A CALLING CARD CAME FROM A PHANTOM THIEF
That evening, when Halkara came home from the factory, she handed me a long, rectangular piece of paper.
“We’re holding an exhibit, Madam Teacher!”
The paper looked like this:
“Oh yeah, you had a museum, didn’t you…?”
Once, the goddess Nintan had asked me to clean up her lake. At first, she had just wanted me to deal with the huge number of mosquitoes, but it turned out to be a way bigger job than we had initially thought; we eventually found a crocodile living there among other fun discoveries.
In return, Nintan gave us some treasure that had been gifted to her temple. It wasn’t just one or two things, either. I doubt even Nintan knew exactly what she’d given us. It was hard to tell if she was being a magnanimous deity, or if she was just trying to get rid of stuff.
We then had everything looked over by the demon Appraisal Knights, a group that would appraise absolutely anything you brought them, and ended up receiving an unbelievably astronomical estimate…
Ultimately, Halkara built a museum to put everything in.
I sometimes forgot about it because the museum was on the outskirts of Nascúte, but it belonged to a member of the family. We really had an impressive group here.
“I see. You must really be managing it seriously to be able to open a special exhibit, huh?”
Halkara was highly motivated when it came to things like this. She was without a doubt an incredible person, but she made so many blunders that she rarely ever came across that way.
That said, I wasn’t really interested in living with, say, the try-hard president of an IT company, so someone like Halkara was probably a better fit.
“I’d love for you to visit since this is our first exhibit. You rarely come to the museum, after all.”
“What? I’ve been there once… Is everyone else really going that often?”
It wasn’t like I was super interested or anything, but I had still stopped by.
I often forgot because I was always getting mixed up with demons and spirits, but we did live in the peaceful highlands. There wasn’t much in terms of entertainment out here, so a museum was invaluable.
“Little Shalsha has visited five times, and Miss Laika, seven.”
“That sure is a lot!”
By now, Laika and Shalsha had already joined us and received their tickets from Halkara. These two were hard-core fans…
“Will you be changing out some of the items on display for the second half of the exhibit, Miss Halkara? I would like two tickets if that is the case, please.”
Laika sure knew a lot about museums…
“No, we won’t be changing out any exhibits, so you don’t need to worry.”
“Shalsha has a question. Can Shalsha use this ticket to visit the permanent exhibits, too?”
And now Shalsha was asking a high-level question, too.
“Yes, of course. But haven’t you seen the permanent exhibits more than enough times?”
“Shalsha is happy to look at nice things as many times as it takes. And the museum atmosphere calms Shalsha down. It’s good for meditation.”
The culture in this house was more refined than I’d expected.
“I will go ahead and leave these tickets in my room, so take as many as you like. Actually, if you mention that you’re a member of President Halkara’s household, they will probably just let you in.”
“That’s not true,” Flatorte butted in. “The museum’s nice and cool, so I told the receptionist to let me in for an afternoon nap, and she said no.”
“That is because your intended use of the museum would bother the other visitors, Miss Flatorte! And I’m glad to hear that the receptionist is doing her job. Very impressive.”
That made sense… Even though Halkara owned the museum, she wouldn’t allow troublemakers in the door, family or not. I could tell she was handling everything very professionally.
Anyway.
Since she was holding a special exhibit, I decided it’d be a nice opportunity to go with my daughters.
“Shalsha? Do you want to go to the museum with me?”
“Of course. That goes without saying.”
I knew Shalsha wouldn’t say no.
But Falfa’s reaction was unexpected. “Falfa doesn’t want to. Falfa will go by herself another time.”
What? She didn’t want to come? Was she upset because she thought I was only asking Shalsha? That wasn’t my intention…
“Shalsha explains everything in too much detail, and Falfa gets bored. And the explanations are always a little off.”
“Oh, so that’s why…” I could see what she was getting at.
“Shalsha wasn’t running around the museum. Shalsha didn’t cause problems at all.”
“But Falfa wants to take her time looking at things. Falfa will go on my own sometime before the exhibit closes.”
Everyone takes information in at a different pace. Some people naturally preferred to be alone and free from distraction.
And so Shalsha and I decided to go to the museum together.
We picked a day with good weather and headed to the museum, which sat on the outskirts of Nascúte.
The number of guests in the museum was just right for our purposes. We wouldn’t be able to take our time looking at things if it was too crowded.
The lady at the reception desk said, “Oh, hello, Shalsha! I see you’ve come with your mom today.” It seemed Shalsha really was a regular. The staff even recognized her on sight.
