Infinite Dendrogram - Volume 20 - Chapter 1

Chapter One: The Part-Time Job and the Man Who Calls Himself Vulgar

Armored Pilot, Hugo Lesseps

Eltram was a newly built desert liner that had just set off on its maiden voyage. Focused on providing a safe and pleasant trip to its wealthy passengers, it was equipped with a casino, a shopping mall, a pool, a theater, and a lot of other fancy amenities. It reminded me of the cruise ship we’d gone on in reality for a family trip back before our parents divorced.

There were two big differences between that ship and Eltram, though.

First, when looking outside, I didn’t see a blue ocean, but instead a white desert—this ship was moving on the sand. This would have been an impossible sight in reality, so this view had a pretty big impact on me.

The second difference was on the sides of the ship, and in a way, it was even more startling than the first.

This ship was equipped with rows of cannons. That was definitely something that a real cruise ship didn’t have, because it didn’t have to deal with monster attacks, obviously.

The cannons were there to deal with giant worms and other aggressive creatures that would undoubtedly approach Eltram. In addition to that, this ship was accompanied by a convoy of many smaller sand-ships ready to protect it if necessary.

This was a world where a “safe and pleasant trip” basically meant there would be a lot of force at the ready to protect you.

“Tasteless, isn’t it?” said a person sitting at the same table as me, bringing my attention back to the inside of the ship.

I was seated at the best table in the ship’s open-air restaurant. The man with us had said that we’d talk business once we’d eaten, and invited us here for a meal.

“It is. Can the passengers actually relax like this?” I asked.

“The tians can. They were born and raised in a world full of man-eating monsters. They understand the necessity of protective power on a level we can’t comprehend. In fact, don’t you think that all these cannons would make them more relaxed?”

Good point, I thought. This might look extraordinary to me, but I guess tians see it as completely normal.

“But we aren’t like that. Even if the taste of food doesn’t change, these cannons make the feeling of the flavor a bit empty. Next.”

Despite complaining about the impact the defenses may have on food, he’d polished off the meat on his plate and was now asking for the next dish.

“Phew. This ship’s chef isn’t an SJ, but this still tastes great. Then again, skills generally don’t have a strong effect on cooking.”

“Really?”

“Cooking is a sense skill that lets you create food of taste you want to make with a degree of perfection based on the skill’s level. In the end, it all depends on your own sense of taste. If yours is awful, you will make terrible food even if your Cooking level is high. Conversely, if you have the technique, you can make delicious food even if you don’t have the actual skill. For example, my Isara here is also an excellent cook.”

“Thank you for your kind words,” said Isara—a tian woman and the man’s bodyguard.

“I see...” I said.

“There are exceptions, though, like the leader of our clan... Ah, next,” the man added as he emptied another plate.

It was strange how he could speak so fluently while eating. He didn’t even make any chewing sounds.

“Hmm. You’re not eating much,” he said. “Is there something in the food you don’t like? That slutty AR-I-CA girl told me that you’re a vegetarian and your companion here has a strange diet of only white things.”

“O-Oh, this is very good. It’s just...I’m a bit overwhelmed by how fast you’re eating.”

I’d already seen how Nemesis ate, and I wouldn’t have expected anyone to compare to her, but this man certainly gave her a run for her money. Also, with Nemesis, I could handwave it as one of those eccentric diets Maidens tended to have—but he was a Master, not an Embryo.

He didn’t really look like any Master I knew. He was, well...how could I put it...?

“You’re eating too much, fatty.”

“Yes, you’re very corpule...wait, CYCO?!” That’s too blunt even by your standards! You do realize he’s our contractor and a Superior, right?!

“Hmm. ‘You’re eating too much, fatty,’ eh? It’s true—I can’t deny it. Don’t you agree?”

“I do. You are indeed a gourmand, sir.”

Unaffected by Cyco’s verbal abuse, the man exchanged a few words with Isara.

Well, he was clearly obese. Coupled with his rather short height, it almost seemed like he was wider than he was tall. His stomach area was especially big. It looked like he was hiding a ball under his shirt...no, it was more like his whole torso was one huge ball.

