WE MET THE PINE SPIRIT
The next day, we made our way to the temple that enshrined the pine spirit Misjantie.
The pilgrimage path that led up to the temple was not as run-down as Tazine, even in the village itself, and there were relatively many shops open for business along the way. Still, almost half of them seemed to have folded.
“They look like souvenir shops, so there must have been plenty of visitors in the past.” Ever the tradeswoman, Halkara was sensitive to this stuff.
“Still, I find it hard to imagine that a spirit faith got so unpopular all of a sudden; why is it so desolate around here?” I asked. Unlike theme parks, you tend to assume places with religious establishments like temples and shrines as their main attraction will last a long time.
“Actually, a large road used to go through Tazine way back when. But about seventy years ago, a new road was built along another route, and pilgrims vanished in almost an instant. I’m sure the population started really falling after that.”
“I see… That must’ve really hit them hard…”
With a road passing through, plenty of people would stay the night and decide to see the local sights while they were in town, but if the village was off the main road, then the only ones who would come by were the ones with a strong reason to.
“Sheesh, all the souvenirs are so gloomy. No one buys wooden swords these days.” Flatorte was poking fun at one of the open shops. There was a wooden sword sitting there mixed in with all sorts of weird local craftwork, as if it had mistakenly wandered into a Japanese souvenir shop.
On the other hand, Natalie had been quiet this whole time. There was a shadow hanging over her, too. Maybe that meant she wasn’t expecting anything.
“Um, Natalie, I know smiling might be hard right now, but I think you’ll just find it harder to be happy with that attitude… Maybe you should try and enjoy what we have here?”
“I’m sorry… Before we got here, I let myself think for a second that I might end up meeting someone wonderful. I’m having trouble recovering from this shock…”
“I mean, that’s not surprising when things are this bad…” I couldn’t just tell her to be happy.
“Oh, I see the Misjantie Temple now… I’ll at least pray that I can get married. It might give me a one in a million chance…”
She had no faith in the temple at all. Once you have to go to a singles’ party to find someone, it’s hard to really believe in a spirit who’s supposed to bless your marriage.
This was rude to say to the temple itself, but it was way too gorgeous for the village.
It was a pure chalky-white palace with engravings of pine trees on each pillar.
On top of that, the basin with water for purifying our hands and the chandelier-like lighting fixtures all looked very expensive.
“Wow, they sure have a lot of money. It’s a little tasteless. Reminds me of a pearl dragon’s house.” Flatorte offered her opinion. Maybe pearl dragons were like a nouveau riche kind of race. But dragons did have a tendency to collect treasure, and Laika the red dragon was pretty rich herself, so maybe Flatorte and the other blue dragons were actually the exception.
A statue of the pine spirit Misjantie sat enshrined deep inside the temple. For a spirit who helped with relationships, the woman’s expression was awfully harsh.
But the temple was empty; no one was feverishly praying or anything like that.
“I honestly thought it’d be filled with people praying: I pray for a good match! and Come to me, people with salaries over eight million gold! and Please let the next singles’ party be fruitful! and I want to get back with my ex and score!”
“I suppose a spirit can’t do much about a geographical disadvantage,” Halkara said without much emotion.
“Maybe it has no effect… Of course it would be deserted… Heh-heh…” Natalie finally smiled, but it was a wry one. It was the smile of someone who’d given up.
“Aw, cheer up, Natalie.”
“Staying in this village is draining all my cheer away, so let’s just go home. I’m so sorry for bringing up the singles’ party so much… As a staff member of the guild, I apologize.”
“It’s fine… Look, I think there’s a pine garden behind the temple, so why don’t we take a look?” No matter what, my plan was to get Natalie moving and get her mind off things. The longer we stood still, the darker her mood would become.
“Pines, I see,” Halkara mused. “I wonder if I’m not allowed to gather the mushrooms growing beneath the trees?” She sounded more interested in the mushrooms than the pine trees. And obviously she wouldn’t be allowed; they belonged to the temple.
“Pines… All I can think of are blue dragons hurling pine cones at one another.”
Maybe you blue dragons should calm down a little?
After that, I led everyone into the pine garden. There sure were a lot of pine trees growing there, but—boy, was it drab.
