Chapter 40
Yin Xuan started exercising and dancing ballet again . I, too, started diligently practicing . Other than the usual repertoire pieces, I also started choreographing .
Dance first started out as an instinctive movement of the body . It awoke a form of art within the limbs . So why not have ballet return to its origins? Why not unshackle the restrictions classical ballet imposes upon technique? Why not break free and chase a footwork that will make ballet truly a performance for the stage?
I continuously tried new moves and was engrossed in my own world . Yin Li never bothered me . He was like a loyal knight, protecting me the whole way through . Finally, the day came .
I stood on the stage—the stage that Yin Li built for me . I could feel the blood within my feet that yearned to move . I didn’t know how many would come to this exhibition, and I didn’t want to know . I only knew that Madame Taylor promised to come, but I didn’t know how she would receive it . I was a little scared . Even when I was at my peak, I never stood on such a large stage . The lights made me nervous .
So, I decided to dance blindfolded . I would not care for how large my audience was . I would not care for their expressions . I would only focus on expressing myself and being loyal to myself .
“The truer the feelings are, the more touching the dance is . ” Wu Ke told this to me before the curtains rose .
I nodded . The orchestra Yin Li invited started tuning their instruments . Yin Li stood by my side watching me, and he kissed my forehead to comfort me .
“You are a wonder . This moment is yours . ” Then he released my hand . “Go . ”
I took off the jacket he hung on my shoulders and revealed my dress . I walked alone through the dark corridor onto the large, empty stage with the curtains still drawn tight . The brass instruments sounded and a cold breeze blew by . I stood alone on the stage . It was the start of a dream . I blindfolded myself and embraced the darkness .
I heard the curtain rise . I relinquished my sight and instead felt my surroundings with my limbs . In the darkness, I conjured an enemy that had accompanied me through my solitude .
From a young age, I danced alone . My reflection in the mirror and my shadow on the floor were my playmates . I danced, facing them . It was impossible to hide my mistakes that way . I corrected myself based on what I saw in the mirror . That was my childhood .
In the darkness on stage, I reenacted the past . I let the atmosphere, music, colors, and feelings flow through myself to the extremities of my body . I then let those burst out through my feet and arms, setting them free on stage .
I danced my arrogance, my misfortune, and my melancholy . On stage, I was true to myself . I ripped open my wounds and revealed my hatred I felt towards ballet all those years .
The drums rolled . I spun like a confined beast, combining both ballet footwork and the vigor of modern ballet . I danced in the darkness . I pushed myself to my limits . I fixed myself in the air, as if hovering for a split-second, hesitating to land . Then there was a struggle . It was as if there were millions of souls within me that all wanted to escape and break out of the shackles of ballet . I switched seamlessly from classical ballet to modern ballet, and I threw in some tango and Latin dance . However, there still was a force within me that bound the fragments of my soul that were trying to break free . They were bounded within my body that once loathed ballet, and that force tried to drag all those fragments towards extinction . I focused all my emotions on the tip of my foot .
I danced uninhibited to the music . The footwork and the memories not only made me dance more fiercely, it also affected my emotional state . I felt tears flowing out from beneath the blindfold . The past repression and grievance had all been vented out in the unrestrained performance .
At this moment, I didn’t care how many people were seated in the audience . I didn’t care how many people would be drawn into my performance . I just danced . I danced as if I were burning my life force .
My memories resurfaced in a torrent . But in my world of dance, I finally threw off those heavy memories . The darkness was the birthplace of dreams . I continuously danced and leapt . Through dance, I performed my whole life, tears and smiles and all . I couldn’t see anything, but if felt like I was walking through a long, narrow hallway . Through dance, I leapt past the mirrors in dance studios and I danced past the poverty of the first half of my life . I danced through those years of ballet when I felt so proud, yet so inferior . I leapt through hardship and love . Then, I finally came to the end of the darkness .
At the height of the music’s crescendo, I leapt into a grand jeté and finally removed my blindfold . I saw the stage lights and all the gazes from the audience below . There were many more people than I had thought there would be . I saw Madame Taylor, Yin Xuan, Li Jing, Frank, Wu Ke, and Yin Li .
I saw all the audience members rise for a standing ovation, and the sound enveloped me . Finally, I was on a stage with my chin held high, basking in my own glory .
The darkness wasn’t a nightmare . After passing the darkness, there was love and light .
In this performance, I finished my metamorphosis .
However, this wasn’t the end . After many other solo variations, I danced a pas de deux with Yin Xuan . Compared to before, her body’s condition hadn’t completely recovered . However, this time she danced with confidence and feeling . Every smile, frown, and lift of the hand was a love letter to ballet . In silent harmony, we danced a piece to our heart’s content . We circled each other, dancing as if we were the best of friends . I saw the regret in her eyes, and she too saw the same in mine . We both erred . We were both enemies and close friends . In this dance, we truly reconciled . We succumbed to fate, grasped each other’s hands, and danced with the music .
The whole exhibition lasted three hours . I had never been so satisfied when dancing .
