“Hello, everyone! We’re Falfa…”
“…And Shalsha, in the flesh.”
“We’re twins, so it might be hard to tell us apart!”
“You can tell who’s who by our hair color.”
“So the other day, Falfa got lost.”
“No need to worry. To live is to be lost. Losing your way is nothing to fear.”
“Falfa didn’t mean it in a big and profound way! See, the other night, I was in my room, reading a book. It was about trying to prove the existence of the world through mathematical proofs.”
“Shalsha is surprised you’d read a book like that, but I won’t question it. What did it say?”
“Well, it said if you imagine we’re living in World A, it only takes the slightest of changes to turn it into World B or C instead. That means even just a little misstep could land you in a totally different world!”
“What a strange book.”
“Then, when Falfa stopped reading, I noticed it was a little dark in my room. The lamp was on, but it was dark anyway! Even the lamp’s light was gray—everything was dark! So Falfa got scared, ran out of the room, and went over to Mommy’s instead…but when I knocked on her door, she didn’t answer. Falfa didn’t know what to do, so I slowly opened the door myself.”
“Shalsha doesn’t like where this is going.”
“Falfa saw a shadowy figure inside that looked like Mommy. It was really just like her, but something was strange. Her face looked gloomy and sickly, and she didn’t say a word. That’s when Falfa realized…Mommy was dead. And in fact, everyone was dead!”
“How terrifying.”
“It seemed Falfa had ended up in World B where all living things were dead! Reading the proof that World A could become World B was all it took to transport Falfa there!”
“Your very existence became untethered from reality.”
“Falfa was scared and didn’t know what to do, but then all the zombie-like people of World B started chasing me! Falfa ran away, but I knew I had to do something to get back to my old world before something terrible happened. That’s when Falfa had a revelation: If I just read that book again and found the page with the proof on it, I might be able to go back to World A!”
“And so that’s what you did to get back to World A? Shalsha hopes you’ll be careful not to get lost between worlds again.”
“No, Falfa hasn’t read the book again yet. This is still World B.”
“Huh?”
Falfa and Shalsha turned to look directly at the audience.
“All of you are residents of World B. And that means you’re all dead!”
“Everyone’s dead?”
“Everyone’s dead!”
“Everyone’s dead.”
““Everyone’s dead!””
That last “everyone’s dead” was Falfa and Shalsha speaking together in perfect harmony, by the way.
A very weird atmosphere descended over the venue. This was the big moment in Falfa and Shalsha’s act. It wasn’t the sort of performance that would get a ton of laughs, necessarily, but hopefully it would enhance the impact of this twist.
“By the way, Sister…”
“Huh? What? Falfa wanted to keep chanting about how everyone’s dead!”
“We should really go back to World A. You know, the world where everyone’s alive? Where did you put that book?”
“…Okay, but why? Everyone being dead makes this world so nice to live in!”
“Come back to your senses, Sister.”
Shalsha stage-slapped Falfa upside the head.
“Ow! Shalsha, just because everyone’s dead in this world doesn’t mean you can just hit people!”
“You said ‘ow.’ You heard it, right? You said ‘ow’ just now.”
“S-so what? Stop creeping toward me… Falfa may be dead, but that doesn’t mean I’m totally defenseless!”
“If you feel pain, then that means your body and soul both aren’t completely dead yet!”
“Ah! You’re right!”
Falfa did an exaggerated “I understand now!” sort of gesture.
“Okay, then, let’s both go back together! We should find the book that’ll take us back to World A!”
“Shalsha happens to have it right here.”
“Wow! You’re so prepared for this! But at least we can go home now. Let’s open it on three!”
“As in, ‘one, two, three’?”
“No, no, you have to pause a little longer before the three! The rhythm’s very important.”
Falfa and Shalsha mimed as if they were opening a book.
“Phew—we’re back. That’s one problem settled. Shalsha thinks we’ve learned a lesson about appreciating our daily lives today.”
“Oh, are you sure about that? He-he-he-he-he-he!”
“What do you mean, Sister?”
“Surprise! This is World C!”
“…Thanks for watching!”
Falfa and Shalsha bowed as they delivered their last line in unison, and a moment later, the audience broke out in applause. I would’ve liked to think they got the biggest round of applause so far…but considering they were my own daughters performing a script I’d written myself, I wasn’t exactly the most objective judge. Still, the “everyone’s dead” part had gotten a good reaction from the crowd.
To be totally honest, when I thought about it with a clear head, part of me couldn’t believe we’d brought a super-surreal sketch like that to an actual contest. The thing about surreal humor is while certain types of people will love it, that demographic isn’t big enough to give you a real shot at victory. I’d known that, but I’d also wanted to give my daughters as many options as I could, so I’d included one of those in the script I wrote for them anyway.
Why had they chosen to bring out the surreal one for the finals? I wasn’t positive…but most likely, they’d just already used up all the easier material in order to get this far. A seasoned comedian with absolute faith in their abilities could probably breeze through the preliminaries while saving their best for last, but my daughters had had to treat each and every round as if it might be their last. They hadn’t had the option to go in with anything but their absolute best, and they’d used up all the sketches with a high likelihood of winning. So all they had left was an act that was hard to sell.
In short, they’d had no choice but to go into the finals with a surreal sketch as their material. We wouldn’t know for sure how that’d turn out for them until all the performances were done and the scores were announced…but I could tell just by looking at their faces that Falfa and Shalsha felt they’d done their best. There was no mistaking that, at least.
Just then, Halkara tapped my thigh to get my attention. “That was great!” she said. “They might have a shot at winning first place!”
“I think it’s still a bit early to say that. Our dragons still haven’t had their turn yet, after all,” I replied, though at the same time, I had to admit seeing Halkara have such a positive reaction was really satisfying. I didn’t get the sense she was flattering me, either. The announcer chose that moment to give feedback for the skit, as well, and I didn’t get a bad sense from that report at all.
Please, just let them get a good score!
“Did you write that sketch, Azusa?” asked Sandra.
“I wrote the rough draft. Those two modified it a lot, though. Especially Shalsha’s lines—they were almost nothing like how I wrote them.” I guess it’s easier for the person who’s actually going to be playing the role to decide the best wording for themselves. “So really, you might as well say Falfa and Shalsha made it up.”
A wide variety of other acts came and went, and finally, it was time for the last sketch of the day. The announcer introduced the final group by shouting, “And our next performance will be by a pair called Double Dragon!”
All right—time to get in the mindset of an audience member and judge them as objectively as I can!
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