I wasn’t expecting there to be flowers of every color, but all the trees, whether their branches touched the sky or skimmed the ground, were the same color.
“This is boring. You can see it’s boring; nobody else is here.” The latter half of what Flatorte said was the objective truth. It didn’t seem like the visitors came this far in.
“None of the pines seem very happy, either. Maybe they’re dying.” Halkara had a very elf-like perspective. “They look like they’ll be rather dead in another thirty years or so. There are so many pines here, too, it’s such a pity.”
“Maybe the pines are depressed because they know the village is wasting away,” I commented.
I was glad Flatta hadn’t ended up like this. I couldn’t bear seeing a village on its last legs.
“Yeah, man… They’re all depressed…”
—A voice came from somewhere, and I noticed a woman slumped in front of one of the biggest pine trees.
I felt like I’d seen her clothes somewhere before.
Oh, she’s a spirit! There were a bunch of spirits in loose clothing like this at the World Spirit Summit.
“Wait, you can see me? Right, no one comes here, so I forgot ta hide myself…”
Could this gloomy girl be…?
“Are you Misjantie, the pine spirit?”
Spirits existed in this world, so Misjantie could very well be real, too.
“Hey, you know your stuff, man… But I’m not that much of a pine spirit; my real job is being the spirit of witness at weddings… Haven’t done it recently ’cause nobody uses my ceremony in their weddings anymore…”
So it seemed that this really was Misjantie herself. She sure didn’t speak like a spirit… Everything about her was casual. She was way different than the statue.
“I didn’t think the pine spirit actually existed. People worship you here, so is this like your house?”
Gods often lived in shrines in manga. But I wondered what the deal was with branches (?) like Hachiman and Inari shrines, which were all over Japan, and how they were treated. This Misjantie Temple would be her so-called flagship, her grand head temple, so of course she’d be here.
“Oh, Madam Teacher, is someone there?” It didn’t seem like Halkara could see Misjantie.
“These are just pine trees, right…? Or maybe the great Witch of the Highlands and her max level can see special things…?” Natalie had a similar response. I guess that meant only I could see the spirit.
“Hey, I can kinda almost see this really sorry-looking woman. Is this a mirage?! Woo, my first mirage!” Flatorte could kind of see her, though!
“Whaaat…? This is weird, man… I usually make it so chumps can’t see me… Why on earth would high-level people come here…?”
Right, dragons were strong, too; they weren’t at all like regular adventurers… That was why she could sense a spirit who was trying to hide.
“Hey, mirage lady. Who are you? Wait, can mirages talk? Hey, say something.”
“Hey! Don’t touch me, man! I’m a spirit with a long and honorable history, ’kay?! Be more respectful, or more thankful, or something!”
Since they were being pretty chatty, the other two who couldn’t see were confused. They could sense something was going on, but not knowing what that was, they seemed uneasy.
“Um…Misjantie…can I call you that? I think this whole conversation is going to get more complicated, so do you think you could make an exception and show yourself…?”
“F-fine, man! Just make this stupid dragon-girl stop!”
“I’m not stupid! I just didn’t go to school!”
For reasons unknown, Flatorte had climbed onto Misjantie’s shoulders. When in doubt, Flatorte did whatever the heck she wanted.
We went into a staff room in the temple and heard what was going on.
I had a feeling we were trespassing, but the deity enshrined here brought us in herself, so we could probably get a pass.
“Ahem… Lemme introduce myself again. I’m Misjantie, the pine spirit…”
“Did you go to the World Spirit Summit, too? If you did, we would have just missed each other.”
“Why would a human even know about the World Spirit Summit…? I’m so lost, man!”
I explained a bit more about that, and we introduced ourselves. We also told her why we came to Tazine at the same time.
“Oh, hey, I’ve heard of the Witch of the Highlands. Wind spirit gossip.”
I had a feeling these wind spirits were spreading my information all over the world, but I couldn’t exactly stop them.
“We didn’t think the singles’ party would be very productive, so we were going to take a look at the temple, then head home. That’s when we met you.”
