Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 6 - Chapter 5.2

2

Time passes gradually as Rose and Alice are off conducting secret procedures with Mr. Mogero, until eventually, the day to invade Toris has arrived.

In this relatively dry part of the world, we are graced by the rare sight of large, dark clouds in the sky.

On the dais in Hideout City’s practice field, I address our troops with a loudspeaker.

“Expendable Combat Agents, thank you for coming today despite your lack of things to do! Our ultimate objective is total domination of this planet, but it seems we have yet another hurdle to overcome in the form of this mysterious and powerful enemy! The situation is dire, and at this rate, they’ll end up delaying our invasion plans…”

“Get on with it! Someone as dumb as you doesn’t get to drone on this long!”

“Who the hell are you calling expendable?! You wanna die, pip-squeak?!”

“What the hell do you mean, ‘lack of things to do’?! Why do you feel the need to pick a fight with us every time there’s a mission briefing?!”

My rousing speech is interrupted by the jeers of around ten expendables.

Currently, the only ones present are the Combat Agents from Earth I’ve known for a long time and Alice.

“I’m important here, dammit! I’m basically your boss, so watch how you speak to me, cannon fodder!”

“Who does this jerk think he is?! Hey, let’s drag this idiot off his high horse!”

“His ego’s gotten way out of hand! Throw rocks at him!”

My short-tempered coworkers start throwing rocks at me. It seems my speech was a bit too complicated for them.

“Anyone who throws a rock at me is getting sent to the front lines! As Alice announced, we’re going to pick a fight with those Hiiragi bastards, and you’re all gonna fight with us!”

“Then open with that! Stop trying to make yourself sound important, dumbass!”

“You better be right there on the front line with us! Fighting is all you’re good at, remember?!”

…Dammit, I’ve had enough. I’m going to beat them before I beat Hiiragi.

“Stop calling me an idiot, you lot! You’re not much better than me in terms of academics!”

“Oh yeah? What high school did you go to?! I once took an entrance exam at a famous local prep school, y’know?!”

Alice picks up the loudspeaker I tossed aside so I could grapple with more of my coworkers and climbs up on to the dais.

“You can keep fighting if you want, but listen up. We’re going to take a number of our Combat Agents and invade the Toris branch of the Hiiragi Agency. A few days ago, we fought a small skirmish against them alongside the Grace Kingdom Army, and we discovered that they were in possession of both firearms and combat vehicles.”

Hearing that the enemy has firearms, the coworker I’m grappling with gets focused, as though realizing now isn’t the time for horseplay.

“So they really do have guns, huh…? Guh?! D-damn you…”

I take advantage of my coworker’s focus to land a sucker punch on his jaw. Alice continues unabated.

“The enemy’s battle technology is also quite advanced, and while we haven’t confirmed any giant robots commonly used by the Heroes of Earth, instead they’ve got giant monsters under their control. Well, to put it simply, they’re enemies on par with the Heroes of Earth. They’re an enemy we can’t afford to underestimate, so this time I’m not going to force you to participate.”

The Combat Agents all exhibit a rare degree of patience as Alice speaks. What’s gotten into her? I wonder. She’s usually the one going on about how expendable the other agents are.

Seeing that my tsundere partner has ditched her usual, coldhearted android persona, I say, “I thought you were the brainy partner, but it seems you really don’t understand us yet. Hey, guys, tell her what you think!”

I work my coworkers into a lather and they all shout insults.

“Hey, shrimp, don’t insult us, dammit! What, you think we’re just gonna cower before our Hero-class opponents?! We couldn’t call ourselves agents of an evil organization if we wet ourselves just because the enemy was a little strong!”

“Yeah! Fighting is our job!”

“I heard they hurt Lady Viper, Boobzilla, and even Little Russell! Why would we stay quiet when they’ve harmed our precious beauties?!”

“Go ahead and keep barking your usual orders. Treat us as expendable if you have to! We’ll survive anyway!”

Alice seems pleased by the agents’ attitudes.

“You’re all so stupid and easily manipulated… But similar to the phrase ‘idiots don’t catch colds,’ I’ve also heard that idiots are incredibly hard to kill. So please, remain idiots to the very end… Now then, here are your assignments!”

At Alice’s words, my coworkers let out a particularly loud cheer!

“The time for subtlety has long passed. You’ll need to stealthily enter Toris, but after that, we’re switching to brute force. All Combat Agents are to request as much cutting-edge equipment as their Evil Points will allow. Then, Snow, Grimm, and the former Elite Four members will join you in the attack. Since your power armor will afford you more survivability, it’s your job to serve as shields when the enemy forces show up. We can sustain up to five deaths. If we lose any more than that, I want you all to retreat immediately.”

“Wait, you’re totally using us as shields! What the hell happened to the sentimental vibes from a few seconds ago?!”

“‘We can sustain up to five deaths’?! Could you adjust those terms a little?!”

“Weren’t you supposed to be a high-spec android?! Come up with a better plan, dammit!”

I thought she’d finally started understanding the human heart, but I guess that was just my imagination.

Since I wasn’t assigned to the front lines, I shout derisively at my coworkers:

“Stop whining like little children! You know Alice is smart! It’s about time you learned to trust her! …So what should I do? I’m gonna deal the super-epic finishing blow while the expendables are busy buying us time, right?”

Alice steps off the dais.

“You’re coming with me to the front lines. I already told you. The time for subtlety is over. No sneaky tricks this time.”

She lost me.

“Wait, they’ve got a giant kitty that can shrug off gunfire. They’re gonna use it as a shield. Engaging in a firefight with a group like that is just begging for death!”

“It’ll be fine. Trust in my high-spec brain.”

She wants me to trust her? I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how brute forcing our way forward is gonna work against a group like Hiiragi.

“Can’t you be like Lady Lilith and get us a plane? Let’s just drop bombs on them with that! There’s gotta be a better option than a full-frontal assault! Aren’t you supposed to be smarter than this?!”

“You’ve all been wasting your Evil Points, so we can’t afford anything that expensive. I keep telling you to go above and beyond with your acts of villainy. But you just haven’t been performing.”

“I’m working hard every day! I’ve been having a ton of fun sexually harassing people! Dammit, I’ll do it! I’ll show you my power as the hardest-to-kill Combat Agent in all of Kisaragi!”

Alice’s chiding has gotten me all fired up, and I prepare to order more equipment from Japan.