But despite that, he had a pretty face. It felt like he’d made a pretty-boy avatar and then gone on to get fat afterward.

“Umm...did you make yourself look like that in character creation?” There were people out there who gave themselves silly features like huge mohawks, and Fran and I myself were so different from our real selves we weren’t even the same sex, so maybe it was a similar situation with him.

“Heh heh heh. No, actually. Be careful—if you eat too much and don’t get a death penalty for long enough, you’ll end up like this too. I’m actually the only person I know whose avatar got fattened up to this point, but it’s not like I did it just to see what would happen.”

Okay, yes, I’ll keep that in mind, I thought. This is another person whose mistakes I can learn from, just like Teach.

“And even though it might sound like it contradicts the advice I just gave you, when you’re on this side, don’t be afraid to enjoy food to your heart’s content. Unlike in real life, overeating and overdrinking won’t affect your health at all, and even if you do die anyway, you’ll just come back from the death penalty exactly as you were before.”

That was an interesting way to think about it...

“Oh, and in Dendro, you can also have as many lovers as you want.”

“...What?”

“No matter how many people talk behind your back about it on this side, it doesn’t mean anything in real life. And there’s many more beauties here than over in the real world. I have lots of lovers myself. Isara here is my favorite, though.”

“Heh heh...and I wonder how many of the others you’ve said that to, hmm?”

Ohh, so that’s the situation with these two. I get it.

“Ugh, how vulgar.”

“Cyco! Don’t just say that!” The way she just pointed straight at him as she insulted him shocked even me.

Yet, again, he didn’t seem bothered whatsoever.

“Indeed. I am vulgar. I basically play Dendro just to eat lots of incredible food and spend my nights with beautiful ladies. I don’t see it as anything to be ashamed of. I have the money for it, after all.”

He claimed to be vulgar—essentially boasting about it—and didn’t seem to feel any guilt or shame over it. It felt as if he was completely true to his job’s name.

After all, he was King of Revelry, Moneygold.

Just like Teach, he was a Superior who belonged to Sefirot.

She’d told me that he was “the man who’d created the most wealth” and that he was a person of debauchery and vulgarity—but on that second point, he was even worse than I’d heard.

“And if the RMT ban didn’t exist, I’d be better off in reality too...”

Sounds like he’s got the exact opposite problem of Sonya’s.

After saying that, he once again resumed eating as if to distract himself from something.

“Hungry, hungry, lewd fatty,” said Cyco.

“Indeed! Speaking of which, are you interested in being my lover as well? My starting offer is ten million per month.”

“Hey! That’s my Embryo you’re talking to! Don’t make proposals like that!” He dropped that bomb like it’s nothing! Even Cyco is so shocked she’s practically frozen solid! “And why her, anyway?! Are you into little girls or something?!”

“A beauty is a beauty. Age is irrelevant. In fact, I believe that even species doesn’t matter. Legendarians and even some nonhumanoids aren’t off-limits for me.”

How is he so open about his sexual proclivities?! “Are you sure you’re not one of Legendaria’s Superiors?!”

“Don’t joke like that. That’d make me a colleague of LS Ergo Sum. I’d never want to be grouped with that degenerate.”

My threshold for “Legendarian perverts” just keeps going higher, I thought. Also, I’m pretty sure Teach said pretty much the same thing as him.

“Wait, are you and Teach like that too?” I asked. She’d said that she was into both men and women, after all...

“Huh?” But despite what I expected, Moneygold made a very disgusted face. “Even I have some standards. Just imagining sleeping with that dumb slut sends a chill down my spine...”

Oh. I see how it is, I thought. When talking about Moneygold, Teach had told me that he was “a piece of work,” and now I knew why—these two were just too similar to get along. At least when it came to sexuality, they were basically the same type of people.

“Oh, and unlike her, I have no interest in homosexual encounters, so I won’t be offering a lover’s contract to you.”