The inside of the museum was comfortably dim, perfect for looking at the exhibits.
I see. Every world had a god people prayed to for victory. Even in a world with magic like this one, that still held true.
The first thing on display was a pitch-black suit of armor.
“It looks really heavy…,” I commented. “I doubt it’d be very easy to wear that in battle.”
“This suit of armor was an offering from Lord Nohgeah the Careful. Lord Nohgeah the Careful was a feudal lord in the Kylar Province during the Era of Excess Heroes. Every night before he went to sleep, he would check if the lights were out, if his doors and windows were shut, and if there were any changes to his plans the next day. He would perform all these checks three times each.”
“He certainly was careful!”
Exploring the museum with the help of Shalsha’s detailed explanations seemed like it would be pretty fun. I was no expert on treasure or armor, after all.
But was it okay for a mother to have her kid explain everything to her…?
Or maybe this was typical?
If a child spent all their time researching, say, dinosaurs, you couldn’t expect a parent to have more knowledge on the subject just because they were older. You would need a researcher specializing in dinosaurs to explain anything new to a kid like that.
It was normal to not know anything about certain specialist topics, and if a kid got engrossed in one of those, there was no way a parent could outdo them.
All right, it was time to let Shalsha teach me what was up. There was nothing to be embarrassed about.
The next item after the suit of armor was a thick-looking shield.
It was placed at an angle that emphasized its thickness. I got the feeling it would be more appropriate to call it a wall, rather than a shield.
No way any sword could pierce through that. That didn’t mean, though, that it was very practical. If you tried to bring a wall to a fight, it’d be way too heavy to move around with. I doubted any human could do battle while holding this thing.
“I bet just holding this would count as weight lifting.” I didn’t know much about shields, so my thoughts on it were mostly fluff. “Or maybe it wasn’t meant for practical use at all, since it was an offering to a god, and they just made it as thick as possible.”
“I think you’re on the right track, Mom. Additionally, the sign says that this was an offering by Marquis Macosia, the Sore Loser.”
That didn’t ring any bells. Maybe it was time I learned some history.
“When Marquis Sore Loser lost his castle to his younger brother, he wandered from land to land, asking other lords if they would assist him in taking his castle back. He visited forty-five different places in seven years.”
“He really couldn’t let it go, could he?!”
“But no other lord would help him. One lord said to him: ‘Your castle is fifteen days on foot from here. Please ask someone closer.’”
“That’s the right answer!”
Considering he’d visited forty-five different lords, some of them would have to be pretty far away. But what were they supposed to do about it? It wasn’t like he was just asking a stranger for a subway fare here.
“As it happened, Marquis Sore Loser successfully regained his position as the local lord ten years later. It was then that he gifted this shield. There’s a message engraved on the back reading: By the goddess Nintan, I am once again able to live in my own castle. I offer this shield as a show of thanks.”
“Wow. After ten years devoted to the cause, it finally worked out.”
That kind of unwavering dedication deserved praise.
“Did he ever find someone to help him? Or did he gather his own army and recapture the castle?”
“His younger brother returned the position to him. He reportedly said, ‘I imagined the seat of lord to be much more interesting, but it was not as I expected.’”
“This Marquis Sore Loser didn’t do anything…”
“It is said that after visiting forty-five lords, he prayed to every god around the world that his lordship might be returned to him. It is said that he had been in the Grand Nintan Temple the day before he received word from his brother that he was relinquishing the title, so he offered this shield in thanks for answering his prayer.”
“I’m pretty sure it was a coincidence.”
The next item on display was a massive helmet, big enough for a person to hop inside and hide in.
“I can’t imagine this has any practical use. It must have been made as an offering.”
Or could there be giants somewhere in this world, and it was made for them?
“This helmet was given in offering by Lord Gilsen the Morning Napper of Yoshgana Province.”
“These nicknames are really uninspiring.”
Was there just nothing else remarkable about these people…?
“Lord Gilsen the Morning Napper was already a seasoned fighter in the Era of Excess Heroes. It would not be an exaggeration to say that he lived to fight.”
“Some eras saw nothing but wars and fighting. I’m glad things are relatively peaceful now.”
“His record was said to be thirty-two wins, thirty-nine losses.”
“He lost more than he won!”
Of course he wouldn’t get a powerful-sounding nickname like the Intrepid, even if he spent his life on the battlefield. That’s exactly the kind of record that earns a nickname like the Morning Napper.
That aside, another thought came to me as I looked over the display.
“I feel like I’ve learned a lot about the people who made these offerings, Shalsha. Thank you for explaining everything.”
