.
“If it comes down to it, Vania and I swear to protect you, so have no fear.”
I guess I’m still weak enough to need protecting.
“Thank you very much for your visit! I am Bellgundeal, proprietor of Bellgundeal Fruit Farm!”
No sooner had we arrived than a one-eyed evil eye demon met us with a smile. There were even employees holding a WELCOME! banner behind him.
“Well, this isn’t quite what I was expecting…”
“I’m a little taken aback myself.” Even Fatla, who was always cool and collected, was blinking rapidly.
Next to her, Vania was waving cheerfully and saying, “Thank you very much!”
“You must be tired after that long journey. Come make yourselves comfortable in the office first. While you do, we’ll prepare the documents for the audit!”
We were escorted right to the office.
“Say, Fatla, is this how audits generally go? Aren’t they usually more solemn? This is nothing like what I’m familiar with…”
For audits at the Agricultural Policy Organization, we’d only had to go to another institute in the same organization, so there hadn’t been any issues with finding a compromise. But I’d expected a very different experience from an external audit.
“I’m very sorry; I don’t have much experience with audits myself.”
In other words, we were all total amateurs at auditing. Was this really going to be okay?
That said, if nothing turned up, then so much the better.
The important thing was the fact that an audit had taken place.
“This is the office, honored inspectors!”
The space we’d been shown into looked like a glass-walled café with a view into a hothouse garden. The tables and pillars were pure white, and the space was very bright and cheerful. If rooms could be poseurs, this one fit the bill.
“Ooh! This is fascinating! And there are colorful exotic birds in the garden!”
Vania was already in full-blown tourist mode. Granted, this might be the first time I’ve seen tropical birds. Are these related to parrots?
“Is this really an office?”
“Yes, we designed it based on data that shows that providing a good environment raises efficiency at work!”
When we dubiously sat down in a seating area that looked suspiciously like a café, another staff member came up and served us fruit juice. “Your beverages.”
“This is fresh-squeezed juice made exclusively from fruit grown at this farm. It isn’t too sweet, and it’s an extremely effective beauty tonic,” Bellgundeal the proprietor said, smiling.
“I—I see… Well, I suppose being offered drinks isn’t that odd…” When I tried a little, it was refreshing, and the straightforward sweetness tickled my nose.
This was exquisite.
Fatla and I looked at each other.
“Lady Beelzebub, this juice is the real thing.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
Vania had already drained her glass and requested a refill.
“You should probably learn to hold back a little at times like this…”
“Well, I mean, it’s good for your looks, you know?! I want to drink it while I’ve got the chance!”
She’s completely forgotten that we’re here for work, I thought, even as I ordered seconds myself. I wish my neighborhood market carried stuff this good.
“W-well, all right… We’ll just have to conduct that audit thoroughly…” I dabbed at my mouth with a napkin. No particular problems here.
Just then, the documents for the audit arrived. Most of them were accounting records and the like.
And they came accompanied by an assorted fruitcake set.
“B-Bellgundeal, what on earth…?”
This place actually is a café, isn’t it?
“You see, on an audit, you have to look at all those fiddly little numbers one by one, don’t you? There’s nothing better than sweets for tired minds. If you clear your heads with my company’s fruit, I’m sure your work will go more smoothly.”
“I—I see. Now that you mention it, perhaps…”
For a second, I thought I heard a voice say, “Talk about easy.”
“Did you say something, Bellgundeal?”
“No, nothing, nothing. Good luck with your work.”
With my eyes on the documents, I started on the fruitcake.
The first bite was shockingly delicious!
“The pleasant acidity of the oranges harmonizes perfectly with the sweet cake!” I cried.
“The slight dusting of sugar looks like powdery snow!” Vania added.
“Ahhh! Even in the castle town, quality like this isn’t available anywhere! I’m so glad I came along on this trip!”
“Lady Beelzebub, Vania, we aren’t here to eat cake, you know. Th-this is wonderful… Sinfully delicious…”
All smiles, we somehow managed to get through the first stage of our job, the audit.
We didn’t find anything particularly problematic.
When our work reached a stopping point, the evil eye proprietor came back and said, “Would you like to take a tour of the farm as a little diversion?”
“But if that delays the audit, won’t it cause trouble for your company as well?”
