9. And the Moment of Truth Comes
Bang...
There was the beat of a drum coming from somewhere.
Bang...
Bang...
The sound of the drum echoed.
Well, no, not really. In truth, he was just imagining it, but, well, think of it as building the atmosphere.
As the darkness of night closed in on the courtyard of the volunteer soldier lodging house, Ranta crossed his arms and puffed out his chest as he stood opposite Moguzo.
The wind blew past.
“Heh...” Ranta snorted. “Looks like a storm’s brewing.”
“No, it’s still clear out.”
“Shut up, Parupiro! It’s a matter of feeling! Don’t be such a wet blanket!”
“Yeah.” Moguzo took a big step forward with his large body. “I feel like... there’s a storm coming any minute, too, Ranta-kun.”
“That’s some big talk.”
Ranta licked his lips. He looked at Moguzo. Honestly, he hadn’t expected this.
“Man, I didn’t know you could make that face. You’ve got the look of a fighter. I like it. Gets me fired up, too. I accept you as a worthy opponent! In our cooking battle, he who strikes first wins! Naturally, I’ll be going first—did you think I’d say that? Tch, tch, tch! In these things, everyone knows the advantage is with the person who goes last! Therefore, Moguzo! You go first! I’m sure you have no issue with that, right...?”
“Unuahhhh...”
“The hell, Yume? You’re not even in this, so why do you sound so unhappy?!”
“Because, y’know, it’s obvious Moguzo’s is gonna be more tasty. Yume doesn’t wanna hafta eat yours after havin’ his.”
“...She has a point.” Shihoru was beside Yume, with an even more unpleasant look on her face. “It feels like we’ll only remember the bad one. That’s terrible...”
“Why you...! Don’t assume my cooking’s gonna be terrible! I’ll grope you, damn it!”
“Moguzo?” With his eyes as sleepy as ever, Haruhiro turned to Moguzo and prompted him as the witness. “If you want to go second, too, we can decide it by rock, paper, scissors, or something.”
“No. I don’t mind going first.” Moguzo said firmly.
He’s full of confidence, huh? That’s not like him—Is not what I should be thinking now. I should assume this is Moguzo’s true form.
Haruhiro and Manato nodded to one another, and then Haruhiro took a deep breath.
“Okay, Moguzo goes first, Ranta second. Please, start right away, Moguzo.”
“Okay...!”
Moguzo pulled out a piece of white cloth he had gotten from somewhere and put it on like a bandana, then he lifted a pot up onto the table.
At the table, Yume, Shihoru, and finally Manato—the three judges—were already seated. Haruhiro stood alone, a slight distance away, looking incredibly left out.
“That’s your cooking, Moguzo?”
When Ranta gestured towards the pot with his chin, Moguzo put his hand on the lid.
“No. Not yet, Ranta-kun. My cooking is just getting started...!”
“Huh? You’re not finished? Pfft! What a laugh. If you’re not ready, then I win by def—”
“Shut up and watch! Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks...!”
When Moguzo opened the lid, whoosh, together with the steam came the smell of fresh-cooked rice. That gust of sweet-smelling wind made Ranta stumble.
“Kuh...?! You hit me not with a Thanks Slash, but a Thanks Opening...?!”
“And this, too...!”
Moguzo made a wooden bowl appear from somewhere, and threw the contents of it into the pot. Then, using a ladle, he mixed it up. He mixed and mixed.
“Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks...!”
“Damn it, Moguzo! After that Thanks Opening, you’re also unveiling your super skill, Thanks Mixing?!”
“I’ve never heard of a skill called that...”
Haruhiro was being a buzzkill, but no one would agree with him, and he probably felt out of place. Well, this was Haruhiro, after all, so it was to be expected. Like, Haruhiro didn’t even matter, anyway.
“What are you planning to make, Moguzo?! Stop your futile resistance...!”
“Hungh...!”
Moguzo laid down the ladle, then thrust both hands into a bucket. Ranta’s eyes widened. Inside the bucket was...
“Water...?! Moguzo, you...?!”
“Thaaaaaaanks! Thaaaaaaanks! Thaaaaaaaaanks...!”
With his wet hands, Moguzo took the white rice and—no, he took the white rice and something that was on it, and he pressed them. He pressed and pressed. Manato nodded.
“He isn’t pressing hard, but soft. That’s our Moguzo. His control is exquisite. That is the legendary Thanks Press...!”