Shalsha gave a little nod. “They are all famous. This is barely an explanation.”
“The designs on this helmet are so pretty, though. I wonder how they were made?”
It looked like jewels were embedded in it, but I couldn’t really tell.
Shalsha froze.
The inside of the museum was pretty sedate to begin with, and Shalsha wasn’t the type to make exaggerated movements, but she had become so still it almost felt like time had come to a stop.
“Shalsha doesn’t know much about that sort of thing, so Shalsha isn’t sure… It would be wrong to tell you something incorrect… Shalsha should stay quiet when she doesn’t know something…”
“I see, I see. I’m proud of you for admitting it when you don’t know, Shalsha.”
I felt a twinge of guilt as I patted Shalsha on the head.
So Shalsha wasn’t entirely sure of its technical or artistic value. I had considered that to be part of the humanities, but I guess it was still an entirely different field.
This must be the reason why Falfa didn’t want to come with Shalsha.
Falfa probably wanted to hear more about the items on display themselves, not Shalsha’s extensive historical knowledge.
I could see Falfa wanting to know more about an item’s value. Rather than who donated the item, she was probably interested in what about the item made it unique or particularly attractive.
That said, I would probably be lost if I was suddenly pelted with a ton of art jargon, and I found Shalsha’s storylike explanations interesting. I guess it was just a matter of taste.
“…Mom?” Shalsha spoke quietly, her head drooping.
“Hmm? What is it?”
“Shalsha wants to learn some art history.”
What a good kid.
“That’s great! I admire your enthusiasm.”
I gave Shalsha another affectionate pat on the head.
The exhibits we saw afterward were just as enriching.
“Wow, this really makes me realize just how much stuff the goddess gave us… All of this used to be in the house in the highlands…”
“Shalsha believes there were even smaller jewels and furnishings in the chest we received. Each of those would be exhibited separately in a museum, and of course they would take up space.”
“I see… I bet there were a lot of offerings Nintan didn’t even know about.”
Even the grand temple hadn’t been able to keep up with all of it, after all.
It was truly wonderful that each of those items now had their own spot, clearly labelled, for all the public to see.
Before long, I caught sight of the exit and headed over. It was a little brighter than the rest of the exhibit.
Just outside the doorway was a very colorful, eye-catching sign.
I should have figured she’d be running this like a business.
It was here, right at the last minute, that it finally hit me that this museum was being run by Halkara.
That night, I made a slightly fancier dinner than usual to celebrate Halkara.
I knew putting together that exhibit must have been hard work, so I felt like I had to congratulate her somehow. This is just my personal opinion, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to do things for praise alone. You’ll get stuck as soon as there’s no one around to praise you.
People should do what they think is fun, even if no one’s around to compliment them on it.
On the other hand, if you see that someone else has done something amazing, you shouldn’t hold back. Don’t let your admiration go unspoken.
And that’s why I wanted to celebrate Halkara!
Soon, a dragon landed near the house. It was about the usual time. I could tell it was Laika who’d taken Halkara to work today; by now, I could tell the dragons apart by the sound of their wings.
I intended to tell Halkara just how good the exhibit was as soon as she came in.
But my plans fell apart.
“Lady Azusa, we have an emergency!” Laika rushed inside.
“What? Did Halkara eat another poisonous mushroom?”
It was safe to assume any trouble involved Halkara.
But Halkara ambled in behind Laika, looking totally relaxed. In her hand, however, was what looked like a piece of parchment.
“Goodness, Madam Teacher. You’ll never believe what just happened!”
“I’m picking up distinctly different vibes from you two… What’s going on?”
“I found this in the factory office today~”
Halkara handed me the piece of parchment.
It was a phantom thief calling card!
So things like this really did happen. I never imagined phantom thieves could be found outside of fiction.
But on closer inspection, I saw something a little strange.
“They’ll delay in case of bad weather? That’s weirdly conscientious.”
“No, Madam Teacher, this excessive attention to detail is what makes a phantom thief a phantom thief. This is the genuine article! I feel sure even though I’ve never seen one before!”
She shouldn’t act so confident if she’s never seen one…
“I cannot believe a phantom thief will finally be paying my museum a visit. I’m so proud! For a museum, what really matters is if it can catch the eye of a clever criminal! This is a real testament to the quality of our collection!”
The museum director was getting really excited, but I wasn’t so sure if she should be…
“I can understand your feelings, Halkara, but shouldn’t you be a little more worried?”
There was a very good chance she could lose a valuable treasure. This was a professional thief we were talking about. Come to think of it, was there such a thing as an amateur thief?