“No, I thought that having you see for yourselves that our humble establishment grows fruit of good quality could serve as part of the audit. I’d like you to confirm that we do not grow anything low quality!”
“I—I see… You do have a point.”
“Yaaaay! A factory tour! It’s a field trip for grown-ups!”
“Vania, curb your enthusiasm. Still…it is intriguing, isn’t it?”
Fatla might say otherwise, and it didn’t show in her expression, but it was clear that she was enjoying herself, too.
I got the feeling the proprietor said “Seriously easy” again, but I might have been hearing things.
They ushered us into the hothouse.
“Demon territory is located in the frigid north, so we provide a variety of fruits from southern climes by building greenhouses like this one,” the proprietor explained.
The colorful fruits were indeed unmistakably tropical.
“Sister, Sister! A big bird landed on my back!”
“Be a little quieter, would you? But…put it on my back later, please.”
So you’re letting it ride on you anyway, huh? This seemed to have turned into a sisters’ trip. Bureaucrats are busy, so maybe it’s all for the best.
No… No, that’s wrong; this isn’t a trip.
“Bellgundeal, I think we’d better be getting back to the audit.”
“Yes, I understand. In that case, shall we return to the office?”
This time, we were given a very fancy mixed juice, and we checked into their accounting records.
No money was flowing in any particularly opaque directions.
“Even if we are taking breaks, my eyes are getting more and more tired.”
Earnest Fatla was the type who focused and worked intently for a short burst. However, not only was the amount of work too great for that this time around, we were currently on a business trip, so her pacing was off.
“I’ve started to get sleepy…”
“Vania, you are a real piece of work. No sleeping. I mean, fatigue is inevitable for a task like this, and I do understand how you feel, but…”
I nearly yawned, too, but I fought the urge desperately. As a bottom-tier employee, I’d spent a long time doing dull work, so I still had a tolerance for it. That said, whether I could handle it or not and whether it was interesting or not were completely different things.
Even so, if I fell asleep during an audit, it would embarrass the entire Ministry of Agriculture.
C’mon, tough it out, tough it out…
That was when Bellgundeal the evil eye came by again.
“You seem fatigued. Our company has female staff members who give beauty treatments. Would you like one?”
For a moment, I almost broke into a smile, but I managed to bite it back. “Hrm… A kind offer indeed, but wouldn’t that count as entertaining us?”
“It wouldn’t do to have your concentration lapse and cause you to overlook something. I believe it would be best to clear your bodies of any metabolic waste, then begin your work again in a refreshed state of mind.”
Hmm. I’m beginning to feel as if I’m being cleverly manipulated. If I don’t shut this down now, we may not be able to go back…
“That’s a valid way of looking at it. May we take you up on that offer?” Fatla nodded. She should have been more hard-nosed than that!
No, let’s look at this from another angle. If Fatla’s saying it’s okay, doesn’t that mean there’s no problem?
“All right. In that case, yes, please let us try this beauty treatment of yours.”
I got the feeling the proprietor smirked, but that was probably also my imagination.
The beauty treatment was, in a word, heaven.
It’s a bit weird for a demon to be talking about heaven, but it really felt that good. A piping-hot towel was placed over my eyes, and I dozed through the whole treatment.
My body definitely felt lighter, and my face seemed more delicate than before.
“Boss, you look incredibly cute now!”
“Vania, flattery will get you nowhere. But I will admit your skin looks younger as well.”
“If it weren’t for work fatigue, would I be more attractive…?”
In the end, all three of us were satisfied in three different ways.
Back when I was a bottom-tier bureaucrat, beauty treatments like this one were barely even an option. Although that was because I’d used that money to buy cheap liquor and beer snacks, then drank at home. I never knew such happiness existed…
While we were checking documents again, feeling rejuvenated, night fell.
“Nnnnnn! I think that’s it for work today! We’ll get through the rest tomorrow morning!” Vania stretched.
Yes, it was about time to call it a day.
“All right, let’s get something to eat,” I said. “We obviously can’t let the group we’re auditing invite us out, so we’ll go somewhere else.”
There weren’t many places around, and we went into a slightly trendy restaurant.
