Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 14.2 - Chapter 2.04

4. The Inside of His Head Is Waradeganf

While I was at Sherry’s Tavern, sipping distilled liquor from the mainland, “Hey, hey, hey!” a strangely frivolous man approached me.

“Hey!” The man raised his right hand. He had a ceramic mug in his left. Everything, from his voice, to his face, to his appearance, to the way he acted, was nothing if not frivolous. Was there any man the word “frivolous” was more fit to describe? This man was like an avatar of frivolity.

I looked down at the counter, regretting that I had unwittingly looked in this man’s direction.

“Hey!” the man cheerfully shouted.

“Hey! Hey! Hey!”

...Stubborn.

I was making a point of ignoring him. The man had to know that.

“Hey, hey, hey! Heyheyheyheyheyyyy! Hey...?”

The tone of his voice weakened, as expected. It was about time he gave up.

“Oh! Did you just think I was going to give up? Well, no! Not me, I’m different. That’s what separates me from your average Joe, y’know? Well, do you know? Just kidding!”

I sighed. Or rather, the sigh came out on its own. What was with this guy? He was frivolous and irritating on a level that exceeded my wildest imagination.

Lately, when I’ve been out drinking in the bar like this, very few volunteer soldiers have called out to me without cause. If they had business with me, though, that was another matter. If their party’s priest had suddenly fallen ill, for instance. Or if their priest had been poached. Or if their priest had gotten fed up with them and run off. Or, in the better cases, if they still had a priest, but they were planning to go somewhere a bit dangerous, so they wanted one more for safety. To be there in an emergency, to fill a vacancy, or as a sub healer. Those were my roles, and there was a fair amount of demand for them. But not much supply.

That was because, normally, since they were a necessity for any party, there were plenty of people willing to take a priest. Even if they were a little incompetent, they wouldn’t find themselves left out. When a priest was working freelance, a party or clan would try to recruit them in no time. Though, even without such an invitation, a priest could bring up the idea themselves, and they would get into a party with little trouble.

I had refused all offers to join a clan. That was why, if volunteer soldiers were going to approach me about anything, it was to have me fill a vacancy, or to act as a sub healer. Half the reason I was here drinking at Sherry’s was for business. Basically, I was looking for work.

I could earn enough to keep myself fed this way, so I had no complaints. I did have a goal of sorts, too, and I was working towards it, but I had no view as to when I could accomplish it. I had no plans for changing my lifestyle. I didn’t see any need to.

I didn’t want anyone to get in my way.

Least of all this playboy.

Without looking at the playboy, and being careful not to put any emotion into the word, “Disappear,” I told him, “I’m not in the mood to talk with someone like you.”

“Whaaaat?!”

The playboy, for some reason, spun around three times on the spot. It was a sharp spin.

“You don’t want to talk to me-buina?”

“...Buina?”

Uh-oh. I couldn’t help but show interest. The playboy did not miss his chance to keep pushing.

“Okay! I get it, I get it, I get it! I so get it! I see, like, right through you! Yay, yay! Yahhh!”

“Wh... What do you get?”

“Right! I’ll keep this brief! What I get is that I don’t get it!”

The playboy, for some reason, said that with a poised look. I was taken aback. I had never encountered a man who could put so much effort into such a vacuous and empty conversation before.

“...If you get that you don’t get it, then go already. If you want to talk business, that changes things, though.”

“Business? What’s business? Ness-busi?! We’re gonna talk Ness-busi here?!”

“N-Nessbusi...?”

“No, but seriously now, it’s, like, totally weird, you know?” The playboy sat himself down in the seat next to me. “A lot of stuff happens in life. A lottalottalotta stuff, yeah?!”

“...Lottalotta?”

“Yeah! That! This place is no pair of dice, huh?! You get me?! Huh? What was your name again?”

“Merry...”

“Yeah, that was it! Merry, Merry, quite contrary! Whew, that’s a good name!”

“...I don’t think I told you before, though.”

“You hadn’t?! No way, seriously?! Yeahhhh, truth is, I knew I hadn’t heard it yet. Sowwie. I said that, like, knowing I didn’t know. That’s my technique. Get it?”

“I... don’t know what I’m supposed to get.”

“Let’s be cheery! This place is no paradise, but the inside of my head is. Waradeganf! Right?”

“...Sorry for not being cheery.”

“Don’t be! You’ve done noooothing wrong! In fact, it’s A-okay! It goes sweet, sweeter, sweetest, am I right?! Hey, hey, hey, Merry-san, will you be my lovely rib?”