“I wasn’t planning on asking!” Actually, I really couldn’t tell if he was worse or better than her. As he continued to weird me out with every new sentence that came out of his mouth, we finished our food and moved on to enjoying some post-meal tea. Cyco had also recovered from her shock and was now drinking a drink that looked like lassi.

“Anyway, let’s get down to business. There’s actually two matters I’d like to discuss,” said Moneygold.

“Two?”

“First is the part-time job AR-I-CA told you about, while the second is just a trade offer. Let’s start with the job. What I want you to do is protect me.”

“Protect?” A Superior was asking for my protection? “Do you actually need that?” I asked.

“I do. I may be part of Sefirot, but when it comes to combat, I’m one of the weaker ones—just like that dumb slut, in fact.” One of the weaker ones in Sefirot—and similar to Teach? “My stats are especially low. I can’t keep up with people moving at the speed of sound, so someone with that capability would kill me right away. That’s why I have Isara, a combat SJ, as my bodyguard and lover.”

“Heh heh. Exactly,” Isara said with a smile and a nod.

This made sense. For a noncombat-focused Superior like Moneygold, the best bodyguard was a tian like her, since unlike us Masters, they were around all the time.

“But that seems like even more reason you don’t need me...” I said.

“We’ll be dealing with one of the Orbs here.”

“Ah!” I instantly knew that he was referring to one of the Orbs that had UBMs sealed within them. When one of them had been broken recently, it had released a giant monster in the middle of Cortana...

“Someone obtained the Orb by chance, and this ship is where we will negotiate a transfer to us. Now...it’s not clear how relevant she was, but Murder Princess Emily Killingston was involved in the Cortana incident, wasn’t she?”

“Yes...” The immortal Superior, Murder Princess Emily—the girl who had killed an unthinkable amount of people, though I didn’t know why. Just remembering her made my heart feel heavy, and I couldn’t help but wonder what her reasons were.

“Are you okay?”

“...Yes.” I supposed thinking about Emily had made me look so down that Moneygold had gotten concerned.

If you ignored his vulgarity and debauchery, he was probably a decent person after all.

“Then I will continue. The presence of the Orb here makes it possible that the Murder Princess or someone associated will show up here too. I heard that she is immortal, and it’s clear that not even my Isara can overcome such absurd odds. My matchup with her isn’t exactly good either.”

Murder Princess Emily could come back from the dead over and over, and she grew stronger every time she committed murder.

Logically speaking, there really was no way to win against her. But if anyone had a chance, it would be...

“Absurd as she is, though, there is one Master who does have a good matchup against her—you.”

“So...you’re hiring me in case she shows up?” Cyco could unconditionally freeze targets based on their kill count of their own kind, while White Rose had Boucliers Planetes, which would prevent Emily from committing suicide—both of which were a direct counter to her abilities.

“Exactly. Will you do it?” Moneygold asked.

I hesitated for a moment. I wasn’t sure if it was really a good idea to fight against Emily. But if she started a rampage on this ship like she had in Cortana, someone would have to stop her. And if I was the only one who could do it...

“I will.”

“It’s settled then. Thank you. I’ll prepare a reward that I’m sure will satisfy you.”

“Thank you. So, what was the other thing? A trade offer, right?”

“Yes,” Moneygold said before taking a sip of his tea and looking right at me. “Once you’ve done your job here, would you be interested in selling your White Rose to me for ten billion lir?”

“No.” The trade suggestion came suddenly and out of nowhere, but my response was even faster. I was pretty sure it was reflexive at this point—faster than my actual thoughts—and that I would’ve said the same even if his offer had been a hundred times bigger.

He was already offering more than White Rose had cost to produce, but it wasn’t a matter of money. The Magingear had been Fran’s birthday present to me. I could never, ever sell it to someone else.

“Didn’t even have to think on that one, eh? All right, I’ll give up on that.”

“...Huh?” I knew that I was the one who’d refused, but it surprised me how quickly he backed down.

“Are you surprised that I gave up so easily?”

“Well...yes.”