“Sigh… Tazine’s done for, man… The average age around here gets higher by one every year…”
Meaning there had been no newcomers…
“This village used to be hopping, man… A lot of ’em could get by with their household savings, even when everything started going south, and that’s why they never sat down and dealt with the declining birth rate and aging population until it was too late… I just tried to ride it out, but that was a mistake…”
This was definitely a rural problem…
When people see an imminent change in their way of life that will affect them tomorrow, they’ll realize that what they’re doing now isn’t going to work and then do everything they can to fix it. But when the decline is slow, people endure it by holding off on some things here and there and helping out every so often.
For example, if someone making seven million yen a year lost 100,000 off their salary the following year, they might be upset, but they could still make it through the year with that much. But if seven million suddenly dropped to two million, then they would seriously start thinking about a way to deal with it.
Since Tazine had declined so slowly, they ended up getting used to it.
“And faith in the Misjantie Temple has just gone down because of that, man… I wasn’t just a pine spirit in the past; people also had serious faith in me as a matchmaker spirit for weddings… Look at the whole main branch now…” Misjantie sighed deeply.
Maybe the parties involved just weren’t doing a good job.
“Erm, if I may ask a question…?” Natalie timidly raised her hand. “Great Spirit, do you have the power to, um…immediately pick out a marriage partner, or orchestrate some fateful meeting, or anything like that…?”
Oh, Natalie was hoping Misjantie would find a partner in marriage for her.
“Nah, I don’t have that kind of power, man. I just play matchmaker.”
“Very well, then,” Natalie replied frostily. If her heart was a book, it probably would have said I don’t need you, then inside. “Let us return home, great Witch of the Highlands. When we do, I’ll start the search for a marriage partner in earnest.”
Well, she was right that we now had no reason to stay.
“Yeah, let’s head back toward Flatta,” I said. Just as I was about to stand, something grasped my arm.
It was Misjantie, the pine spirit. “Er, Miss Witch of the Highlands, I need your help…” After that wide-eyed plea, I had a feeling things were going to get complicated…
“All of you are around the right age, far as I can tell. It doesn’t matter who, but I want you to get married and pray to the pine spirit that the couple will have everlasting love! And then I want you to give alms to the temple!”
“You’re really going for it, aren’t you…?”
“All the Misjantie Temples across the country are in danger, man! For the longest time, I kept things running by doing that ceremony and getting alms during weddings, but…I’m hardly making anything now…”
I mean, look at the state the flagship is in…
“I sympathize with you, but that’s all I can do,” I said. “I’m not planning on getting married.”
“Same as Madam Teacher. I’m enjoying my career; I never feel like getting married,” said Halkara.
“Me, too,” Flatorte added. “I’m not as interested in getting married as I was.”
“I want to get married, but I have no one to get married to… I wonder if a handsome adventurer will come to the guild and suddenly ask to marry me…”
I think that would be too perfect, Natalie. If someone actually tried that, we’d probably suspect him of marriage fraud…
“So, since it doesn’t seem like we can help you, we’re going now.”
Misjantie grabbed my arm tighter than she did before. “Just listen to what I have to say, man! I have all sorts of ceremony packages!”
“I mean, you can have all the packages you want, but there’s no point without someone to marry.”
We couldn’t exactly decide if we wanted a lavish ceremony or a simple party if the wedding itself wouldn’t happen.
“I can do same-sex marriages, too, man!”
I wasn’t expecting her to say that, so my thoughts paused. “Do they even recognize gay marriage in this country…? No way, probably not. I highly doubt twenty-first-century values have made their way into this culture.”
This world was mostly caught up in problems like land inheritance among nobles, so I wouldn’t expect them to allow same-sex marriage.
“Even if it’s legally invalid, we can still celebrate the couple that wants a ceremony, man! Misjantie Temple started doing it thirty years ago so I could expand my customer base! I made the announcement and everything!”
“I approve of how passionate you are about the business,” offered Halkara, company president.
Misjantie might be doing it to expand her customer base, but if a loving same-sex couple got good memories out of it, then it wasn’t a bad thing.
“Oh, Madam Teacher, why don’t we have a wedding just to try it out? Just kidding.”
“Yep, I’m going home now.”
“C’mon, Madam Teacher, that hurt…”
“Sorry, Halkara, but if you joke about this kind of stuff, then it will slowly stop being a joke at all. We need to set boundaries here.”