“Rib...?”

“Oops, got it wrong! Not my rib, my girlfriend! My lover! That, or my wife!”

“How could you possibly mix those up...?”

“Yeahhhh, that’s top secret!”

“I’ll pass.”

“Gowhuh! Well then, let’s start as friends!”

“I don’t need friends.”

“Whooooa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whooooa! Don’t say such a sad, sad thing! No, no! Let’s be friends! I’ll be just your friend for life! I, like, really badly wanna-wanna be your friend! I’ve got to be!”

He pleaded for me to be his friend, looking like he might get down on all fours and beg, but I didn’t let that budge my heart one millimeter. But, even though this man was incredibly silly, he might have been surprisingly serious about this.

“I can’t be your friend. I honestly don’t need friends. Only work partners,” I told him.

“Okay!”

That was fast, I thought, but if I gave him a reaction, I’d feel like I had lost. Hold on, was this a matter of victory or defeat here? I didn’t really know. But, wait, he wasn’t leaving. He knocked back his mug, downed the rest of the beer-like drink inside, and told the server, “Get me another ice-cold reeb!” He was ordering another drink. What did that mean? Was he planning to stay here...?

“Merry-san. I get you. I’ll give up on the friends thing! Because, like, I’m a man! We’re not friends! We’re not boyfriend and girlfriend! We’re not husband and wife! How about, like, parent and child...?”

“Not likely.”

“I figured. It’d be a bit awkward. Well, how about siblings, then...?”

“We’re not.”

“Thought so. Okay, how’s this? We could be neighbors?”

“...Neighbors?”

“Love thy horse! Was that how the saying goes? Huh? It’s horse now? No, not horse, neighbor! Neeeeighbooor...! Sowwie, sowwie. I’m, like, totally sorry. Man, I’m feeling really sharp tonight. Sharp magic number fifteen! Why fifteen? I don’t even know! Bokeracho! Yay! Anyway, my reeb’s here. Merry-san, Merry-san, Merry—oh, can I drop the honorific? I can?! It’s fine since we’re neighbors, right? Wahey! Break the limits! Can we open the door to a new world? Open the doooor! Oh, yeah!”

I was starting to get a headache for some reason... How could he string so many nonsense words together? What was going on inside this man’s head?

“Wah!” The man suddenly cringed. He went very pale, and his whole body shuddered.

“...Wh-What? Is something... wrong?”

“I just realized something, like, totally devastating, yo...”

“Yo...?”

The man nodded, and then, laying his mug down on the counter, he covered his face with both hands.

“...Man, I’m nuts. Like, seriously. How could I forget something so important...?”

“So... what is it?”

“My name.”

The man stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, closing one eye and striking a strange pose.

“My name is Kikkawa! Whew! Totally forgot to introduce myself there. That was a close one! Almost left you with a mysterious memory with no name! That’d just be cruel, wouldn’t it? It’d feel bad, right? Right, right? Wahey! So, I’m Kikkawa! Merry, let me say, nice to meet yoo-hoo.”

“N-Nice to...”

I shut my mouth. That was close. I’d almost said, “Nice to meet yoo-hoo.” I kinda... really didn’t want to say that.

Kikkawa wasn’t a familiar face. He might have been a rookie.

He’s dangerous, I thought, But not in the usual way.

I caught my breath and took a sip of distilled liquor. The powerful alcohol burned my throat as it slid down into my stomach. By the time that heat subsided, I had cooled down, too.

“Kikkawa. I know your name now.”

“Yahoo! I’m honored! Yippee!”

“...Now that I know it, we’re done here. Go away.”

“Wow. Why? What for?”

“I told you, I don’t intend to talk about anything but work. It’s a nuisance.”

“No chatting?”

“Yes.”

“No shooting the breeze?”

“Right.”

“No talking about love...?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Oof...”

Kikkawa got an odd look on his face, and slumped to the counter. Why would he not go away when I was so blatantly rejecting him?

It was a test of our wills now. I’d stay quiet forever. No matter what, I wouldn’t respond. I wasn’t going to move from this spot.

...But Kikkawa was stubborn, too. It was impressive how he didn’t make a sound. The customers had mostly left at this point. Sherry’s Tavern, which was open until morning every day, was about to close up shop.

Having run out of patience, I looked beside me, and Kikkawa was sleeping. He was dead to the world, with a smile on his face.

“...What is wrong with this guy?”