“It’s legendary now...?”
Undeterred from making his half-hearted comedic retorts, Haruhiro had about as much presence as the air around them.
Ranta gritted his teeth. His brow was furrowed so deeply his skull might crack.
“What is this pressure? Damn Moguzo, I never realized you were this good...”
“Thaaaaaaanks! Thaaaaaaanks! Thaaaaaaaanks! Thaaaaaaaanks! Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks...!”
“Wow! It’s close to bein’ done...?!”
“This is...!”
Yume and Shihoru half-rose from their seats. Manato looked at the food laid out on the plate in front of him, and his mouth hung open a little.
“Go on...!” With a bold smile, Moguzo clapped his hands. “This is my dish! Specially-made onigiri! Dig in...!”
“...Nigirimeshi.” Ranta gritted his teeth. “So, you originally planned to make meat-wrapped onigiri...?! What a terrifying dish...!”
“Ahhh...” Haruhiro hung his head, and rubbed his stomach.
“Meat-wrapped onigiri sounds pretty tasty. Wish I could’ve eaten some. And hold on, Ranta, you just practically confessed to stealing the meat, you know...?”
“Oh, shove off! Don’t dredge up the past!”
“No, you’re still in the middle of the contest. It’s not the past at all.”
“That sort of nitpicking is exactly what’s wrong with you! You’re no good! Reflect on that, moron!”
“Hey, can we just declare him the loser for cheating? I’m sick of seeing his face.”
“Before that, Haru-kun, Yume, y’know, she wants to hurry up and start eatin’ some onigiri.”
“...M-Me, too.”
“You said it. I agree.”
When all three judges raised their hands, Haruhiro sighed and extended the plate with his right hand.
“Okay, go ahead.”
“It’s eatin’ time!”
“...Th-Thank you for the food.”
“Thank you!”
The three grabbed their onigiri in unison, and dug in.
“Mrrrowr...?!”
“...Ah?!”
“Oh, wow...!”
What to make of this? For a moment, their faces all flushed red. Their eyes were moist. Yume was outright crying as she gobbled away.
“Mewwwww. This is delish... Delicious. It’s too good. Yume doesn’t know what to do about it.”
“I-I can’t stop... I could eat so many of these... I want to keep eating forever...!”
“These are crazy! Moguzo, you’ve outdone yourself!”
Manato alone seemed to have maintained some level of composure, but even he was clearly excited.
Ranta gulped.
“Go ahead.”
With those words, Moguzo put a plate full of his special onigiri right in front of Ranta’s nose.
The two men’s eyes met.
“You, too, Ranta-kun. Have some if you’d like.”
“...B-Bring it on.”
Ranta snatched an onigiri. He didn’t peck away at it like some little bird. He did it all in one go. He opened his mouth wide and threw the whole thing in.
There was an explosion.
These colors were—The rainbow...?!
I’m tasting the rainbow?!
No, now is not the time to be intimidated. Analyze. Analyze it.
This flavor—it’s green shiso leaf? It tastes like shiso? There’s salt, too, of course. This richness and depth of flavor, could it be... cheese? Is it cheese? Because the rice was freshly cooked, it’s hot and melting! It’s melting in my mouth! And this fragrance, is it sesame? I’m detecting a sour taste, too. It’s got just the right amount of sourness. Also, it’s firm and crisp. Could these be wild herbs...? Yeah. One of the herbs we pick on our way back from hunting has this sort of mouthfeel when cooked. The faintly bittersweet taste provides a good accent. It all comes together melodiously with a multilayered depth...!
“The taste of the rainbow...! Moguzo...! You were able to turn a problem into an opportunity, and rise to such heights?! Damn iiiiiiiiiiiit...!”
Ranta took the last onigiri, sitting on a plate on the table, and he ate that one, too. Yeah, you bet he ate it.
“Whoa... Hey! Ranta, that one’s mine!”
“You shut up, Haruhiro! This is between me and Moguzo...!”
“That’s not the issue, and you know it... You ate my onigiri...”
“If you’re so hungry, I’ll let you eat my cooking! All right, it’s my turn now! Don’t get scared now...!”
Ranta brought over a pot that had been left on the oven, and slammed it down on the table with a resounding thud.
He opened the lid. Obviously, he went for the sudden reveal.
“Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks...!”
“Now you’re swiping Moguzo’s Thanks Open, too... and hold on...”