“Precisely, Miss Halkara. The museum is in danger!” Laika was riled up. “Theft is a terrible crime. Though, in some cases, one may have no other choice but to do so, such as when one steals a piece of bread while starving, this crime is being committed entirely for the criminal’s delight! They have even told us about it ahead of time! They are perfectly aware they are committing evil, and the fact that they are enjoying it makes it all the more evil!”
I could feel Laika’s heart bursting with the flames of justice… In fact, I could imagine flames bursting out of her mouth at any moment.
I didn’t think she needed to get that hot under the collar before anything was even stolen.
Well, maybe I was being too soft. My life had been generally peaceful, and I’d never had to deal with theft.
The house in the highlands stood all alone out here, so I was sure a robber would hesitate to try to break in.
“How reprehensible of them to confuse evil with entertainment! We must punish this individual!”
“Okay, okay… Laika, please settle down. We need to stay calm in situations like this, or they’ll catch us by surprise.”
“Lady Azusa! Of course, you are correct—I will not be able to make full use of my power if I lose my composure. I got carried away there…”
Laika, however, was less upset about the thief coming to the museum than she was about them sending a calling card. The act must be unthinkable to someone as honest and upright as her.
“First, let’s read over the warning a few more times. We might be able to find a hint somewhere.”
The message wasn’t hiding anything; it was pretty direct, in fact, but there was something I realized after reading it again.
“They’re going after the sore loser’s offering?!”
The marquis had sounded pretty pitiful based on Shalsha’s description, but was his offering actually worth a lot…? I guess he was a ruler, after all, so it had to be. He wouldn’t donate something cheap.
He’d probably face divine punishment if he offered some cheap trinket as thanks for being looked after by the goddess…
I had a feeling that if Nintan had seen him intentionally offer something cheap, she would have immediately turned him into a frog. That was despite the fact that she seemed to have no issue with how sloppily those offerings were cared for.
Laika, too, noticed something as she was rereading the parchment.
“This warning is written in decorative lettering! This individual is indeed making a mockery of the museum by sending something so foul in such a fine hand! This person is rotten to the core!”
“Please! Calm down! Calm down! Getting all worked up about it isn’t going to solve anything!”
Laika was getting dangerously close to actually breathing fire, so we had her step away for a while.
Then Halkara and I discussed what could be done.
“Hmm. I don’t see any hidden messages when reading it vertically~”
I figured someone easygoing like Halkara was most likely to discover the secret, but the warning may not have had any hidden meanings to begin with.
“Does this Phantom Thief Canhein person sound familiar to you?”
Maybe the thief was well-known.
“No, they do not. Halkara Pharmaceuticals only opened up the museum recently, and before that, we didn’t have anything worth stealing.”
“I guess no one would send a calling card about stealing a dozen bottles of Nutri-Spirits, would they?”
“Perhaps we should ask the guild if they know anything about this? A thief might feature on their wanted list.”
“Now, that’s the ticket!”
The next day, I showed the warning to Natalie at the guild in Flatta.
“Ah, this phantom thief.”
“Your tone makes it sound like they’re famous!”
Maybe there was a hefty reward being offered for their capture.
“Famous? Yes, I suppose so. But also unknown.”
“So a little of both…?”
“Yes, exactly. Those who know a lot about thieves would be familiar with them, but the general populace would not. I’m probably the only one in Flatta who knows about them.”
“Oh well, that shouldn’t be a problem.”
So they weren’t as well-known as L*p*n the Third or anything. Still, it’d be a little eerie if any random man or woman on the street knew the criminal’s name.
“This thief steals the strangest things. And I believe their success rate is quite high.”
“So they’re a real phantom thief!”
I pictured L*p*n the Third in my head.
But then I saw a troubled look cross Natalie’s face. “I’m not sure I’d go so far as to call them a phantom thief… They did indeed manage to steal a bracelet from a temple vault once, though…”
“That sounds like a clear success to me.”
Natalie showed me a report of the incident. It said, “The warning card noted: I shall take the bracelet on Saint Tanux Day.”
“What a well-composed warning. It sounds like they were pretty confident!”
It was probably a bit indiscreet of me considering this was a crime, but reading about it was getting me excited.
“Please keep reading, Great Witch.”
Why did she sound so skeptical?
The latter half of the report said: Furthermore, the warning was sent after the crime was committed.
“What…? After the crime…?”
Now things were getting weird.
“Exactly. Can that even be considered a warning? The goods had already been stolen, so of course the thief was confident. That’s like saying you plan to get married sometime this year after you’ve already held the wedding.”