“I have principles—one of them being that I seek out anything I can get with enough money, but give up on things I can’t. I may make a bigger offer if I think it will work, but that’s not the case here, right? And I would never, ever try to take anything by force.”

He really was kinda like Teach. She also made a lot of propositions, but if they clearly weren’t interested, she never got aggressive about it.

“I’m satisfied with just things that I can actually buy. It’s also the reason I’m in Sefirot.”

“Hm?”

“So AR-I-CA never told you this, did she?” Having no idea what he was talking about, I shook my head. “We Sefirot are a clan of Superiors gathered by demand of the Caldinan congress. Even those of us who were unaffiliated with any country before are now under this country’s management. We have to do personalized quests like this one, so we lose some freedom, but in exchange we are granted certain privileges.”

I did know that Sefirot was created by Caldina’s decree, but the fact that they’d gotten anything out of the deal in return was news to me.

“In my case, I got the right to participate in rare auctions and exclusive markets available only to certain merchants...though, I do limit my spending there. Overbuying causes problems and makes a lot of enemies. I want to be a buyer whom the sellers can appreciate.”

“Is that what Teach got too?”

“I wouldn’t know—that’s no concern of mine. Prying into the perks the other members got would only cause trouble. I’m only revealing mine because I’m satisfied with it, and also because it’s relatively tame.”

Teach always seemed like such a free spirit. What could she have wanted that was worth joining Sefirot?

“Anyway, that’s it for business. Your period of employment starts tomorrow, when we’ll do the Orb trade, and ends when we make it to the final stop at Drac-Nomad.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes. That’s when the party we’ll negotiate with will get on the ship. That means today is basically a day off for you, but if you can, use it to get a grasp of the ship’s structure.”

Moneygold then handed me a comms device.

“If anything happens, use that to contact me. You can judge whether or not something’s an emergency. Oh, and tell me if you have to log out to eat or bathe or anything else that takes a while.”

“Okay.”

“All right. I’ll be counting on you.” Moneygold then left me the key to our cabin and walked out of the restaurant. From what I could see, he paid for everything the both of us had eaten.

“That fatty’s lewd and lavish, it seems.”

“Yeah. He’s, well...quite the character.”

He also wasn’t shaken by Cyco’s insults, so it seemed like he was pretty bighearted too.

“His heart’s not the only thing that’s big.”

It felt like Cyco was even more harsh with him than she was with Fran. Was she bothered by his offer to become his lover? No, she’d been acting that way before he’d said that.

“Anyway, we have work to do until we make it to Drac-Nomad. Let’s do a good job.”

“Oui, ma’am.” Someone could come after the Orb. We had to be on high alert.

◆◆◆

Eltram

The day Hugo boarded Eltram, it made a stop at a particular city after it got dark. There, it picked up some new passengers and resumed its voyage.

On the deck, a group of three people who had just boarded were engaged in a conversation.

“We...actually made it on here, leader.”

“Yeah. We were clear even by the standards of a luxury liner. Looks like Caldina doesn’t even have us on their secret wanted lists... I guess that’s because they didn’t see our faces even when they defeated us.”

“That means we can do our thing without worryin’ about nothin’! Caldina really is the best! There’s so much money here! Oh...this actually kinda reminds me of when we went to Granvaloa and our ship broke and we all drowned. Hope that never happens again.”

It was a trio of one man and two women. They were all Masters, as indicated by the Embryo crests on the backs of their left hands.

One woman was a spectacled beauty with a stern expression, while the other was a girl whose scarred face gave her the look of a true bandit.

And finally, the man they called “leader” was a youth with fiery red hair. He was wearing a crimson jacket lined with fur that looked like a lion’s mane. While the red of his hair was a natural color, his jacket looked as though it had been painted in blood.

“Let’s find out how this thing’s built, then find what we’re here for. Niala, Fey.”

“Yes.”

“Roger thaaat!”

The man then faced the two...

“This is where we’ll start rebuilding Goblin Street.”

...and spoke his will as King of Burglary, Eldridge.