The house in the highlands was like a massive share house, and the share house I’d lived in back in Japan had been hell. It was shocking how often there’d been some sort of conflict among the residents.
People who kept loose rules fought with people who kept strict rules, and people who thought of everyone else as family fought with the ones who thought of everyone else as strangers. Even my friends had argued along those lines sometimes: “Why don’t you ever pay attention to me?” “You’re not my family or whatever, so why would I? Geez.”
Adding romance into the mix would just make things even worse. That’s why we couldn’t have a wedding ceremony for people who lived together, even if it wasn’t serious.
I would never let the house in the highlands turn into a share house full of negativity!
“If you’re going to do it, Halkara, then I am, too. I’ll feel like I’m missing out otherwise. Oh, but then Laika might say she wants a wedding with our mistress, too…”
Exactly. Once it started, it would be hard to put a stop to it. Even without any feelings of romance, it would come across as favoritism. Then people would start getting upset and fighting back against it.
That’s why we couldn’t do a ceremony so casually.
“Oooh… You’re tough… I also have a joint wedding plan for a group of friends, too…”
“…Isn’t the whole concept of wedding just falling apart now?”
“As the pine spirit, I only pray for everlasting love, man. Romantic or platonic. That’s why it doesn’t have to be just a couple. I can do a ceremony for a whole adventuring party, a whole team of coworkers from a company, whatever. Doesn’t matter so long as Misjantie Temple gets its money.”
Everyone in this world was very open about how they wanted money.
That being said, if you were a deified spirit with temples all over the world, then you did have to think about management.
“Oh, I’ve got ceremony plans for singles, too, where you vow to love yourself forever.”
“You’re just desperate, aren’t you?! You’re the pine spirit—why don’t you go back to your roots and dedicate your temple to praying for pines to grow up big and strong or something?”
“I couldn’t stand to run a boring business like that, man… That’s a whole different trade from wedding ceremonies…”
I mean, I’d just call it changing with the times, but this girl was a handful.
“No…? It’ll be a day to remember, man…”
“Actually, that’s exactly why it’s not okay. I have a lot of people in my family, so if two of them got a ceremony, then that would just distance them from everyone else and ruin the peace.”
I thought that was good enough to make her back down. Even I had things I could and couldn’t help with.
“Well, there are also times when sisters have a ceremony to show that they would always be together, man. You don’t know any siblings like that?”
Oh?
A ceremony for sisters to confirm their sisterly love for each other. Basically, Falfa and Shalsha in little wedding dresses.
And I, as their mother, would watch.
There was nothing wrong with sisters loving each other as sisters, and it wouldn’t cause trouble in the future. That was pretty great, actually.
“Misjantie, could you tell me more about the sister wedding plan, please?” I’m pretty sure my face was really serious. Some people might even think I changed my job from witch to sage.
“Wh-whoa, are you for real?! I’ll bring over the pamphlets ASAP! They’ll answer all your most detailed questions!”
Misjantie left the room, then immediately came back with special documents.
“Hmm, she’s supposed to be a revered spirit, but she looks like a company employee running around doing sales. I feel sorry for her…” Halkara wore a perplexed expression. Maybe the elves believed in the pine spirits to some degree, too.
“I think this plan would be good if you have up to fifteen attendees and they’re all immediate and extended family. We’ll pray that the sisters will stay together forever in your Misjantie Temple of choice. Friendly, but holy.”
“Mm-hmm. I see. And it’s affordable, too.”
“Shouldn’t we talk about this with Falfa and Shalsha around?” Behind me, Flatorte raised a valid argument. But sorry, Flatorte, I’m ignoring you. I’m the one most interested in this.
“So usually priests serving the temple act as present witnesses, but since your family can see me, I’ll be the witness myself.”
“Oh, really?! You’re so generous!”
“Don’t worry about it, man. As long as word gets out that the Witch of the Highlands’s family had a ceremony at a Misjantie Temple, that’s good publicity. I’ll need to give more support to the people working at the temples, too.”
Spirits with a following had their hands full, after all.
Momma Yufufu had it easy in that regard.
“Then there’s the vow kiss at the end. If touching lips isn’t an option, they can kiss each other on the cheek or hug instead—we’re pretty flexible. What matters is how they feel.”