Natalie’s similes were trending toward marriage, probably because she still hadn’t found a partner yet. I decided not to touch on that. I didn’t want things getting messy.
“Are you sure it wasn’t just because the letter arrived late…?”
The postal system here was still developing, so it wasn’t unusual for things to take time in transit. At least that’s how I wanted to interpret the situation.
“No. That isn’t possible. The postmark clearly stated the day it was sent. The thief definitely sent it after stealing the bracelet. Incidentally, the temple only realized the bracelet had been stolen once the warning arrived.”
This phantom thief was straying further and further from the image in my head.
“Other guild staffers call this thief the Afterwarner. This incident is a rather typical example of their work, I’d say.”
FORGOTTEN WALLET STOLEN FROM CARRIAGE
A wallet, left behind on a public carriage by an elderly gentleman, has been stolen. Days later, a letter arrived at the man’s house saying, I have taken the wallet you left in the carriage. The notice was signed Phantom Thief Canhein.
“That’s cheap! Absolutely none of the flair I expect from a phantom thief!”
Enclosed with the letter was the man’s wallet and roughly 90 percent of the money it originally contained.
“Were they charging a finder’s fee?!”
If the owner of the wallet decided to give them a 10 percent cut out of gratitude, that was one thing, but if they took it without asking, that just made them a thief. They were actually a thief in this case, though, so I guess that wasn’t an issue.
“As you can see, they are perfectly happy to warn people after the fact.”
“Ugh… They just sound annoying… Though, I guess sending out warnings is itself pretty annoying…”
I guess phantom thieves were only cool in stories.
“Oh, but, Great Witch, this is a little hard to say after I’ve knocked the wind out of your sails, so to speak, but there is one thing I want you to be aware of.”
“Hmm? What’s that?”
“We call this thief the Afterwarner.”
“Yeah, you just told me that.”
Natalie’s eyes darted away.
“That means there is a chance that the item in question has already b—”
“Oh, crap!”
I dashed out of the guild and ran all the way to Nascúte.
With my stats, the run didn’t take all that long, nor did it tire me out, and I got there without issue.
I’d won a relay race once, too, after all. Depending on your point of view, you could say I was a top athlete!
My destination was, of course, the Halkara Pharmaceuticals factory.
The receptionist notified Halkara of my arrival and let me inside.
“Oh! Madam Teacher! There’s been an update on the phantom thief situation.” Halkara spoke before I could say anything.
“Oh no… Was it already stolen?!” That sneaky cheapskate!
“What? No, not at all. It’s still on display.” Halkara looked at me curiously. The treasure was apparently safe.
“Then what has changed?”
“We received another letter from the thief!”
“They sent a reminder?!”
It sounded like they really hated being called the Afterwarner… But they also said it was their first time doing things in this order, so I guess it was true that they sent all their warnings after the fact. They really were an afterwarner…
And they’d included a thoughtful note at the end this time, as well. That said, it didn’t seem right for a thief to recommend insurance.
“My word. Phantom thieves are so gentlemanly, aren’t they? I truly sense the spirit of fair play here~”
“I suppose you could say that. Well, if they’re this insistent, then it seems unlikely they’ve stolen it ahead of time.
If it turned out the theft had already happened, I was going to spread this Afterwarner name everywhere I could.
“By the way, Halkara, what are you doing about crime prevention? This thief sounds serious.”
The fact that the thief was saying they’d never tried this before meant they’d never succeeded in a post-warning theft, but at the same time, I was sure they’d be giving this their all.
And even if their warnings had come after the fact, it was still very likely that they had successfully stolen money and valuables in the past. In fact, if they hadn’t, they wouldn’t be a phantom thief at all… It’d just be a nickname they made up for themself… Right?
“There’s still one month left until the date on the warning, so you should do everything you can until then.”
“You needn’t tell me twice, Madam Teacher. I intend to do everything in my power. I will leave nothing to chance.”
Halkara puffed out her chest with pride.
Most of the time, Halkara’s confidence only ended up making me nervous, but we knew ahead of time that we had a thief coming. She wouldn’t take this lightly.
“This is a direct challenge to the Halkara Pharmaceuticals Museum, and I must step up to the challenge. The rest of the family need not worry. If I require your help, then I will ask.”
That got me thinking about what the rest of the family could help with.
Rosalie could keep watch over the immediate area around the museum, for example.
She could even stand right next the shield’s display, and it wasn’t like she could be forcibly put to sleep or anything. She couldn’t even be tied up with rope.
It occurred to me that having Rosalie on our side made us practically invincible…
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