If you let the group you’re auditing entertain you too warmly, the audit doesn’t work. We might have gotten a little too cozy today. I’ll let those regrets remind me to keep a clear head tomorrow…
However, even there, something peculiar happened.
We kept receiving dishes that were clearly more luxurious than what we’d asked for.
“How odd… Did we order a full-course meal like this?”
“If it was not you, Vania, we must not have.” I thought it was strange, and I asked a staff member if there’d been some mistake.
“Oh… As a matter of fact, it just so happens that you’re our five-thousandth party of customers, so we’re serving you a special full-course meal for no additional charge,” the staff member said, averting his eyes awkwardly.
The hallmark of a guilty conscience.
I was positive.
No matter how you looked at it, this was weird.
Meanwhile, Vania was pleasantly drunk, and Fatla had eaten too much and was holding her stomach in pain.
These two won’t be any more use today…
That evening, after the three of us had checked into the inn, I went back to the farm by myself and grilled the employees who were there working overtime.
“Is the proprietor still here?”
“No, I believe he’s already gone home… If you need him, please try again tomorrow.”
I grinned.
Yes—when the proprietor isn’t here, the place is vulnerable.
“No matter if he’s not here. Earlier, they brought the documents for the audit to us; could you show me to the vault where those documents were originally?”
“Huh?! You mean right now?!”
“There’s no rule that says audits can’t be conducted at night. Hurry up and open it. It’s nothing important; I only have the urge to check the ones that weren’t there earlier. A personal interest, you understand. That is why I’m here by myself.”
With no other options, the employee opened the vault.
I carefully checked through the accounting records for the period that I’d wondered about, working by the light of a small hand lantern.
We’d been entertained far too well.
There had to be something to find.
And after about fifteen minutes—
I pinpointed a stream of capital that was clearly anomalous.
“The company’s positively gushing money, and I can’t tell what it was used on, either.”
Just then, a figure appeared in the vault.
It was Bellgundeal, the evil eye proprietor.
“Minister of Agriculture. How dedicated you are to be working at an hour like this. With your status, you shouldn’t need to do such a dull task.”
I sensed a hint of sarcasm.
“Hmph! I am a new noble who got promoted all of a sudden. I spent forever doing accounting. I’ve gone over the same books again and again because they were off by less than the cost of a meal. When something’s fishy somewhere, I can feel it.”
“And did you?”
“We’ll still have to do a detailed investigation, but it’s almost certain that you’ve been conducting financial transactions under the table with that Ministry of Agriculture relative of yours and having them grease some wheels for you. You may also have been falsifying production areas and using goods that are past their sell-by dates, but everything from here on out is a job for the lot from the audit bureau and the police.”
“So you’ve finally tracked it down, have you?”
Bellgundeal was holding something. A blunt instrument? Was he planning to strike me down here?
I tensed up. I may not look it, but I’m still a demon minister. I’d never lose to a mere evil eye!
However, while the object could have been used as a bludgeon, that wasn’t what Bellgundeal did with it.
“I don’t suppose we could settle the matter with this?”
What Bellgundeal the evil eye held out to me was—
A pyramid-shaped stack of gold ingots!
“Mistress Beelzebub— Ah, forgive me. As you are a noble, perhaps I should call you Lady Beelzebub. You have only just been elevated to the nobility. You have no economic foundation whatsoever. This farm can create that foundation for you.”
“Do you intend to bribe me with this?” I glared at the evil eye.
“To be honest, you have my sympathies. With no backer to support you, even if you’ve been given a position as minister of agriculture, there are any number of opposing forces, and should you prove inconvenient, you might be cut off at any time. You could conceivably be hounded out of your current rank next year, or the year after that. Should you not at least have savings to use in your retirement?”
“On its own, that’s a sound argument. I’m like an insignificant little fly.”
Slowly, I approached the pile of ingots.
“That’s right. Come, prosper along with this farm!”
And then—
I swept my right hand through those gold ingots and sent them flying.
“But don’t take me for a fool! While I love fruit that’s nearly rotten, I have no intention of fraternizing with such rotten characters! What you just said is so filthy that I want to wash out my ears; go get me some cold water!”
The evil eye’s expression abruptly hardened. His hand tightened around a gold ingot.
“I’ll teach you to push your luck, you upstart commoner! You’ll die here!”