“I see. I’m not the one to decide if they want to kiss on the lips or not, so I’ll check with my daughters.”
Well, a kiss on the cheek was probably good enough; I doubted they’d say no to that. They were sisters, after all, and the ceremony was for them to promise to get along in the future. I wouldn’t want things to get awkward.
“Oh, yeah, could we use this place?” I asked, pointing to the ceiling. I at least wanted to do it here in Tazine.
And especially so if it would help out with publicity.
“Sure, man. Normally you wouldn’t rent out a place this important just like that, but I mean, it’s empty… It’s more unusual to have a busy day…”
“Okay, then we’ll take this home and keep discussing. I’m hoping I can give you good news.”
“Right on, man. Call me when you make up your mind,” Misjantie said and then handed me a pine cone. “Hold this, then recite the spell. I’ll tell you what it is, but you’re gonna wanna write it down.”
“Fine. Let me get my pen and paper.”
“Here we go, man. Wagahorahee rofdarnet mehoralachi numris-wa yenagaye haheherowoah friclas tornewacha comasolue hagiyeho tallabadash.”
“…Sorry, could you repeat that at least three more times?” Why did this sound like a resurrection spell…?
“Be careful, ’cause if even one letter’s off, I won’t be able to hear it.”
This whole system was a pain…
I had her say it another three times just to make sure, so there probably weren’t any mistakes in my notes.
And so the singles’ party came to its rather strange conclusion.
“Er, Great Pine Spirit, could you please tell me if there is a good way for a guild staff member to find a partner?” Natalie finally asked.
“You just gotta approach everyone, man. The more times you try, the bigger chance you’ll have of making a lucky shot. You draw a hundred straws, eventually you’ll pull the good one, y’know?”
That was one way of handling it.
When I got back to the house in the highlands, I told Falfa and Shalsha about the sister wedding.
“Falfa will do it! Falfa wants to!” Falfa jumped on the idea immediately, the first one to agree. “A wedding means wedding dresses, right?! I always dreamed of wearing one!”
Oh, right. Having someone to marry was a totally different question; a lot of girls just wanted to dress up like that.
But I was naive to think Falfa’s reaction meant everything would progress smoothly.
“Shalsha refuses.”
Shalsha was refusing, of all things?!
Maybe there was something she couldn’t accept about it—like there was no point in doing something just for show, or she was opposed to spirit faith to begin with? Or maybe she was just plain embarrassed?
“Shalsha wants to wear a wedding dress, too. You should dress like a gentleman, Sis.”
That’s why?!
I didn’t realize Shalsha wanted to wear a wedding dress, too. She never gave me that impression, so I never noticed. But I mean, how would I even pick up on that in the first place?
“Hey! Why do you get to wear a dress? No fair!” Falfa, of course, protested, puffing up her cheeks.
“A big sister protects the younger. You should wear gentlemen’s clothing, said to be derived from a knight’s formal dress, and then I will be like a noble lady under the knight’s protection—in essence, it would be sensible for me to wear the dress on this occasion.”
“You’re just making up an explanation! You always do that when it comes to this stuff, Shalsha!”
Falfa was angry. Shalsha did occasionally try to confuse others with convoluted logic—she seemed pretty shy, but she was very opinionated.
But Falfa as a gentleman—in a tuxedo, huh?
I pictured it in my mind, and it was pretty cute on its own.
I unconsciously placed my hand over my mouth. Oh, gosh, yes! That’s fantastic! Falfa in a tux and Shalsha in a dress? But I’d feel bad overriding what Falfa wants…
Both of them turned to stare at me.
“Mommy!”
“Mom!”
Of course, they were both asking me to use their idea. No matter which one I chose, I would be the bad guy. It was so distressing.
So I decided to use a trick.
Times like this, it’s best to ask a professional. It’s like talking with a third party, a lawyer, when fighting over inheritance.
“Just hold on a second. Er, where are my notes…?”
I would never be able to remember this on my own. “Wagahorahee rofdarnet mehoralachi numris-wa yenagaye haheherowoah friclas tornewacha comasolue hagiyeho tallabadash.”