The performance received high critical acclaim . The audience was incredibly moved . They were feverish, and some people shouted my name . By the end, I had taken a curtain call eight times . It was only until later that I found out Li Jing had roused support and campaigned for people to attend my performance . Not only that, Madame Taylor had also used her connections to ensure that the media and dance enthusiasts came to attend .
I saw her backstage . This was the first time I saw such a proud smile from my past teacher .
The stage was still sounding with applause . She stretched out her arms .
“Welcome back, my beloved Alicia . ” Her eyes were a little teary . “You’ve never let me down . This type of dance is enough for me to acknowledge you . ”
Then she turned and looked at Yin Li, who was standing by her side . “Alicia is my only pupil . From a certain standpoint, it could be said that you were the one who stole her away from me . I might even go so far as to say that your selfishness ruined my life’s greatest creation .
“But I can’t help but admit that you broke her and then put her back together . She’s now more beautiful and more dazzling than before . ” She looked toward me . “You originally danced relatively well . Though it was beautiful, you put too much force into each movement . Perhaps, it was because you chased perfection too much . But now your dance has a carefree beauty to it . Every step is delicate yet seemingly natural .
“ I originally thought that because of the accident, you couldn’t recover . When you came to find me and begged to continue ballet, I didn’t approve because at that time, you probably hadn’t even found the meaning of dance, and I couldn’t approve of your mother’s teaching style forever . She was too overbearing . Though I could tell that you were hardworking and had a good foundation, you resented ballet . The few months before you disappeared, you were depressed and had expressed to me a desire to quit ballet . That’s why I thought your disappearance was something of your own accord . After you lost your memories, you were finally able to sever that connection with ballet . I thought that you shouldn’t return to the past . It’s true, I do have my own prejudices when it comes to ballet . If the body isn’t in good condition, then a person has no right to become a dancer . At that time, I thought that you were prepared—whether it was your body or your mind . ” Madame Taylor’s expression was full of sorrow . “After, I saw what you wrote in the letter but I still didn’t believe in you . Only until now .
“It’s like what I said many years prior . You were born to be a dancer, and you were bound to leave everyone far behind in the dust . Right now, you are a beauty that no one can confine . ”
Tears flowed from my eyes . It was all for this light at the end of the tunnel .
Madame Taylor asked to talk with me privately one-on-one .
“Since you still like ballet and want it to be a profession, then let’s properly discuss your future . ” She gave me two paths . One was entering the Paris Opera Ballet troupe via Alicia’s identity and redeeming my status from that year . Another was to enter the upcoming competition, win the prize, and study under someone . The latter would allow for greater growth .
“No matter what road you take, you’re guaranteed success . ” She gave a slight smile . She only acknowledged the capable, and today she finally acknowledged me .
However, I refused her . When I exited and saw Yin Li, I reconfirmed my decision .
He was leaning against the window . His expression was bleak and sullen . When he saw me come out, he looked up at me .
“Did it go well with Madame Taylor?” He walked over and embraced me gently . “You were brilliant tonight . I’m so proud of you . ” Then he rested his head on my shoulder and inhaled deeply . As if greedy, he held me in that position for a long time before releasing me . “I will respect your decision, whether you want to continue pursuing ballet or not . Xuan Xuan also said that you are very talented and that I shouldn’t selfishly restrain you . ”
I looked up at him, meeting his eyes . “If ballet is my profession, then the whole world will love me, right? Would you want that?”
Yin Li lowered his gaze . A moment later, he replied, “I actually wouldn’t want that . ”
I snuggled into his embrace once more and lightly laughed . “I knew you would feel that way, so I turned Madame Taylor down . I won’t belong to the world . I’ll only belong to a certain somebody . ”
As expected, Yin Li’s eyes overflowed with joy . Then he lowered his head and quietly said, “Sorry . ”
“It’s not your fault . Speaking objectively, I shouldn’t have forced myself to dance again . I’m not young anymore, and there’s not much time for me to progress and move upward . A three hour performance is already very straining . If it’s like this, I probably can’t be a principal dancer . There’s no principal dancer who only dances three hours a day . During the season or during exhibitions, they have to dance at least three performances every day for two months in a row . I can’t become a professional .
“I’m just choosing a path more appropriate for myself . I’d rather love ballet and have it never leave my life, all the while having my own life outside ballet . ” This performance already fulfilled my dream . I finally received Madame Taylor’s acknowledgement . For the past me, this too was a beautiful ending .
“There’s also another piece of good news . Madame Taylor said she was willing to take Yin Xuan as her pupil . She liked Yin Xuan’s grasp of ballet and the tension in her dance . Meanwhile, I’ll forfeit the path and life of a world-class ballerina . ”
Yin Li hugged me tightly . His eyes glimmered . “So why don’t you start a new life with me?”
I smiled and nodded .
We kissed in the corridor still meandering with people . Some recognized us and burst into a roar of applause and laughter . When we walked out, it was an early Paris dawn when the streetlights began to light up .
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