The evil eye brandished the ingot—which I suppose could serve as a bludgeon!
Not good! My Ice and Snow spell wasn’t going to make it in time!
I managed to dodge the first attack somehow, but this really wasn’t a good environment for fighting.
“It’s too cramped in here! I can’t even draw a magic circle!”
“Exactly! All right. Now suffer!” Slowly, the evil eye closed in on me.
What do I do? Should I take a risk and close the distance? No, I’ll get hit before I can manage it… There’s no room to take flight…
However, before he could slam that gold ingot into me—
The man slowly tipped forward and collapsed.
Behind him were the two leviathan sisters.
“Lady Beelzebub, we really can’t have you going off on your own like this.”
“My, that was a close one, wasn’t it?! Still, all’s well that ends well, huh!”
“Fatla? Vania?!”
Vania nodded happily. “When your serious-minded boss disappears, work is the first place you look.”
The relief made my legs give out on me, and I sat down right where I was.
Fatla picked me up and put my arm around her shoulder.
After the wave of relief passed, I started feeling pathetic. Even though I’m a demon minister, I’m seriously weak.
“I’m sorry… For a demon, I’m still not that powerful. I really am no match for you two leviathans. I’m not living up to the Beelzebub name…”
“Don’t get the wrong idea, please.” Fatla sounded a little sniffy. “I serve the Lady Beelzebub who devotes herself to her official business as minister of agriculture. I am not groveling because of your strength.”
“We’ll support you when you can’t manage on your own, Lady Beelzebub!”
“You have my gratitude, both of you. Thank you…”
Uncharacteristically, I was crying.
Several months after a lot of arrests were made at that farm as a result of the audit—
“Hah! Hiyah!”
—I was sparring with Fatla and Vania.
We were starting with special training to boost the power of my punches and kicks.
I’m the minister of agriculture, and I’m going to get to midlevel boss-class strength if it’s the last thing I do!
“You’re doing well, Lady Beelzebub.” Fatla, who was receiving my attacks, encouraged me with compliments. “At this point, you have power on the level of a Ministry of Agriculture section chief.”
“I’m still at section chief level, huh? This is going to take a while.” I got close to feeling discouraged, but I didn’t give up. As if I’d ever give up.
“No—no, boss, you’re strong! If there were three of you, I’d lose.”
“That prerequisite makes no sense! I don’t turn up in groups of three!”
Vania’s method of praising me was a little strange.
“But remember that nasty evil eye from earlier?” Vania continued. “You could beat him easily now.”
I stopped attacking. “Is that the truth?”
“I’ll swear to it as well. You really are stronger, Lady Beelzebub.” Since Fatla had said it, it probably was true.
Great. I’m going to keep on getting stronger. I’ll become an outstanding minister of agriculture. I won’t lose to anybody.
Huh…? When had I set my sights on that particular goal? As a bottom-tier bureaucrat, I’m pretty sure I was an idler…
At that point, the demon king passed by under her parasol again.
We stopped practicing and saluted briskly.
“A very good morning to you, ma’am, Your Majesty,” I said.
Smiling, the demon king came up to me. I got the feeling she was plotting something again.
“Miss Beelzebub, this is an order. Would you bow your head there for a moment?” she said, still smiling. Did she mean I was acting too proud? Either way, it was an order, so I couldn’t refuse.
“…All right, ma’am, Your Majesty.” I bent forward, inclining my upper body.
“Very well done. ”
The demon king stretched out a hand—
And patted me on the head.
“Your Majesty…?”
“Yes, very good. If you keep putting in that kind of effort, I’m sure you’ll make progress. After all, Miss Beelzebub, I’ve placed my confidence in you.” The demon king giggled, smiling impishly despite her status. “I need you to get stronger and become my right-hand demon.”
Then she shifted the angle of her parasol slightly and departed.
It didn’t make much sense to me, and I cocked my head.
“Lady Beelzebub, has the demon king taken a liking to you?” Fatla asked.
“Frankly, it’s a mystery. I don’t know her all that well.”
“She may have recognized your potential from the very beginning.”
Potential, huh?
It would be nice to have, but even if I don’t, it won’t change what I’m doing.
“All right, let’s keep going! I’ll be as strong as a department manager by the end of the month!”
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