When I recited the whole thing without messing up, Misjantie the pine spirit appeared three inches from my face.
Three inches?!
“Gah! You’re too close! Too close!” I jumped in surprise and pulled back. Personal space!
“Sorry, man. Depending on the pronunciation, I can even appear a ten-minute walk from the tip of the caster’s nose. It varies.”
“Yeah, a lot.”
She wouldn’t be able to help if someone called her in life-threatening danger, and she had to walk for five minutes to get there… Well, not that she’s the spirit you’d summon in an emergency.
“Well then, now that you called me, is there anything I can help you with, man?”
“Yeah, actually, we had a question.” I told her that Falfa and Shalsha were fighting over the dress.
“Gotcha, gotcha. Well, of course people will wanna wear dresses. A wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event, man. Except for the ones who get married four or five times.”
I don’t really want to talk about something that serious.
Both of the girls were now staring hard at Misjantie.
Neither of them seemed willing to give up.
“Heh-heh. I have a great plan for situations like these, man. I call it the One drop, twice the flavor plan!”
It sounded pretty fishy, but this spirit did have a long and honorable history.
“I don’t really get what that means, so could you explain?”
“Weddings take a long time, man. Sometimes people want to change partway through.”
Oh, like a bride changing her dress for the wedding reception?
“So how about they first come out in tuxes, then change into dresses in the second half? That’s fair, right?”
The girls’ eyes sparkled when they heard Misjantie’s idea.
“That’s great! Falfa wants to wear both!”
“Instead of everyone losing something out of this, we’re all gaining something. Fantastic.”
And then my own eyes sparkled.
My little girls were going to dress up in dresses and tuxedos—this was going to be the greatest event their mom could hope for!
“I’ll get all the clothes ready. This option’ll add a little more to the tab, but that’s no big deal. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event. You gotta splurge, man.”
She sure was calculating; this plan benefited her, too. But if money would solve my girls’ argument, then it would get me something priceless.
“Sure. Then give me the detailed quote. As long as it’s not absurdly, outrageously expensive, I’ll pay.”
“Right on. If I can use your experience of the ceremony at Misjantie Temple for publicity, then I’ll give you a discount.”
“Sure. That’s fine.” That’s what I was planning on using the Misjantie Temple in Tazine for anyway.
“And how many people are you planning on inviting? If this is a private event, you okay just having family come?”
When I heard her say inviting, several demon faces came to mind.
“I know some people who would complain for the next century if we held the ceremony without them, so I’ll ask for their schedule next time I see them. No need for invites.”
Beelzebub came over two days later, so I breezily asked her, “Falfa and Shalsha are having a sisters’ wedding thing; what days are you free?”
“WWWWHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!”
Her reaction was just as exaggerated as I imagined it would be—no, more so.
“Let me just say this before you get the wrong idea. It’s a ceremony for them to promise to each other to stay close as sisters in the future. They’re not both being married off, so calm down.”
“What a relief. I thought I might have to murder some fiancés, depending on who they were.” She actually sounded like a demon for once.
“And both of them are going to wear wedding dresses. You’d come even if I told you not to, right?”
“I have the obligation of attending as their guardian.”
Um, no, you’re not their guardian. But I wasn’t going to tell her that because I was tired of it. Beelzebub was hell-bent on being their auntie now.
“A sisters’ wedding, hmm? What a lovely bit of culture. Could it catch on in the demon lands? I shall bring it up with the demon king.”
Crap… If Pecora finds out, she’ll definitely want a wedding with me…
But not inviting her to Falfa and Shalsha’s ceremony would be too harsh. And then I would have to tell Beelzebub to keep quiet about it, which would get her in hot water, too, if anyone found out.
Oh well. If Pecora started pressuring me to have a wedding ceremony with her, I would just have to be firm about turning her down.
“Okay, then go ahead and contact the other demons and everyone else living there.”
“Indeed, I shall. We will attend this celebration. I will bring them with me, no matter what.”
“Er, don’t force them to come… If it makes things awkward at the ceremony, it’ll kinda defeat the purpose.”
“But no one would be unhappy to attend their ceremony, no?”
I think you’re overshooting a little there, Beelzebub…
Regardless, we picked a date, and the day for the sisters’ wedding soon came.
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