“Wah...”
“...Uh...”
“Yeah...”
Haruhiro, Yume, Shihoru, and Manato were all clearly scared.
They’re scared. They’re scared. They’re super scared.
“Fwahahahah...!” With a great laugh, Ranta turned to Moguzo. “How do you like this, Moguzo?! I’ll admit your onigiri were tasty! I don’t mind praising you for attaining that rainbow flavor! However...! If you thought you could defeat me with that, you have another thing coming...! In the end, the guy who goes last wins! It’s the big turnaround! Yes, an overwhelming victory! That’s how it’s always been...!”
“U-Uh, okay, but, um...”
Moguzo looked at the pot with a frown. It was hard to read him. Had he lost confidence in the face of Ranta’s cooking?
“What is it...?”
“Huh? What do you mean, ‘what’? It’s soruzo, isn’t it?”
“Huh? ...Soruzo? Really? This is...?”
“No matter how you look at it, it’s soruzo! Look! Noodles!”
“...Those things that look like caterpillars?”
“The dough was too hard for me to cut it well. I tore it with brute force, and it ended up like this. Well, whatever. I’m breaking new ground in the noodle world. And, hey, calling them caterpillars is rude!”
“S-Sorry. U-Um, so, this new ground? These noodles? Are they... boiled...? Since you already put them in there...”
“Boiled...?” Ranta scratched his nose with the index finger of his right hand. “I forgot. Oh, yeah. I should’ve boiled them. Right, right. Well, it’s all the same once I put them in the soup. The pot was over the fire. They’ve gotta be boiled. Somewhat.”
“...I-Is meat the only other solid ingredient?”
“Yeah! It’s too much effort to keep the secret now, so I’ll say it, but it’s the meat I swiped from you! It looked like good meat! I figure I was right to only use this! I cut it, fried it, and threw it in!”
“And the soup? What did you use for stock...?”
“Stock, huh? Stock. I got it from bones. Not sure what kind of bones, though.”
“A-And to flavor it...?”
“You know, when I was making the noodles, I ran out of salt in the cooking area. But the noodles should be salty, so I figure it turned out fine.”
“...Should? Huh? Have you taste-tested it...?”
“Now, listen, Moguzo,” Ranta said, jabbing his index finger at the tip of Moguzo’s nose, “Let’s say, for example, you’re buying a sword, okay? If you think it looks good, do you go slice up a goblin first before you buy it? You don’t, right? You trust the feeling you have for it, and go straight into a real battle, right? This is basically the same thing, right? I believe this is gonna work. Taste-testing is for chickens. I don’t need it.”
“B-But that’s totally different... With a sword, even if you don’t test it on goblins, it’s not like you can’t test its edge on other things...”
“I don’t need to! Because I’m me! The incredible me!”
“Yume doesn’t know about the taste, but...” Yume arched her eyebrows and frowned. “From the way it’s lookin’...”
“...It’s filthy,” Shihoru whispered. That made him snap.
“Hey! Shihoru! What’d you just say?! Did you just call it filthy?! Filthy!”
“Well, it might not taste that bad.”
When Manato said that with a smile, Ranta nodded as if he was in total agreement.
“Yeah, isn’t that right? Don’t go judging it by appearances. That causes all sorts of prejudice. It might not taste that... Hold on, are you subtly dissing my dish?!”
“That wasn’t my intention, but...” With chopsticks in hand, Manato hung his head. “...Do we really have to eat this stuff?”
“Ma-Manato-kun! Don’t force yourself! I-I’ll do it...! I don’t want to eat it, but... I am a judge, after all, and... I really don’t want to eat it, though...”
“Yume, neither. Yume reeeeaaaally doesn’t wanna eat it. Unnngh. Oh, how Yume longs for Moguzo’s onigiri...”
“Damn it, guys! You’re the judges! Why are you all trying to push this off on someone else? Enough of this! Haruhiro! You eat it! I’ll grant you the honor of eating my special soruzo! It’ll taste even better on your empty stomach! Go on, eat...!”
Ranta scooped the soruzo into a bowl and brought it to Haruhiro. He gave him chopsticks, too.
“...Yeaaaah.”
With eyes that didn’t just look sleepy, but more like he was about to fall asleep, Haruhiro took a whiff of the steam.
“...Uhh. This is... I dunno... what is it...? It’s got a wild smell to it... Gamey, if I’m being honest...”
“It’s wild, right?! Then tear right into it!”
“...Seriously?”
“Seriously! Eat! It’s totally delicious! You’ll be seriously, seriously enraptured! Have no doubt, I guarantee it!”
“I don’t know if your guarantee is worth anything...”
“Whatever, just hurry it up! Hurry up! Hurry up! Hurrrrrry uuuuup! Life is short! Eat up, Parupiro! Eat, then thank me with tears of raw emotion in your eyes...!”
“Oh, fine... I’m really not into this, but I’ve just got to eat it, right? I’ll start with the soup...”
Hesitantly, Haruhiro brought the bowl to his lips.
He closed his eyes, and sipped.
“Uaghhhh...” He opened his mouth, and the broth spilled out.
“Gwuh?!” Ranta jumped back. “Gross! Man, what’re you doing, Haruhiro?! Come on, you stupid moron...!”
“No, wud is yor problum...”
“I have no idea what you’re saying! Speak like a human, you dolt!”
“Ids gruth... gruth...”
“Huh?! Gross?! Like hell it is! It can’t be so bad it’s got you halfway to tears! Use some common sense!”
“Den you dry eading id...”
Haruhiro wiped the area around his mouth with his left hand, and then thrust the bowl and chopsticks toward Ranta.
Ranta took them, then looked to Manato, Yume, Shihoru, and Moguzo, one after another.
“...What is this pressure? Like you’re saying, ‘Don’t tell us you can’t eat it.’ Urgh. You’ve got guts, all working together to silently threaten me! But get this! I don’t give in to that sort of thing! Don’t think you can make me submit to peer pressure! If you’re telling me to eat it, well...! I’m not gonna...!”
“It’s fine, just eat it.”
Manato had an awfully pleasant—much too pleasant for this situation—smile on his face when he spoke.
“Eat it, Ranta.”
“I... I just have to eat it, right? That’s all! Fine, I’ll eat it, damn it all! B-Because it’s delicious, okay! It’s gotta be! I’m not scared one bit! I-I’ll eat it! I’ll so eat it! I’ll eat it all! Ahhhhhh...!”
Ranta plunged the chopsticks into the bowl. He wasn’t going to be cheap and start with the soup, or anything like that. He’d do this all in one go. Dig right in. He was gonna do it. He broke free from all the hesitation and indecision. —Go.
“Zubababababababababababaaahhojjaahguhoghgwehahogubuhrabah...?!”
Ranta puked.
He spewed all that stuff he had put into his mouth back out without hesitation.
He jumped up, and tore at his hair.
“Who made this disgusting slop?! It’s more than just super stinky! This isn’t even food! Are you trying to kill me, making me eat this stuff?! Is this a blatant attempt to kill me...?! Then bring it on! I’ll kill you instead! I’ll turn the tables on you...!”
“Okay, go kill yourself then...”
“Shut up, Haruhiro! I! I! I...!”
“...Ohhh. He’s cryin’ now. That’s just gross.”
“Yumeeee! Don’t call me gross with your tiny tits!”
“Don’t call them tiny!”
“You’ve got tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, mega tiny titties.”
“...If they’re mega tiny titties, wouldn’t that make them not tiny anymore?”
“I don’t need any calm and composed retorts from you and your secret mega boobs! Do you want me to force feed you this super disgusting soruzo?!”
“S-Stop! Seriously...! Anything but that...!”
“At this point, I don’t think there’s any need for judging.”
When Manato said that—smiling, of course—and gave a slight shrug, Haruhiro lifted Moguzo’s right arm.
“The winner is Moguzo. Though, knowing who the opponent was, I doubt he’s that happy about it... Oh, yeah. The winner gets to make the loser do anything, right? Moguzo, what’s it going to be?”
“Y-Yeah. About that...” Moguzo looked apologetically at the bowl of soruzo. “I wouldn’t want the ingredients to go to waste, so I was thinking I’d have Ranta-kun eat all of it...”
“Fogib meee!”
With tears in his eyes and snot running from his nose, Ranta performed a rapid jumping kowtow.
“Spare me that, if nothing else...! Please, anything but that...! It’s seriously disgusting! It’s not even funny! I’d die, seriously! I’ll do anything else, so, please, spare me that! I’m begging you, Moguzo! I love you, man! So, seriously, please...!”
And so, the sun set on another day at the volunteer soldier lodging house.
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